by Amanda Aksel
“I’m sorry Tell. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You weren’t.”
“I can’t go back out there. I’m so embarrassed.”
She gave me an undeserved, reassuring smile, “You don’t have to. I’ll take you home.”
Telly snuck me out of the bar and left me with the valet while she went in to tell everyone that I had too much to drink and needed to rest. She told Will I was sorry about what I’d said and told James I’d call him later. We took a cab back to my apartment. She helped me inside and into bed. It was the most maternal Telly had ever been, and I appreciated her so much more. When I was settled in my sheets, she lay next to me.
“How could I be so stupid? I almost blew my cover back there.” I hid my face with my hands.
“Yeah, you did.”
“I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out for this.”
“Sure you are. It’s just a matter of whether you still want to keep going.”
“Yeah.” I buried my cheek into my pillow and gave a long sigh. I thought of Will and why his presence pissed me off so much.
“Why are you seeing Will again?” I asked, staring into Telly’s brown eyes, hoping for a real answer.
She shrugged. “He makes me feel good.” I raised an eyebrow. “I know you think I’m making a mistake, but I’ve learned that he is the way he is. And now I’m enjoying him for that. I have no expectations from whatever it is that we’re doing. No matter how many times we push each other away, we always come back for more.”
“So, you’re saying you’re some kind of emotional masochist?”
She laughed. “No, I’m saying that’s Will and me.” She rolled on her back and gazed up at the ceiling. “It sounds crazy, but I think we’re the love of each other’s lives.”
Will, the love of Telly’s life? It seemed hard to believe, but she had a point. The two of them were like magnets. All they needed was a little push before they were stuck together again. I guess it was a pattern she was used to and perhaps even expected. Maybe in her mind two things were certain with Will; they would always break up and always get back together. I thought about Chad and couldn’t imagine being back with him again.
“You know what I think?” I asked.
Telly perked up. “What?”
“Chad really wasn’t the love of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I loved him very much, but I think it’s good that we didn’t get married. Like a blessing in disguise.”
Telly looked at me very seriously and tapped her index finger on her mouth.
“I think that’s what you psychologists call closure.” The corners of my mouth turned up while she tried to keep a straight face, but it only took a moment before we ended the night with a good laugh.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Bombs Bursting In Air
An early morning phone call woke me from a deep drunken sleep. I felt a slight twinge in the middle of my forehead. When I opened my eyes, the morning light set that twinge on fire. That wasn’t the worst of it. That early morning call was my mother.
“Hello?” I answered in a fog.
“Marin, it’s Ma. Are you sick?” she asked.
“No, I’m still sleeping.”
“Sleeping? Marin, you’re not getting any younger. You shouldn’t waste your time sleeping in. I’ve already had breakfast, read the paper, and done the gardening this morning.”
“That’s great,” I said with a yawn.
“I heard you have a new boyfriend,” she said. My eyes shot open. How did she know? “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Who told you?” I tried to think fast. I didn’t say anything to Michael when I saw him. Did she hire a PI to follow me around? Nope, it was . . .
“Mrs. Jensen,” she said. Figures. Rachel must’ve told her mom about James and her mom, Mrs. Jensen, told my mom. “Mrs. Jensen says he’s David’s friend from college and that he’s a nice young man.”
“Well, it’s very new. I’m not quite ready to introduce him or anything.”
“Why not? I think it’s wonderful and so soon after your break up. I guess you’re not a complete time waster.” Of course, she only cared about marrying me off. “I want you and that new boyfriend to come spend the Fourth of July with us at your brother’s.” The fourth was two days away, and I wasn’t too keen on spending my extra day off with my brother again. Surely, he wasn’t either.
“I don’t know, Mom. Did Michael say it was okay?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t he?” She wasn’t patient enough for my attempted answer and continued. “I don’t want any excuses. I haven’t seen you in months. I want to know you’re all right. The barbeque starts at one. I’ll see you there.”
“But—”
“No buts, just be there.” She hung up before I could argue.
My head pained as I sat up. I wished that the call had never happened and that I was blissfully still asleep. I needed to get out of taking James to visit my family, but how? Could I just skip it? No, if I did I would soon regret it. It was just an afternoon after all. How bad could it be?
After an Independence Day brunch, James and I packed some wine and cheesecake in a cooler and headed up to my brother’s house. He seemed a little anxious, but more than willing to spend the holiday with my family. It was a quality that most looked for in a mate. A quality I didn’t care for, especially in this case.
“Is there anything I should know before I meet everyone? Any pointers?” James asked.
“Let’s see,” I said, trying to think. “My dad’s name is Robert, but address him as Dr. Johns first. If he really likes you he’ll ask you to call him Robert. He doesn’t say much, but bring up golf or the history channel and you’ll get him talking. My mom is Mei Li, she’s from Beijing and still has a heavy accent, so listen carefully. She’s sharp as a tack but takes very kindly to flattery.” James nodded attentively as he drove.
“Michael is quiet like my dad. He’s always in his head. His wife Jennifer is very friendly. She stays home with the kids and paints portraits on the side occasionally. She’s very talented.”
“Okay, Dr. Johns senior and junior are quiet, Mei Li likes flattery, and Jennifer’s a painter. Got it,” he said.
“Don’t forget the kids,” I said.
“Oh, right, and they are?”
“Miles and Jillian. They’re great kids. Miles is five and he’s very active, loves sports. Jillian is seven. She’s a little genius. A talented pianist too.”
“Really? At seven?” He sounded impressed.
“Yep.” I smiled, excited to see the kids again. They were the only two members of the family that I adored.
“Do you think they’ll like me?” James asked with worry.
The truth was I wasn’t sure if they would like him. They were never crazy about Chad or any boyfriend for that matter. It didn’t matter if they liked him or not, but I wanted the day to go smoothly. So I lied. “Of course, they’ll love you.”
It was about one o’clock when we pulled up the long driveway of my brother’s traditional Victorian home that sat beautifully on a half acre lot. Like a photograph, the picturesque setting remained unchanged and steadfast in its perfection. I envied it. Not that I didn’t love my apartment back in the city, but Michael had created what looked like a perfect life. Perfect house, perfect wife, perfect children, perfect job, all the beautiful perfections I would dream about, but never achieve.
“Are you ready?” I asked. James grabbed the wine and cheesecake.
“I think so.” He smiled nervously, and I felt the same.
I rang the doorbell.
Miles and Jillian burst through the entrance. “Aunt Marin!” they screamed. Miles wrapped his arms around my waist, and I held him tight. He looked up and smiled.
“Where have you been, Aunt Marin? We missed you.”
Staring into his little brown eyes, I had forgotten how much I loved those two.
“I missed you too.” Jillian waited patiently for her greeting.<
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“Come here, Jillie.” She gave me my second biggest hug of the day.
“I learned a new song on the piano, Aunt Marin. Can I play it for you?” she said in her soft sweet voice.
“Of course, I can’t wait.”
“Who’s this?” Miles demanded bluntly, standing in front of James with his hands on his hips. James let out a little laugh and knelt so he was eye level with Miles.
“I’m James. I’m a friend of your Aunt Marin.” James stuck out his hand and Miles shook it.
“I’m Miles.”
We walked into the oversized foyer and headed back toward the kitchen where Jennifer was preparing a vegetable tray.
“Marin!” She ran over and greeted me with yet another big hug. “It’s been too long. How are you?”
“I’m well. How are you?”
“Great, keeping busy with the kids, you know.” She looked to James.
“Jennifer this is James, James this is my sister-in-law.” The two shook hands.
“You have a lovely home,” James said. Jennifer thanked him and sent me an obvious wink of approval.
“Where is everyone?’ I asked.
“They’re out back. Why don’t you all go out? I’m right behind you.”
The kids led us to the deck, which backed up to a large backyard with lots of trees, a perfect place for two children to explore.
“There she is!” my mom shouted as she walked up steadily to greet me. We embraced and she pulled me away to give me a once over to see if I had gotten too fat or too skinny.
“You look pretty good considering,” she said.
“Mom!”
My dad approached looking a little older than I remembered. “How are you, Marin?” he asked with a smile.
“Good.” I sounded apprehensive. “I want you all to meet James.”
By this time my brother made his way over. They all gave James a once and twice over, but they didn’t seem to have the weary reaction that I’d expected. Instead, they greeted James politely. Michael offered James a cold beer, which he kindly accepted. The five of us sat at the patio table watching the kids play in the yard.
“So, James, how did you meet Marin?” my dad asked, prompting the conversation.
“Funny story actually.” He grinned and positioned his body to tell a long tale.
“Oh, no,” I said and buried my face in my hands.
“Wait. I want to hear the story,” Jennifer said as she appeared with the veggie tray and other snacks. She sat next to Michael eager to listen.
“So, I was walking home from an appointment in the city when all of the sudden I hear this awkward yelp.”
“It was not a yelp,” I said, annoyed.
“Oh, yes. It was a yelp.” James chuckled. “I see this woman face down on the ground with her purse spilled all over the sidewalk.”
“It was Marin?” my dad asked. James nodded.
“Did you forget Marin’s a klutz, Dad?” Michael’s comment made my cheeks flush.
“That’s true,” my mom said.
“I ran over to see if she was okay, and she was except for a small scrape on her knee. So, I helped her over to a bench. I carry a first aid kit when I work, so I was able to patch up her knee right there.”
I watched James tell the story with enthusiasm and purpose as if he had rehearsed it. He really seemed to enjoy it.
“She looked so embarrassed, but through the flushed cheeks I saw a familiar face. I realized that she was at David and Rachel’s wedding. She recognized me too, and we’ve been together ever since.” James relaxed in his chair and gazed at me as if his eyes wanted to say something.
Jennifer and my mom ahhed at the story, commenting on how cute it was and that finally my clumsiness resulted in something good. I pretended to enjoy the story as much, but I really wanted to roll my eyes and gag. James rubbed his fingers over my bad knee.
“Your knee’s been much better,” he said quietly referring to my long-term injury.
“Yeah,” I said. “I just hope I’ll be ready for the race in November.”
“You will.” James assured me with a smile.
“What race?” my mom asked.
“The US Half Marathon for St. Judes, Mom,” Michael answered.
“How’d you remember that?” I asked Michael.
“You’ve run that race for years.” I raised my eyebrows in suspicion. He continued, “What? You think I don’t pay attention to your interests.”
I threw my hands up to surrender.
We continued the friendly conversation for another twenty minutes before Michael and my dad started the grill. So far, the afternoon was going well. No condescending looks or comments. My best guess, they wanted to take it easy since I had just been jilted or they didn’t want to be rude to James. That would be a first.
Miles ran up to Michael with his bat and baseball. “Dad, can you play ball with me?”
“In a little bit, Miles. I have to get the food started so we can eat soon.” Miles put his head down and went back to the middle of the yard.
“Hey, Miles,” James called. Miles looked up.
“I can play with you until your Dad’s finished.” Miles’ face lit up.
“Yeah!”
I smiled at him, appreciating his kindness to my nephew. James tossed the ball to Miles who tried to hit it with his bat.
“Look at him, he’s a natural dad. He’s a keeper,” Jennifer said. “You did good.”
“I like him too,” my mom said.
“Seriously?” I asked. She looked at me as if liking James was the most natural thing in the world.
“Yes, Marin. Why is that so hard to believe?”
“You’ve never liked any of my boyfriends. You hardly liked Chad, you were just glad someone finally wanted to marry me.”
“Well, it’s true you haven’t always had the best taste in men, but all that matters is that you’re happy. Right?”
“Right,” I repeated slowly, skeptical. My mom never exhibited this nurturing attitude before. Something was up. “What’s with you? Are you dying or something?”
“No. Why would you ask me something like that?”
“Because you’ve never said all you want is for me to be happy.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Marin. You are my child, of course I want you to be happy.” She seemed offended that I would suggest such a thing, but I wasn’t buying it.
“Is this because I just called off my wedding? You’re trying to be nice, right?” I said. Yeah, that makes sense.
“Oh, Marin. Get over yourself,” she said, then walked back into the house. Jennifer and I exchanged astounded looks.
Jillian ran up from the yard and asked if I was ready to hear her song. I followed her into the house and into the family room where she had a beautiful baby grand piano to practice on. She settled on the piano bench and twiddled her fingers. She stroked the keys and immediately I recognized the song. “Canon” by Pachelbel. The same song I was going to walk down the aisle to. The song my mom walked to. I had dreamed about the song at my wedding since I was a little girl. Jillian played it so well that I became overwhelmed with pride and a bit of sorrow. When she finished I clapped as hard as I could and praised her wonderful playing.
“Why are you crying?” she asked, and I wiped my wet cheeks.
“I’m so proud of you.” I brushed her cheek and gave it a little pinch. “Why don’t you go back outside and play? I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jillian ran for the backyard, and I stayed in the family room. I scanned the assortment of family photographs that Michael and Jennifer collected over the years, from their wedding, to baby pictures of the kids, to pictures of the family at Disneyland. They truly had a picture perfect life, and I mourned over a life I could never have, a life I always wanted. I thought about the argument I had with my brother and how defensive he was when I asked if he had been faithful to Jennifer. It was clear that he probably had an affair, maybe two. All the late hours he worked. I
imagined him with a sexy lab assistant or distinguished chairwoman of the board at the research center. Did Jennifer know? What would she think if she found out her picture perfect life wasn’t so picture perfect? I wiped the running mascara from under my eyes and headed outside. I heard a burst of laughter as soon as I opened the door. It was my dad, Michael, and James enjoying themselves by the grill.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
My dad turned to me. “James was telling us about an incident he had with some quicksand on the golf course.”
“I didn’t know you played golf,” I said.
“I’ve been known to hit a few balls around the course,” he said, miming a golf swing.
“Next time, don’t go after the ball,” my dad continued with James.
“You got that right, Dr. Johns.”
“Call me Robert.”
Then I saw my dad give James a friendly pat on the back. It was a rare gesture, especially since they’d just met. My dad liked James. I felt my stomach churn, thinking about the disappointment my family would feel when James and I split, even if his infidelity was the cause. They still didn’t know that’s what really happened with Chad.
The hours of the afternoon passed like minutes. We spent them eating hot dogs and salad, playing badminton in the yard, and talking over iced tea and beer. Despite the awkwardness of faking it with James in front of my family, it was a great afternoon. I couldn’t remember the last time I had such an easy time with everyone.
While the sun set, Michael and I sat together drinking our beers with little words. My parents retreated inside to cool off, Jennifer stored the left over food in the kitchen, and James played with Jillian and Miles in the yard.
“I’m glad you came today,” Michael said with a slight smile. I shot him a look of doubt. “Seriously,” he said.
“Me too. I actually had a nice time.”
“Yeah, I think everyone had a nice time.” We watched the sky turn pink, then purple, and finally midnight blue.
“I haven’t, Marin,” Michael said. I looked at him, confused by his unprovoked comment. “The question you asked me in the lab. That’s the truth.”
