by Koboah, A D
“Luna, all of this has nothing to do with what...with the previous owner of this mansion. You’re simply throwing a tantrum because I won’t tell you what you want to know. If...” He faltered for a moment as if he was on the verge of changing his mind about what he was about to say, but then pressed on. “If you really do wish to leave then...then go.”
A heated silence hung in the room and he refused to meet my glare. I slowly got to my feet.
“Where are you going?” he asked, clearly confused.
“You says I should go, and that’s what I’s doing.”
“You are leaving. Now?”
In order to prove that I was serious, I moved away from him to the door, where I paused, expecting him to stop me. But he merely sat there looking bewildered. Irritated by how calm he appeared to be at the fact that I was leaving, I flounced out of the house and into the balmy summer night.
I looked toward the road but the memory of that incapacitating nausea was too strong for me to even attempt to move in that direction, so I walked around to the back of the house where I intended to stay for a few minutes until he came to his senses.
He was already standing at the back door when I got there. He made no move to stop me, just stood staring at me in consternation. Unwilling to appear as if I was unsure of what I planned to do, I walked (slowly) in the direction of the trees. When I looked back, he was still standing by the back door, his expression hidden in the dark. Feeling my heart quicken at the thought that he meant to let me leave, I pushed my anxiety away, knowing he was merely calling my bluff. Once he realised I was serious, he would come after me and tell me whatever I wanted to know.
Chapter Twelve
And that is how I found myself tramping through the undergrowth under a sheet of darkness that made it impossible to see anything, only looming shadows. I had been walking for an hour by that time and the thin smattering of trees had already thickened into dense woodland. I was dead tired, my feet were aching. I had no idea where I was going and the unfamiliar noises were becoming menacing. When I felt something brush past my face, I screamed in terror, only to realise that it was nothing more sinister than the leaves of a low-hanging branch. Even so, I had to stop for a few moments to steady my breathing before moving on.
A week ago I’d been terrified of being on my own in woodland during the day, let alone at night. But that stupid demon had given me such a strong sense of security in the few days I had spent in his presence that I had been stupid enough to march into this living cavern of unseen threat without a moment’s thought.
I desperately wanted to turn back, but how silly would I look if I returned to the mansion with my tail between my legs, or even worse, had to call out for him to come and rescue me? I shouldn’t have left the mansion, but I hadn’t expected him to just let me walk off alone.
I almost smiled to myself at the timidity I kept seeing in him. Some predator he was turning out to be. It was hard to believe I had ever been scared of him, this kind and gentle demon of mine. It was actually a miracle he had even survived as long as he had and I could picture him as a timid wolf with those large blue woeful-looking eyes of his hungrily trained on the chicken coop, too concerned about upsetting the chickens to actually make a meal of one. I found myself giggling at the image and then stopped abruptly.
What a naive thing for me to even think. Of course he was dangerous. I had seen that for myself only a week ago.
I am not a man. Never forget that, he had said and yet I was forgetting. All I saw when I looked at him nowadays was a gentle person. I didn’t even see a white man anymore, only another lost and floundering soul.
I heard a loud rustle of leaves above my head and screamed again, ducking as a large bird, most probably an owl, darted toward the canopy of leaves and into the night sky.
This time it took a lot longer for my breathing and heart rate to return to normal and I was scared now, so scared that I was going to have to swallow my pride and call out to him.
But what if he didn’t hear me, or even worse, chose not to come and find me?
“Are you ready to go back now, Luna?”
I spun toward the sound of that voice, my heart fit to burst with relief when I saw him leaning against a tree with his arms folded across his chest.
“Go away, Avery,” I said and strode off.
I heard him sigh in exasperation and for a moment fear ran through me at the thought that he would disappear and leave me alone again. Then I heard the welcome sound of his footsteps, slow and steady like a heartbeat some distance behind me and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“This is silly, Luna.”
I rolled my eyes, stopped and turned to watch him approach.
“Avery, I never asked you to follow me. So you go on home now,” I said, fairly confident he would do no such thing.
“And leave you to be attacked by some wild animal?”
“The onliest thing I gots to be scared of is you.”
“Really? So you have nothing to fear from that snake?”
I looked down and saw a large, fat snake disengaging from a rock not that far from my left foot. It took immense willpower to keep the scream in my chest from escaping as I jumped back, quickly searching the foliage at my feet to make sure I wasn’t stepping on anything else.
“There are a million things I would have preferred to spend the last hour doing. Instead I’ve spent it following you to make sure there was nothing dangerous lurking in your path. Enough is enough, Luna. Stop this and let me take you back to the mansion.”
I turned on my heel and carried on walking.
“I done told you to leave me be, Avery.”
He had been here the whole time. My heart warmed at that thought and I wondered why I had ever been worried. And strangely enough, now that I knew he was about five metres behind me, the night seemed to open up. The moon came into view when the trees thinned and I paused to gaze at the stars, which were like smatterings of ice on dark, oily water. For a moment everything seemed to stop and it felt as if Avery and I were the only two people on the face of the Earth, an image I found somewhat pleasing. Is this what it had been like for Adam and Eve in their Garden of Eden?
Feeling safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t far behind me, I moved on.
About ten minutes later I heard Avery chuckle softly.
I spun around.
“What you doing?” I asked sharply.
“Walking,” he replied without taking his eyes away from his feet.
He laughed again and then met my questioning glare.
“I remember now,” he said still smiling. “I remember that I used to like walking. I often went for long walks with my dogs. I had two of them.”
He came to a stop a few feet away from me. “I had forgotten what a simple pleasure it is to walk.”
He beamed at me then, the first time I had seen him smile properly, and for a moment it felt as if my heart had come to a complete stop.
It was such an innocent, beautiful smile and I was the only one in probably fifty years to have had the privilege of seeing it.
“Take me back,” I said, abruptly folding my arms.
The smile faded as he obediently came to stand beside me. He held out his arms and I moved gingerly into them, feeling the breathlessness I always felt whenever I was close to him. As before, I saw the very air around us appear to rush forward and then everything was pushed back and we were standing in the sumptuous glow of the lamplit drawing room.
I stepped away from him immediately. He sat down at the table and looked up at me expectantly.
“Should we continue?”
“No,” I said and retreated to the chair by the window where I sat glowering at him whilst fear trilled through me.
Mama had been right to warn me. There was a lot more at stake here than my life. My very soul was at risk.
When I sat down he had looked slightly apprehensive, but a soft smile touched his lips.
“What?” I demanded after a few minutes of sile
nce.
“Oh, it is nothing. I was only thinking about what a pleasure it is to be allowed to be near you.”
I felt my anger begin to boil. Was he making fun of me and my seemingly futile attempts to annoy him? Of course there was no point in asking for I knew he would be the picture of innocence as he denied doing anything of the sort. I hadn’t even said anything yet and he was already gazing at me with those puppy-dog eyes as if I had said something to wound him.
“I mean everything I say to you, Luna. Being near you is a joy.”
So earnest and sincere. It was sickening.
“You really have no idea how fascinating you are,” he continued. “You are a witch and yet you are barely aware of the power you have. Your strength astounds me and you can be so headstrong at times that it is easy for me to forget how frail you are. For example, you have been extremely obstinate tonight, but when I see how fatigued you are by such a short walk, I remember that you are as delicate as a flower. And your mind. Your mind is like a diamond. It has many facets to it, some of which even you are not aware of. And the rate at which you are learning to read and write astounds me. You are blessed with all of those qualities as well as the beauty of a queen. You are simply unique. There will never be another like you.”
I stood up at that point, sure that he must be making fun of me.
“I’s going to bed!”
He appeared as deflated as he always did whenever we parted in the mornings but was still able to maintain that sickeningly sublime smile.
“Goodnight, Luna.”
I didn’t answer, only paused long enough to glare at him before I left the room.
Upstairs, I found that exhausted as I was, I could not sleep. I kept thinking about the dazzling smile he had given me in the woods. When I did manage to fall asleep, I dreamt of Avery. Avery teaching me how to read. Avery standing by the fireplace with one arm resting on the mantelpiece. Avery walking towards me in the woods. Avery, Avery.
Avery.
Chapter Thirteen
I spent the following day in the most frightful mood. I was beginning to see now that I hadn’t thought through the possible consequences of being here with Avery. And when he arrived at sunset, I didn’t want to see his face or that irritating smile that spoke of such hope.
When I ignored his “good evening”, he gave me a puzzled, wary look and sat down at the table.
“Would you like me to take a look at the work I set for you?” he asked.
“No! I’s sick and tired of all this!”
“Do not be disheartened, Luna. You are making extraordinary progress but it can still take—”
“I don’t mean this!” I said and swept the books and paper off the table, leaving him looking at me in consternation.
“Luna! Do you mean to spend another night quarrelling with me?”
“Yes, if it make you see I can’t stay here with you.”
He got to his feet.
“Do not say it,” he said sounding a little bit angry himself. “Do not say you want to go back to the plantation unless you mean it, for I may just do as you ask.”
A chill settled over me at the thought of once more being at the mercy of Master John but I wasn’t about to show him how much those words had affected me.
“Oh, you making threats now? And all this time you’s pretending you all kind and gentle. Huh! A wolf in sheep’s clothing if I ever did see one! Go on and make your threats, or why don’ts you take the lash to me just like any other Massa?”
He looked completely mortified.
“Do not call me that. I am not your Master.”
“Ain’t you? You took me from everything I ever knowed and you won’t turn me loose. That what slaveholders be doing all over Mississippi.”
“You...you should not tire my patience in this way, Luna. It is cruel. Besides, I am not a man. If I want to force you to do something, I need not beat you into doing it. I have only to think it and I can make you do and feel anything I wish.”
“What you say?” I hissed, closing the space between us.
He immediately took a step back. His words had ignited a fire that had lain dormant during those nightmarish years at the plantation. And although it was calmed somewhat by that small back-step he had taken, I wasn’t finished with him.
“I done told you to never do none of that devil stuff on me again. You’s lucky I ain’t strong enough or I’d done knock you down for even saying that to me!”
He flinched as if I had actually hit him.
“Luna, stop this,” he said softly. “You do not mean half the things you are saying and we are wasting the evening. So please stop this.”
“You threaten me with that devil magic of yourn again and God help me I’s—”
“I said, stop this.”
And I did, for I was suddenly overwhelmed by a dizziness much stronger than I had felt on the other occasions in which he had used his magic on me. It lasted for only a few seconds and then a warm, mellow dreamlike feeling began to fill me. It was again like listening to that sumptuous lullaby but it had changed slightly. Instead of the unending waves of unsurpassed sorrow, undertones of a timid joy had crept into the melody. And again I was completely enthralled by it. As always there was a very small part of me still present but it was a tiny bubble of anger that had no hope of finding its way to the surface.
He was firmly in control of me now but even though I stood motionless, unable to move or speak, he looked as fearful as if he were fending off an angry lion and I yearned to be free of his spell so I could show him that fangs and claws were nothing compared to my rage.
Trying to disguise his apparent nerves, he straightened his shoulders and moved to stand only inches away, knowing full well I would never willingly let him be this close. I expected the bubble of anger to grow but it was hard to concentrate on anything other than his handsomeness when he was this near. His face was perfect from every angle. How could anybody or anything on Earth, or in Heaven and hell, be this perfect?
And under the irresistible pull of his spell it was hard to be sure if those thoughts were a result of what he was doing, or merely things I normally fought to suppress.
“Can you see what I can do, Luna?” He looked sad as he brought his hand up towards my face. Even then, he hesitated before letting his fingers lightly graze my cheekbone for a few seconds.
“So please, Luna. Do not...”
He stopped for I had moved closer to him and my chest was now pressed against his. It seemed as if he wasn’t sure whether this was an act of his will or my own because he looked slightly taken aback and more than a little confused, especially when I laid a hand on his cheek. I had seen how strong he was yet when he covered my hand with his own, his touch was as gentle as the lightest feather.
He closed his eyes as he inhaled. He looked so sad, but all I could think about were his lips and whether they were as soft as they looked. Inching up on tiptoe, I slowly brought my lips closer to his but before they could meet, he brought his hand up to cup my cheek, and when he opened his eyes I saw vast, unending circles of sorrow and felt myself melt. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to ease his pain with a kiss, but the hand cupping my cheek was meant to restrain, not pull me in, even though I could see that he wanted my lips on his as much as I did.
As frustration battled against the mellow dreamlike feeling he had induced, I strained against his hand and would have kissed him if he hadn’t prevented it.
“Sleep, Luna.”
It was said tenderly, but I felt crushing disappointment as everything went black.
***
When I woke up again, I was lying on the loveseat by the window and it was still dark outside. For a moment I felt nothing and then rage coursed through me. I sat up with my hands clenched into fists at my side and screamed in anger and frustration before leaping off the chair to go in search of him.
I didn’t need to go far for he was standing in the corridor outside the drawing room door when I
wrenched it open. He looked stricken and then terrified when he saw how angry I was.
“I am sorry. I am sorry, Luna. I...”
I lunged at him and began to pound my fists against his chest and the arms he held out to try and ward me off.
“You wicked, no good dog!” I cried in between the blows, which were no doubt hurting me a lot more than they were hurting him, if he even felt them at all.
“Luna, please stop. You will hurt yourself.”
I hit him one last time and then stopped because it was pointless trying to hurt him physically. Words were the only thing that could harm him.
“I am sorry, Luna. I do not...I did not mean... You do not know how angry I am with myself for having done that to you. Please, Luna. Can you ever forgive me?”
He moved toward me with his hands held out and I jumped back.
“Get from me!” This was something I could never forgive him for.
“Please, Luna. Do not say you will never forgive me for I cannot bear that. If you knew the turmoil in my heart you would forgive me in an instant.”
I felt myself grow cold and stared at him as a horrifying realisation slowly dawned on me.
He had heard that. He had heard what I was thinking.
For a moment I couldn’t say anything. I could only stare at him and ask myself if I hadn’t completely lost my mind.
“I never said I ain’t never gonna forgives you,” I said finally. “But I be thinking it.”
He opened his mouth, then quickly clamped it shut and then looked at the ground.
Can you see into my mind, Avery?
At first I thought I must have been mistaken because he was silent for what seemed like the longest time.
“Yes.”
“You’s looking into my mind? All this time?”
“Yes.” He finally looked up at me. “At first I only listened to your surface thoughts, but the more I heard, the more I wanted to know and I found myself delving deeper into your mind.”
“How could you?” I shouted and took a few steps forward. He instantly backed away.
