“Maybe I was a little quick in leaving, but I’m not good at goodbyes. I don’t do big, emotional scenes. I honestly thought a clean break would be easier for both of us.”
She flicked a hand and shook her head. “Whatever. It’s over. Just forget it.” Calming herself with a deep breath, she added, “Regardless of how you remember our breakup, the point is, we’re history. You’ve got a lot of nerve coming to me, using our past as leverage to make demands and accusations. Get this much straight—I had nothing to do with the prosecution of your case. Zilch.”
“Right.” His features hardened, and the blaze in his eyes now had nothing to do with desire. “You just came to my sentencing to gloat, I suppose? I saw you conferring with the lead prosecutor.”
“I came to your sentencing. But not to gloat.” That he’d believe such a petty thing of her hurt. More than she cared to admit. His opinion shouldn’t matter anymore. “And if I did talk with Stan, it was something personal, like, ‘Where are you going for lunch?’ Not anything about your case. Like I said, there are ethical canons that prevent—”
“Then why couldn’t you look me in the eye? You knew I was getting railroaded, didn’t you? I had six witnesses who said I was justified in defending that woman’s life!”
“Defending her, yes. But the prosecution found just as many people who said that even after the threat had been contained, you kept hitting the guy. Your excessive force landed you in jail. Not me.”
He’d made his bed, and he’d had to sleep in it.
Heat flashed over her skin. Bad analogy. Best not to think of Cal and bed in the same breath.
“Why don’t you own up to your actions instead of pointing the blame at everyone else?”
He stiffened, and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “I owned up to my actions when I married Renee, didn’t I? I wanted my daughter to have my name, to have a father.”
“I understood the choice you made and why. It was the way you handled things between us that I have a problem with.” Like the way your leaving ripped my heart out.
When Jewel mewled at her from the floor, Libby picked up her cat and cradled her, seeking solace in Jewel’s gently rumbling purr.
More composed, she regarded Cal with as much dispassion as she could muster. “I’ve put you in the past and moved on. I suggest you do the same.”
He narrowed his gaze on her and raised a black eyebrow. His piercing eyes stirred a quiver in her belly, and she hugged Jewel tighter.
Oh God, he always could see through her bravado. That was why she’d avoided looking at him at his sentencing. She couldn’t let him see how much his ordeal hurt her, how frightened she was for him.
Obviously she needn’t have been scared. He had an uncanny way of scraping past danger and landing on his feet. Like a cat with about nine hundred lives. She and her staid, black-and-white life were better off without him.
“Believe me, Lib, I’ve tried to move on. Unfortunately, you’re kinda hard to forget.”
“That’s your problem. Not mine.”
As she turned away, he caught her shoulders in a firm grip and stared into her eyes with his laser gaze. “No, Lib, my problem is, my daughter is living in a cesspool of an apartment with a mother who’s turned to arm candy for recreation and deadbeat scum for company. I want Ally out of there. Permanently. And you’re gonna help me get her.”
Libby stroked the cat’s head, thankful she had something to do with her restless hands. “And if I don’t?”
Cal angled his chin, assessing her. “You may hate me, but I know you’d never refuse to help a four-year-old girl. Ally needs you. She needs us to get her into a safe home. Thanks to my criminal record, the only way the court will give me custody is if I can prove I’ll provide her with the stability, safety and love she’s not getting now. The love part I’ve got covered.” Cal paused and rubbed the scar on his chin with his thumb, his jaw tight and his shrewd eyes gauging her reaction. When she continued to stare at him without speaking, he added, “I just need your cooperation, as my wife, for a couple years. Just until all the legal matters are settled and I have Ally free and clear. Then, if it’s what you want—” he pressed his lips in a frown and sighed “—I’ll let you walk away. No strings. Please, Libby, Ally is my heart, my everything. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her.”
“Even marry a woman you don’t love? Oh, wait…” She raised a finger as if struck by inspiration. “You already did.”
Cal’s jaw tensed even further, and his glare narrowed. “You know what it’s like to live with an addicted mother.”
Her lungs seized, and her grip on Jewel tightened.
“How dare you use my past against me,” she whispered.
“You know how it feels to be—”
“Stop! I don’t want to talk about my mother. When I told you about her, I warned you not to mention her or my past ever again.” Her voice cracked, and she spun away from him.
Why had she trusted him with even a glimpse of her painful childhood? Just another mistake she’d made with Cal, another example of how she’d given too much of herself away. But never again.
Jewel squirmed and jumped down from her arms.
Libby fought to plug the wellspring of painful memories Cal had tapped. Control.
“Cal, we can’t even be in the same room for five minutes without arguing. What kind of home will that be for Ally?”
“A whole lot better than the one she’s in now. I didn’t say I had all the answers. It’ll take effort from both of us to make this thing work. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes, for Ally’s sake.”
Libby opened her mouth to tell him there were other solutions to his quandary that didn’t involve her and a marriage of convenience. Social workers, counseling for Renee, another candidate to be his temporary wife—anything!
She dusted cat hair off her work clothes and pushed aside the uneasy prickle at the thought of some other woman marrying Cal.
Whipping out his wallet, he flipped to a picture of a blue-eyed cherub with her daddy’s inky black hair.
A sharp pang pinched her heart.
Cal must have seen her weakening. He circled and moved in for the kill. “Can you tell her no? She’s an innocent in this whole mess. She deserves better than roaches in her bed at night and going to day care with no breakfast.”
Libby scowled and marched to the refrigerator, where she yanked out a quart of milk. “It couldn’t be as bad as that. Renee would never—”
“Renee doesn’t even know the day of the week most times. She and her live-in dirtwad are usually too stoned to take care of themselves, much less Ally!” He slapped his wallet shut and jammed it back in his pocket.
Setting the milk on the counter by the coffeepot, Libby straightened her back and lifted her chin. “There are laws to protect children in cases like this. Someone from Child Welfare should—”
“No! Not the courts. Ally doesn’t need bureaucracy or some government yahoo. I’m her father. I want her. She needs me!” He thrust his hands through his hair and growled his frustration. The muscle in his jaw jumped wildly as he ground his teeth.
The passion saturating his tone and the worry creasing his face reminded Libby of the man she’d grown close to, fallen in love with, five years ago. For all his machismo and toughness, his tender and compassionate side had touched her heart.
“When Renee and I divorced two years ago, I was awarded visitation rights. Every other weekend, Ally is supposed to be with me. While I was in prison, I obviously couldn’t take my weekends, and since my parole three weeks ago, I’ve only had one weekend with my daughter. But I saw enough that weekend to convince me Ally was in jeopardy. My lawyer filed the petition for custody Monday. I have to do this soon or I could lose my case.” He gave her a pointed look. “Again.”
She blinked back the sting of tears, the pain of all they’d lost and her own concern for his daughter. Pulling in a deep breath, she battled the turmoil rolling through her. Stay in control.
How could she do it? She had enough to worry about with a stalker following her. How could she tangle her life up with Cal’s again?
“So what’ll it be, Libby? Will you help us? I give you my word, you’ll be free to go, to file for divorce, once I know my rights to Ally are secure.”
A throwaway marriage. Just as their first relationship had been disposable to him. She rubbed a throbbing ache growing at her temple. “I don’t know, Cal. I need time to think.”
Why were personal decisions always so difficult? What if she made the wrong choice and screwed up her life or someone else’s? She thought she’d outgrown the nerve-racking responsibility of no-win choices that had been her mother’s legacy.
She needed black-and-white. Clear-cut answers and certainties. Someone she could count on. Especially now while this stalker was out there watching her. But nothing about Cal was black-and-white.
He spread his hands in supplication. “Ally and I need your help stacking the deck in our favor. I don’t want the court to have any reason to deny my motion for custody.”
Gray. That’s what Cal was. Or rather, he was passionate shades of red and green and gold. A confusing blur of color.
As if to punctuate this fact, his eyes turned the shade of a stormy azure sea, brimming with heartbreaking desperation. Desperation she’d seen too often in her mother’s eyes while growing up.
“Please?” The whispered plea, reverberating with a father’s love and a proud man’s struggle with humility, twisted inside her.
“I’ll think about it.”
But she knew she’d lost.
The man behind her quickened his pace. She heard his ragged breathing, smelled his fetid breath. She tried to run, but her mother held on to her feet, sobbing. “Help me, Libby. I don’t know what to do!”
“I’m going to get you, bitch,” her pursuer growled from inches behind her. But she couldn’t see him. It was dark. So dark.
His footsteps pounded on the stairs. Louder. Louder.
“Libby!”
She woke with a gasp and jackknifed up in her bed.
But the pounding continued. She swept a glance around her dim bedroom, orienting herself. Jewel slept draped over her legs, a feline deadweight. Seven-oh-three glowed from her bedside clock. She’d only been dreaming about her stalker, but the person beating on her front door was real.
“Come on, Lib! Open up!”
Cal. He may have stayed away yesterday, given her a little room to think, but danged if he wasn’t back, bright and early, barely thirty-six hours later—no doubt to demand an answer. Honestly, she was surprised he’d given her breathing room all of Friday rather than pressing her for a commitment last night.
Groaning, she scooted Jewel aside and dragged herself from her warm covers. She hurried to the door before Cal’s yelling woke the neighbors.
“Do you know what time it is?” she snapped, still edgy from her nightmare. She poked her arms in the robe she’d snatched from the foot of the bed and finger-combed her hair with jerky swipes.
He quirked an irreverent grin that shot a sizzle straight to her core. “And good morning to you, too, sunshine.”
Morning light cast his face in a golden glow, and his tight T-shirt delineated every muscle in his chest and arms. There should be a law against him looking so delicious at this hour. Grumbling, Libby rubbed her sleep-blurred eyes. “Geez, Walters! Roosters aren’t even up yet.”
She tried to slam the door on Cal, but he caught it with his boot toe. Tugging her robe closed at the throat, she frowned. “Go away! Saturdays are for sleep.”
“Not this Saturday. This is my weekend with Ally, and you and I are going to pick her up. So go get dressed and I’ll start some coffee.”
“Why?”
“Because you look like you could use a strong cup.”
She flashed him a dark scowl. “I mean, why am I going with you to get Ally?”
“Simple. I want you to see for yourself the conditions she lives in.”
Libby shuddered. She didn’t need to see. Ever since Cal had described Ally’s living conditions, she’d replayed memories of her youth, of surviving similar circumstances. “Forget it. I’m not going. Damn it, Cal! I haven’t even agreed to your crazy marriage plan.”
“But you’ve thought about it, right? Thought about what it would mean to Ally?”
“Oh, I thought about it, all right. I spent most of the night rehashing all the reasons why a fake marriage would be a mistake.” Libby marched toward the kitchen, needing something to do with her hands more than she needed the hot coffee she started.
“Not fake, Lib. The marriage would be very real.” He stepped up behind her, close enough for her to smell the crisp scent of his deodorant soap over the rich aroma of coffee grounds. The tantalizing smell brought to mind thoughts of Cal in his morning shower.
“So…if you haven’t made up your mind, then I still have a shot at convincing you?”
Libby gritted her teeth as she scooped coffee out of the canister into the filter basket. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw the angel-sweet face of Cal’s daughter.
Can you tell her no?
Cal was right. She knew how it felt to be neglected, how lonely and frightened Ally had to be.
When sleep had finally come last night, Cal’s voice had become her mother’s. An echo of the past. Memories she couldn’t outrun.
You have to help me, honey. I can’t do it alone.
You’ve ruined everything, Libby! How could you do this to me?
She flinched when Cal touched her arm and stopped her from dumping another load of coffee.
“Just how strong do you intend to make that?” Amusement laced his tone and chafed her raw nerves.
When he took the scoop from her hand, she realized she’d been dumping grounds into the filter without measuring. Irritated by her inattention, she flipped the top down on the machine and jabbed the start button. “I can’t marry you. I can refer you to people who will help with Ally’s situation, but I—”
“No!” Cal touched a finger to her lips to halt her argument. Even that mild contact made Libby’s heart jump, and the spike of adrenaline left her trembling.
Geez, that dream had left her jittery, reviving the terror she’d known on the stairs. The stairs…
Libby’s thoughts snagged on the memory. What was she thinking? How could she consider bringing Cal and his daughter into her life while she was being stalked?
She schooled her features as Cal leaned toward her, his arm braced on the counter.
“Go with me this morning and see for yourself what I’m talking about. See for yourself how much she needs our help.”
“It’s not that I don’t care what happens to Ally—I do! The thing is…I’m embroiled in a touchy situation.”
Cal raised one dark eyebrow. “What kind of situation? Are you involved with someone else?”
She sighed. “No, it’s nothing like that. I…someone is watching me. Sending me letters. Trying to frighten me.”
Cal drew himself to his full, impressive height. “Watching you? Like a stalker?”
Libby stalled, turning to pour a cup of coffee. She didn’t want to sound like an alarmist. And she really didn’t want Cal meddling in her affairs, which she was certain he would do if he knew the whole truth. “He’s more of an annoyance than anything. It’s no big deal, but I can’t justify bringing you or Ally into the mix right now.”
She gazed at him over the rim of her mug as she sipped, trying to act as unconcerned about the stalker as she claimed.
A dark shadow crossed Cal’s face. “The other night in the garage… Is that what had you spooked?”
She nodded and glanced away from his incisive stare. “I thought I heard him following me.”
“What do the cops say about this? You have reported this guy to the police, right?”
She snorted. “You sound like Stan. Of course I’ve called the cops. As soon as you left Thursday night, I called, and the
y came to take my statement about his latest ploy. They’re working on it, and they’ll catch him. Soon.”
Please, God. Her nerves couldn’t handle much more of the creep’s scare tactics.
“Has he ever hurt you? Do you think he’s dangerous?”
I’m gonna get you, bitch. She suppressed a shudder.
“No.” Maybe. “Look, I know his type. Hateful letters are part and parcel of my job. He probably just wants to scare me, but I won’t let him. If I refuse to let him manipulate me, eventually he’ll get tired of his games and go away.”
Cal frowned. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Yes.” No. But maybe if she kept telling herself she had no reason to be worried, she would eventually believe it.
He arched his eyebrow again, clearly unconvinced. “Seems to me this guy is another reason you should marry me.”
She choked on her coffee. “What?” she sputtered.
“I can protect you.”
She thunked her mug down on the counter. “I don’t need protection. Besides, what about the potential danger you’d put yourself in?”
Cal brushed a wisp of hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. “I can take care of myself.”
“So can I.” She ducked away from his hand. The mere touch of his finger against her cheek curled her toes, sent ribbons of pleasure swirling inside her. Damn it, spending any length of time with this man threatened her libido. And the shabby patchwork of her reconstructed heart.
“What about Ally?” she asked. “Aren’t you worried about her being at risk from this guy?”
“He’d have to come through me to get to Ally. Or to you. I would never let that happen. She’s at far greater risk as long as she’s living in that dump with Renee. That’s the problem I’m concerned with.”
Cal slid warm hands over her shoulders and gripped her arms, pinning her with an intense blue gaze. “Please, Lib. Go with me to get Ally. It’s important to me that you understand what’s at stake.”
She knew the stakes better than he did. To her heart. And to Ally. She’d lived it.
The answer wasn’t clear-cut, black or white.
To Love, Honor and Defend Page 3
