by Caroline Lee
He scratched at his beard and glanced back at his daughter. “Yeah. Faster than any I’ve known.”
“So I braided it. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would I mind?” He pushed away from the wall and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. She couldn’t help but think he was back to looking furtive again.
“You were glaring at the braids.” At the sudden narrowing of his eyes, she swallowed. Shoot.
“Just thinking that I’ve never learned to do something like that.”
She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “That’s why she needs a momma, I think.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, her eyes widened. Why had she said such a thing? They’d managed to avoid any discussion of the future during the last few days. Oh, they’d talked about the bogus wife advertisement, and tried to come up with names of anyone who might have a reason to trick the two of them into marriage—and they couldn’t think of a single one—but they hadn’t actually talked about if they were planning on going through with it. But now she’d gone and put her foot in it and said something as outright as that…
To her surprise, though, Jack’s expression softened. Those lips turned up sensually, and those blue eyes raked her from her apron to her braids. “You might be right, Miss Almassy.”
Meri sucked in a breath at his agreement…and more than that, the thoughtful look in his eyes. He was really considering marrying her? Even if it was just Zelle’s sake? She offered him a hesitant smile, and was gratified to see his eyes widen and look away quickly.
Clearing her throat, she wondered if she should pursue the subject, or change it. “How did your wife do Zelle’s hair?”
And just like that, he shut down again. He hunched his shoulders, as if trying to make himself appear smaller, and darted his eyes towards her nervously. “What makes you say a thing like that?” She’d expected grief, if anything. Not this…edginess.
Oh well; in for a penny, in for a pound. She shrugged. “It’s obvious that you don’t know what to do with it—it looks like you cut her hair to keep it from tangling.” She was being kind; it looked like he hacked it off with the same knife he’d used on his own hair. “So I wondered what her mother used to do with her hair.”
He stared at her for a long moment, his expression carefully blank and his chin tucked down against his chest. Finally, he took a deep breath—she most emphatically did not allow her eyes to watch the play of muscles under the flannel of his shirt—and said, his voice devoid of any emotion, “Zelle didn’t have enough hair, then.”
“Oh.” That meant that his wife must’ve died when the girl was quite young. An infant, even. Had she died in childbirth? How sad; this man obviously adored his daughter, and must’ve loved his wife very much. Now it was her turn to look away, to hesitate. She watched Zelle drawing lines in the flour that had spilled onto the table, and was glad the girl had a chance to enjoy the mess. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For…” She looked up and met his eyes again, not sure what emotion she saw behind them. “You must miss her very much. Your wife. I’m sorry that she’s gone.”
A shrug, like her words—or his dead wife?—didn’t matter. “What’s it matter to you?”
If she’d been smart, she would’ve left it alone. But in the three days she’d known him, this was the most he’d spoken—or at least listened—about his past. She swallowed. “I’d like to know about her, if you’re willing to share.”
“Why?” It wouldn’t be wrong to call it a bark, and her shoulders straightened unconsciously.
“Because I want to know. So that one day, when Zelle asks me about her real mother, I can tell her.”
It wasn’t until his chin whipped up fast enough to cause his hair to swing in his eyes that she realized what she’d said. One day…her real mother. Was she considering staying here, to be Zelle’s mother? Well, why not? She’d come here for that reason; just because he hadn’t planned it, didn’t mean her desires had changed. If he wanted her—she lifted her chin and tried to calm her suddenly pounding heart—she’d still marry him.
What was it that she saw in his eyes? Hope, or fear? “You still want to be my princess’s mother?”
A deep breath, then a nod. “If you’d want to get married.” It was pretty obvious from the conversations of the last days that he’d had no thought, no desire, to get re-married. So she knew it was a long shot. But, glancing down at Zelle’s sweet head, bent over the table now, close enough to lick the flour, Meri knew that she was willing. She wanted to spend every morning baking with this little girl, and her evenings getting to know the wary stranger standing on the other side of the room. And in the between-time, she’d keep house for her new family and help the women of this town.
She could be happy here. Safe. Even if Jack Carpenter wasn’t who she thought he was; even if he wasn’t quiet and bookish, but instead had Bernard’s height and muscles…she wasn’t afraid of him. She could live with him, marry him. Maybe one day love him?
He was staring at her again, eyes wide like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with her. He looked like he might bolt at any second, and she held her breath, wondering if she’d offended him. Finally, he shook himself—shook himself completely, like a giant shiver passed through him—and turned away towards the hooks by the front door. Pulling down his thick winter coat, he shoved his arms through the sleeves, and said without turning, “We need supplies. The weather’s cleared, so I’ll head into town.”
He obviously didn’t want to talk about her confessed decision, and in some ways, that was a relief. But, grabbing a wet cloth and wiping up the flour before Zelle could lick any more of it, Meri panicked a little at the thought of him leaving. So maybe her voice was a little higher when she blurted, “Do you want me to stay here with Zelle? Or can we both come? I’d love to meet the townspeople and pick up some supplies.” If he decided not to marry her, after all, she’d need to find someplace else to live in Everland.
He was already reaching for a little red jacket hanging beside his. It looked too big for Zelle, but maybe he’d purchased it for her to grow into. It was obvious that most of the things they owned were store-bought, which proved her assumption about his wife dying a long time ago. Jack shrugged as he turned. “There are two sets of snowshoes leftover from the last owners. You’re welcome to come along with us.” It sounded like he’d been planning on taking his daughter, anyhow.
With a quick nod, she hurried towards her trunk, which was shoved in the back corner under his shelves of how-to books. Pulling out her coat, she rummaged for her hat and gloves as well. It was hard to keep the excitement out of her heart as she watched him try to coax his daughter into preparing for their adventure, so she didn’t bother. She was going to leave the house, to see Everland in the daylight.
“No! No no nonono!” She’d learned it was one of Zelle’s favorite words, but this was the first time she’d heard a genuine tantrum from the girl. Jack managed to look patient and exasperated all at once, as he stood over her with her coat.
“What’s wrong, Princess?”
“No!” She screamed, slapping her hands against the table. “No go!”
“Why not? Why don’t you want to go to town with me and Meri?”
The little girl said something, but Meri couldn’t make it out. When Jack met her eyes across the table, she knew he hadn’t understood either. “What, Princess?”
This time, the little girl exhaled loudly, and repeated something that sounded very much like “B’cuts”, her new favorite word. The two adults looked at one another, and then burst into laughter. They’d been so wrapped up in their own thoughts of the future, and desire for a change of scenery, that they’d forgotten breakfast.
As Jack cuddled with his daughter, and praised her for her memory, Meri pulled the hot pan from the oven. Sitting down with this intriguing doctor and his delightful daughter, she relished the feeling of belonging and peace their smiles and thanks br
ought her.
She could be very happy here, if this were her family.
CHAPTER FIVE
They unlaced their snowshoes while standing on the front porch of Matthews’ Dry Goods. Jack had to admit that he’d been impressed by Meri’s willingness to hike through the snow into town; she’d only fallen over once, and had come up laughing. Her skirts were heavy enough to keep her warm, luckily, but didn’t seem to get in her way too much, either. When he’d complimented her, she’d waved it off, saying that she’d snowshoed as a child. He couldn’t help imagining a little dark-haired girl with twinkly brown eyes, tromping through the woods in her native Ohio.
She’d been open about her childhood, over the last few days, and her years at the medical school in Philadelphia. He understood why she wanted to become a doctor, understood her drive to help people. It was what he and Osbourne had tried to do, for so many years in the hell that was Sing Sing, and he’d admired the old man for it. So yeah, he admired her for it.
But listening to her stories, her passion, had been hard too. He couldn’t share any of his past; not only didn’t want to, but knew it would be dangerous for her if she found out. So instead, he just listened to her stories about her small hometown, and the little schoolhouse she’d attended, and her memories of her mother. Most of it sounded idyllic, to a man who’d grown up on the streets of New York, and then further still in prison.
Even now, she was laughing as she tried to figure out the snowshoes. He removed his own, set down his empty sacks, and then kneeled to help her untie hers. He’d knelt before her earlier, helping her lace on her snowshoes, and he’d done a good job of not admiring how dainty her boots—her ankles—were. This time, though, with Zelle strapped in front of him and still jabbering away, he had to make sure he didn’t lose his balance and make them all fall off of Matthews’ porch. So he closed one gloved hand around her ankle, to hold it steady.
And that would’ve been the end of that, except he heard her suck in a breath the moment his fingers closed around her stocking. He thought maybe he’d surprised her, but when he glanced up, her expression was...terrified, almost. Then, a blink, and she looked like she was suppressing a shudder, and she offered him a weak smile. Too weak.
Bending back over his task, trying not to let his princess’s head get in the way of his vision, he wondered why she’d reacted that way to his touch. She hadn’t been repulsed, but frightened. Did it have something to do with why she’d come all the way out to Everland to marry a doctor, rather than marrying one in a big city out east? That was one part of her past that she hadn’t shared with him.
Making short work of untying her snowshoes, and trying not to let his hands linger on her ankle, he hoisted himself back up. He held the door for her, and noticed the blush that had colored her entire neck and cheeks. She didn’t look at him as she hurried inside, but murmured her thanks. He wondered if it was his touch, or himself, that had embarrassed her so much.
Zelle was squirming to get down, so he unhooked her sling as soon as they were in the cozy little store, and let her run towards the back counter. Mrs. Matthews always had a piece of peppermint candy for her when they visited, and it was the sort of thing a girl her age didn’t forget. He smiled to see her trying to pull herself up on the counter, to see if her “friend” was back there.
And he was still smiling when he caught Meri’s eye. She was looking at him with the most bemused expression, that he felt it in his stomach. She’d been so open about her past with him—despite his reticence—but there was still something she wasn’t telling him. And despite his own need to keep secrets, he wanted to know hers. Wanted—and this was what surprised him—to make things right.
Without thinking, he held out his hand. To his surprise, she placed hers in it. They’d both removed their gloves, and the shock of their skin touching sent a wave of heat up Jack’s arm. He set his jaw, and tried to tell himself that it had nothing to do with this woman; he was just aching for any release. He’d just been stuck with her for too long.
But a part of him, not too deep down, knew the truth. This woman was honest and good and wholesome and sweet—everything he’d ever wanted. Everything he might’ve once deserved. Everything that he’d tarnish, now.
Still, as he led her through the aisles, getting her opinion on what supplies to pack into his bags, he couldn’t help but feel…whole. Like this was normal. Here, buying supplies for their home. Together.
And that feeling lasted until they turned a corner into the fabric section of Matthews’ tight store, and came face-to-face with an older woman he’d never seen before. She was stooped and gray-haired, with a sharp nose and rheumy eyes behind her spectacles, and even though he logically knew that she wasn’t a threat, a part of him still wanted to pull Meri backwards, away. More than a year of running, of peering into shadows and keeping his hat pulled down low to block his face, of distrusting any and all strangers that he met, meant that he had a right to feel skittish around newcomers. There was no telling who was reporting back to Witcher. And besides, the reason he’d chosen Everland to settle down in—at least for a little while—was because it was so small. Who’d expect a stranger to show up in the middle of winter?
“Hello, Miss Gertie!” Jack’s gaze slipped to Meri in disbelief. She knew this old woman? She’d only been here a few… That’s when he remembered that she’d mentioned a woman named Gertie that very first day. He’d been too busy trying to figure out what she was doing in his house to figure out who “Gertie” might’ve been, but looks like he was about to find out.
The old woman smiled, revealing about six teeth. “Hello, Mrs. Carpenter! How lovely to see you again so soon.” Her smile for Jack was so wide he could see that those six were the only teeth she had left. “And you too, Doctor. A fine day to escort your wife around town, eh?” She winked at him, and he had the distinct impression she would’ve elbowed him in the ribs, if she could get away with it.
He felt Meri withdrawing her hand from his, and he caught her flustered expression. “Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Gertie, for the confusion. Jack and I aren’t married.” Was it his imagination, or was there an unspoken ”yet” tacked on the end of her sentence? Was that just wishful thinking, wondering if she could honestly want to marry someone like him enough to announce it to the world?
But to his surprise, the old woman cackled with laughter. “Well, no, of course not. But this isn’t Philadelphia, my dear!” How’d she’d known where Meri was from? “We don’t have ready access to a preacher at all times! He’ll be back by in a few months, when this snow clears, and he can marry you up official-like then.” She laughed again, and reached over to take Meri’s hand. Jack noticed that she didn’t flinch or pull away, like he would’ve. He didn’t mind touching, but didn’t like to be touched. “You came here to marry Doctor Carpenter, and now you’re living together. That’s good enough for folks around these parts. You’re married!”
That last statement finally sunk in, and Jack did take a step back, then, glancing at Meri to see how she was taking it. Her head was cocked to one side. The hand that had just recently been holding his was on her hip, and she was staring at the old woman thoughtfully. Finally, she said “Everyone thinks we’re married already?” The old woman grinned and nodded, and Jack had to force his heart to slow its beating. What did it matter what everyone thought? He didn’t want to know these people. Didn’t care what they thought of him.
So when Meri turned to him, he forced the carefully blank expression that had gotten him through the corporal whippings he’d been required to watch. It was a little disturbing how easily it came back to him; eyes blank, face neutral. Maintain eye contact, but let his brain go…somewhere else. Anywhere else.
So he wasn’t giving her an ounce of help… And didn’t he feel like a complete cad, when he watched her expression fall slightly? Was that hurt he saw in her eyes? But dammit, he didn’t want to be married to her, did he? He didn’t need to be married to anyone. He and Zelle were fine
on their own, and it’d be foolish to drag another person into the trouble that was following him.
But the longer he watched her watching him, the more he felt his pretended indifference waver. He was a few heartbeats away from giving in, taking her hand again, and telling her that he’d do whatever she wanted to make the townspeople stop talking about them, when the door to the store burst open.
As they turned, he heard Zelle squeal at the cold wind, and Mrs. Matthews greet the newcomer. Meri was already hurrying for the counter—and his princess—when Jack glanced back at the old woman. Or rather, where the old woman had been. She’d disappeared.
Figuring she’d headed towards the commotion at the front of the store, Jack followed Meri. Standing in front of the counter, his hat in his hand, Mr. Spratt was arguing with Mrs. Matthews. He was a tiny man, his hair already going to gray, who ran the town’s only eatery. Zelle had picked up on their tension, and was pressed against the pickle barrel, trying to hide. Meri scooped her up, and his princess buried her face in the shoulder of the woman who wanted to be her mother.
“I don’t know a thing about birthing babies, Yacob!”
“But you are a woman, and pregn—” Mr. Spratt’s thick accent was harder to understand when he was agitated.
“This is my first!” Mrs. Matthews was agitated, and Jack watched Meri’s eyes widen in alarm. He figured she was about a breath away from telling the woman to calm down, when Mr. Spratt turned.
“Doctor! Oh, gutte neshome!” The man looked downright relieved to see him. “My wife, she is with Mrs. Miller, and sent me here. It is her—Mrs. Miller’s—time.”
Jack tried to remember Mrs. Miller. There’d been a timid woman, big with child, along with a Mr. Miller and some little girls, at one of the prayer meetings. He nodded, figuring that Mrs. Spratt—who had a daughter of her own—was probably one of the best to tend to her.
“But, biteh, doctor, my wife says this is a hard one. She says she will need help.”
