“Hey, Iris,” I say.
She jerks, startled. “You’re early,” she says flatly.
“Traffic wasn’t too bad. Did Dad cook? I’m starving.”
“He made pasta. Yours is in the microwave.”
“Thanks.” I tilt my chin at her phone. “Everything okay?”
Iris rolls her eyes. “Yep.”
I decide to try a different approach. “So I was thinking we could go to the house sometime and go through more of Mom’s things. Maybe even see some of your old friends,” I tell her. “I’m sure they miss you.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She starts typing again.
Another closed door. “Or you can stay here while I go to Mom’s if you’d prefer.”
Iris just keeps typing.
Yep, I’m going on my own.
It’s so weird that she won’t talk about anything to do with Mom at all. Mom’s place in the city was her home too. It’s almost as if she’s scared to say something in case she lets the cat out of the bag. Whatever that cat is.
Oh my God. Kat! My mouth drops. That’s the name of her old friend.
I back out of the living room with my heart racing. Iris doesn’t look up again.
While I eat my pasta, I check my phone. There’s a message from Ty, asking how therapy went. He sends the same text every Friday. I love it.
Sophie and Haley have been talking in our group chat, trying to set up a movie night. I message them back first because it will be quicker. Once I’ve done that, I’m finding Kat.
“Hey, Ivy,” Dad says, walking into the kitchen with an empty glass.
I put my fork down. “Hey, Dad. How was work?”
“Busy. I had to respond to a few emails tonight, but I’m done now. How was your session with Meera?”
“It was good. I’m tired now. I don’t have any homework, so do you want to watch a movie?”
“I would, kid, but Iris has asked if I would spend some time with her tonight. We’re going to the movies. Want me to book something for us too?”
Okay. He’s her dad as well. There is no need for this to be odd.
But it is, and I want to scratch her eyes out.
“Sounds good, Dad.”
“You’re okay with this? Iris has made me see the importance of working on our individual relationships. You both need one-on-one time with me.”
Oh, I’m sure she has.
“It’s a great idea. I’ll have a think for something we can do.”
He smiles. “Great. I’ll see you later. We’ll be late, so don’t wait up if you’re tired.”
I nod, watching him leave the room and call for Iris.
Oh, it’s so on, bitch.
35
All right. So I don’t know exactly how I feel about this. Iris might be trying to take over my life, but that doesn’t mean I have to lower myself to her level.
Yet here I am, with my finger hovering above a button that will send a message to Iris’s friend from her old school. Kat.
I can take the high road and ignore what my sister is doing, or I can press SEND and find out what’s going on with her. As far as I’m aware, she still hasn’t had contact with her other friends. She’s never mentioned them other than to say she fell out with Kat a while ago, and I haven’t seen or heard her on the phone to anyone other than my friends and her cheer squad.
It all seems weird. Straight-up weirdness that I’m over.
Taking a deep breath, I slam my index finger into my laptop key and the message pings through the air.
The high road is forgotten.
Over the last few days, Ty has put visible distance between himself and Iris. He sticks closer to me at school and when we’re all out. He hasn’t mentioned anything, but I get the impression that Iris has been flirting and it’s making him uncomfortable.
Back off, Twin A. He knows which one he loves.
After I send the message, I click on Kat’s photos. She, Iris, and a couple other girls I don’t know pose in a few of the traditional positions. Duck lips, fake surprise, kissing the air, hands covering their mouth, and hands on hips. All what I’d expect, and I don’t think there’s a single one without a filter.
Kat has super-long auburn hair and round blue eyes. She’s pretty. Every photo is of her looking like she spends a huge chunk of her morning on her appearance.
I could be looking at Ellie and her friends’ pictures.
Iris looks happy; she’s in almost all of the images. It seems like she had a very active social life, much more than now. Dad doesn’t let us go out every night, but Iris hasn’t complained, so it can’t bother her that much.
Mom was a lot more relaxed with the rules. I’d be allowed out when I stayed there, and I barely knew anyone. Iris never hung around with me or invited me out with her.
There are pictures of Iris in her cheerleading uniform with boys on the football team. I don’t know if she dated much, but there are multiple photos of her with two different boys spaced about eight months apart.
One of them looks kind of similar to Ty. Chestnut hair and deep green eyes.
I’m not going to look too much into it. Although I totally am. Is that what she’s trying to do? Does she want to re-create some sort of romance she had with him? I mean, she looks like me and that guy looks like Ty.
My back shudders with a bolt down my spine.
Okay, that makes the copying me thing even creepier.
I click back because looking at Kat’s photos is giving me a nasty taste in my mouth. What does Iris want?
Is she trying to re-create her old life?
But why does she need me and Ty for that?
A message pops up along the bottom of my screen. Kat.
Ivy. I haven’t spoken to Iris for months. I can’t help.
What’s my next move?
Kat’s message is abrupt. For someone who has hundreds of photos with my sister, you would think she wouldn’t cut her out of her life so quickly.
Out of sight, out of mind? Or is there a reason why Kat doesn’t want anything to do with Iris?
The more I learn, or think I’m learning, the more confused I get. There are too many questions, and each answer only adds more.
Well, I’ve gone down this rabbit hole, so I might as well plow on. I write out a reply to Kat.
Did something happen? I think she needs her friends. Is there anyone else I can get in contact with?
I chose Kat because she has the most photos with Iris; the rest of the cheer squad are in the background. It looks like they were the closest.
Her reply comes almost instantly.
Sorry, can’t help.
Can’t or won’t?
Iris is sketchy and so is Kat. I’m not buying any of it. I will find out what’s going on.
Her location is all over Facebook. She checks in everywhere she goes. The only issue I have with following her—besides the creepy obvious—is that I have the same face as Iris. She’ll notice me immediately. Kat has spent a solid four years with Iris—she’ll notice.
I can’t bring anyone else in on this because no one believes me. It’s too early to have the conversation with Ty again, and I’m not comfortable with getting him this involved.
God, I sound crazy.
This paranoid version of myself is going to make me prematurely gray.
I could try another one of the girls in the photos with Iris, but they probably all talk. Kat will tell them, or they’ll tell her, and I’ll get nowhere.
The only way I can make Kat listen and talk is if I go and find her. Not that it will be easy. I don’t know how or when I’ll have enough time to be gone for at least four hours without anyone noticing. Dad practically has tracking devices on us.
I could be back by curfew
without Dad knowing where I am, but Ty and my friends will question where I am, and if I tell them I’m staying home, Iris will know.
So I need to think of a plan. A date with Ty out of town? But then he will be with me.
Shopping! Iris’s town has the best shopping, lots of cute independent stores. I could go with Haley and Sophie when Iris has cheer practice, so she won’t want to tag along.
Okay. I’m not sure if I’m proud of my new sneaky nature. But I kind of am.
At least I’m doing something proactive. This is where I excel. There’s a problem, I find the solution and do it.
I’m going to figure out what happened between Iris and her friends.
I have to.
36
On Monday morning, I slam through the double doors and power walk into the girls’ changing room. I want to get a few laps in before my first class. We have thirty minutes before class.
It’s been a while since I’ve crammed a fifteen-minute swim into my morning, but I need the distraction. I need to glide through water and let the irritation of Iris and the uncertainty of her intentions wash away.
“Ivy, you okay?” a girl on my team named Lexi asks.
“Yep. Just need to swim.”
I need my scholarship so I can get away from Iris.
She gives me a sympathetic look. “Yeah, me too.”
“Are you okay?” I ask. Wow, I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t think to ask why she’s here thirty minutes before class too.
“Home stuff. Coach is poolside, so we can go straight in. Want me to wait?”
“No, go ahead. I’ll see you in a few.”
Lexi walks off toward the pool, and I strip down.
I’m addicted to swimming. It’s like a drug to me. I’m the fastest on the team, but I need them much more than they need me. There are much worse things I could rely on, I suppose.
Once I’m changed and have chucked my things in my locker, I pad through the changing room and tie my hair up on the way. I’m not practicing, so I don’t bother with a swim cap. We have hairdryers in the changing room. The smell of chlorine hits the back of my throat, and I breathe.
“Morning, Ivy,” Coach says, looking up from her poolside desk. I swear she lives in here; she uses her desk here much more than the one in her office.
“Morning.”
Coach is cool. She understands that we’re not always here to better our time. She’s big on mental health and knows the more mentally stable we are, the better we perform. In and out of the water. So she’s here every day, forty-five minutes before she needs to be in case we need her.
“You have twenty-five minutes before the bell goes.”
“I’m on it,” I tell her, and step up on a diving block.
Lexi is already doing lengths.
I pull on my goggles, raise my arms, and close my eyes. I don’t need to see to dive. It’s second nature. I know how many strokes it takes to reach the other side.
My legs bend and then I’m flying. My face hits the water and I sink down. I don’t even care that it’s momentarily cold because I know in a few seconds, I’ll be warm again.
I kick my legs and swim away from all of my problems.
When I get to the end of the pool, I turn and kick off the wall, catapulting myself back.
I take three strokes and raise my head, about to take a breath. As I do, I see Iris standing in the corner of the room, staring with her lip curled like she’s snarling.
At the same time, I take my breath, but startled at her presence, I take it too soon.
Water rushes into my mouth and down my throat.
My lungs seem to flatten. I’m too deep to stand so I kick my legs and my head breaks water. Choking, I pound my chest with my fist as I gasp for breath.
“Ivy!” Coach shouts.
My torso bends as I choke, and I crane my neck to keep my head out of the water. My legs burn with the effort it takes to tread water in this moment. Gasping again, I feel my head float.
Oh God.
I kick my legs harder and harder.
My blood chills as I try to keep my head above water while my throat closes up around each punching cough.
Both Lexi and Coach reach me a second later.
“Oh gosh, Ivy,” Coach says, grabbing my arms and pulling me up. Lexi helps by pushing my legs. As soon as they have me, I stop kicking, allowing them to keep me up while I choke.
They swim me to the edge and roll me out onto my side on the floor. I push myself onto my hands and knees and retch. My eyes water and my hands shake on the tile.
I gasp and air hits my lungs. Relief washes over me, and I sink to the floor.
“Are you okay?” Coach’s eyes are wide with worry when I look to my side.
I nod. My stomach muscles burn.
“What happened?” Lexi asks.
“I…I don’t know. I was distracted.” Coughing, I rasp, “Did you see Iris?”
Coach frowns. “In here? No.”
I take another ragged breath. “She was at the side of the pool.”
“I don’t think so.”
Lexi shrugs. “I didn’t see her, but I was in the water.”
“Look at me, Ivy,” Coach says. “How do you feel?”
Like an idiot. “I’m fine. I mostly feel stupid.”
“Don’t feel stupid. Accidents happen. Let’s get you to the changing room. I want you to see the school nurse before class.”
“I really don’t need to do that.”
Coach lifts her dark eyebrow. “That’s non-optional.”
I figured it would be.
Lexi and Coach hold an arm each as I stand.
“Okay, I’ll go to the nurse, but I promise I don’t need help to get up and get changed. I’m all right.”
Neither of them listens to me as they walk me into the changing room.
I look back just as the door on the other side of the room shuts. Iris? If she’s just left, she would have seen me choke. Why didn’t she come over and make sure I was okay? That’s the twin thing to do. That’s the human thing to do.
My legs, although shaky, carry me safely into the changing room while Lexi and Coach continue to act like I need to be carried.
“I’m fine,” I tell them again. This time they let go of me, but both stay close.
Coach stops by my locker and grabs my towel from the bench. “I’ll give you a few minutes to change and I’ll call the nurse’s office to let them know what’s happened. Lexi will stay with you.”
Lexi nods, wrapping her towel around herself.
“Thanks,” I mutter. I’m sure my face is bright red. I can’t believe I choked in the middle of the pool. I’m also pretty sure I’ve torn my stomach muscles.
The door through to the pool thuds shut as Coach leaves.
“What happened out there?” Lexi asks.
“I got distracted, that’s really all.”
“You thought you saw Iris poolside?”
I rub the towel over my legs. “I turned my head and she was there, but I wasn’t out of the water enough. She surprised me, I guess.”
“Maybe what you saw was that swim poster of the girl on the wall? That’s near the door.”
Could that have been it?
I didn’t have time to take her in, so I don’t know if she was wearing clothes. Perhaps it could have been the giant poster of a swimmer. But why would I have thought that was Iris?
“Yeah, could have been. I feel so stupid. This is humiliating.”
“Please, we’ve all been distracted before. I trip over almost everything. Besides, it was only me and Coach, and neither of us is laughing.”
“Thanks, Lexi. Sorry I ruined your swim.”
“Nah, that’s okay.”
We both ge
t dressed quickly and dry our hair. Coach walks into the changing room as we finish up.
“How are you feeling?”
“I have a headache and my stomach hurts, but I’m all right.”
“I’ve called the nurse and she’s expecting us.”
Great. Let’s tell more people about my humiliating fail. The pool is where I come to leave my distractions behind. Iris is taking that away from me too.
No, she won’t. I won’t allow it.
I follow Coach and Lexi walks beside me.
“You sure you’re okay?” Lexi whispers.
“Yeah, I promise.”
No one but the three of us knows what happened back there, but I feel everyone’s eyes on me as if they all know. They obviously don’t.
My eyes prickle with unshed tears. This is a one-off. I won’t make a mistake like that in the pool again. Next time I’m not going to look up. I never usually look up.
As we walk to the nurse’s office, I spot Ty leaning against his locker talking to Iris. His arms are folded over his chest, guarded. Iris is a safe distance from him, but he still looks like he wants to run away. Ellie and a few guys from the football team are nearby too.
It would be so easy for one of them to spot me, and usually I would want that. But I don’t want them to ask where I’m going. Then I would have to explain.
“There’s Ty,” Lexi says.
I look down, letting my hair cover the side of my face. “This is embarrassing enough; I don’t want them asking questions.”
Lexi rolls her eyes. “I told you there is no reason to be embarrassed.”
Well, I am. How can I be the strongest member on the team, yet I couldn’t move my head out of the water to breathe? No one can know about this. I hope Lexi won’t tell anyone.
My heart thuds in my chest. I’m losing control of my own mind.
Iris is still with her friends, the same ones she left me to meet as we walked into school. Could she have got away from her friends, into the pool from the back entrance, and then met up with them all again?
Coach opens the door to the nurse’s room.
“You better get to your first class, Lexi. The bell will ring soon.”
The Twin Page 19
