by Barbara Lohr
“So I guess that smile means you had a good time. The museum was good?”
“The museum?” Carolyn tore her mind from broad shoulders, strong calves and everything in between. “Right. The museum. Lots of silver.”
She’d never heard her grandmother snort through her nose before. Then Mama V cleared her throat and adjusted her pleased smile. “Yes, the museum does have lots of silver. Did you have dinner in Taos?”
“No, no. We, ah, came back.”
Right. She came and came. Carolyn fought a silly smile. When she bit down on her lower lip, it yelped in protest. She’d never had sore lips before. Time to focus. Consider certain realities.
“But I’m only here for one more week.” Even she heard the desperation in her voice. What was she doing?
Mama V set the newspaper aside. “Let me tell you, a good man is hard to find, Carolyn. And life? Well, you’ve got to live it as it comes. Grab it.”
Her grandmother had given her tons of advice when Carolyn was growing up. When she lost the regional spelling bee in fifth grade, Mama V had reminded her that at least she’d made it to the finals and how great was that? When her hair turned out terrible for prom, Mama V came up with the idea of tucking blue violets in the wavy mess. She knew her way around any problem.
“But how do you know, Mama V? How can you know the person you’re with today will be the same in ten, twenty years?”
Mama V’s smile faded. “You’re thinking of your father.”
“Yes.” Carolyn couldn’t turn from the pain in her grandmother’s eyes.
“Those years must have been so hard for you.”
If Carolyn answered that question, she might start to cry.
Picking up a spoon, Mama V stirred more sugar into her coffee. “Your dad was, is a good man. For a while he forgot the vows he’d taken. Thank God he came to his senses before he lost you both.”
Carolyn had been so little then. “The silence was the worst. Sometimes they didn’t talk for weeks”
“I know. It could be painful to be with them sometimes. They might have kept their marriage together for you, and then they came around.”
The memories came spinning back. “We’d be out for dinner and a woman might brush past our table. A look would be exchanged. My mother’s face would flush. When we got home, I was put to bed. They closed their door, but I could hear the raised voices.”
“It’s not always like that, Carolyn. Think of your grandfather and me. Many couples are happy. I’m afraid that your father acted on what he saw in his own family. Your grandfather and I should have recognized that weakness. But I doubt that we could have swayed your mother. She was obsessed with him. Loved him almost too much.”
“She still does.” Her mother’s face lit up when Daddy walked into the room. And now, he looked only at her. But Carolyn didn’t ever want to think about the past. Once had been enough.
Now Carolyn got up and circled the table to give her grandmother a tight hug. “Where would I be without you?”
“Well, you wouldn’t be here in Santa Fe. That’s for darn sure.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” Carolyn took her seat again. Her imagination got to work. “Mama V, if you hadn’t been brave enough to move out here, I’d be in Gull Harbor right now. Reading a book during my spring break. All my friends would be working.” How bleak.
“But you’re here, darling.” Her grandmother tapped one manicured nail on the table. “And there’s a reason why you’re here. I truly believe that. Make the most of it.”
“But what am I doing?” Her practicality was yanking the reins on her galloping heart. She had to protect herself. “Not only do we live in different states, Brody was a boy who went from girl to girl in high school. They probably sobbed their hearts out when he moved on.”
Her grandmother frowned. “Not unusual for a teen-age boy, I would think. But he’s a man now. And he’s crazy about you. You’d have to be blind not to see that.”
“Really, you think so?” Images from last night flashed through her head. Brody’s eyes. His hands. His lips. His reassurance as she stood on that precipice. She glanced up to find Mama V laughing. “What?”
Wiping a tear from her eye, her grandmother said, “Nothing. Only I’m sure you feel the same about him. What woman could resist a man with that kind of charm?” She smiled as if she knew just how that felt.
“Is this how you felt with Grandpa?”
“Oh, yes. Definitely.” But she seemed distant, detached.
Holy cripes. “And Howard. Howard too?”
Her shoulders lifted in a helpless gesture that almost had Carolyn rolling on the floor. “Trust me. Howard too,” Mama V said. “Love can be just as crazy when you’re older. But you have to open your heart. You have to let it in.”
“Well, I am. I did.” She couldn’t even talk this morning. Her words got twisted. Love wasn’t simple.
Her grandmother shook her head sadly. “There are no guarantees, sweetheart. Just choose wisely. Brody seems like a fine man. Time will tell, so why not give him that time.”
What could she say? Carolyn regretted pulling her grandmother into a painful past.
But the perky smile returned. “Will you do me a favor, Carolyn? Enjoy this week, every minute of it. Think of it as a gift. Get to know Brody better. Have fun. You owe that to yourself.”
“But Mama V, I came to see you. I should spend more time with you.”
“No shoulds,” her grandmother said with a stern shake of her head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be, well, busy.”
TMI. But Carolyn felt relieved. “So am I cramping your style?”
Getting up to pop another English muffin in the toaster oven, her grandmother chuckled. “We’ll just work around it. To be honest, I didn’t realize how much time Howard and I had been spending together until you arrived. This is a learning experience for me too.”
“Who’d have thought it?” Carolyn slid her coffee mug into the microwave to reheat it.
With her grandmother’s advice in mind, she threw herself into the week ahead. Six glorious days. Laughing, she shared Mama V’s words of wisdom with Brody.
“Smart woman.” He grinned at her over his blue corn enchilada. They were having lunch at Tia Sophia’s, their knees touching under the narrow table.
Like a couple, a small voice whispered inside. She shivered.
“What? What is it?”
“Nothing.” She dropped her eyes to her chile rellenos. No restaurant came close to this in Michigan. “Gosh, I’m going to miss all this good food.”
Brody made a choking sound.
“Hey, you okay?” How did the Heimlich maneuver go?
Then he swallowed. “All better. You’re going to miss the food.”
“I’m teasing.” She nudged his knee with her own.
Her heart belonged to him now. The thought made her both happy and sad.
“What’s up?” Reaching out, he played with her fingers. “What are you thinking about?”
With that shock of dark hair and those piercing blue eyes, what else could she think about? “You’re too handsome for your own good. I’ll always think of you like this.”
His eyes clouded. “Why do I feel like you’re sticking a note in a bottle, all set to toss it into Lake Michigan and say ‘Bye, Bye, Brody.’”
He’d nailed it. “What a metaphor. Don’t be silly.”
“You’re the one being silly. And it wasn’t a metaphor. It was a statement. I think. Right?” He blinked, looking boyish and adorable. His lashes rivaled her own. She flushed, remembering how those lashes felt on her skin.
He leaned closer. “Maybe we should talk about the future.”
“Why?” The last thing she wanted were promises he may not keep.
“Why?” His chair creaked when he jerked forward. “Why not?”
The mood had changed. People were staring and she pushed her plate aside. The intensity in his eyes could be disturbing. “It’s so nice today. Let’s t
ake a walk.”
Brody sat back silently, and she felt disappointed that he gave up this easily.
The complications of their relationship loomed in her mind, like sand that slowly gathers width and height until it becomes a dune. And this one was Mount Baldy gigantic. She used to watch kids scale that huge dune and wondered how they did it.
Once they were back outside, her fears eased. Later. They’d talk later. They strolled onto the square, following one of the diagonal paths. Casually dressed musicians played Beethoven beautifully. That was the amazing thing about Santa Fe. The effortless beauty. Drifting over to Palace of the Governors, they took another walk down the row of colorful blankets, waving to the gap-toothed man who’d made her earrings. He smiled when he saw them glinting in the sunlight.
“I’m taking up so much of your time,” she told Brody when they wandered down a side street that led from the plaza. “Doesn’t your work need you?”
“Don’t worry about it, okay?” Brody backed her against a warm adobe wall. “I hire good people. They’ll call if they hit a snag.”
Glancing right and left, he smiled that reckless, crooked smile before kissing her senseless. Was he generating the heat or was it the sun on the adobe? The kiss was all lips, tongue and heat. A couple turned the corner. He backed off, took her hand and they moved on. It took a while to dial down the raging heat holding her body hostage.
As they wandered around the city, Brody pointed out places of interest. “Have you ever visited the Loretto Chapel?” He paused in front of a magnificent church, smaller in scale but beautiful.
“Nope. Never got to it.”
“Come on.” They went inside and he bought tickets for the tour.
Before she knew it, they were entering the empty church with a small group. Incense hung in the air and she sneezed. The Gothic arches and marble altar took her to a different time.
“Will you just look at those stained glass windows?” she whispered.
Speaking in an undertone, Brody threw out terms like Gothic Revival, buttresses and helix-shaped staircase. “How am I doing, Teach?” he paused to ask.
“I’m impressed.”
Sunlight filtered through the stained glass windows, falling on the statues and gilded carvings. Their tour guide explained the magical legend surrounding the gravity-defying spiral staircase. A carpenter had appeared from nowhere. After the work was completed, he left just as mysteriously.
“And the people believe a miracle took place,” the tour guide told them. “Right here.”
“Can people be married in this chapel?” asked a young woman, clinging to her companion’s arm.
The tour guide nodded. “We have weddings here at least once a week. From small intimate gatherings to a full house.”
Okay, didn’t need to know that. Carolyn shut her eyes, trying to block a mental image of Diana, Phoebe and the rest of the book group walking down this aisle in front of her.
“So it’s that bad, huh?”
Her eyes fluttered open. Brody was staring at her. His expression was unreadable but the pulse jumped in his throat.
“What are you talking about?” Her voice rang hollow and he knew it.
“Time to leave.”
And he was out of there. Horrified, she trailed behind him. Had the talk of a wedding spooked him? No way did she want him to feel pressured.
Next to the church, metal sculptures spun and creaked in the breeze. Brody barreled in among them. She was afraid he was going to knock one over. But that commotion was nothing compared to the fury in his eyes.
She had to make this clear. “Brody, really. I’m not picturing marriage. I loved the church, that’s all.”
Eyes blazing and lips twitching, he looked ready to rip her a new one. “Fine,” he finally said. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” His head pivoted as if he were looking for an escape hatch. “Want to go back up to Museum Hill?”
“Not really.”
She wanted him. Couldn’t he see that? “Come on. Don’t be so mad.” She laced her fingers through his, although she had to pry them apart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything.”
Her wheedling apparently got to him. Reaching out, he played with her feather earring. “You’re impossible.”
She turned her cheek into his hand and kissed the palm. “So are you.” A light flicked on in his eyes. The fun had returned.
“Come on. I’ll race you back.” And she was off, with him speeding behind her. She got to teh SUV first but he pulled her into his arms. That kiss was medicine for both of them. “I don’t ever want to fight with you,” she murmured, tracing his lip line with a finger.
“That might be impossible.” He tossed his head back. “Because you really make me mad. You have that power.”
“Power?” Really?
He seemed to be considering that himself. “Scary, huh?”
Brody clicked the car doors open. Laughing, they hurled themselves onto seats warm from the sun. Thank goodness the drive to his house was short. The SUV almost took the gates off when they didn’t swing open fast enough. Once in the courtyard, Brody parked under a huge aspen. Coming around, he yanked open the door and pulled her laughing toward the house. “I love it when you’re like this, Teach.”
Love. She bit it back.
Cripes, she’d almost said, “I love you, Brody.”
Love and marriage. She’d really scare him off. Her laughter died. She’d scare herself too. This felt too early, too soon.
He must have seen something in her face. “What?”
“Nothing. You know what I want?” She whispered some suggestions in his ear. His body jerked. The words had the effect of a cattle prod. This wasn’t like her and he knew it. Heck, her own face was burning.
After fumbling with the lock, he pulled her inside. His kiss burned through to her backbone. She trembled while he undressed her. Then it was her turn to peel off the jacket, fumble with the buttons on his shirt, make her way down to his belt.
And all the time, he urged her on. “That’s it, Teach. Be thorough. Let’s dot the i’s and cross the t’s. What would a good metaphor be for this?”
“Peeling an onion,” she supplied, kissing his chest.
“Ah, hah. You want to taste the onion too?”
“Right.” She slid his belt from his jeans. “Your turn. Metaphor, please.”
“Not now.” He threw back his head.
“Yes, now.” She was easing the zipper down, one metal tooth at a time. Then she stopped. “Let’s hear it or else.”
“Gee you’re bossy, Teach.” He was so cute when he got frustrated. And she was giving him a lot to think about. “Volcano! Eruption! Hell, I don’t know.”
“That’s it. That’s my A student.”
Sweeping her up, he made tracks down the hall. “No more lessons.”
That night when they made love, Brody was hot and sweet at the same time. She soaked up each comment and savored every word, pressing them into her memory like a prom bouquet.
But still, she would not stay the night. And she couldn’t explain why.
Staying over felt like a forever thing. And they weren’t at forever.
~.~
How would they spend these days? How to make them memorable? Her mind shifted through touristy options while she lay in her own bed, trying to get to sleep much later that night. Then it came to her. Ten Thousand Waves. When she’d visited the spa with Mama V, hadn’t she thought how fantastic it would be with a special someone? The following morning, she picked up the phone. They had an opening on Wednesday. “I have a surprise for tomorrow,” she told Brody when he picked her up for lunch. “Mark your calendar. I’ve planned something special.” She playfully put on X on his chest with her finger.
“Planning for us?” The corners of his lips tipped into a smile. “That’s so sweet. I don’t know what to say.”
“And that’s unusual.”
“Are you getting sassy with me?” Eyes flashing, he pulled her into h
is arms.
“I think you’re a boy who likes sass,” she whispered.
“And I think you got that right.”
Good thing Mama V was at the gallery. The kiss turned X-rated and involved some quality time on the couch. Finally, they left for lunch on the square.
“I’m taking Brody to Ten Thousand Waves,” she told her grandmother when they both got back that afternoon. Although Carolyn had wanted to take her grandmother out for dinner, she wouldn’t have it. “You spend every minute you can with that man. You and I will have plenty of time for visiting. After all, there’s always Skype.”
“What do you know about Skype?”
“Wendy showed me how to use it. Brody will like Ten Thousand Waves. What man wouldn’t? And so romantic.” Her grandmother’s knowing smile said it all.
But as she packed her things for that night, Carolyn hesitated. This was big. They would spend the night together. So much was at stake. She felt it in her tumbling stomach. But her hand moved higher to her heart. Yeah, right. She felt it there too. In fact, that’s where she felt it most.
Where it could really hurt.
The sleeper shirt she was packing slipped from her hands to the floor.
Then Diana’s encouragement came back to her. Jump off that pier. Maybe love was like that. Maybe it always involved risk. Diana had taken a huge chance with Will. She was plenty wounded at the time they met. Still, she got herself out there. Picking up the sleep shirt, she folded it, wishing Diana had sent her some sexy lingerie.
Carolyn had no time to shop. Besides, she wouldn’t have it on long.
Chapter 18
The road to the lodge had been steep. Carolyn practiced deep breathing all the way. To her amazement, Brody caught her rhythm with his own inhaling and exhaling. That touched her heart more than she’d ever admit. Instead of clutching the door handle, her hands lay in her lap. The only distraction was Brody’s broad chest expanding and contracting. Who needs roses or wine when your guy can deep breathe with you?
Her guy? Really?
“What?” he asked when he caught her looking.
