Paige squeezed her arm once, before rushing away in a flurry of tissues and winces, leaving Alexa stunned. She looked back into the nursery, then at the departing woman, going over what she’d said, something about whether or not the twins were related to her. And how Pippa had screwed Seth over. Literally.
What the hell? Had Pippa actually cheated on Seth? But he’d said they split before the twins were even born. Not that a pregnant woman couldn’t have an affair, but it seemed less likely… Unless… Pippa had the affair while she and Seth were dating, and it only came out later?
An awful possibility smoked through her mind—perhaps the twins weren’t his biological children?
She dismissed the thought as quickly as it came to her. He would have shared something like that with her.
Her perceptions of the man jumbled all together. At first, she’d assumed he was like her wealthy parents, too often looking for a way to dump off their kids on the nearest caregiver. Yet, she’d seen with her own eyes how much he loved them, how he spent every free waking moment with them.
If what she suspected was true, why hadn’t he said something to her when they’d deepened their relationship? Sure they’d only known each other a short time, but she’d told him everything. He’d insisted on her being open, vulnerable even, when they’d made love by the lighthouse.
Had he been holding back something this important? She wanted to believe she’d misunderstood Paige. Rather than wonder, she would ask Seth once the timing was right. They would laugh together over how she’d leaped to conclusions. She wanted to trust the feelings growing between her and Seth. More than anything, she wanted this to be real.
And if she was right in her suspicions that he was holding back?
Her eyes skipped to a family at the far end of the picture window. A grandma and grandpa were standing together, shoulder to shoulder, heads tilted toward each other in conversation as they held two older grandchildren up to see their new sister. The connection, the family bond, was undeniable.
She’d seen it earlier today when Seth and Pippa discussed their children. Yes, there was strife between them, but also a certain connection, even tenderness. Disconcerting, regardless. But if they still felt that way after such a betrayal…it gave Alexa pause. It spoke of unresolved feelings between them.
Steadying herself, she pressed her hand to the window. She’d ached for a real family connection growing up, yearned to create such a bond in her marriage. She knew what it felt like to stand on the outside.
And she refused to live that way ever again.
Ten
He wanted Alexa in his life, as well as in his bed.
As Seth drove Alexa home to her downtown Charleston condo after seeing his new nephew, he kept thinking about how right it felt having her sit beside him now. How right it had felt earlier taking her to the hospital with him. Having Alexa with him at such an important family moment made the evening even more special. He hoped when they got to her place, he could persuade her to just pick up some clothes and go with him to his house.
Beams of light from late night traffic streaked through the inky darkness as they crossed the Ashley River. The intimacy of just the two of them in his Infiniti SUV reminded him of making love in the classic Chevy convertible on the Outer Banks. God, was that only a few hours ago? Already, he wanted her again.
And what did she want?
He glanced out of the corner of his eye. She rested her head on the window, cool air from the vent lifting her hair. Shadows played along the dark circles under her eyes, in the furrows along her forehead. He was surprised—and concerned.
“Tell me.” He skimmed a strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s bothering you?”
She shook her head, keeping her face averted with only the glow of the dashboard lights to help him gauge her mood. She hugged her purse to her chest until the folder inside crackled.
“Whatever it is,” he said, “I want to hear it, and don’t bother saying it’s nothing.”
“We’re both exhausted.” She looked down at her hands, at least not staring out the window but still not turning to him. “It’s been an emotional ride since we met, a lot crammed into a short time. I need some space to think.”
Crap. She’d asked him earlier if he was giving her the brush-off and now he wondered the same thing. “You’re backtracking.”
“Maybe.”
“Why?” he demanded, considering pulling off the six-lane highway so he could focus his full attention on her.
“Seth, I’ve worked hard to put my life back together again, twice. As a teenager. And again after my divorce. I’m stronger now because of both of those times. But I still intend to be very careful not to put myself in a dangerous position again.”
What the hell? This wasn’t the kind of conversation they should have with him driving. He needed his focus planted firmly on her.
He eyed the fast food restaurant ahead and cut over two lanes of traffic, ignoring the honking horns. He pulled off the interstate and parked under the golden arches.
Hooking his arm on the steering wheel, he pinned her with his gaze. “Let me get this straight. You consider me dangerous? What have I done to make you feel threatened?”
“A relationship with you, I mean—” the trenches in her forehead dug deeper “—could be…maybe the better word is chancy.” Headlights flashed past, illuminating her face with bright lights in quick, strobelike succession.
Some of the tension melted from his shoulders. His arm slid from the wheel and he took her hand in his. “Any relationship is risky. But I believe we’ve started something good here.”
“I thought so, too, especially this afternoon. I opened up to you in ways I haven’t to anyone in as long as I can remember.” Her hand was cold in his. “But a relationship has to be a two-way street. Can you deny you’re holding back?”
Holding back? Hell, he was giving her more than he’d imagined shelling out after the crap year he’d been through. What more did she want from him? A pint of blood? A pound of flesh?
But snapping those questions at her didn’t seem wise. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You have reservations about us as a couple.” She didn’t ask. She simply said it.
He couldn’t deny she was right on the money.
Now he had to figure out how to work around that in a way that would still involve her packing a sleepover bag to go to his place. “Would it have been better for us to meet a year from now? Absolutely.”
“Because?” she pressed.
Damn, he was tired and just wanted to take Alexa to his bed. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have right now. He didn’t much want to have it ever. “A year from now, my divorce wouldn’t be as fresh—neither would yours. My kids would be older. Your business would have deeper roots. Can you deny the timing would be better for both of us?”
She shook her head slowly, the air conditioner vent catching the scent of her shampoo. “You know all the reasons why I have issues. I’ve been completely open with you, and I thought you’d been the same with me.”
A buzz started in his brain. She couldn’t be hinting at what he thought…
“Your cousin told me about Pippa, how she cheated on you. I can understand why that would make you relationship wary and it would have been helpful to know that.”
The buzz in his head increased until he felt like he was being stung by hundreds of bees. Angry bees. Except the rage was his. “Paige had no business telling you that.”
“Don’t blame her. She thought I already kn—”
“How exactly was I supposed to work that into conversation? Hey, my ex-wife doesn’t know for sure if my children are actually mine.” His hands fisted. “In fact, she lied to me about that all the way to the altar. Now where would you like to go for dinner?”
Her face paled, her eyes so sympathetic her reaction slashed through all the raw places inside him.
“Seth, I am so sorry.”
“I am their
father in every way that matters.” He slammed his fist into the dash. “I love my kids.” His voice cracked.
“I realize that,” she said softly, hugging her purse to her stomach.
“It doesn’t matter to me whose blood or biology flows through their veins.” He thumped his chest right over his heart that he’d placed in two pairs of tiny hands nearly a year ago. “They’re mine.”
“I’m sure they would agree.” She paused then continued warily, “Have you taken a paternity test? They certainly look like you.”
He didn’t need any test to validate his love for those kids. “Back off. This isn’t your business.”
Her blue eyes filled with tears. “That’s my whole point. We may have baggage, but I’m ready to be open about mine. You’re not.”
“Good God, Alexa, we’ve barely known each other for a week and you expect me to tell you something that could cripple my kids if they ever found out?”
“You think I would go around telling people? If so, you really don’t know me at all.” She held up her hands. “You know what? You’re one hundred percent correct. This is a mistake. We are a mistake. The timing is wrong for us to have a relationship.”
The thought of her backing out blindsided him. “Well, there’s nothing I can do about the timing.”
“My point exactly. Seth, I want to go home now, and I don’t want you to follow me inside, and I don’t want you to call me.”
That was it? Even after their encounter on the Outer Banks, the way they’d come together so magnificently, she was slamming the door in his face? “Damn it, Alexa. Life isn’t perfect. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be, either. It’s not about all or nothing here.”
She chewed her bottom lip and he thought he might be making headway until she looked out the window again without answering.
“What do you want from me, Alexa?”
She turned slowly to him, blue eyes clouded with pain and tears. “Just what I said. I need you to respect my need for space.”
Her mouth pursed shut, and she turned her head back toward the window. He waited while four cars cleared the fast food drive-through window and still she wouldn’t look at him. He knew an ice-out when he saw one.
Stunned numb, he drove the rest of the way to her condo, a corner unit in a string of red brick buildings made to fit in with the rest of the historic homes. Her place. Where she belonged and he wasn’t welcome.
How the hell had it gone so wrong so quickly? So he hadn’t told her about Pippa cheating. He would have gotten around to it soon enough.
“Goodbye, Seth.” She tore open the door and ran up the walkway into her apartment before he could make it farther than the front of the car.
Frustration chewed his gut as he settled behind the wheel again. He was doing his best here and she was cutting him off at the knees. The way she’d clutched her purse to her chest, she looked like she couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. She had probably mangled the folder he’d given her.
An ugly, dark thought snaked through him. That she’d wanted her new contacts and now that she had them, she was looking for a way out. She’d used him. Just as Pippa had used him.
And just that quickly the thought dissipated. He knew Alexa was nothing like Pippa. Sure, they’d come from similar backgrounds, but Alexa had broken free of the dependent lifestyle. She was making her own way in the world. Honestly. With hard work. And she’d been up-front with him from the very start.
If anything, he was the one who’d held back.
Damn it.
She was right.
His head thunked against the seat. He’d been carrying so much baggage because of Pippa that he might as well have been driving one of those luggage trucks at the airport. He’d screwed up in that relationship in so many ways and felt the failure all the more acutely in the face of his cousins’ marital bliss. To the point that he’d even held back from fully participating in their lives. Sure he’d moved here to be with them, but how close had he let anyone get? How many walls had he built?
None of which was fair to his cousins. And it most definitely wasn’t fair to Alexa.
So where did he go from here? Talking to her now would likely only stoke her anger, or worse, stir her tears. Once she had a chance to cool down, he needed to approach her with something more than words. He needed strong actions to show Alexa how special, how irreplaceably important she was to him.
How very much he loved her.
Love.
The word filled his head and settled in with a flawless landing. Damn straight he loved her, and she deserved to know that.
And if she still said no? Then he would work harder. He believed in what they’d shared these past days, in what they’d started to build together.
He hadn’t given up in his professional life. Against the odds, regardless of what people told him about waiting until he was older, more established, he’d accomplished what he set out to do.
Now it was time to set his sights on winning over Alexa.
Alexa Randall had accumulated an eclectic box full of lost and found items since opening her own cleaning company for charter jets. There were the standard smart phones, portfolios, tablets, even a Patek Philippe watch. She’d returned each to its owner.
Then there were the stray panties and men’s boxers, even the occasional sex toys from Mile High Club members. All of those items, she’d picked up with latex gloves and tossed in the trash.
But the pacifier lying beside a seat reminded her too painfully of the precious twins she’d discovered nearly two weeks ago. Memories of their father pierced her heart all the more.
Her bucket of supplies dropped to the industrial blue carpet with a heavy thud. Ammonia fumes from the rag in her fist stung her eyes. Or maybe it was the tears. Heaven knew, she’d cried more than her fair share since leaving Seth’s car after their awful argument a week ago. God, this hurt more than when she’d divorced. The end of her marriage had been a relief. Losing Seth, however, cut her to the core. So much so, she couldn’t escape the fact that she loved him. Truly, deeply loved him.
And he’d let her go.
She’d half expected him to follow her or do something cliché like send bunches of flowers with stock apologies. But he’d done none of that. He’d stayed quiet. Giving her the space she’d demanded? Or walking away altogether?
Her husband and parents would have shouted her down, even going so far as to bully her until she caved.
That made her question how she’d reacted that night to his news about the children. She may have grown in how she stood up for herself since the days when she’d tried to control stress through her eating habits. While she was happy for that newfound strength, perhaps she needed to grow even more to be able to return to a problem and fix it. Real strength wasn’t about arguing and stomping away. It was going back to a sticky situation and battling—compromising—for a fair resolution.
And she had no one to blame but herself for condemning him because he hadn’t told her all his secrets right away. How fair had that been?
Yes, he’d held back. Yet to the best of his ability, he’d lived up to everything he’d promised, everything he was able to give right now. Why was she realizing this now rather than days ago when she could have saved herself so much pain?
Most likely because she’d hidden her head in the sand the past few days, crying her eyes out and burying herself in paperwork at the office. Today was her first day actually picking up a bucket—and what a day it was with so many reminders of Seth and his kids.
She looked around the private luxury jet owned by Senator Landis, parked at the Charleston airport—not Seth’s private field. But still, with that pacifier in hand from one of the Landis babies, she couldn’t help but think of Owen and Olivia, and wonder how they were doing. She’d missed their sweet faces this week as well, and she liked to think they’d felt a connection to her, too, even during their short time together.
Her ultimatum had hurt more than
just her. She stared into the bucket, more of those tears springing to her eyes. Blaming them on ammonia wouldn’t work indefinitely.
She sank down onto the leather sofa, her mind replaying for the millionth time the harsh words they’d shared. She looked around the pristinely clean aircraft and wished her life was as easy to perfect.
Perfect?
Her mind snagged on the word, shuffling back to something Seth had said about it not being the perfect time, but life wasn’t perfect. He didn’t expect her to be perfect… And… What? She reached for the thought like an elusive pristine cloud until—
An increasing ruckus outside broke her train of thought. The sound of trucks and people talking in a rising excited cacophony of voices. She stood and walked toward the hatch. Bits of conversation drifted toward her.
“What’s that up—?”
“—airplane?”
“P-47 Thunderbolt, I th—”
“Can you read what—?”
“—wonder who is Alexa?”
Alexa? Airplane?
A hope too scary to acknowledge prickled along her skin. She stepped into the open hatch, stopping at the top of the metal stairs. Shading her eyes, she scanned the crowd of maintenance workers and aircraft service personnel. She followed the path of their fingers pointing upward.
A World War II-era plane buzzed low over their section of the airfield, a craft that looked remarkably like the one she’d seen in Seth’s hangar. Trailing behind, a banner flapped against the bright blue sky. In block red letters, it spelled out:
I Love You, Alexa Randall!
Her breath hitched in her throat as she descended the steps one at a time, rereading the message. By the time her feet hit concrete, it had fully sunk in. Seth was making a grand gesture to win her back. Her. Alexa Randall. At an imperfect time. In spite of her frustrated fears that were far from rational.
Billionaire's Jet Set Babies Page 14
