by Liz Harris
She smiled at him. ‘You’re right, I don’t. Whatever it was I’d suddenly gotten worried about, it wasn’t about linkin’ our two ranches.’
They walked along in silence for a few minutes.
‘So d’you reckon I could be right about your feelings for me?’ he asked suddenly. ‘I know you’d never think of marrying me for the sake of creating a larger ranch, but it’s in the fore of our folks’ minds, and has been since the time they first saw what good friends we were. Bein’ told the advantages of us getting wed and uniting our ranches is something we’ve grown up with.’
He stopped walking and stared down into her face.
‘I want you to think real hard, Rose. I know you’ve got a brotherly love for me, but like I said, I reckon you’ve just discovered there are men in the world you could love in a different way. I know I love you in every possible way, but I need you to look into your heart and ask yourself if you would want me for your husband if it weren’t for the ranches and everyone’s expectations, and even if your answer hurts me real bad, I need you to be honest with me.’
She gazed up at him, and nodded. ‘I’ll do that. I guess I’m just a bit confused about everything. I’ve always expected it to be you and me forever, and a part of me has gotten afraid because what’s meant by forever hasn’t yet begun, and everyone seems to think it should’ve done.’ She positioned her arm more firmly into his, moved closer to him and they started walking again. ‘Yup, I reckon that’s what it’s about, and nothing more than that.’
She sensed him look down at her and she felt the warmth of his affection touch her face.
‘Since when have you worried yourself about what everyone thinks?’ he said, amusement in his voice. ‘That’s not the Rose I know. Why, you’re much more likely to do the opposite of what everyone wants.’
She giggled. ‘How well you know me.’
As they stepped off the bridge at the other side, they heard a dance come to an end, and saw people immediately taking their positions for a square dance.
‘Come on, let’s not miss the next dance,’ she said, taking hold of Will’s hand and starting to run with him across the flattened grass. The first set of couples they reached needed a fourth to complete their square, and they went straight to the empty place next to one of the couples and took up the position opposite the other two. Their hands resting lightly on each other’s back, they waited for the music to begin.
Glancing round to see where Cora was, Rose’s eyes met Mattie’s. She gave Mattie a slight smile. Scowling, Mattie turned away.
She looked at the other couples in Mattie’s square and saw that Cora was standing with Nate, her eyes on the ground, waiting for the dance to begin. Cora’s hand would be touching Nate’s back, she thought, just like hers was touching Will’s. She felt a sudden prick of jealousy.
She saw Mattie turn to Cora and say something to her. Cora looked up and met Rose’s gaze. For a long moment, her eyes burned into Rose’s, and then they moved to Will. Rose saw her sister’s expression soften, and her face break into a smile. She glanced quickly at Will – he’d caught Cora’s smile and was grinning back at her.
Her heart gave a sudden anxious lurch.
She opened her mouth to speak to Will, but the fiddle and mouth harp sounded the start of the dance, so she turned to face him instead. They bowed to each other, then each took a step closer to the other for the hug that began the dance.
As her arms slid round Will’s back, she was suddenly acutely aware of his solidness, of the taut body beneath the thin shirt and waistcoat, of the power in his muscular arms, of the strength in the hands that pulled her tightly to him – the hands that would claim the right to explore every inch of her body once they were wed.
She found she couldn’t breathe.
‘What say we forget this afternoon, go back to where we were and take things as they come?’ he murmured into her ear, seconds before they pulled out of the hug.
Unable to speak, she nodded at him.
They turned to face the centre of the square, held their arms out sideways and linked their hands with the people on either side. As she took Will’s hand, a shiver ran through her. But she’d held his hand so many times before, she inwardly cried. Why should she suddenly feel like this, feel so aware of him – more than that, feel so aware of him as a man?
Into her head sprang a picture of herself, naked beneath her nightdress, standing before Will on the night they were wed, waiting for him to come to her, to make her his wife in every way. She shivered again.
As they started to circle to the left, their hands still linked on either side, she wondered whether the shiver had been one of dread or desire.
And what about Cora? Had Cora felt anything for Nate as they’d hugged each other? And if so, what?
She glanced across the dance area to her sister.
Cora was staring at Will. And when all of the circles stopped and the ladies stepped into the centre of their square while the men sashayed to the side, she saw that Cora’s eyes were still on Will.
‘I do believe it must be my turn to dance with you now, Miss Rose,’ Nate said, coming across to her side as soon as the square dance had ended. Cora followed him and stood hovering behind him.
‘With your permission, of course,’ Nate added, glancing at Will.
‘It’s Rose’s permission you need, not mine, and I reckon she’s of a mind to give it to you.’
Rose glanced quickly at Will’s face, but it was expressionless.
She turned back to Nate. ‘Will reckons correctly, Mr Galloway,’ she said lightly. ‘I feel quite ready to dance again.’
‘In that case …’ Nate said. He nodded to Will, took Rose’s hand and led her on to the dance area.
The fiddle sounded.
‘I guess we’ve missed this dance, Cora, but perhaps you’ll give me the next one,’ she heard Will say.
She caught Cora’s enthusiastic reply, and then she was too far away from them to hear anything more.
Taking their positions for the dance, Nate’s hand resting lightly on her back, Rose found herself facing the place where Will and Cora were standing. They’d moved out of the way of the dancing couples and were engrossed in talking to each other. She felt an acute pang of something she couldn’t identify.
Will suddenly looked up in her direction. She gave him a hesitant smile. At the same moment, Nate bent forwards and said something to her. She didn’t hear what he’d said as she’d been distracted and not listening properly, but she turned and smiled at Nate in response. When she next looked back at Will, he was once again absorbed in his conversation with Cora, and seemed to have forgotten all about her.
This time, she could identify the emotion that shot through her – it was jealousy.
‘I sure am lucky that Mr Galloway asked Rose to dance when he did,’ Cora said, turning to face Will.
‘Why’s that?’
‘It meant you asked me to dance.’
He glanced at her in amusement. ‘But I’d already asked you. I’ve not forgotten what I said earlier today.’
She laughed dismissively. ‘I reckon you would’ve forgotten. You’d have danced every dance with Rose, if she’d been free.’
He stared at her. ‘You’re wrong, you know, Cora. I would’ve asked you to dance. I’ve enjoyed talking to you when you’ve stayed over with Mattie recently, and I enjoyed talking to you this afternoon.’
‘Have you really, Will?’ Cora beamed up at him.
‘I know this is gonna sound plumb crazy, but I kinda feel like I’m starting to see you for the first time. Till not so long ago, you were just Rose’s little sister, like Mattie’s my little sister, but just as I’m learning I must change the way I look at Mattie now, I’m seeing you with different eyes. Talking to each other like we’ve been doing, I can see you’ve grown up.’
‘That’s real pleasing to me, Will.’
He smiled warmly down at her. Then she saw his eyes drift across to Rose and Nate,
who were staring at each other as they danced. Cora followed the direction of his gaze.
She put her hand lightly on his arm, then withdrew it. ‘Her feelings for him won’t last long, you know, Will. It’s just that Mr Galloway’s different from everyone around here. He’s not a rancher, for a start. He’s a business man who’s got plans, and his plans take him to towns and places far away. And he’s a good-lookin’ man with the sort of looks that draw eyes to him, especially a woman’s eyes. Being friends with someone like that is new and exciting for Rose.’ She gave him a rueful glance. ‘But I’m sure her feelings aren’t the kind that last – not like her feelings for you – and whatever you say now, when she’s seeing clearly again, I’ll not be getting the chance to dance with you.’
He looked at her sharply. ‘You’re saying Rose has feelings for him? I’m not blind – I can see she’s bin flirting with him, and he’s bin doing the same with her, and I can see she’s drawn to him in ways I wish she wasn’t – but you’re saying she has real feelings for him? How can she? She’s only just met him. What does she know about the man? What do any of us know about him?’ His eyes searched her face for answers, anxiety in their depths.
She put her hand on his arm again. ‘I’m sorry, Will,’ she said, her voice gentle. ‘I shouldn’t have put it like that. I don’t know what Rose feels, but I’m guessing she’ll not feel for him as she feels for you. When Mr Galloway moves on, everything will return to the way it was. You’ll see.’
‘Will it?’ he said slowly, and he turned and stared across the dance area at Rose. ‘I wonder.’
Cora glanced up at his profile, and a slight smile of triumph flickered across her lips.
With the last signs of the picnic almost cleared away and the dirty dishes packed in the various baskets, ready to be taken back to the wagons, Cora stood with an empty plate in her hands, watching Will, who was standing talking to Rose.
There was a flurry of air at her side, and she saw that Mattie had come over to her. She gave Mattie a smile and turned back to look at her sister.
‘I saw you talking to Will again a while ago,’ Mattie said, following the direction of Cora’s gaze. ‘If he wasn’t with Rose today, he was with you. He hardly talked to the menfolk. I reckon my brother’s of a mind to take a wife real soon, and I reckon, too, that he’s now looking at you, not at Rose.’
‘I sure hope so, Mattie,’ Cora said, beaming at her. ‘You and me, we’d be sisters for real if I wed your brother. But it’s not just ’cos I want us to be sisters that I’m looking at Will – I love him and I’d be a good wife to him. You know that, don’t you?’
Mattie nodded. ‘You’d be much better than Rose. She never thinks of anyone else but herself. I know Will can be a nuisance at times – like he is about Sam at the moment – but everyone says their brothers annoy them, and I reckon he’s no worse than any other brother.’ She paused. ‘To say the truth, he’s a real good brother and I want him to be happy.’
‘Me, too,’ Cora said, and she turned back to look across to Will. ‘Me, too,’ she repeated under breath. ‘And it’s me he’ll be happiest with.’
C hapter Seven
Rose glanced across to the bed on the other side of the room. The pale light of the moon slanted through the gap in the curtains and fell on the quilt that covered Cora, draining it of all colour. Cora had her back to her so Rose couldn’t see her face, but from the sound of her sister’s breathing, she was in a deep sleep.
Lucky Cora, she thought, and she stared back up at the ceiling. If only she could close her eyes and fall asleep. But she couldn’t. Sleep refused to come as her mind was in too much turmoil. No matter how hard she tried, the things that had happened that day, and the words that had been said, carried on going round and round in her head.
To hear Will say he wasn’t sure she wanted him in the way a wife should want a husband had shaken her to the core, and if she was truly honest, it had frightened her. She’d always loved him, and she knew he loved her, and if at any time she’d given any thought to the subject of Will and her and their future together, she’d have decided that everything was just fine between them. But now he was saying it wasn’t, and her future suddenly felt less certain. Less safe.
Since he’d said what he had, she’d not been able to stop asking herself if he was right in thinking that, although they loved each other like a brother and sister, theirs might not be the love of a man and wife.
At first, she hadn’t completely understood what he was saying. But from the moment she’d slid her hand around Will’s back at the start of their first dance together and had felt the hard muscle of his lean body ripple beneath his thin shirt, she’d known what he’d meant.
And looking back to even before that, to the way she’d responded to Nate the first time she’d met him, to the jolt she’d felt run up her arm as her hand had touched his …
She’d responded to Nate as a woman might do to a good-looking man. And she’d responded to Will in the same way.
No, she hadn’t. She put her hands to her lips and drew a deep breath. She was sure she’d responded to Will in a way that was different, that was deeper. Just thinking about Will now, about the look in his eyes whenever he gazed at her, about the feel of his hard body beneath her fingertips …
A powerful shiver ran down her spine and pooled in the pit of her stomach. Then a strange feeling settled deep in her belly, and she felt herself ache low down in a way she’d never ached before.
Wonderingly, she ran her hand slowly across her stomach.
Will had been right, she thought, and she could have burst into tears. He’d always been brotherly Will in her mind, and she’d never once given any thought to him as a man – as the man who was going to bed her; the man who was going to father her children.
But now that she was trying to think about him in a different way, in the way that a wife would … Had there ever been a time before that day when Will’s touch had made her feel the way that Nate’s first touch had made her feel?
She’d often held hands with Will, and they’d frequently walked along in companionship, their arms around each other. Had her heart ever stopped with a sudden longing for more than brotherly friendship from him? As she’d grown older, had she ever felt acutely aware of him, aware of his body close to hers, in the way that she had that afternoon?
If she were honest with herself, no, she hadn’t.
She turned on to her side and slid further under the quilt.
Images from long ago when she and Will were children swept into her mind: how they would abandon their chores, creep out, take their horses and ride away from whichever ranch they were staying in, their rods attached to their saddles; how they would play on the river bank by Jonah’s Cabin, fish some, and then throw off all their clothes and swim in the cool water, natural and at ease with each other; how they would spend long afternoons inside the cabin, playing at being a husband and wife having dinner together.
But never venturing into one of the bedrooms in the cabin, she thought. They’d never played in the bedroom. Was there a time, as she’d grown older, when she’d ever regretted that?
Had she ever tried to imagine what it’d be like the first time he stood naked before her as a man, the first time they lay side by side in bed, the first time she felt the touch of his hands on her bare skin, what it would be like when they came together as husband and wife?
Oh Will, she breathed inwardly. Her answer to every question was no.
Then a thought shot into her mind. An ice-cold chill ran through her.
Will had long been of an age to have bedded a woman, and he must have done so. The Will who’d stood tall in the saddle and swirled the lasso high above his head the day before, roping the calf with strength and skill, had been a man, not a boy. How could she have been so blind that she missed the moment when the boy she loved became a man?
There’d never been any woman in his heart but her, she knew. She’d have sensed if there had been, and it was
why her parents and the whole town assumed they’d marry. But there were other women in town, women who lived behind the roadhouse – had he visited those women?
A wave of jealousy spread through her. And anger at herself.
Why, oh why, had she never thought about this before?
Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and fell to her pillow. Why had it had taken Will’s words, and her response to Nate – a man who was little more than a stranger – to make her open her eyes, question the way she felt, and think seriously for the first time about what she was planning to do?
And what must her folks really think about the two of them?
She rolled on to her back, wiped the tears from her cheeks and stared at the ceiling. If Will had been able to see what was missing from the way she looked at him, their families must surely have seen the same thing, too. Maybe their folks had been so desperately keen on the two ranches working together as one, that they’d been pressing them into announcing their engagement before anything could happen to prevent it.
Like the arrival of a fine-looking stranger.
Will’s concern about Mattie had shown her this.
He and his folks could see Mattie’s feelings for Sam, so they were keeping a close eye on her and she wasn’t going to be allowed to be alone with Sam, if they could help it. But Rose had been alone with Will on countless occasions over the years, even after she’d started her monthlies, and no one had shown any anxiety about them going off together.
And they’d been right not to worry. She tried to remember so much as one occasion in recent months when she and Will had looked at each other, their eyes filled with longing and had struggled to stop themselves from doing anything improper, and she couldn’t.
Or had there been such moments, but she’d not noticed them?
Memories crept into her mind of the increasing number of recent occasions when Will had moved closer to her and looked down at her face, his eyes darkening to a deep blue intensity as he’d gazed into hers. Each time though, her mind had been on other things. She’d kept talking and he’d turned away. Why was she only now able to see the yearning that had lain in the depths of his eyes?
