by Asrai Devin
"You're pretty well up there, Kip. According to the stats and all the sports guys."
"Thought you didn't check those things much."
"I may have understated myself."
"Colton sold you out. When we were shopping he said he you always watch the games."
Mandy laughed. "I have since the beginning. I've watched nearly all your games."
That was something. Something amazing. "I'm touched."
"Well, there it is. Anyway, you were talking of being old. What would you do if you don't play hockey?"
"I can hope to coach or scout or something. I don't know. You know what, except my house, my truck and my toys and a few trips, I've saved a lot of money. I have a few years playing left, to save. Then maybe I'll retire and coach minor hockey." He smiled at her in the dark.
If he were lucky he'd marry her, have a couple more kids, coach one of the AJHL teams around here and a minor hockey team. There, he'd admitted his ideal life. At least to himself. He had to convince her that it was a good idea.
"You'd be bored in a week. You'll find something."
"I will." She wiggled her body against his, the friction created heat between them. She kissed him soundly on the lips, her tongue seeking out his mouth.
He kissed her back for a moment then pulled back. "As good an idea as this seems. We'd better get some sleep. Neither of us seems capable of sleeping in."
She sighed. "In the morning then."
"Yeah, and you promised me pancakes. You know how long it's been since I had homemade pancakes?"
Mandy laughed. He loved the sound, it thrilled him to his toes. God, if the guys in the locker room could see how goofy his thoughts were, he'd never have any respect. He'd have to figure out a good story to tell him of his conquest of the high school sweetheart, that would get them off his back and he could get on with getting his game back in order. He had some work to do in that realm.
"Elevenish years?" she ventured.
He kissed her. "Try not to snuggle too hard." He kissed her again. "Sweet dreams."
She kissed him back, squirming into the warm bed to get comfortable. "Sweet dreams. I love you."
"You too, darling." God, he worried how much he did care.
* * * *
Mandy left the following afternoon with a heavy heart. By the time she parked her car in her driveway, the desire to cry had passed. It wouldn't always be like this, she told herself. Either they would move to be together or they would separate again. She had to keep that in mind.
She looked at Colton in the rear-view mirror as they left the city. "Did you have a nice time?" she asked.
He paused his video game to look back at her. "Yes. Kip is lots of fun."
"He is. I'm glad you get along." She expected him to go back to his video game then. But he continued to look at her. He had something to say, but he wasn't sure how to say it. "Just say it," she prompted. They'd had the discussion many times.
"Well," he dragged out the word as he gathered his thoughts, "it kind of made me sad."
Mandy felt the question on the tip of her tongue, but she forced herself to keep quiet.
"I kinda y'know feel sad about Dad. Like he never comes to visit. And I don't visit him. Like that." He hung his head and Mandy forced herself to focus on the road. It was already late and she couldn't pullover to give her son the hug he needed. He might not welcome one now anyway.
"I know bud." She felt bad sometimes that his dad wasn't around, but she was also glad about it. She didn't trust Eric with Colton's well-being. She didn't trust Eric. She couldn't help but feel glad he wanted nothing to with Colton. Which caused her guilt. Was it helping or hurting Colton?
Mandy took a deep breath. "Look, Cole. We will talk about it. I have to talk to your Dad. And there's lots of stuff to figure out." She had no idea if Eric even wanted to see his son for even a day, let alone for an extended period. A considerable physical distance posed an issue as well.
Colton let out a sigh, as he looked at her. "I know Mom. That's why I didn't want to tell you." He never wanted to burden her with his problems.
"Cole, you have to tell me these things. We've talked about that before. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out, together, okay?"
"Okay," he said, still sounding dejected.
Mandy's heavy heart took on an extra ton as she drove away from Kip's house. She couldn't even discuss it with Kip. Their relationship wasn't ready yet to take on the burden of this problem. It was too new, too fragile. And the problem was too complex. Hopefully, she could connect with Sophia to talk, before she connected with Eric.
As the kilometers passed, and the distance and all things associated with him grew, Mandy's mind turned to the new problem. And it wasn't really the distance, or Eric. It was her letting Colton go. She'd never been away from him more than a day in eight years. Her identity as a Mom came first in her life, always. Being a teacher was a job, but a mom was what she was. She'd dedicated her life to protecting Colton since his birth.
This reality wasn't what she'd dreamed her family would be. Those old childhood dreams.
It was time she let go of those dreams. Those ideals. It wouldn't happen now.
The reality was that Colton would visit his dad for short periods of time. And during those times, she would have no control over Colton's actions, well-being or well, anything.
Mandy sighed. It was hard to let go of those things, but it was time. It was probably time to let go of expectations in other areas as well. For example, life with Kip. In her ideal life he stayed home. Hell, if she had her way he'd be moving to Red Deer to live with her instead of the other way around.
It wasn't fair to hold Kip to that ideal. His job was hockey, half of which happened on the road, gone. She couldn't negotiate the travel time. The only choice was to be with The Tiger Goalie, the most amazing man she'd ever known, the remainder of his time or have nothing to do with him.
She couldn't deny what she wanted of the two choices.
The little voice of idealism asked about the ever present trade possibilities. She shrugged back at it. He'd come home when he could, because home would be waiting for him, with her.
Mandy sighed as she reached for the radio. She wanted to ignore that nagging voice. The one that said those ideals might be what made her let him go. The emotional and physical weariness of the weekend set in deeper with each mile she moved away from Kip.
Chapter 11
The three months following their reunion constituted the end of the regular playing season for Kip. A sort of routine formed over those months. If he had time off during the week, he stayed with them at her townhouse. If time off fell on the weekends or he played in town, she and Colton would make the trip there. And when he went out of town, they talked via their web-cams.
The euphoria of the new relationship faded in comfortably of togetherness. Something always nagged at the back of her mind. The same problem that nagged her has a teenager.
He was the popular guy about town again. She preferred to stay at home, she enjoying quiet activities such as reading. She held a few extra pounds. She didn't have the thick glasses anymore, thankfully. She hadn't worn braces since the year before she met Kip. She no longer felt awkward in her own body. But she wasn't suave or cool. While the spotlight on him wasn't that close, he still garnered public attention.
Besides that, he could always be traded next year or next week. He told her that his contract ran out at the end of the season. After that, he didn't know what he would do. And she' feared asking. Time and again, she'd wanted to ask, it had been on the tip of her tongue. But the fear that he would say, "I'd move and I'd ask you to come with me," remained present in her mind.
A move to Calgary was one thing. She could handle that kind of move. She felt as if she lived here anyway. She would still be close to some of her friends. But she wouldn't move across the country. When she'd moved to Alberta from Saskatoon, it had been hard to leave her friends. But she'd done it for Colton. N
ow to consider moving across the country, maybe even further, depending on where he was traded, it was too much. She couldn't do that to Colton.
She could consider a few years long distance. She disliked being even an hour away with his playing schedule. Across the country probably wouldn't work. She couldn't be happy that way.
Tonight she raced to Calgary on Friday after school, for the last game of the regular season. Electric energy filled the city atmosphere, as she drove in. She bypassed the turn to Kip's house and headed straight for the Saddledome. The team had already made the playoffs. The last game simply a formality.
There would be less excitement over this game. Over the months she'd gone from watching Kip to cheering for the whole team. She'd gotten to know them over the season, on and off the ice. She'd sat with spouses and girlfriends. They'd had dinners together as friends, when she could make it. She'd even gone to Calgary a few times to watch the games with the other women when the team travelled out of town.
It wasn't so bad, really; a relationship with someone who went on the road half the time, and in practice or games the remainder. When he was in town and they had a few spare moments, the time flew by. It might even be doable if he played elsewhere. She could move, or she could stay.
She felt sad that Sophia and her husband couldn't make it for a game. Mandy knew tickets were secure for them, but their large family made it hard to get away. "Is everyone in the city going to the game Mom?" Colton asked.
Mandy laughed. "Not quite. About a million people live in the city, and the Saddledome doesn't fit that many."
"Is Kip playing tonight?"
"Yeah." Unfortunately, for the majority of the games this season he had been the backup goalie. As the season wore on, he played only a few games. It bothered Mandy more than it seemed to bother Kip. She didn't want to ask. He didn't seem touchy about his place on the team. "I doubt he'll play much of the playoffs though."
"Why?"
"Because the other goalie," crap how did she put this delicately, without making it seem as if Kip didn't measure up. He definitely struggled this year. "The other goalie is younger. The younger guys play more." There that should be okay.
"Kip doesn't win when he plays sometimes." That one came out as a mumble. He didn't want to put down his hero.
"Sometimes, but he keeps trying right?"
"Yeah. It's not always his fault that he doesn't win. Sometimes the guys on his team, they, they don't stop the guy with the puck."
Mandy smiled, wishing she could lean back and pat Colton's leg. She looked at him in the rear-view mirror, where he played his video game while he talked. He wore his jersey, the first one Kip had bought him. He owned several at this point. "And sometimes the guys don't score, right?"
"Yeah." He sounded more cheered at the thought. "Do you think he'll win tonight?"
"I hope so. Do you think he will?"
"Well, they're playing Edmonton, so they have a good chance. I think they usually beat them."
"Good point. Hey another thing is, it's not only Kip who loses, it's the whole team. It's hard being the goalie because sometimes they get blamed for letting in goals. It is a team effort."
"Right. Will we see Corey after the game?" Corey Porter, a young and single man, was the team's star defenseman. He and Colton had taken a liking to each other.
"I don't know Cole. We'll see okay?"
"All right." Corey had promised him they'd go to Calaway Park together this summer. Mandy had some worries that the kid wouldn't follow through, but she couldn't say no. Hopefully, maybe, she'd be moving to Calgary this summer.
She didn't know. She and Kip had been sticking to the don't ask, don't tell policy and it drove her mad. Part of her wanted to see how his coming contract negotiations went. Part of her wanted to move forward with things.
She tried not to think about it. To focus on how good things were going with her and Kip. And it was great, when they were together, but they still hadn't talked about their future. Okay, now her thoughts had come full circle.
Thank god, they arrived at the Dome. She found a place to park, somehow, and hiked the mile, or so it seemed, to the front doors. She handed over their tickets. It was close to game time already. She and Colton stopped and got hot dogs and sodas. On their way to their seats they acknowledged several people they'd met over time. Most wives attended the last game.
Mandy smiled at the ice as she came out. Kip stood in front of the net. He lifted his stick hand in his usual acknowledgment to her. She waved back, but felt she had gotten lost in the sea of red. "Isn't this fun, Mom?" Colton beamed at her. He'd become quite the hockey fan, defending Kip and the whole team to older boys in his school. Then they had become friends with the same boys when he said he knew the team and that he'd been in the team locker room.
"It is, indeed." Ten minutes until the anthem would start, thirteen minutes or so until go time. She blew Kip a kiss with hope he would catch it.
* * * *
Kip could see Mandy in the crowd from the ice. She disappeared occasionally in the crowd that engulfed the stadium, but she was close enough that he could wave to her. At least she made it before game time. He felt good tonight. Strong, ready to play this game then into the playoffs. He hadn't been on his game this year.
It hadn't been Mandys fault, he'd been off all year. He'd been chalking it up to a new team, but that made him nervous as his contract ran out and he didn't know if he would be able stay here. There had been no word from anyone which worried him. He had his agent with his feelers out there, but so far, not much news came back to him.
He stood with the team while the game opened with the Canadian National anthem.
The game slated to start, he headed for his territory. Goal. He acknowledged the starting line as they skated by him. The whistle blew, the puck dropped and the game was on.
Mandy had been quiet about their future as well.
He dived left to stop a shot, ready for the rebound, he crouched. Another shot came, the whistle blew to stop the play. A new face-off occurred to his right. He watched it.
He couldn't really bring up where things were going as he had no idea which direction his life headed. And he didn't know-
He muttered a curse as he moved right to grab the puck in his glove. Players were all over in front of him, so he held it.
He didn't have a clue if Mandy would consider moving to Calgary. She seemed pretty settled in Red Deer, and Colton was happy there. She had her job secure. Would she uproot it all for him?
The play headed back the other way and he relaxed for the moment. Go, go, go Kyle, he cheered in his mind.
He had purchased an engagement ring. A sapphire set with tiny diamonds, it was small. She'd appreciate it more than a large diamond. He'd bought the matching necklace at the same time, which he'd given her as a sort of anniversary present at the beginning with April. But that ring in his drawer weighed on his mind. He really needed to get his head into the game before they scored on him due to distraction. He shook his head and turned his attention the play.
Twenty, forty, sixty minutes went by in a flash. The game over. Another win for the team. Another win for him. One goal got by him during the second period, near the end.
The Saddledome vibrated with cheers at the end of the game. He could see Colton and Mandy on their feet, cheering as well. She blew a kiss at him and he smiled. No one would say he had a swelled head, but he had a swelled heart instead. He'd been solid tonight, twenty-seven blocked shots. He wished he'd gotten the shut-out, but he couldn't change it now.
Kip got caught by the press on his way to the dressing room. The CBC wanted to talk to him about how he felt the game had gone. He spoke with them briefly, feeling antsy. He wanted to head to the dressing room, to celebrate with the team, then go home and celebrate in private with Mandy.
He had a flash as he walked down the hallway that was filled with people congratulating him. He recalled winning some important game, he couldn't recall what the
game was now.
At the end of the hall stood Mandy with a smile for him. She leaned against the wall, as she tried not to stand out. And people barely noticed her as they bumped and pushed past her. She always stood out to him.
His dad got mad at him once. And in the middle of a fight, his dad demanded to know why he stayed with "the fat loser girl." It was the closest Kip ever came to hitting his father, or to walking out altogether.
"Don't ever speak about her like that again. She'll be the mother to your grandchildren someday."
His dad backed down from him. Everyone always wanted to know what he saw in Mandy. He'd once explained what intrigued him maybe she needed a reminder.
There he stood in the hallway after winning that big important game, and Mandy waited for him. He walked past everyone in the hall, ignored their shouts and congratulations. "Hey." His heart was in his throat. "I'm sorry, I'm sweaty." He could get the words out.
"I don't care. You were amazing out there."
He felt the same flush heat his face. "Thank you. I was playing for you. It makes me so happy knowing you're out there."
"I'm always out there hoping for you."
He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up. He realized belatedly that he should have removed his mask first, so he could kiss her. "Then I'm always a winner."
The shout of his name broke him out of his flashback. It was Aleksander Lundin, the teams other goalie. Kip nearly groaned, he'd sat down with the intention of undressing. A hot shower awaited him then into the arms of the most wonderful woman in the world. "Yo?" He pulled his helmet off and ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair. He looked at the twenty-four-year-old who stood in front of him.
"Good game man," Aleksander said, in his Scandinavian accent. Kip couldn't remember which country the kid came from.
"Thanks." What more could he say. The kid stood there, and Kip felt older by the minute. Did he want to go over every minute of the game with Kip? "Sit down. You're making me nervous."
