“Don’t go rearranging things because I know where everything is. Exactly.” He’d given his best stern look, blue eyes intense and dark while I fought a laugh.
So I quickly cleaned the office, vacuuming and dusting while trying not to think about how much things had changed since my emotional outburst during our pre-dawn lovemaking weeks ago. What kind of amateur springs the ‘L’ word right after an orgasm?
“Apparently me,” I shook my head, disgusted with myself as well as Asher, who of course, said absolutely nothing about it. Still. So not only did I tell him I loved him, which I do, but I now feel like a fool because he obviously doesn’t return my feelings.
Distance. That was all I needed. Well, and maybe I needed to make a few friends around here so Asher and the ranch weren’t my entire life.
I blew out a breath and began dusting his desk, around all the clutter of course. I froze on a name that was very familiar to me. Megan Faulkner was the executive chef at Soupçon, a New Orleans restaurant I applied to months ago. I leaned in closer to read the note without touching it, all pretense of not snooping gone. I took in the small print in Asher’s neat block handwriting.
Clara. Job. Call back. That was all it said and my heart stopped as my blood ran cold.
Someone had called about a job and Asher had kept it from me. Well I might be inexperienced in the bedroom but I had a Ph.D. in dealing with controlling men, so I waited until he came in for his late lunch to confront him.
“Anyone call for me Asher?”
He scowled in my direction but I wasn’t intimidated.
“You’re going through my things now?”
A bitter laugh escaped, and I shook my head.
“You asked me to clean your office, remember? Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe Megan Faulkner didn’t call for me at all. Tell me she didn’t Asher.”
“She did,” he said sheepishly.
“When?” I had to know how long he’d been sitting on this information. I don’t know why but I just did.
“I meant to tell you but you brought in lunch and we started talking and I forgot.”
“Lunch?” My voice was a screech I knew, but I was shocked that he would do this. “So she called the day you asked me to stay?” Who was this manipulator who’d stolen my heart?
“Yeah,” he mumbled and went to the sink to wash his hands while I pulled his lunch from the oven and set it on a plate with much thumping.
“Why?” I asked because I had to know. I set the plate down in front of him harder than I needed to, but dang it, he deserved it.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
I refused to let my silly heart read more into that statement than he meant by it.
“Why?”
“What do you mean?” He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this job Asher and why don’t you want me to go?”
It was an important question for me and his refusal to answer infuriated me.
“You’re not happy here?” he asked, blonde brows dipped low in confusion.
“That is not the point. Why don’t you want me to go?”
It was dumb to hope Asher would suddenly declare his love when he hadn’t in all the weeks I’d been sleeping with him, but my heart hoped anyway. I’m a dummy.
“Clara please, I don’t have much time to eat.”
“God dammit Asher why don’t you want me to go!” I knew instantly I shouldn’t have sworn at him, my granny would be appalled.
He dropped his burger back onto the plate, blue eyes cutting right through me.
“Because you’re a damn good housekeeper Clara.”
Ouch. I sucked in a breath at the pain of those words lashed over my sensitive flesh and then I nodded.
“Right. Okay.” I nodded again, scanning the room, for what I had no clue, but I knew I had to look at something other than Asher. Do something else so I didn’t fall apart. I couldn’t fall apart in front of Asher. The jerk. I know he never promised me anything, but I felt hurt and irrational.
Slowly I turned to the oven and shut it off before climbing the stairs in a daze. In my room I packed while I waited Asher out. I just couldn’t stay here. Not like this, and not now that things were so complicated between us. I felt bad leaving with no notice, but I didn’t trust myself not to break down, and the guys would wonder why. Plus, after lying to me, I didn’t think Asher deserved the benefit of a notice.
No, I would make dinner tonight along with written instructions for the casseroles and one pot wonders I’d frozen for emergencies and they would be fine.
When I was sure Asher was gone again, I made quick work of dinner and laundry before I grabbed my bags. Three trips later my van was loaded and Hawkeye Ranch was in my rearview mirror. It felt strange to leave, this place had started to feel like home. I had let myself love it like it was my home. It was where the man I’d fallen in love with lived, so, of course it was where I wanted to be. But I wouldn’t be here, ever again. I would send for my things stored in the attic when I got settled somewhere else, but I would never look into those amazing blue eyes again. I knew that much. I would never inhale that scent of man and hay and Asher.
The road finally turned to highway and my speed picked up, but not for long as I spotted Betty and her giant lavender Cadillac on the side of the road. Sort of. Half the car was in the lane and I was terrified she’d get clipped.
“Hey Betty, what’s up,” I asked through her passenger door.
“I was headed over to the big Wal-Mart over in Lake Marigold to pick up a few things when I realized I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I could see just fine, and then when I realized I didn’t have them, I couldn’t see worth a lick. I pulled over as best I could,” she said, sounding worried.
“Don’t worry Betty you did the right thing. These yahoos will just have to go around for now.”
I knew I was gonna have to get in there to move the car and maybe take her to Lake Marigold. “I’ll move your car Betty but I need you to get out on this side to avoid traffic.”
Big brown eyes went wide with fear.
“I’ll get just out on this side Clara, they’ll have to stop for an old lady. This ain’t the big city girlie.”
I watched in horror as Betty pushed open her door to oncoming traffic.
“Betty stop,” I called to her as I tried to grab the door so she couldn’t get out only I wasn’t fast enough. I tried to push Betty back in, but there was a sudden searing pain in my leg and I went flying through the air, just seconds before my world went black.
Asher
Two days after Clara had left, fleeing like a thief in the night, I finally started to believe she wasn’t coming back. I shouldn’t be surprised she left, but I am. Apparently, she wasn’t all that different from Elena if one job could send her packing. She hadn’t wasted any time, hell she was probably already in New Orleans by now. So much for I love you. I was mad. Angry. Pissed off at her and myself. To top it off, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing no matter how much I ignored it.
I pulled a lasagna out of the freezer and set it on the counter to thaw, grateful that she’d at least had a few meals ready to go. It made me wonder if she’d planned on leaving like that all along. I had to shake off those thoughts, I couldn’t afford to let her take up more of my time than she had over the past few days. I was in the middle of making myself a sandwich when someone starting pounding on the door. Ignoring it the same way I ignored the phone, I finished my sandwich and pulled up a seat at the table.
“Since when don’t you answer your damn phone Asher,” Dolly asked, an angry scowl marring her face.
“Since I’ve been busy.”
She huffed. “Well, you stubborn mule, it’s been ringing because Clara is-,”
“Gone,” I cut her off, unwilling to talk about it.
“No, she’s-,”
“I don’t want to hear it Dolly.”
My words must have surprised her because her eyes flashed a
nger and then disappointment before she nodded and walked out the back door without a word. Boots sounding as she went down the stairs and away from me. Thank goodness.
I finished my sandwich, using every ounce of free energy to expel thoughts of Clara from my mind. I shouldn’t give a damn what she said to Dolly but I could admit to myself a certain level of curiosity about how she’d spun things. Casting me as the villain no doubt.
“Enough,” I admonished myself and grabbed my hat. It was time to meet Jesse for our weekly meeting.
“Where’re you going?” I asked, noticing Jesse wore a clean shirt and a serious expression.
He frowned at me but this wasn’t his usual frown, it was something else.
“Same place I thought you’d be heading. Guess not,” he said and walked away from me shaking his head.
“Come on man, where’re you going?”
He stopped but didn’t turn to face me.
“Not that you seem to care, but I’m headed to the hospital to make sure Clara’s alright. She’s hurt real bad.”
All the blood left my body.
“Come on,” he guided me to the car as I prayed in earnest for Clara.
***
“Dammit I just need to know how she is!”
The damn nurses wouldn’t tell me a thing about Clara and I was going out of my mind, desperate to see her. “What happened?”
“Come here young man,” Betty Driver grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the nurse currently scowling at me. I let Betty pull me to a set of matching hard plastic chairs. “Your Clara is just an angel and she wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for me.”
I sat and listened, heart in my stomach, as she told me about how Clara was clipped by a truck trying to help Betty avoid the same fate.
“She came around to stop a foolish old woman from putting herself in harm’s way and she ended up there instead.”
I offered Betty what comfort I could but I was too numb to process anything beyond Clara being in the hospital.
“Family for Clara Bloom?”
I shot out of my chair, along with Betty, Dolly and Jesse, barely stopping right in front of the silver haired doctor.
“Yes? How is she?”
The man gave me a patient smile. “Asher I presume?”
“Asher Hawthorne.” I extended my hand in greeting. “What can you tell us?”
He nodded gravely and looked back at his tablet.
“Clara has been sedated but she’s going to be alright. Her right leg is broken in several places, she has a concussion and a nasty gash on the back of her head. But she and the baby are alright.”
“Baby! What baby?”
The doctor frowned. “Clara is nine weeks pregnant.”
Pregnant. She was pregnant with my baby and she left me.
“I didn’t know.”
The older man smiled. “Neither did she, made me do all the tests twice.”
“Can I see her?”
He nodded. “She’s out of it now but she’s been calling for you. Follow me.”
My heart pounded as we followed the green lines up to the third floor and came to a stop outside her door. I took a deep breath, unprepared for what I’d see when I opened the door. Would Clara even want to see me?
“Not doing her much good from here,” Jesse mumbled behind me.
“I’m preparing myself. How’d you get up here?”
“Followed ya. Knew you’d need a push.”
Then the old man gave me a push. Literally. I looked up on the other side of the door and green eyes met mine with wariness.
“Clara I’m so glad you’re alright.”
She tried for a smile but didn’t make it. “I’m fine Asher you didn’t need to come.”
“Of course I did. God I think fifteen years were shaved off my life when I heard what happened to you.”
“I’ll be fine Asher. I always am.” She turned to look out the window and I couldn’t tell if she was tired or if I was being dismissed. “How’s Betty?”
Even now she was worried about someone else.
“She’s completely fine, except beating herself up that you got hurt.”
She shook her head, winced at the pain and fell back on the bed. “Tell her she’s not to blame. It was a stupid accident.”
I nodded, because I’d tell her even though we both knew it wouldn’t do any good. “I will. What will you do now?”
She shrugged looking defeated and in pain.
“When they spring me from this place I guess I’ll make my way to Boone’s couch. He’ll help me heal and then I’ll look for a job before…I’ll look for a job.”
“You really think you’ll be able to be on your feet in a hot kitchen for twelve hours a day with a baby in your belly?”
Clara
I shrugged at his statement that was, I assume, meant to shock me. It didn’t.
“I don’t see why not. Women have been working and having babies since the beginning of time.”
Of course, I had no idea how in the hell I was going to work in or run a kitchen once my belly started to grow, but I only had about a day to think about it. I’ll figure it out.
I have to.
“And what about me Clara?”
He was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Standing in the doorway with the sun shining on his blonde hair, hands low on his hips with at least two days’ worth of stubble, maybe more.
“Since you’re not the one carrying the baby, I assume you’ll be fine as well.”
“That’s my baby too,” he growled.
“Since you’re the only man I’ve been with, I’m aware of that.”
As good as it was to lay eyes on him, it also hurt like hell. “I didn’t think I’d ever see your face again,” I whispered because it was true. Lying there on that concrete on the side of the road with blood pouring from my head I was sure I’d never see Asher again.
“You left,” he accused.
“I couldn’t stay.” Tears stung the back of my eyes but I refused to let them fall in front of him. I hadn’t even been able to get in a good cry before landing myself in the hospital. “Anyway I’m sure you’ll find another housekeeper soon.” My words hit exactly as I’d hoped, and he took a step back.
“Clara, I-,” he paused and raked a hand through his flop of hair.
“I don’t need an explanation Asher. I won’t keep this baby from you, I swear. But I’m not staying in Rogue or in Texas.”
I had nothing but time to think in here, and I knew that I couldn’t stay in Rogue and I couldn’t stay with Asher or I might be tempted to accept less than what I deserve. I wanted love and marriage to go along with my baby carriage, and if the man I love can’t give it to me, I would rather be alone.
“So how will I see my child?” He dragged a hard-plastic chair over to the side of my bed and dropped down into it, suddenly looking fatigued.
“I don’t know Asher. I’ve only just found out myself. Do you really want to be involved?”
“I do,” he interrupted quickly and firmly.
“Then we’ll figure it out. When the baby comes.”
Leaning in close until we were nearly nose to nose, he placed both hands on my shoulders so I had no choice but to look at him.
“You won’t even consider staying?”
I couldn’t.
“No. I need to go make a living for me and the baby so we can have our house with a yard and a fence. I don’t want to raise my child as a guest in someone else’s home.”
“My home will be our child’s home too.”
I nodded. “Yes but it won’t be my home.”
“It could be.”
Yeah in another universe. I snorted.
“No, it couldn’t.”
He leaned back in his chair and silence fell around us. Well other than the blasted machines beeping constantly that is. This silence was tense and uncomfortable, not like the ones we’d shared over the past few months, and that just about broke
my heart. This was where we were now, silence. Brooding and tense.
With a baby on the way.
Out of nowhere he began to speak.
“I really did mean to tell you about the phone call.”
“I don’t care about the job Asher. I wouldn’t have gotten it anyway.”
“Then where were you going?”
“Back to Atlanta and my cousin.”
“Why?”
I sighed and gave him a look that told him just how dumb I thought he was being.
“I told you I loved you and you told me I was a great housekeeper.”
“Ah hell Clara, you caught me off guard. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Well now you don’t have to say anything. Thanks for stopping by to check on me.”
It hurt too much to look at him, so I just closed my eyes and hoped that when I opened them again he would be gone. I listened to him stand and push the chair back, but the door never opened to reveal the bustle outside my room.
“I do love you, Clara.” He sighed and I kept my eyes closed. “But after Elena, I told myself to leave city girls alone and you’re a city girl.” I heard the smile in his voice. “I couldn’t be the reason you gave up your dreams.”
Now I did open my eyes. “So, you gave up on me instead.”
“No Clara I ran scared and pushed you away, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Because I do. So damned much.” His voice was gritty and filled with emotion, and I couldn’t look away.
“Are you sure this isn’t because of the baby?”
He came to me then, face so handsome and so full of anguish. His big hands cupped my face to make sure I was looking right at him.
“This is about you and me, dammit! It tore me up to find you gone Clara, thinking I’d lost you forever. I want our baby too, but I need you.”
“You do?” The tears were flowing freely now. I’d never felt so loved in that moment by someone who wasn’t family. “Oh Asher I love you too. I need you, we need you.”
Wrangling the Cowboy: An Older Man & A Virgin Romance Page 6
