Megan laughed. “Okay, but only the first time around. I nailed it the second time.” She gazed idly around his office. “Where is that tape, by the way?”
He laughed. “Someplace you’ll never find it. I have plans for that tape. Peggy’s show might pay for your retirement, but that tape could pay for mine.”
“You would blackmail me?” she asked with feigned shock but little evidence of dismay.
“In a heartbeat,” he assured her. “At the very least it will make for a lot of laughs at the production party when we wrap for the season.”
Her expression sobered. “Okay, all kidding aside, what’s going on with you and Heather? You’ve avoided answering me every other time I asked. I thought she was just in town for a short visit.”
“It started out that way.”
“But?”
“I really don’t want to get into this.”
“Okay, look, I have kept my mouth shut since the day she turned up, because I figured sooner or later you would get around to filling me in.”
“You’re my boss,” he reminded her. “This is personal.”
She looked vaguely hurt by the reminder. “I also thought we were friends.”
“Yes, of course, but—”
“But you didn’t want me to start getting worried that you might take off and abandon me just when we’re starting to make this work out here?”
“As you so recently reminded me, we have a long-term contract. I haven’t even considered bailing on you.”
“You know perfectly well I would let you out of that contract if you really wanted to get married and move back to New York.”
Blind terror rolled through him. “Married? Who the hell said anything about getting married?”
“Todd, you love the woman. You have a child together. Naturally, I thought—”
“Well, you thought wrong.”
“Meaning?”
He couldn’t honestly say what he meant anymore. “I wish to hell I knew.”
“Okay, let’s back up. What exactly does Heather want out of this? Marriage?”
“Absolutely not. It’s never come up,” he said fiercely, though he had to wonder if that wasn’t behind this theatrical venture that was keeping her in town and the vague hints that it didn’t have to be a one-time thing.
“What, then?”
“Child support and some kind of shared custody of Angel. Those are the only issues on the table.”
Megan seemed surprised. “That’s it? Some men would be ecstatic about that. They want to be a part of their children’s lives, but their ex-wives make it impossible.”
“I’m not one of them,” he declared flatly.
He expected her to regard him with disapproval, but instead, she merely studied him intently.
Eventually she said, “I’m getting the same vibes now that I got when I asked you to be a godfather to our baby.”
He’d been very much afraid she might link the two. “That’s because you have a vivid imagination,” he suggested.
“No,” she said. “It’s because I’m perceptive and you’re not very good at hiding your emotions.”
“I had no idea I was so transparent,” he said stiffly.
“Oh, you can be all cool and calm in a crisis, but with something like this, the turmoil is right out there for anyone to see. Have you at least explained all this to Heather? Told her why you’re so vehemently opposed to sharing custody of Angel?”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
“I disagree. If you don’t want to be a part of your daughter’s life, then I think there’s quite a lot to explain. You can’t just say thanks but no thanks and turn your back on her.”
“I already have.”
“Heather’s not buying it, though, is she? And she never will without a straight answer. You may not owe me that, but you certainly owe it to her. And, believe me, down the road you’re going to owe it to your daughter.”
Because he wasn’t crazy about the fact that she was right, he pointed out one more time that this was none of her business.
“Maybe not, but you ought to listen to me, anyway. Remember my history, Todd. I was abandoned on my grandfather’s doorstep by my mother. I never saw her again. I never knew my father. No one ever explained a blasted thing to me. You’ve seen firsthand what that did to me.”
“Turned you into the head of a multimedia empire?”
She frowned. “No, it left me unable to trust anybody. It left me with enough self-esteem issues to keep a shrink in a new Mercedes every year. If I’m an overachiever, it’s because I was always afraid of not being good enough. Don’t do that to Angel. Whatever it is that makes you think you don’t belong in her life, rise above it. Get some help. Deal with it. Whatever it takes, don’t let your daughter down the way my parents let me down. Tex was the best grandfather he could be and I loved him, but it wasn’t the same.”
“Megan—”
She held up a hand, cutting off the protest. “I know, I know. It’s none of my business. But think about what I said. You’re a decent guy, Todd. You won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t find some way to be there for your child.” She gave him a sly look. “And for Heather.”
“Heather is not an issue,” he repeated one more time.
She grinned. “Tell that to someone who’ll buy it.”
She shot to her feet then and exited his office before he could think of a single lie to spin for her. Because the truth was, Heather was turning into an issue. Old feelings were coming back at a dizzying clip. Hormones were kicking into gear with an undeniable ferocity.
And he had absolutely no idea what the hell to do about any of it, because right there in the middle of everything was an innocent little girl who scared him senseless.
That night for the first time in years, Todd awoke from a nightmare in a cold sweat. The sound of screeching tires and shattering glass echoed even after he shook himself awake and reminded himself that it was only a dream. This time, anyway.
Years ago it had been all too real. He shuddered at the too-vivid memory, tried to block it out, but the attempt was as unsuccessful now as it had been for months back then. Every time the memories had dared to die down even a little, his father had been there to fan them back to life.
“Irresponsible.”
“Reckless.”
And in a drunken rage, “Murderer.”
If his father had been right there in the room with him tonight, he couldn’t have stirred Todd’s guilt any more effectively. It didn’t seem to matter that he’d been exonerated by everyone else who mattered—his mother, the legal system, his friends.
His father dished out more than enough blame for all the rest of them combined. Todd knew that until his father drew his last dying breath, he would blame Todd for killing his baby sister.
Worse, Todd had never stopped blaming himself.
18
“You stranded me at the barn last night,” Flo accused Heather when she stopped by the diner for her morning cup of coffee. “That was a sneaky, low-down thing to do.”
Pleased with her evening’s accomplishments, Heather grinned. “What can I say? I was on a roll last night. Did it work?”
“If you’re asking if Joe gave me a ride home, the answer is yes.” She didn’t sound especially happy about it.
“And?” Heather prodded.
“We talked,” she said with a sigh.
“And?”
“That’s it. We talked. In the car, parked at the curb. I invited him in for coffee, but you’d have thought I’d suggested we roll around in the mud buck-naked. I’m giving up on him. He’s obviously lost interest.”
Heather thought maybe the exact opposite was true. “How long did you talk?”
“A couple of hours, I guess.”
“About?”
“His ranch, the kind of childhood he had and how different it was from mine. We even talked a little bit about Tess and how grateful I am that she’s forgiven me fo
r dumping her with Tex. He brought it up. You were right. He already knew most of the story.”
Heather hid a smile at the personal information they’d both shared. “That doesn’t sound like a man who’s not interested,” she observed. “Obviously he didn’t cut and run when he heard about Tess, did he?”
“Okay, no. You were right about that, too. He seemed real understanding.”
“I’m telling you, the man’s interested. He just needs a nudge.”
Flo still wasn’t buying it. “Most men would have made a pass by now.”
“Most of the men you used to know,” Heather agreed. “Isn’t that why you’re attracted to Joe, because he’s different, more substantial, more of a gentleman? He’s treating you like a lady, Flo. He’s showing you the respect you deserve. He’s not just out for a quick tumble into bed.”
Flo’s expression brightened as Heather’s interpretation sank in. “You think so?”
“I saw the way he looked at you when you fell off the ladder and into his arms last night. I definitely think so. The man wants you so bad it’s scared him silly. He’s done a fine job of resisting all the other women in town, but you’re clearly testing his willpower.”
“Funny. I could have sworn it was you he wanted.”
There was genuine fear and dismay rather than jealousy in Flo’s voice. Heather sought to reassure her. “Oh, I think maybe he thought he did for a minute or two, because I was someone new, but trust me, he has never looked at me the way he was staring at you last night.”
Flo grinned. “You mean the way Todd looks at you, like a lovesick calf?”
Heather was startled by the observation. “Todd looks at me like that?”
“You have to know he does. The two of you were an item, weren’t you? You must have been for him to be Angel’s daddy.”
“That was a long time ago.” And again very recently, if she was totally honest. She just hadn’t thought it really meant anything to Todd.
“Oh, please. Talk about delusional. If you can’t see that the man is still crazy about you, you’re every bit as blind as you claim I am about Joe.”
A funny little twinge of hope stirred deep inside her. Was that what she wanted? Was that the real reason she’d worked so hard to get Todd to agree to do the play, because she’d hoped to rekindle the old romance?
She took a good, hard look into her heart and realized that that was exactly what she’d been doing. She might as well face it. She no longer merely wanted Todd to accept a role in Angel’s life. She wanted him back in hers.
Heather had pulled together a surprisingly good cast of amateurs, Todd conceded on the first night of rehearsals. Several people had strong, solid voices. They’d also taken the assignment to learn their lines to heart and come to the barn prepared to really rehearse. In fact, they seemed downright eager to have a real Broadway actor as their director. It was entirely possible she could pull this thing together in a month, the way she’d told him she planned to. It was scheduled for weekend performances in August.
Watching her low-key approach with admiration, Todd admitted that Heather had a knack for drawing the best out of the cast, too. Rather than intimidating them, she used praise and encouragement to get what she wanted. And because she was an actress, she could demonstrate exactly the way a line should be delivered for maximum effect. It was an approach that worked well with amateurs who might otherwise be floundering.
As the last of the actors straggled out after that first rehearsal, Todd offered her a mock salute. “My hat’s off to you. You’re really good at this.”
She regarded him with surprise. “You think so?”
He nodded. “I was impressed. Honestly. You got the best out of them. For a first rehearsal, that’s amazing.”
“Thank you. Coming from you that really means a lot.”
“I know we never discussed it, but did you ever consider directing rather than acting?”
She settled into the seat next to him, her legs tucked up with her long skirt billowing around them, bare toes sticking out. She rested her chin on her knees, her expression thoughtful. “Never. I always wanted to be on stage.” She turned to him. “Do you think I should reconsider?”
“I just think it’s an option you might want to explore. Get a couple of plays under your belt as a director out here and who knows where it could lead? How did it feel to see things starting to come together tonight?”
“Amazing,” she admitted. “I’ve always been so concerned with nailing my own part before that I never saw the big picture.” She grinned. “Did you watch Sissy? It was like seeing a flower open up to the sun. She was good, really good.”
“I noticed,” Todd said. “I wonder what Henrietta’s going to think when Sissy announces she wants to head for Broadway or Hollywood.”
“She’ll do whatever she can to help,” Heather said at once. “That’s the way she is. There’s not a selfish bone in that woman’s body. Just look at the way she took those two kids into her life without batting an eye. I can’t help admiring her for that. It must have been quite an adjustment.”
“Are you talking from experience?” he asked, not at all sure he really wanted to go down this particular path, but needing to hear the answer just the same. “Was that what it was like for you when you had Angel? A sudden and difficult adjustment?”
She met his gaze evenly, as if trying to determine just how honest he wanted her to be. “I won’t lie to you,” she said finally. “It was a whole lot harder than I expected it to be.” Her eyes lit up and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Better, too, in other ways.” Her gaze caught his. “You missed so much. Her first word. Her first step. It is so amazing to watch her grow and learn. She’s so bright, so curious about everything.”
“You don’t regret…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the rest.
“Having her? Absolutely not,” Heather said fiercely. “I never considered any other option. I can’t imagine not having her in my life.”
In the past few weeks Todd had experienced tiny flickers of those same emotions, but they weren’t deep enough to combat the fear that was always with him.
“I wish…” Again his voice trailed off.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.” He deliberately changed the subject. “How’s Henrietta’s romance with the judge progressing?”
Heather looked as if she might protest the sudden shift in topic, but eventually—to his relief—she merely sighed.
“He’s taken the whole family out a few times now,” she said. “That hasn’t kept Henrietta from giving him grief every time he sets foot into the diner, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I’ve also noticed that he and Will are getting closer. At first Will seemed scared to death of him, but I suppose that’s natural given the way his father was. The judge has been extremely patient, but I saw how his eyes lit up when Will crept up beside him the other night and actually initiated a conversation.”
“I wonder if Henrietta and the judge would have come this far if you hadn’t come along to intervene,” Todd said.
Heather regarded him with surprise. “Me? I didn’t do anything.”
“Right. Just like you haven’t stuck your nose into Flo’s relationship with the cowboy. Not that I’m unhappy to find his attention diverted from you. The man was beginning to annoy me.”
Heather grinned. “Really? That’s quite an admission.”
“I just didn’t want to see you starting something you had no intention of finishing,” he claimed.
“Is that so?” she asked with obvious amusement.
“Yes.”
“Admit it, you were pea-green with jealousy.”
“I do not have a jealous bone in my body,” he protested.
“Liar.”
“Am not.”
“I can prove it, too.”
He regarded her cautiously. “How?”
She beckoned him closer, then cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. She might
as well have lit a fire under his feet, given the way the heat shot through him. His body was hard and aching in nothing flat, but just when he would have done something about it, she sat back with a satisfied expression.
“Nobody who kisses with that much passion is going to let another man onto his turf,” she announced. “Not that I’m yours, you understand.”
“Of course not,” he intoned solemnly. “Never thought you were.”
He turned to find her looking at him with a worried frown puckering her brow. “What?”
“This is getting complicated, isn’t it?”
He considered denying it, but figured there were enough evasions between them already. He nodded. “Yes.”
“Any idea what we ought to do about it?”
“Not a one. You?”
She looked as if she might offer one, but then she sighed instead and shook her head. “None.”
“Then I guess we’ll just have to play it by ear and see where we wind up.”
She seemed startled by that. “You can do that? You, the man who has a day-planner for a brain?”
Once he would have chafed at the not-very-flattering but all-too-accurate description. Now he managed to take it in stride. “If I have to,” he conceded. “It’s better than the alternative.”
“Which is?”
“Making a decision we’ll both live to regret.”
“So I was thinking that when the time comes, I could maybe go to New York with Heather,” Sissy was saying to Henrietta when Heather went into work the following day. “What do you think?”
Henrietta frowned, caught sight of Heather and beckoned her over. “You field that one, why don’t you.”
Heather was afraid she’d heard enough to gather that Sissy had just announced her decision to become an actress. Henrietta didn’t seem overjoyed. Or maybe it was the declaration that Sissy wanted to go to New York now that had her looking utterly defeated.
“Sissy, why don’t you come over here and tell me exactly what you and Henrietta were talking about?” Heather suggested, gesturing toward a booth.
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