by Ashlee Price
“I would tell my patients that it’s okay to be afraid and to take time to heal.”
“That’s the problem, Camilla. You need to come back to work. There are a few survivors who’ve been sent our way. They start coming in Monday. Turn your fax on so that I can send you the information. Since you were part of it, I think that you should take them. Maybe it will be beneficial for the both of you.”
I’d only seen one man who was there with me, although I’d been out of it and I certainly hadn’t gone through the place looking to see if I was the only one with the blank stare in my eyes. It was a dilemma, and I wasn’t sure what to do. How could I just be okay after something like that? I knew what I would tell a patient about it, but now the words just seemed so hollow when I tried to say them to myself. It just didn’t have the same weight as it would have before.
“I don’t know if I’m ready yet, Sara.”
“Camilla.”
Her voice had changed. She was using that voice that she used with her clients, the one that said she was sorry for what they had gone through. I was used to that tone, because I also used it from time to time. It was the empathy that bothered me, and I felt my feathers getting ruffled. I didn’t want her to feel bad for me.
“I’ll come in next week. It’s Friday and the day is almost over.”
Sara made a sound that told me she didn’t agree with my decision, but the fact of the matter was it was my decision. I didn’t want her to know how badly I was affected. I was embarrassed about how scared I felt. I was the doctor who was supposed to help people, and I didn’t know if I could. How could I help others when I was such a mess myself? It didn’t make sense, and the longer the silence dragged out, the worse it was.
“So how is everything? Are you guys busy?”
“You know we are. I’ve had to send away countless people who were here to see you. You have to come in. They need you, and I need my friend back. I can’t talk to Greg all the time. You know how he is.”
She made me smile, but I refused to laugh. It was funny to me that she was calling. She had her own clients to take care of.
“I’m fine, really Sara. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t feel like I’m going to be much help to anyone right now. Not like this.”
“Sometimes you need to show your vulnerabilities to help others. Take the rest of the day off, the rest of the week off, but Monday morning you’re going to have survivors in here. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to help than someone who went through the same thing. I think it would be good for you.”
Sara was sounding too much like a doctor and not enough like my friend. The pragmatic side of me knew that she was right, but that didn’t really matter. What mattered was the fact that I did have to get up and do something. I couldn’t lie in bed all day.
“I’ll be there Monday. Thank you for taking care of my patients. I know that I need to get it together, I know that, but I guess it’s harder than I thought it would be. Sara, there was just so many bodies, and Marge…” I felt my voice catch and I stopped talking, not sure where I was supposed to go from here.
“It’s going to be okay, Camilla. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk.”
I did need someone to talk to, just not yet. Every time I said anything about it, or heard a loud noise, I was unable to stop the shaking in my body and the fear that coursed through me. Was this how my clients felt? If it was, I felt bad for any time that I’d told them to basically get over it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get over it, and this is what I did for a living. Once again, I felt like a fraud, and I wasn’t sure what more I could do. Was I going to feel like this forever?
“Just turn your fax on and I’ll send you the files. Start there, Camilla.”
I agreed, but looked back lovingly at the pillow and warm sheets that I’d left. Couldn’t I just stay in bed a little while longer?
Chapter 4 – Camilla
I heard the fax machine going off. I didn’t really want to see what Sara was sending over. It was going to be files of people that I was expected to help. It was hard to fathom how when I didn’t even know how to help myself. I could have just gone back to bed, but something had me getting up and turning the television on.
The mall shooting was still one of the top stories. I’d stopped even trying to watch the TV, but I knew that it was going to be the first step in my healing process. I had to take it on right then or I was never going to be able to. I had to face it, no matter how hard or painful it was going to be.
“The latest is on the arrest of the shooter. Twenty-eight-year-old Kingston Dowell has been arraigned and there will be no bond set for him. The police are keeping him in protective custody for his own safety as there have been threats on his life.”
I just shook my head and wondered for a moment why the police were so keen to protect such a man. He’d destroyed many lives, and it seemed like there was more worry about him and his life than all of the lives that he’d taken in his rampage. To me, it just didn’t make any sense.
“Billionaire tycoon Tyler Hudson was one of the many survivors of the mass shooting. However, no one has been available for comment at this time.”
The newswoman to the left of the announcer asked why that was, and I let out an unladylike snort. There was no way that I was going on air to tell my story, and I started to wonder why anyone in their right mind would do that. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I wondered again how many had survived. There were pictures of the victims flashing across the screen, and each one of them could have been me. Why was I the one who’d been in the dressing room, instead of one of the other women? Why had I survived?
“John, I know that this is hard on the whole city. We haven’t seen that kind of violence here for a long time.”
My mind started to wander after the two newscasters began to talk about the bombing that occurred ten years before at the court house. I hadn’t lived in the city at the time, but it was a case that I’d studied extensively. It was my job to help people recover from traumatic events, and I worked with the police department a lot. They were the ones who’d sent the few survivors to me for help. Now I wondered if I was going to be able to provide it.
The newscast then showed pictures of the business tycoon they’d mentioned earlier. I wasn’t sure how it related, but the news show tied one of his up and coming business deals to the man in the same breath that they proclaimed him a survivor.
When I got to the fax, it was the billionaire’s file that was on top. He was one of the people that I was going to have to see Monday, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it. The man was handsome, put together by the looks of it, and he was most likely better off than me. How could I help anyone given the state I was currently in? It just didn’t seem possible.
Scanning through the file, nothing really jumped out at me. The file was a generic one, most likely compounded by the police, and didn’t tell me much about the handsome man who was smiling on my television screen. Just because he was rich, I didn’t see why he was getting that much time on air. It didn’t seem right. At the same time, I was happy that it wasn’t my name and face being blasted all over the TV.
I turned the television off and felt better almost immediately. There was nothing I wanted to do more right then than go back to bed. I was sure that was where I was going to find the most comfort, and that was all that I needed. I just wanted to sleep some more and pretend like none of it had really happened. But my eyes went back to the files in my hands. I knew that Sara was right. I had a job to do, and there was no one who was going to do it for me. I was going to have to help myself so that I could help others. That was what I’d gotten into psychology for in the first place. I couldn’t fix my own damage, but I knew how damaged a soul could get, and I wanted to help others in a way that I couldn’t help myself.
Getting up for the first time in a long time, I went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. It was part of my job to learn abou
t the clients before I saw them, and since Tyler Hudson was first on my list, I figured he was as good a place to start as any other.
The small picture on the file was one that I’d seen on the news. He was not at all what I expected. The man was gorgeous. He didn’t look like a billionaire tycoon. He looked too young, and the dark stare that came back from the paper made me nervous. How was I going to meet with this man and make him better?
The information that the file contained was limited, and I learned more about him from a quick internet search. He was everywhere, and although a lot of the press was about the business, there was a little bit put in about his love life and his marriage several years back. Watching a couple of clips of him speaking at ribbon cutting ceremonies, I knew that the man was going to be a challenge. I was already looking at him in a way that I shouldn’t, although in my defense it was hard not to.
I ignored the phone when it rang again and let the machine pick it up. It was Jesse, the man I’d been so excited to see. He was worried, but I didn’t answer. The last thing that I wanted to do was talk to him. What was I thinking in the first place? He wasn’t for me, and since he was one of my patients, it all seemed even worse. It was time for me to make some better choices and stay away from clients in that way. I didn’t have time to think about everything, but I never did call Jesse back. Maybe I would soon, but for now, I had work to do.
Looking back at the picture in my lap, I tried to push away the thoughts that I wasn’t supposed to have. I was a professional, after all. It shouldn’t matter what he looked like. I was going to help him.
Part 2: Tyler
Tyler Hudson, one of the survivors of the mall shooting, finds himself walking into the office of Dr. Camilla Loring. He doesn’t want to be there, but he’s been pressured into going by his family. The man dreads the appointment – until he sees who his new doctor’s going to be. Dr. Camilla is breathtaking, and all of his doubts disappear.
When he tries to get more information on the buxom brunette, Camilla doesn’t want anything to do with him in that way. He sees the look of need in her bright blue eyes, but she seems immune to his charm. No woman has ever been immune to the billionaire’s charm before, and it just makes him want her more. Tyler is ready to play the game to get his way and get the doctor into his bed. One way or another, she is going to be his.
Chapter 1 – Tyler
“Tyler, it’s for your own good. Your mother has been on me for days to say something to you. So just go, tell the doctor what they want to hear and deal with it. It won’t be long before she’s happy with your progress. Just do it and save me from getting calls at six o’clock in the morning.”
So Dad didn’t really give a damn if I went or not. It was my mom. She never called me, and it didn’t seem to matter that the two of them had split up years before. If there was a problem, she would call Dad, and then I would get one of these calls.
“Do you know what kind of schedule I have right now? I’m already working more than a lawyer bills.”
“It’s a few sessions for an hour. You can’t squeeze it in for a little peace?”
He was trying to use my emotions against me, but what he didn’t know was that I didn’t have any. Just like him, and it was one of his traits that I didn’t mind sharing. “Let’s talk about the Rothwell deal and then we can talk about peace.”
His face changed as the smile grew on my own. I knew that I had him, and I knew that it was going to suit me well. I was going to make plenty of money for a few hours at a shrink’s office.
“You’re too much like me.” He didn’t realize that his thought mimicked my own.
“Yeah, so do we have a deal?”
“Fine, just call her and tell her that you’ll go.”
I had to chuckle. My father had been with innumerable women, but he was somehow afraid of my mother. I didn’t know what she’d done to him all those years ago, but he still held her in a regard that I just didn’t understand. That or he was just afraid of her. This was one of the moments that I thought the latter. He was going to lose more than I would have been willing to for peace. No woman could get me like that.
“I’ll give her a call this morning. She left me a message with a date and place. It’s for Monday, so I’ll go then. Problem solved. You can send over the paperwork today on the other.”
His agreement was not free of coercion and it showed. What I wouldn’t have given to have been able to see his face. It would have been priceless, or at least it was something I would have paid to see. The smile on my face lasted most of the day after my conversation with him. Not only was I going to make another million or two with very little effort, I was also getting to stick it to dear old Dad as well. I was feeling productive.
***
My good mood lasted till about two o’clock Monday afternoon. That was when I was supposed to go to this doctor that my mother was convinced I needed to go to. It was a small practice, out of the way, and as I stared at the polished white building, I looked back down at the card. Dr. Camilla Loring. The name didn’t seem to fit a doctor, and I didn’t like the idea of getting my head shrunk by a female. It was already going to be awkward enough. Maybe if she was hot, I could pass the time in a more pleasurable way.
I didn’t want to envision some old broad, and when a cute redhead came to ask who I was there to see, I was really hoping she was my doctor. “I’m here to see…” I looked down at the card and repeated it for her.
“Just a minute. I think she’s still with another client. Why don’t you’ve a seat, and she’ll be with you in just a moment.”
“Does this count for my hour?”
She looked at the clock and shrugged, most likely not sure what answer I wanted. “It won’t be long. Camilla is very prompt.”
It was two minutes before I was supposed to be there, and it was exactly two minutes before her head popped out, following a man who seemed to be leaving in tears. That didn’t bode well, and I felt a slight bit of dread when I heard my name called. Only when I really looked at her did everything else fall away.
Dr. Camilla Loring was more beautiful than I could have hoped for. I was already forgetting about the redhead who’d smiled at me with the hint of a promise.
“Nice to see you, Tyler. Come on in.”
I followed her into an office that was the size of my desk. It felt even more cramped when I sat down on the half couch concoction that she had for a seat.
“Is this really necessary? There has to be something better to sit on than this.”
“We could switch places if you like. I wouldn’t mind putting my feet up.”
Her answer threw me off for a moment, and I felt kind of silly. Just like that, she’d put me in my place. I wasn’t sure if I should agree or not.
“This will be fine, thank you.”
The dread inside of me grew. I’d already botched it up.
“I remember you. You were the man in the suit at the front, weren’t you?”
Another blow from left field. I took a closer look at the woman who had my insides in a jumble. “That’s where I was. How did you know?”
“I was in the back, in the changing room.”
“You were there?”
She nodded her head as a flash of pain ran through her eyes. I had a feeling that I had the same look when I thought about the incident. It almost made me feel bad to talk about it, even though she was the one who’d brought it up.
“Well, I’m just here to make some people happy. I don’t have a problem or anything.”
Camilla smiled and her cheeks pushed the bottom of her glasses up on her face. It changed the look of her, and I felt a stirring inside.
“Of course not. Sometimes it’s good to talk about it, and sometimes it’s good to let others think you have. We can talk about whatever you want to. It doesn’t have to be about the mall. I apologize for my forwardness, but I placed you immediately because of that tie.”
I looked down and grinned. “This is the same
tie that I was wearing that day. It has now become my lucky tie. I’m not usually superstitious, but when it comes to this, I might be.”
Looking down, I realized that I was holding it harder than I had to. I pulled my hand away and hoped that she hadn’t noticed. She made a note in the small writing tablet in her hands, and I grimaced to myself. She’d noticed.
“I feel lucky as well. Did you lose anyone?”
Shaking my head, I was thankful for that. Not only was I okay, but Ivy was as well. She was not the woman of my dreams, by no stretch of the imagination, but we had a good time together, and I would not have liked it if something had happened to her.
“No, my friend and I were fine.”
The doctor opened her mouth and then shut it, like she’d had an ill-advised thought. I don’t know why, but I was more than a little curious as to what she’d been going to say. “Ask me anything you want. Whatever I can do to make this easier, Doc. I’m an open book.”
“This doesn’t have to be easy. It’s not supposed to be.”
The look in her blue eyes stopped my heart for a moment. There was more there than the entire ocean, and it looked to be the same color as the water in the Caymans where I have a house. “I’m just letting you know that I’m not going to be leaving here in tears like that other guy.”
Her lips pressed together. Apparently I’d annoyed her. She was complicated for a doctor, and not nearly as pulled together as I would have thought. I was starting to think that maybe she was the one who needed to talk about it, not me. I didn’t have a problem.
“I’m glad you’re dealing with it well. You look like you are. It’s a traumatic experience, but we all deal with those in different ways. You say your friend was with you?”
