by Ashlee Price
Chapter 1 – Maya
I let the phone ring, waiting for it to go to voice mail, but I was surprised when it instead just stopped ringing. He’d turned the phone off so that I wouldn’t keep calling. It was rather unfair how my husband treated me, but I was used to it. What had started as fate had become pain and eventually indifference. I was getting to the point that instead of fretting about it I turned my phone off as well. There was no point in me feeling guilty. It wasn’t like Tyler cared, anyway.
So I went through the rest of the day and tried my best to pretend that I didn’t care. I felt a little better every time I swiped Tyler’s credit card. I bought myself shoes and enough dresses for every day for a month. Then I went to the lingerie shop and bought something naughty. When I thought about who it was for, it made me feel even worse. Or better, I couldn’t really decide.
“You’re going to clean him out, Maya.”
Candace was always on me about how much I spent, but it didn’t matter. Ever since I’d seen in the news who my husband was with at the time of the shooting, it had been no holds barred for my shopping addiction. I was en route to make us square on all accounts. I just had to get the nerve up to do it.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“I am, I just was thinking about something.”
“Well, you’re the one who invited me out for lunch, so don’t be rude.”
I apologized to her. I was being a crappy friend and I knew it. It was just so hard to focus with everything that was going on. “I know I’m being an ass. You just have to tell me once in a while, that’s all. What are you up to today?”
She gave me a dirty look, and I had a feeling that she’d already told me and I just hadn’t heard her.
“Me and Richard are going out, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Do you have something to wear?”
It was that look again. I could just tell that I was batting a thousand. When was I going to learn that I needed to keep my mouth shut sometimes?
“Well, I was just asking because I feel bad and I have all of these extra pretty dresses. You should pick one out, or we can go somewhere and find you something. It’s all on Tyler, so don’t worry about the cost.”
Shaking her head, she just looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“What did he do?”
“What do you mean, Candace?”
“I mean, what did he do to make you so upset with him? I know that he has more money than God, but you’re trying your best to spend it all. I remember you telling me before that the only place he hurt was in his wallet. So I have to think that he’s done something to piss you off this badly.”
I wanted to tell her, but at the same time I didn’t want anyone to know. I liked keeping up appearances, and even with all of the turmoil inside that I wanted to unleash, I was more interested in making sure that it looked like everything was okay. It wasn’t, but I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my best friend. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit out loud that my sham marriage was over.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He just told me to get what I wanted, so I am. He’s working a lot lately, so I guess I’m buying stuff more often now. It just makes me feel better.”
Candace looked skeptical, but I wasn’t going to tell her that she was right or wrong. Instead I took a bite of the salad in front of me and wished again that I’d ordered the fish.
“Is it so bad that you can’t tell me?”
Our eyes met and I just agreed with her. It wasn’t hard to imagine what he’d done. There were only so many things that a man could do, and she knew that Tyler wasn’t the type to ever put his hands on me. He was too gentle for that, but what he did do could be worse. I would rather have had him yelling at me than just ignoring me like I didn’t exist.
“Is he cheating on you?”
That just got a look down at my plate. Was it that obvious? And if it was that obvious, why had it taken so long for me to figure it out? I felt like the ultimate idiot, the one who didn’t know which way was up.
“I knew it. He was just too handsome and too rich. I know that you wanted this life, but I just worried that it would come to this.”
Groaning inwardly, I had to wonder if she realized how she sounded. It was apparent that she didn’t get it at all because she just kept talking about it, like I didn’t know what kind of a man he was and what he’d done to me. I was too aware of it for my own liking. I would have given anything to have the husband that I thought I was marrying. I still didn’t even know why he’d said ‘I do’ to begin with. With Tyler, there was most likely a deal involved.
“He was my decision, and I’m just going to have to deal with it.”
Candace looked like I felt. She told me what any good friend would tell me, that I was better than this and that I deserved a man who really loved me. It was all true, but it didn’t have as much weight when I thought about how unclean my own hands were. After all of this time, almost five years come next weekend, I was ready to live again. If that meant without my husband or behind his back, so be it.
“Don’t feel bad for me, Candace. I’ll get what I need.”
I left it at that and left her to read between the lines. I was a big girl and I wasn’t going to let it get me down anymore. I was going to do what I wanted and get what I deserved. It was just that simple. Tyler had taught me many things, and if nothing else, I’d learned to endure and be more determined than I ever was before.
“Just be careful, Maya. You’re playing with fire.”
“I’ve already been burned, so I guess I’m just not as cautious anymore.”
“I mean, don’t do anything that you’re going to regret to get back at him. You’re the one who’s going to have to live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day. That’s all I’m saying.”
All she was saying… that was a whole lot. It made me think about Dylan and the date that he’d asked me out on. It was the reason that I was buying a dress – or, as it turned out, dresses – and even though it pained me, I knew that she was right. Was I going to be able to look myself in the eye the next morning if I went through with it? Was that where my real happiness was going to be found?
Chapter 2 – Maya
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my friend’s words came back to haunt me. They always did, but I hated that I felt the tiniest bit bad about it. I shouldn’t. He’d done the same thing to me, and it was only fair that I got a little happiness out of it. For too long I had sat back and said nothing. That’s what I told myself, but I could see the doubt in my hazel eyes.
When I’d gotten married, it was supposed to be for life. I had the vision of children and the family that every little girl wanted. I guess I’d wanted the fairytale, and for the longest time, that was Tyler. He’d been a doting husband, perfect in every way. But then things had changed and he didn’t want to be around me as much. We stopped making love as much. Everything just kind of wound down to what it was now.
I shook the thoughts and the rush of emotions. I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t feel bad that I was going to see Dylan, I was sad that my marriage really was over. It wasn’t going to get better. If anything it was steadily getting worse. I saw Tyler less and less, and when he was home, he didn’t even eat dinner with me, instead sneaking off to his study to do God only knows what.
Getting back to my makeup, I almost jumped when the phone next to me rang. It was Tyler, and there was a moment when I didn’t want to answer. It wasn’t only because he hadn’t answered for me, but also because I didn’t want him to ruin the plans that I had. I wanted to go see Dylan and live out the fantasy that I had in my head.
But I had to answer, so I did. “Hey, honey.”
“You called earlier and I was just calling you back.”
His voice was gruff. A long time ago, that would have brought tears to my eyes. Now I felt nothing.
“I was making dinner and I wanted to know if you were going to
be around for it.”
“No, I have a couple of extra meetings that I still have to go to. I wouldn’t worry about cooking anything for me. Why don’t you go out with one of your friends and order something nice?”
It was code to tell me that he wasn’t coming home. If he did, it would be at three or four in the morning and he would slide into bed gently so that I didn’t wake up. “I think that’s a good idea, Tyler. Candace was asking me earlier if I would go out with her, but I was hoping that it would be just us.”
“Now, Maya, you know that I have to work. As fast as you’re spending my money, I’m going to have to work even more.”
It was always his excuse. The words were on my lips to ask him about Ivy. I knew who she was and what she was to my husband, but until then I hadn’t dared to say anything. Now I wanted to, more than anything else in the world. I wanted to hear what he’d to say, but tonight was not the night. Tonight was the night that I was going to get what I wanted too.
“Of course, dear. You have a good night. I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I love you, Maya.”
“I love you too.” As he hung up, the words were still in the air. He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him, but like everything else in our sham marriage, we pretended that what we said was true.
“What are you doing, Maya?”
My reflection didn’t answer, because I didn’t have an answer to such a question. What was I doing?
At the moment I was getting ready. When the phone rang again, I was sure it was Tyler.
“What, dear?” My voice was not loving, more a bark than anything else. I didn’t want him to ruin this for me, and every time we talked, the tension inside of me grew.
“Maya? Are you okay?”
It was Dylan. Of course it was. He was supposed to meet me at his house in under an hour. I’d been wasting my time worrying about things that I couldn’t change. It was one of those moments that I just had to take a deep breath and pretend that I wasn’t about to lose it.
“Dylan, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
“Did you think that I was Tyler?”
I shook my head, but didn’t answer him. He knew that I was married, something I would have never kept from him, but I could tell that he didn’t like it. Dylan was romantic and sweet, but he was also a little possessive, and it was hard to possess what was already someone else’s.
“I was just about to call you and let you know that I was leaving.”
He seemed relieved. “Good, I was starting to worry that you weren’t going to come, that maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“I would never change my mind, Dylan. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all week.”
“Good, I’ve made us a feast. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I’ll be there soon, Dylan.”
“I love you, Maya.”
I paused at his words. They sounded different than the way Tyler said it. Dylan said it like he meant it, and I believed him. He wanted to hear it back, and I heard myself saying it to him. I didn’t know if I meant it. I think I did, but there was no telling anymore. Did I love him, or was he an escape? I was going to find out tonight which Dylan was. The problem was that I didn’t know which one I wanted him to be. Did I really want to walk away from my marriage? Or did I not have to choose? Eventually I would have to, but tonight, I just had to worry about what came next. It had been months since Tyler had really touched me, and I was ready to feel desired and needed again.
Brushing on the last of my makeup and running my hands through my hair, I gave myself one last look before I got up and slipped the dress on. It fit perfectly, and for a moment when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. All of those months without him in my life had dropped the extra weight from my body. The smile on my face was so foreign; I didn’t remember that I could look this way. Dylan might not be my soul mate, but at the moment he was my second chance, and I was going to take it.
Shutting off the light to my vanity, I looked back at the bed I used to share with my husband and turned away, fighting the tears. One thing I did know. It was over with me and Tyler. Whatever happened next, that would still be the same. It was over.
Chapter 3 – Dylan
“Are you okay, Maya? You look nervous.”
She shook her head that she was fine, but I had a feeling that there was a lot more going on in her mind than she wanted to let on. It was a big deal, this dinner, and we both knew how it was going to end. It was going to end with her in my arms, the only way I knew to really show her how much I loved her.
I flipped the chicken breast over and waited for her answer. I was cooking and she had a chair pulled up to the stainless steel table in the back. I knew that was because she didn’t want to be seen through the window by someone she knew, but I liked to think that maybe it was because she wanted to be closer to me.
“I’m fine. I’m a little nervous, but I’m fine, really.”
She said it twice, the dreaded woman words that every man knew did not equate to them being fine. She was angry at me for some reason, or she was into her emotions. If it was the latter, I had a good guess of who it was she was thinking about. Maya was thinking about her husband, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about that. I knew that Tyler and Maya were nothing like me and Sasha. Sasha and I had been in love; they were not. But it still bothered me that I was with another man’s wife.
“Maybe this was a bad idea.”
Maya smiled at me and told me that it wasn’t a bad idea. “That food smells so good. There is no way that I’m leaving without trying it.”
I wanted her to be that sure about me, but I guess that wanting my cooking was going to have to be good enough right now.
“Well, it’s almost ready. Do you want to eat down here, or do you want to go up to the apartment?”
I knew the answer was going to be where she wouldn’t be seen, but I waited for her to tell me that she wanted to go upstairs. I’d already started to put the chicken in a take-out container, hoping that was where our destination was going to be.
“Why don’t we go upstairs? I don’t like sitting in front of these windows.”
Quickly agreeing, I grabbed up the rest of the items and had her follow me upstairs. We’d been dating for a couple of months now, and it was time to take it to the next level. I was going to lose it if I didn’t have her in my arms soon. It was all that I thought about, all that I wanted, and tonight was finally going to be the night. All of the time in between had made me a little crazy, and my body was already ready for her. So ready that it physically hurt. Maya had been a painful pursuit, but it was finally going to pay off.
“Do you need help carrying anything?”
I told her that I didn’t. I’d run The James Restaurant for many years, and it was now second nature to carry more items than an octopus. I knew how, and I knew that she didn’t; if I handed her something, it was probably not going to make it upstairs without falling. Maya was many things, but a waitress she was not.
“Are you sure that there isn’t something I can do?”
“No, you just being here is enough for me. I’ve waited for this night for a long time, Maya, you know that.”
I didn’t say what I’d been waiting for. I was sure that she knew what I was talking about. While we’d never said it out loud, I knew that she was expecting the same thing. That was why she’d worn the dress that made me thankful to be a man, and why everything about her was made up. She was ready for what I was ready for, and in that moment I just wanted to throw the food to the side and take her. It was all I could think about.
But I was supposed to take my time. Everything between us had been me taking my time, and I knew that I was going to have to keep taking it slow a little while longer. She wasn’t quite ready yet – and I didn’t mind impressing her with my cooking skills first.
“It smells really good.”
Smiling at her, I t
old her that she looked good as well. There was something different about Maya today, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I liked the look. She didn’t look like the innocent woman I’d met on the train several months ago. That woman had been sure of herself; this woman in front of me was still a jumble of nerves. I would have done anything to calm her fears. I was not like her husband. I was going to cherish her, and one day she would be mine. I wasn’t going to lose another woman I loved, not after Sasha.
“I remember you telling me that it was your favorite meal, so I hope it surpasses your expectations.”
Maya grinned before she looked down, embarrassed. “I’m sure it will, Dylan. Everything with you does. I don’t know how we found each other, but I’m glad we did. You keep me sane when everything else is just falling apart.”
She moved to kiss me, and what started as a little peck turned into something more. My own need was blinding and I couldn’t help myself. I got too enthused and I felt her hands pushing against my chest. It took me a minute to realize that I was on top of her, pressing her body into the couch where we were sitting. It was too much, too soon, I knew that, but I didn’t care. I was done waiting and dinner or not, I needed her now.
“Maybe we should eat first, Dylan.”
“Of course.” Cursing myself, I leaned back to my side and tried not to pout. It had been a long wait, one that would have tried the patience of a saint. I’d been waiting far too long.
“I’m sorry, Dylan. I want to, I’m just nervous and I don’t know why. I haven’t been with anyone else but my husband in a long time.”
“Me either. You’re the first woman that I’ve really dated since Sasha. It has been a long time for both of us. That’s why it’s going to be so special.”
Her thoughts of waiting were draining, and when she was the one who moved to me and touched the side of my face for a kiss, I realized that she’d finally made her mind up. It was like music to my ears, and my heart pounded in my chest as our lips met. Maya was something special, and I felt privileged to even be around her.
