by Ashlee Price
“Everyone here is curious as to what I’m going to give this man. He has pled guilty and it has been approved by the courts…”
My mind started to wander off and I looked over to the defense table where Ryland was sitting. He had no emotions on his face as the charges were read and a description was given in the judge’s crisp voice. I didn’t feel anything either – I was hollow from having to repeat my story so much – but I wanted to see him make some kind of reaction. Didn’t he feel anything for what he’d done to me? Was he really numb to it all?
Ryland fidgeted a little as it got to what the judge could give him for his crimes. I knew all of it by heart, and I was sure that Ryland did as well. It was only then that he showed some emotion, and it was only because he was thinking about his own life and what it was all going to mean to him. The fear or guilt that I’d hoped to see were not present. The only thing that he was worried about was what was going to happen to him.
It was then that the defense attorney stood up and made a plea about Ryland’s mental illness. But the judge wasn’t hearing it. Ryland had already pled guilty, and there was no way that the judge was going to entertain an insanity defense at the sentencing. It made my heart soar in a way that it shouldn’t have, but it did. I didn’t want to be upset anymore, and the way everything was going, I had a feeling that I was going to sleep better tonight than I had in the months since all of this happened. It felt like so long ago, but now it was finally going to be a chapter that I could close. I was ready to move forward.
When I heard the sentence, I felt a relief that I’d never felt before. Ryland looked back at me, and for once, I saw the emotions that I wanted to see. It was paired with my own sense of feeling sorry for him. I’d never wanted any of this. I still wished that he’d just let me go and then gotten some help or something. Even though he’d hurt me in so many ways I couldn’t even begin to grasp, I felt sorry for him and everything that was happening. I just kept thinking that it didn’t have to be like this.
He got the maximum, and I knew then that he was never going to get out. If he did, he would be old and I would know about it. For now, I would get some peace. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn’t. I just watched him get pulled out of the courtroom. There was a lot of talking and speculating going on about what happened now. I was curious about that myself, but I wasn’t going to say anything. I was satisfied with the verdict. It was as good as it was going to get.
Logan squeezed my hand and asked me if I was ready to go. I was. I was ready to let go of everything, and I was ready for my life to go on. I was living too far into the past, and that day I finally felt like everything was going to make a turn for the good. All I had to do was believe.
“I’m ready to go, Logan. Thank you for coming. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“You don’t ever have to wonder, Mia. I’ll always be here for you.”
Chapter 2 – Logan
I was nervous. I hadn’t been this nervous since the first time that I planned to do it. Mia and I were supposed to go on a romantic vacation, and I was going to ask her to marry me. I’d had the ring in my pocket the whole time, but after Ryland had taken her hostage, things had changed between me and Mia. She was acting differently, understandably so, and I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.
The biggest change was that we hadn’t been intimate since all of that happened. Before, I couldn’t keep my hands off of her, but lately all I could think about was how she was feeling and if she would be okay with it. I was too far into my head, and our romantic lives had suffered. It wasn’t the first time that Mia had asked me when that part of our lives was going to start again. I wanted it to start tonight, all of it, but after worrying about the physical side for so long, I didn’t want to lose Mia, and I felt like if I pushed her too far too fast, she wasn’t going to stay around.
The doorbell went off and I actually jumped when I heard it. Trying to laugh off sense of foreboding, I knew that I was going to have to get it together or it was not going to turn out the way I wanted it to, the way I needed it to.
I went to the door and took another deep breath before I could even put my hand on the knob. I didn’t have to look to know that it was Mia. She was always a little early, and I could tell that she was excited as I was by the way she looked through the peep hole. Maybe she knew what tonight was going to be and she was looking forward to it as much as I was.
Opening the door, I was knocked out by what she was wearing. Mia was wearing something short and slinky, blush pink in color. It matched the slight blush that crept up to her face by the time I got there. The travel up her lithe body was slow going, and I was ready to take her right then and there. She was beautiful, she really was, and I was blessed to have her. By the end of the night, I hoped to have her for good.
“Mia, you look beautiful.”
She smiled, and I moved back to let her in. We were supposed to go out, but I still had to get my jacket and beautiful wasn’t a word to properly describe her.
“So where are we going tonight, Logan?”
I was surprised that she even asked. Mia really never cared, and she didn’t seem to want to worry about that aspect of it lately. I usually just found a place that I thought she would like and we went. Her new interest made me happy. It made me think that maybe now that Ryland was sentenced, she would finally be on the way to getting on the mend. It had been a hard road, but for that moment, it didn’t feel like everything had happened between us. It felt like the first time that we were together, before our lives were forever changed.
“There is a play tonight that I thought you might like.”
Her face told me that she didn’t want to go. Mia had a way of twitching her cute little nose and moving the freckles around when she wasn’t happy. It looked like she wasn’t very happy with the plan that I had in mind.
“We can do whatever you want to do, Mia. I wasn’t looking forward to the play that much or anything.”
Her blue eyes lit up, and I felt a twitch in my pants at the look. It had been a while since that had happened, and I knew then that it wasn’t just Mia who had to get over everything. I did too, but I was ready to move on if she was. If how she looked was any indication, she was past ready.
“Anything?”
I nodded my head and swallowed hard. She was going to stop my heart if she didn’t stop looking at me like that. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just waited for her. I wasn’t going to be the one to start it, but I knew that I was not going to stop it this time. There was no going back for me, not after she grinned at me in the way she did. She looked downright devilish, and I had to have her right then and there. I think she knew that too.
“Why don’t I get us a couple of drinks and we just stay in for the night. You have been good at keeping my mind occupied, Logan, but it’s not my mind that needs your attention tonight.”
I coughed when she moved next to me and touched the buttons on my chest. I wanted her so badly I was shaking, but it had been so long that I felt frozen, unsure what to do next.
“Drinks sound good.”
She giggled at the way I was talking to her. I had to admit that I would have made fun of me if I were someone else. It was like I was afraid of her, my Mia. What was wrong with me? I needed something to take the urge to run from me. Why was I so afraid of the woman who could make me so happy? Was it because I knew that she could destroy me in the same breath that she brought me up?
I watched her go to the kitchen and to the bar where I kept everything. I loved to watch her move. To me that was better than anything else. Just to see her and know that she was okay was enough for me. It was surreal that she was back and that Ryland was out of our lives forever. I knew that we still had a long road ahead of us, but the fact of the matter was, she was back and I had forever to go down it with her.
When she got back to the living room, I’d already decided that a night in was just what we needed. It had been too long since it was
just us, and I knew that was my fault. I wanted everything to be perfect for her, and that meant giving her space, but also something to do to keep her mind busy as well. Now I think what we needed was some physical therapy. It felt like the first time again. It had been so long that I was still trembling just thinking about it, what came next.
She handed me the glass, and I smiled back up at her from the couch. Then I noticed that she was shaking as well. It eased me in a way. It was just like the first time, and I could feel the confidence coming back to me. How could everything not be perfect with her and me?
Chapter 3 – Mia
“Do you want to watch something?”
He said something about a movie, but I just shook my head. I was trembling because I was nervous about the plan that I’d come up with. Logan, in his sweet way, was trying to make things easier. He wasn’t putting any pressure on me to do anything I didn’t want to do, and that included having sex. The problem was, though, that I’d wanted to for a while. It was taking him too long to get on the ball with it. I was sick of waiting, and I was going to make it clear, one way or another, what I really needed to heal: I needed his hands on me again.
“I wasn’t talking about a movie, baby. I was thinking of something that would be better suited for the bedroom.”
His ears and eyes perked up, and again I was unable to stop myself from laughing. There was no way that I could sit there and look at him with a straight face. It was about time, I thought to myself.
“I think that I like your idea better already.”
“Really? Because I’ve been waiting for you to touch me, Logan, and I’m starting to wonder if you want me like that anymore. I get it if you don’t, but I wish that you would tell me so I can stop feeling and looking like a fool.”
“Is that what you think?”
He moved towards me, grabbed each side of my face, and made me look at him. His blue eyes were always so full of expression and they were hard to ignore. I didn’t want to look at him like that, so intimately when I was feeling so vulnerable, but he insisted, like he always did. There never was a halfway with Logan. It was all or nothing.
“I love you, Mia. How could you think that I don’t want you? I just didn’t want to rush you, and then it had been so long that… I don’t know, I just didn’t know how to handle any of this.”
I smiled at him. I finally got it. He was trying to do the right thing, like always, and I was left reading everything wrong. “Well, the way to handle it is easy, Logan. All you have to do is take my hand and I’ll give you a show.”
His hand was in mine very quickly, and then there was nothing I could do but move back towards his bedroom. My heart was pounding and my need was throbbing. It didn’t matter how nervous I was or how much I wanted everything to be just right, I just wanted it to be now.
“I’ve missed us, Logan, a lot.”
He nodded, but I knew that he wasn’t really listening. He was more worried about what I was doing with my hands. I’d never given a striptease before, but I was determined and I knew that he would like it, no matter what I did.
Starting with my shirt, I took it off slowly, rotating my hips to a slow rhythm in my head. I couldn’t meet his gaze, too afraid that he would find what I was doing funny. When I got to my pants, I did the same thing, turning around so that I literally couldn’t see his reaction. I wasn’t brave enough for that, not then when it felt like it was the first time he was going to see me naked.
“God, you’re beautiful, Mia. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.”
I ignored him because his words were just going to throw me off and I was already losing my nerve the longer it went on. His comments made what I was doing a bigger deal than before. Why couldn’t he just pretend that he didn’t see me? I had to laugh at myself. It was madness, after all. I was doing a striptease and wanting him to stop looking. That was the kind of madness that was going on in my head, and I blamed it all on the fact that I’d been so horny the last month or two.
When I felt his touch I jumped and he nuzzled my neck. Pushing my head back into his shoulders, I groaned with the touch. It had been far too long, and I was going to go mad if he didn’t do something soon. I was naked and he was finally touching me with abandon like I needed most.
His large hands were all over me and I was close to an edge that I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near yet. I shouldn’t want him and need him as much as I did, but it was impossible to deny the attraction that I felt pulling me to him like a magnet. But now he was overwhelming me, and I was sure that I was going to lose it all.
Logan seemed to sense the need that I had and the part of me that wasn’t ready for it. He coached me to where I needed to be ever so gently, and it was only when I was laid down on the bed that I remembered how he’d made me feel before.
“Please, Logan. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
I could hear the hysteria in my voice, but it was okay, I wasn’t worried about that, I just needed him inside of me right that instant. When I told him as much, his eyes darkened like a storm had rolled in. All of a sudden it was me who was unsure what I wanted to do next. He came to me and covered my body with his own naked one. There was nothing else to think about then, just Logan.
“There won’t be any more of a wait, Mia. I can’t wait any longer either. I have to have you.”
He moved down to kiss me, and I could have sworn that I was dreaming. I was going to wake up still in that enclosure with Ryland staring at me. It had to be a dream, because my life was never supposed to be this good. It couldn’t be real.
I was going to burst with love, and before I could say or do anything else I was filled with all of Logan as well. Gasping as he pushed into me quickly, I closed my eyes as the pleasure set in. He felt bigger, or I felt smaller, because Logan was impossibly thick inside of me. I was clenching him without having to use my muscles to do so. He felt like he was barely going to fit in all the way, but that didn’t stop him from slamming home anyways. He commented about how tight I was for him, but I couldn’t say anything back. My whole body was rocked with an orgasm that took my breath away. I’d missed Logan so much.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I never wanted to let him go. There was something about the way he held me and filled me that I was never going to be able to get used to. Logan being mine was still hard on the brain, and I was doing my best to see that he really was mine and he wasn’t going to go somewhere. Everything that Ryland had said wasn’t true. I wasn’t going to lose Logan. I wasn’t going to let him go anywhere.
Chapter 4 – Logan
I was staring up at the ceiling fan that whirled around in a circle above our heads. I was trying to catch my breath and a little bit of my sanity, while Mia had gotten quiet. Her voice had risen with her pleasure, but now she was as quiet as a mouse. I remembered that before, when we had been together for the first time, she’d been very embarrassed about how she’d responded, even though I’d loved it more than I could say. It was hot, and she was perfect when she was wanton.
“Mia, that was incredible. I forgot how much fun we had together, it had been so long.”
I waited for her to answer me, but nothing was forthcoming. Finally I shook her a little bit and realized that she was asleep. The ring was in the jacket downstairs, and I decided to go get it before she woke up from her little nap. I didn’t know still what I was going to say, even though I’d run it through my head a hundred times before. I was still unsure, and until I heard her say yes and I knew that she was mine, I wasn’t going to breathe right. I just needed Mia, that was all that I needed in the world.
When I got back to the bedroom, Mia was still sleeping. I sat on the edge of the bed watching her for the longest time. I knew that our lives were going to change forever, and I was ready for it, I wanted it. I wanted everything to change. My life had been going downhill for too long, and Mia was my way out. She always had been, but it had taken almost losing her for me to see. I wasn’t that bright somet
imes.
“What are you doing, Logan?”
I smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her, because now I felt like I could. There was no more question of what we wanted. We wanted each other, and that was all that mattered at that moment. When I pulled back, I could tell that she wasn’t sure how to take me. I was smiling from ear to ear, and when she said something, I responded with the only truth that I knew.
“I just love you, Mia. Waking up to you has been the best thing in the world, and I never want to stop doing it.”
“You don’t have to. We are together now and I’m not going anywhere else.”
It was what I wanted to hear. The idea of losing her gripped at my heart, but it was something that I knew could happen. We were not immune to all of the bad things that could happen, I’d learned that much, but it felt like now we were finally going to get a real chance.
“I just want you to be happy, Mia.”
She sighed against me and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss, assuring me that she was happy. I hoped so. I knew that I was happier than I’d been in a long time. Being without her was the worst. I already knew that I couldn’t live without her and now I needed to make sure that it never happened. I wanted to marry her for love, but I also wanted it in writing that she was mine forever. I wanted everyone to know it, and for men like Ryland to understand that there was never going to be anything with her. She was mine.
