by Matt Seeley
I swear. I hold opinions. I express my opinions. Sometimes I swear while expressing opinions. I will make references to sex and/or violence and/or other mature/explicit content.
The underlying theme in this poetry collection is as the title suggests; being the underdog, battling against the odds, rising above those that try to beat you down. Bullying, depression and suicide will be touched upon. All references to these topics are from, unless stated otherwise, my own personal experiences and the battles I have fought. Some poems may not end on a positive note. This does not mean I encourage or glorify bullying or suicide.
I apologise in advance for any triggers.
I do not apologise for any offence taken by the reader. That’s all on you, cupcake.
Copyright © 2019 Matt Seeley
All rights reserved.
Acknowledgments
First, as always, Shelia. The strongest, bravest, kindest, most inspiring person I have ever met, and ever will. She has fought, and won, battles I could never have imagined, and continues now to fight for those who are otherwise alone on the battlefield. I would likely not be here if it had not been for her, so for that she has my undying love and eternal thanks.
Second, Zee. Her support and encouragement kept me going when suffering from the plagues of writer’s block and self-doubt. Her feedback throughout the process of writing this poetry collection, my first ‘themed’ effort, was so crucial and very much appreciated.
Third, them crazy people on Twitter that have befriended, supported, encouraged or otherwise aided me since I joined.
Fourth, me. Because if it were not for me then this poetry collection would never have existed. Yay me.
And you, I guess, reading this. For paying for it and giving me your money. I assure you I will not be spending it wisely.
Now shall we get this show on the road?
Dedication
I'd like to dedicate
All I create
To those who taught me
How to hate
For they deserve
To be observed
As part of what helped
Make me great
All their spite
Taught me how to fight
And be sure to never
Prove them right
The weights they stacked
Nearly broke my back
Nearly
But not quite
I'd often fall
Try to crawl
While wishing I could
End it all
But over time
With help I climbed
Back to my feet
Now I stand tall
And so I dedicate
All I create
To those who showed me
Nothing but hate
For the weights they stacked
Upon my back
Without them I'd never
Be this great
My World
Welcome
To my world
My own little corner
Of existence
Far removed
From the reality
That society
Would force you
To accept
In my world
The only limits
Are those you impose
Upon yourself
And what is possible
Is dictated only
By your imagination
Underdog
The odds may never be
Weighted in my favour
But that just gives victory
A sweetness to be savoured
I may be the underdog
But I don't pay attention to the odds
Breaking Out
Breaking out of my shell
Away from this hell
I've been trapped in the darkness far too long
But I'm out of my cage
Starting a brand new page
I feel alive, I feel free, I feel strong
Breathe
It’s alright if you cry
Sometimes that’s what you need
And don’t cover up your scars
It’s okay if you bleed
There’s no shame in falling
If you get back to your feet
There’s no such thing as failing
If you have the will to succeed
The sweetest fruit still grows
In a field that’s full of weeds
Just as the tallest tree can grow
From the tiniest of seeds
And as baby bird leaves the nest
To float upon the breeze
Anything is possible
As long as you believe
So remember what I told you
And don’t forget to breathe
Conman
Why do I make promises
I know I'll never keep
And why do I only make them
To myself?
I swear I'll do better
Try harder next time
Con myself into thinking
I'll get it right this time
And when I don't I tell myself
It's a victimless crime
But the conman inside me
Forgets the ones I care about
Neglects the ones that count on me
They're the ones I'm letting down
But I can't seem to stop lying to myself
Always kidding myself
That I'll make a success of myself
Key to Survival
I take my coffee
With a splash and milk
And two sugars
But when it's made
By others
They often forget
To sweeten it
And instead
Serve it bitter and foul
I used to complain
But now
I let it slide
Enduring the bitterness
On my tongue
Until eventually
I can't even taste it
Oblivious to the foulness
And that is how
I have learnt to survive
In this world
If My Life Were a Movie
If my life were a movie
You wouldn't need an actor
To play me;
The writers would surely cut my character
Before the film ever saw the light of day
And I'd be just another discard
With all life's other rejects
On the cutting room floor
Know Your Worth
Know your worth
Before allowing others
To label you
And stick a price
On your forehead
So that if they value you
Less than you know
Your worth to be
You will know then
That they are not worth
Your time
Just a Little Bit Broken
You tell me that
You’re broken
As though
It’s a reason
For me not to love you
And simply walk away
But it’s never going to happen
Like how I still drink my coffee
Every morning from my favourite mug
Despite the chipped rim
And cracked handle
Knowing that one day
It will cut me
And make me bleed
But I just can’t throw it away
Just like that
I will never walk away
From you
Just because
You’re a little bit
Broken
Not a Fighter
"Float l
ike a butterfly,
Sting like a bee"
Not me
I sting like a butterfly
And float like a stone
Sinking
Sinking
Forever alone
In the cold, dark waters
Emptiness
Crushing me
Loneliness
Drowning me
I'm a lover
Not a fighter
But not worth loving
And with nothing to fight for
So why even try
Insomnia
Recently
Sleep and me
Have been on very bad terms
I spend the nights
Wide awake
Waiting for Sleep to come
But it refuses to bring
The paralysing comfort
That I so desperately need
And though it sometimes caves
Giving me what I crave
It cruelly plants the seeds
Of the weirdest dreams
So even when I rest
It’s far from restful
The Long Road
The journey’s long
But the day is young
There’s much to see
And much more to learn
Don’t be afraid
To lose your way
To veer off course
To go astray
Take the road
That no-one knows
Where no-one goes
And maps don’t show
This journey’s yours
So go explore
Find what no-one
Has ever found before
Masks
Masks
Are fragile
They are not armour
They cannot shield us
From the heavy blows
Life rains down
Upon us
Masks
Are disguises
We wear to please
Those who might see us
And judge us
If ever we don’t smile
Masks
Are lies
We tell strangers
We tell our friends
We tell our families
We tell ourselves
My mask
Grew heavy
Suffocating
So I tore it off
Discarding
The fragile smile
Crying instead
Resilient tears
Never Give the Fuck Up
People
Throughout your life
Will tell you
That you are useless
That you will never amount to anything
To just quit now
And save yourself the disappointment
The embarrassment
And there will be times
YOU are the one
Saying those words
To YOURSELF
But fuck them
Fuck those naysayers
Fuck the bullies
Fuck the haters
Fuck the voices
Fuck your self-doubt
Fuck the depression
Fuck the anxiety
And above all
Never
Ever
Give
The FUCK up
You got this
Say Goodbye
Cunningly discarded promises
Judgement
Strangling out of spite
Misguided love
Torn and tainted
Devious
Vicious
Say goodbye
Written using predictive software and around 80% of all my previous writings
Hope
Artists of the disease
We know the reality inside
Fear is nothing but stories
Printed in our waking minds
Still it haunts us
You
Me
Them
The world is spinning
Countless eyes stare back
Hope is just another word
For denial
Another poem written using predictive software
My Own Worst Enemy
Again I am the instigator
Of my own downfall
I worked my way up to the top
Just to hit self-destruct
Why do I keep doing this?
Why must I keep fucking with
My own chances of success?
I truly am my own worst enemy
Wake-Up Call
This is the wake-up call
That I've been waiting for
A kick up the backside
To start assessing
What needs addressing
And face the problems
I should've been solving
Don't worry - I'm not changing
I'm staying true to myself
Just evolving
Upgrading the software
Keeping the system the same
I'll still be me
Just in less (and less of a) pain
The Unwinnable Game
Playing this game
For what feels like forever
But whatever I do
I can't beat this level
Stuck doing this quest
For far too long
I can't seem to progress
What am I doing wrong?
I need to unlock skills
To start the next chapter
But the only way to learn them
Comes after
Maybe I made a mistake
Earlier on in the story
Helping others players
Instead of making money
But I can't go back
Or load a previous save
I've got to keep on playing
This game has made me its slave
I wish I'd been able
To buy the deluxe edition
With everything needed
To complete every mission
But it's way too expensive
Only the rich can afford
To put in so little effort
For maximum reward
Caged
Controlled and enslaved
Like animals in a zoo
Trapped in our cages
There is little we can do
Our cages are not physical
But real nonetheless
Bars made not of metal
But of race and wealth and class
They feed us lies and delusions
To keep us all contained
Freedom an illusion
They pump into our brains
Controlled and enslaved
Like animals in a zoo
Trapped in our cages
There is but one thing we can do
If we stand with our neighbours
Ignore the false divides
And if we all pull together
We can bend the bars aside
These cages will not hold us
If we just reject the hate
Let love unite us
Let love liberate
Against the Odds
If this were a boxing match
It would've been stopped long ago
Every time I stand back up
Life lands another blow
Bantam versus heavyweight
I never stood a chance
Every hook and uppercut
Hits me like an avalanche
I try to keep my guard up
Sometimes I land a jab or two
But the blows keep raining down
And there's nothing I can do
I can't escape this beating
In this ring there's no retreat
Yet though I know I cannot win
I won't just let myself be beat
While there's times I think it best
To let myself be counted out
For now I remain determined
To make it through this bout
The world would see me beaten
Urging me to take a dive
But the people in my corner
Give me reason to survive
Finding the Positives
One of the many keys
To my survival is finding
The often elusive upside
And each cloud's silver lining
Always searching
For a positive to take
From every disaster
From all my mistakes
And every lesson I learn
Is a chance to grow
It's a victory to me
No matter how hollow
I'll admit it's not easy
And often I fail
But I'll keep on striving
If it means surviving
Gotta Keep On Going
I’m under no illusion
I suffer no delusion
Life’s no fucking cakewalk at the best of times
But I will not surrender
I know it will get better
No matter how tall the mountains I must climb
And though the path grows steeper
The shit I wade through ever deeper
I keep hoping the end is almost in my sight
