by Amanda Dick
“Make something up,” I said.
She stared at me, waiting for clarification. I just shrugged.
“Make something up. Make it mean something to you.”
I reached for her arm again, turning it over and running my fingers over the ink.
“What does it look like, to you? Because to me, it looks like some kind of symbol for a new beginning.”
I glanced up to find her frowning at me dubiously.
“I’m serious.”
If I was to make her believe anything, I wanted it to be this. I looked down at the tattoo again, my head spinning in circles, desperately trying to find the right words to convince her.
“Look,” I said, gliding my fingertip over the birds. “It’s as if the picture’s evolving, looking for greener pastures, for somewhere new. They’re free. They’re moving on, exploring the new terrain. See?”
She wasn’t looking at the birds, she was looking at me. I had no idea if those were tears in her eyes or water dripping down from her hair.
“It’s whatever you want it to be,” I said gently.
Chapter Forty-One
“I have a theory that the only original
things we ever do are mistakes.”
– Billy Joel
Callum
I sat outside the motel for at least an hour, waiting. I wanted to be sure, even though the phone call had confirmed it. It had been the last in a series of phone calls to all the motels in town. This one was where Mike Dawson was staying, and it was time someone showed up on his doorstep unannounced for a change. See how he liked it.
My date last night with Sass was still swimming around in my head. She didn’t need his kind snooping around her. Maybe if I put the frighteners on him, he’d pass the message back through the grapevine to his cronies and I could buy her some more time. I’m not sure just how much more time, but one thing was for certain, she wasn’t ready to face the media firing squad yet and I wasn’t accustomed to standing idly by.
I sipped on my takeaway coffee and sat there in my car, in the dark, watching and waiting. He was in room seven, according to the front desk, and the room lights were still off. He was probably out trying to dig up some more info on her. I hoped like hell he hadn’t managed to find out where they lived yet. For a brief moment, I wondered if that’s exactly where he was. The panic was fleeting, though. Sooner or later, he’d turn up back here again, and I wasn’t planning on going anywhere until he did.
My phone trilled on the passenger seat, and I nearly choked on my coffee. I grabbed it and saw Jack’s name blinking at me from the screen.
“Hey,” I said, watching the motel.
“Hey. What are you doing?”
Did he know? No, impossible. I hadn’t told anyone.
“Nothin’. Why?”
“Want to meet up for a beer?”
“I can’t.” I mentally crossed my fingers. “I’m meeting Sass. Why, what’s up? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
We’d briefly caught up when I’d brought Sass home last night. They seemed unscathed after their little babysitting gig, and they left pretty soon after we arrived back.
“Did everything go okay after we left last night? How was Aria?” I asked.
“She was fine. Cute, actually. She’s really taken to Ally.”
“Yeah, I noticed. What did you guys get up to?”
“We had a, uh, tea party.”
I choked down a laugh. Way to go Aria.
“Let me guess – blue, for boys?” I grinned, imagining the scene.
He chuckled.
“Yeah. She got you too, huh?”
“No comment,” I said, still grinning. “So what about tomorrow night? I could meet you at The Church after work.”
“Yeah, okay. And not so fast – you haven’t given me any details yet. How did everything go with you guys? Is she falling for your wiley charms?”
I could hear the smile in his voice as I kept my eye on the motel across the road.
“Dude, they don’t call me Mr Smooth for nothing.”
“They don’t call you Mr Smooth at all,” he chuckled.
“Shows you how much you know. She called me Mr Smooth last night.”
“Did she just? Well then, I look forward to getting all the details tomorrow night.”
“In your dreams.”
“You’re not the only one with wiley charms, Ferguson.”
“Dude. Now you’re just creeping me out.”
“Catch you tomorrow.”
I threw the phone back onto the passenger seat. As I looked up, I saw a shadowy figure walking along the front of the motel. My stomach twisted in anticipation as he opened the door and flicked on the light in room seven, closing the door behind him. I threw down the last of my coffee and got out of the car, walking across the road before I changed my mind. I knocked on the door, and it took him a few moments to open up, but when he did, I forced him back inside the room and shut the door behind me. I didn’t want an audience for this. He stood in the middle of the room, sizing me up. I’m not sure if he looked scared or just taken by surprise. He was hard to read, that was for sure.
“Callum, isn’t it? Kia’s friend?” he asked.
So he knew my name. So what? If that was supposed to scare me off, it wasn’t working.
“That’s right.”
“What can I do for you?”
Cocky bastard.
“You can pack up your shit and get out of town.”
He drew himself up to his full height, which was about an inch shorter than me. He was stocky, but I wasn’t worried. I could hold my own if it came to that, and I was secretly hoping it would. Right at that moment, there was nothing I wanted more.
“Really?” he asked, as if I’d just told him he was going to have to move out of this room due to a water leak.
“Yeah, really.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I’m asking you to. Nicely, first off.”
He nodded, but the tell-tale quirk of his upper lip told me he was mildly amused at this whole situation. I fought the urge to wipe it off his face.
“Hey,” he said, throwing his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. “I’m just doing my job.”
“And what job is that, exactly?”
“My boss told me to track down Kia Martin and see how she’s doing – for the fans. She just disappeared, no one knew where she was, everyone was worried.”
“Worried?” I snapped, barely keeping a lid on my temper.
“Yeah. Worried.” His gaze changed in a heartbeat, from amused to steely. “She has people who care about her out there. They want to know she’s okay.”
“She has people who care about her right here,” I shot back.
That was some bullshit he was toting. He must’ve known that.
“She’s doing fine. She just needs the likes of you to get off her case and let her get on with her life.”
“I’m doing it for the fans. They’re the ones who want to know.”
“Bullshit. She’s entitled to a private life, which means living privately – without fanfare.”
“Look,” he said, his expression suddenly softening. “She’s had a tough time – no one’s denying that. What she went through, I’m sure was hell – it would’ve been hard enough for your average person on the street to deal with losing a hand like that, but for a musician I’m sure it was a thousand times worse. I’m just here to do a follow-up article on her, to show her fans how she’s doing now. That’s all – I swear.”
His word meant nothing to me. I could see right through his little charade.
“Misery sells, right?” I shot back, not backing down an inch.
“She didn’t look miserable to me. In fact, the two of you looked pretty cosy when I saw you. How long have you guys been –“
I grabbed his shirt and pushed him backwards until he was pinned up against the wall.
“I’m gonna say this one
last time,” I seethed. “Get your shit and get out, and don’t come back.”
“I’m not –“
“Read my lips: I. Don’t. Care. I don’t care what your angle is, I don’t care who you’re doing this for, and I don’t care for the bullshit you keep spouting, either. The truth is, she’s not in the spotlight anymore. She’s not a musician, she’s not a celebrity, she’s just a regular person, going about her business and trying to make the best of her life. She’s not newsworthy anymore, and she doesn’t need you and your creeptastic army of stalkers following her every move. Get out of town before she files a restraining order. Am I making myself clear?”
He stared me down, as though he had the upper hand, not me. I had him by the shirt, pinned up against the wall, and yet he looked calm. It made me shiver. What the hell did I have to do to get through to him? How far did I have to go?
“Does she know you’re here?” he asked.
“What difference does that make?”
“So she doesn’t. Interesting.”
I shoved him harder against the wall, taking some satisfaction from that fact that he sucked in a sharp breath. Good. I wanted the knock the breath right out of him.
“Your loyalty… is admirable,” he wheezed, his face reddening. “Maybe we could… have a beer and… talk this through? On me… of course.”
Jesus.
I punched him. Hard, but just the once. It hurt, but it was worth it. Words obviously meant nothing to him – ironic, since he was a reporter and words were his weapon of choice – but maybe my fist in his face would send the right message. He doubled over, wheezing and coughing, as I stepped back and let him fall to his knees.
I flexed my fist, my knuckles aching.
“Tell the fans she’s fine,” I spat, backing towards the door. “And consider that a warning.”
I left him to it, a puddle of wheezing slime on the floor, as I closed the door behind me and headed back to my car.
Chapter Forty-Two
“People have a hard time accepting
anything that overwhelms them.”
– Bob Dylan
Sass
I was serving a customer when Callum came in. My heart skipped a beat, in that annoying ‘I told you so’ kind of way. There was no denying it now, least of all to myself. He had me, hook, line and sinker. What had begun as a little harmless flirtation had blossomed into something much, much more. He didn’t even know it, but the little pieces of myself that I had thought were long gone had finally begun to glue themselves together again. I was now a strange mosaic of my former self and my present self, an artful arrangement of segments, so close to being whole that I could almost fool myself that I was.
I’d realised that late last night, after he’d taken me home. Jack and Ally had left, Leo and Gemma were in bed, and Aria was out cold, no doubt exhausted after her fun-filled evening.
And Callum had kissed me.
It wasn’t our first kiss, and I hoped it wouldn’t be our last, but it felt significant. I wasn’t sure why at the time, but after he left, when I was lying in bed going over the evening in my head, it hit me.
I’d spent the past year putting up walls. Roadblock after roadblock, detour upon detour, just to keep everyone out while I grieved behind them, in private. Callum had spent the past few weeks taking them down, brick by brick. He hadn’t rampaged through them like a raging bull, he’d done it carefully, thoughtfully. He’d taken his time, chosen his moments, chosen his bricks. While I was busy trying to decide if I was ready, he was standing there, a pile of bricks at his feet, waiting for me. While the maelstrom of emotions waged a war inside my head and my heart, he had stood there, just out of sight, and waited for the storm to pass.
Although I still wasn’t sure how or why, he had found me, and he had cared enough to dig me out of the rubble. I didn’t think I would ever be able to put that into words he would understand.
I finished serving my customer and saw Callum out of the corner of my eye, settled into his regular spot at the end of the bar. I glanced around, but Leo was busy clearing tables at the other end of the room. I walked towards Callum, unable to keep the smile off my face. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know how to play it cool, not with him. There didn’t seem to be much point anyway, not after last night.
“Hey,” he smiled.
He looked like the cat who got the cream. Was I the cream? I wanted to be.
“Hey yourself.”
I polished the bar half-heartedly with the cloth in my hand, the only outlet for the build-up of nervous energy inside me.
“Can we talk? Privately, I mean?”
His smile faded, as did mine. Something was wrong, I could feel it.
“It’s okay,” he said gently, reaching across the bar to rest his hand on top of mine, stilling it. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
If he felt the need to reassure me, my gut instinct was right. I could already feel myself trying to rebuild those walls around my heart, just in case. My gaze fell to his hand, as he squeezed mine. His knuckles were red and swollen.
What the hell?
When I looked back at him, his expression was still neutral, but I wasn’t fooled. His eyes gave him away, just like they always did. He was hiding something from me. I gestured for him to come behind the bar and through to the back room, and I disappeared through the door, waiting for him to catch up. He was right behind me, closing the door after him.
“I’ve just paid a visit to Mike Dawson, that reporter from the other night.”
He turned to look at me, but it felt like the floor was tilting. What did he just say? Why would he…
I glanced down at his hand again and he tried to hide it from me, shoving both hands into his pockets.
The blood drained from my face.
“Don’t freak out, okay?”
Too late.
“I wanted to make sure he got the message – that you didn’t want him around, that you deserved your privacy, that you’d damn well earnt it. I don’t think he’ll be bothering you again.”
That was code. I knew Callum. It felt like I was inhaling sand. The pieces were joining together and I didn’t like the picture it was forming.
“What… what did you do?”
“Let’s just say he had trouble understanding me, but I think I got through to him.”
I shook my head. Oh God. Why did he look so damn calm? Didn’t he know what he’d done? My knees turned to jelly and I leaned back against the wall to steady myself.
“I can’t believe you did that,” I mumbled, still trying to convince myself that I’d misunderstood.
I’ll never be free of them now.
He was genuinely confused, I saw it written all over his face as the blood rushed back into mine.
“It’s okay,” he said, reaching for my arm. “It’s going to be fine. He’s not hanging around, you don’t have to worry about him anymore, Sass.”
“Are you kidding?” I snapped, shaking him off as my temper roared to life. “Don’t you get it? You’ve just made everything a thousand times worse!”
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t do you? You don’t get it. Jesus… “
I pushed myself away from the wall and walked down the hallway, towards the store room. I needed to move. I couldn’t just stand there. Everything buzzed – the blood rushing through my veins, the noise in my head, the anger thundering in my temples. My emotions took over, turning my body into a robot.
“Sass?”
I stood in the middle of the store room, flexing my hand into a fist in a vain attempt to keep a lid on my temper.
“You can’t reason with these people!” I seethed. “They don’t work like that! They want drama, they want misery, because that’s what they thrive on! They’re not like you and I, they think differently!”
“If it’s misery he wants, then that’s what I gave him,” he said, all trace of nonchalance gone now.
He was starting to doubt hims
elf. Good. I wanted him to know how it felt to be trapped like a rat in a cage. I wanted company in there this time.
“Why?” I said, my voice cracking as irrationality and anxiety overwhelmed me. “Why did you do it? Did you seriously think he’d just go quietly? Don’t you get it? He’s just the tip of the iceberg – he’s the one we can see! The ones we can’t see, all the others with their cameras and their long-distance lenses, they’ll be everywhere soon – everywhere! We’ve already had two of them in here, and it won’t be long before word gets out and the others catch up. Word spreads like wildfire in their world! I won’t even be able to leave the house soon! It’ll be like after the accident, all over again… “
I stumbled backwards as the realisation hit me, sucking the air right out of my lungs. He was on me in a heartbeat, grabbing my shoulders, dragging me upright, his eyes honing in on mine. Part of me recognised the panic in him, and saw the regret, but it wasn’t that part that had control over me.
Irrationality and sheer, abject fear took over.
“It won’t,” he said, shaking me gently. “It won’t be like that again. I’m here this time, and I won’t let it, I promise you that.”
“You can’t stop them!” I blurted out. “You’re not my bodyguard! You can’t be with me twenty-four seven! They don’t sleep, okay? They just keep coming until they have what they want!”
He shook his head, and even his steely determination wasn’t enough to make me waver. I knew them better than he did.
“Not on my watch.”
“You’re not even listening to me!” I cried, my head spinning with worst-case-scenarios.
“I am listening to you! I heard very damn word you just said, but I refuse to give in to them, that’s all!”
I stared at him, gulping down a breath. Suddenly, the world seemed to stop turning.
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Giving in to them?”
“I didn’t say that.”
