by Hirukuma
Come to think of it, if I use the ice vending machine I got before to dump ice in, it might fill up faster than putting in water.
Also, I just added a coin-operated vacuum cleaner from the feature list, too, but that won’t do much now. I do remember going to a self-service car wash before, but…hmm? A self-serve car wash. Which means I should be able to choose that, right?
Great. I feel like I’ve been spending far too many points lately, but a vending machine’s purpose is to be useful to its customers. I’ll add this feature.
By choosing it, my form begins to change. I morph into something several times wider than a vending machine, and several buttons appear. A hard, black hose affixes to my side, and beyond that, a nozzle with a lever resembling a gas pump.
“Yet another form I’ve never seen. Boxxo, this is your answer, right?”
“Welcome,” I answer immediately to Captain Kerioyl’s question. I’d normally doubt they’d figure out how to use this, but this time, Lammis and Hulemy are here for me. I trust that they’ll manage to do something.
“Excuse me, then. A bunch of bumps—will they respond somehow, like when you press the bumps to buy items?”
“Hulemy, there’s a really nicely drawn picture here. Could this be how to use it?” asks Lammis from my side as she points, as Hulemy’s already taken her first step in consideration.
Yes—this type has several different courses, and the photograph shows the process and how much it costs. If Hulemy looks at this, with how well she understands things, she’ll figure it out.
“Heh, what’s this? When a woman holds this, it shoots water! Boxxo, do you mind if I try it?!”
Hulemy presses me, eyes sparkling brightly. I don’t have any reason to refuse her. “Welcome. Insert coins.”
I’ve been doing free community service a lot recently, so I appeal to money. The Menagerie of Fools will end up fronting the bill in the end anyway, so there should be no problem.
“Oh? Then I’ll pay. Vice Captain?”
“How very like you not to consider paying from your own wallet.”
Vice Captain Filmina takes a gold coin out of her wallet and inserts it. Power fills my body, telling me that the preparations are complete.
“Great, all set. Just press this switch, point it away from others, and pull!”
Water erupts from the nozzle’s tip, scattering into a spray and hitting the wall. It seemed to be stronger than Hulemy anticipated, because the force made her take a step back.
“Incredible. You could easily extinguish a flame scoll with this.”
It looks like she’s starting to have fun, since she sprays the water on the wall from the top to the side, starting to clean off the dirt on it.
Lammis and Pell and Suco of the Band of Gluttons watch. Shui and the twins of the Menagerie of Fools go over to Hulemy, waiting enviously, with eyes as pure and innocent as a child who just spotted a toy.
“We can take turns,” says Hulemy as though instructing children. She’s met with a chorus of yeses. This pressure washer is actually fairly fun to use when washing your car. I’ve had machines clean the whole thing before, but ever since learning how fun it is to wash it yourself, I’ve been going for the self-service washes.
“With this much water, filling the hole isn’t a fantasy anymore. That’s a great help, Boxxo!”
I don’t feel bad that Captain Kerioyl praised me, but even with this amount, it will take days… No, maybe over a week would make more sense. If I keep shooting water that whole time, will things really go that well?
Plus, is this really the deciding factor? There’s no end to my questions and concerns, but if this is really the best option, I’ll just have to go with it. Time for me to let loose with everything I have.
Uh, wait, hold on. I can only use a form change for two hours per day… What should I do?
Two days passed after that.
Our days consist of one person wearing a rope just to be safe and fiddling with the trap-activating mechanism to open the big hole, while I keep pouring water inside.
Still, in the end, I’m only a pressure washer for one hour per day in case of unexpected accidents. After that, I continuously drop two-liter bottles of mineral water.
At first, they would have someone open the cover and they’d pour water onto the slanted part inside, but after seeing me getting rid of just the plastic bottle once so the water inside could get out, they immediately understood. Right now, I’m dumping entire plastic bottles down the hole.
Hugehog fiends and risen skeletons appear several times during the process, but it’s reckless of them to challenge this many skilled hunters in one group, so we drive them off in the blink of an eye.
When flame scolls appear, Lammis puts me on her back, and whoever we decided beforehand is on water-shooting duty strides right up to them and happily blasts them with water.
With this much water, their flames go right out. They seem to be having fun with it, and when a flame scoll appears, everyone that’s not on duty gets jealous.
“I’ll go down and check how much water accumulated. Be sure to hold on to the rope.”
The lightweight Mikenne ties a rope around his stomach, then has his friends lower him slowly down into the hole. It feels like there should be quite a bit of water down there now, but what does it actually look like?
After a while, Mikenne returns—having been fished out by Lammis—and delivers his report to Director Bear and the others.
“It’s cold like midwinter in the hole, but it looks like the bottom has good drainage. The water is seeping into it, so not all of it filled up.”
“Hmm. I see.”
“I thought it was a good plan, too… It should be effective to drop it down there, still, but I guess we have to go back to the drawing board.”
Director Bear and Captain Kerioyl trade looks and groan about it.
Good drainage? There might be something to test here.
“Oh, Boxxo changed all of a sudden. This is— Oh, I get it. If it’s cold, we should drop ice in, rather than water.”
That’s right. It’ll only be for an hour a day, but it’s better than doing nothing. And I increased my speed, so I can drop the ice out at a much faster rate than before.
Extinguishing the Flames
After that, whenever midnight came, I changed forms and manually dropped a lot of ice in. My speed is increased, so it bursts out like a waterfall.
The hole is apparently fairly cold, and Mikenne, who dangled inside again to make sure, said it’s not melting at all.
Hulemy mounted a wooden slide-like object to my compartment, so now I can drop it into the hole without hindrance.
I work in the middle of the night because of my two hours per day restriction, so if I do it during the final two hours of the day, as soon as the date changes, my form-change time limit is restored.
Therefore, my midnight work is generally a one-person job. Lammis and the others said they would wake up for me, but I politely declined. In that case, they should just stand watch normally.
If the Flame Skeletitan has the same characteristics as the flame scolls, as long as we put out its fire, attacks will get through. But I can’t help but feel that with only water or ice, it would vaporize them in an instant.
“Boxxo, what are you thinking about?”
As I straddle the date and return to my original vending machine form, Lammis pops up from behind.
Still, why does she know when I’m worried about something? I should be the same vending machine as usual.
“Maybe you don’t notice, but whenever you’re thinking, your lights blink and get weaker sometimes.”
Really? I hadn’t noticed at all. Lammis is very observant.
“Boxxo, can I ask you something?”
Unusually, her smile disappears, and a serious gaze falls on me. This doesn’t seem like a situation where I should poke fun or play dumb.
“Welcome.”
“Boxxo, do you want to
go back to being human?”
That’s a hard question. Normally, you’d want to go back to being human instead of staying a vending machine. Even if you are a vending machine maniac…
At first, I hoped to go back to being a person, too. I still have the desire to go back to being a person so I can exchange words with Lammis. But then I realized something. If I went back to being a person and was no longer a vending machine…would I have any value?
Right now, I feel that I’m helping Lammis and the rest of them. But if I went back to being a person, it would mean going back to an average person with no particular redeeming qualities.
When I think about it, I get scared. If I go back to being human, I’d probably be happy at first. But in the back of my mind flashes a future where everyone eventually knows I’m useless and says they liked it better when I was a vending machine.
And I’m even anxious about whether or not learning Telepathy will break the illusion when I talk to her. I was never very good with words when I was human. Would I be able to have satisfying conversations with them? Would they be disillusioned after talking to me, saying I’m not a very interesting person?
Maybe, back then, I unconsciously avoided taking Telepathy for that very reason. I have the bare minimum communication ability that I need already, so I forced myself to believe that was enough, and let go of my chance to talk to them.
It’s pathetic. How can I have more confidence in my existence as a vending machine rather than a human?
“Get one free with a winner.”
“You mean you’re not sure? One day, I want to talk to you and do all sorts of things with you, Boxxo. Oh, and like I said, I want to eat your homemade cooking, too!”
If I had arms, I could embrace her and her unyielding smile. If I had feet, I could walk shoulder to shoulder with her, rather than be carried around on her back.
Maybe that alone would be enough. If that is her desire, then I will live my life with that as my goal. No matter what the result is in the end.
Several more days passed. There’s a good amount piled up in the hole, too, so we’re apparently going to carry out the operation. The gist of it is that we locate a flame scoll first, then maneuver it to this pitfall.
Then, with the pitfall closed, it calls the Flame Skeletitan. Once it’s above the hole, we activate the trap, drop it into the hole, and when its fires go out, we launch an attack from above.
To do that, we start loading the cart full of rocks. The main battle force for this is Lammis.
The rocks aren’t that big, though, which bothers me. Lammis could carry much larger boulders, but apparently the buar cart wouldn’t be able to hold the weight, and there weren’t any bigger ones anyway.
It’s tough, not being able to say anything about things you haven’t tried yet. As long as we trap it in the hole, the danger will be less for the time it can’t climb back up to us. I would think just that fact would put the attackers at an advantage.
“Captain, it seems Red has made contact with a flame scoll,” explains White to Captain Kerioyl with a hand over his ear.
“Great. Have him lead it this way.”
If I recall, the red-and-white twins know a special Blessing that makes it possible to talk to each other no matter the distance, though they can’t talk to anyone else. Despite the restriction, it must be a convenient skill. Obviously, the captain would value it.
“You heard him. We’ll wait a short distance from the hole. Mikenne, put on your hooded mantle and get to your assigned position.”
“Got it.”
Mikenne, completely covered in a mantle the same color as the wall, takes up his position in front of the pitfall’s activator. When he turns his back, it looks like he melts into the wall. Unless you pay close attention, you might not realize he’s there.
We lie in wait in position on the other side of the hole. Now we just have to buy time until the scoll calls the stratum lord, then execute the plan.
“Boxxo, be honest—how does this look to you?” asks Hulemy in a hushed tone, bringing her mouth close to me. “Think we can pull it off?”
I think times like these come down to luck, but it’s less about whether I think this will go well and more that I want it to.
“Welcome.”
“I see. I really want it to work, too. But the rumors say that the Flame Skeletitan’s flames are strong enough to instantly vaporize water. I wonder if filling the hole with ice will be enough…”
Ah, I see. That’s what Hulemy is apprehensive about. I’d like to clear away her worries, but I don’t possess a way to tell her.
“Red is almost here!”
“The Menagerie of Fools will be on duty waiting above the hole. Don’t let go of our ropes!”
“Leave it to us, Captain!”
“You may rest easy.”
Lammis and Director Bear grip the ropes tied around their waists. Also, the captain’s is tied around my body. I wonder what would happen if I changed forms… I’m curious, but I’ll restrain myself.
Red bursts out from a side passage with three floating flame scolls in pursuit. He fished up that many?
“We can beat up to two of them—but make it seem like we’re having a difficult time. Be sure to leave one.”
“Roger that!”
The Menagerie of Fools pounce on them in high spirits. With their skill, the flame scolls will never get the better of them, so I can watch without worrying.
They do actually handle them with room to spare, so now we just have to wait for the guest of honor—the stratum lord—to appear. As the flame scolls numbers dwindle to one and the Fools whittle it down slowly, I feel a faint rumble from the ground.
It looks like our real prey has arrived. I can see the air trembling in spots connected to a side passage. It must be the high heat creating a mirage.
“Great! You know what to do!”
“Yes!”
The Menagerie of Fools easily take down the last flame scoll, then position themselves in the center of the pitfall. Everyone watches as a giant skeletal hand burning with crimson flames appears. And then its fire-veiled skull suddenly materializes, close to the top of the wall.
“It’s already hot from this distance?” Hulemy wipes sweat from her brow, staring intently at the Flame Skeletitan. Everyone’s faces are strained. I don’t blame them—a giant skeleton on its own is strange enough, but it’s covered in flames hot enough to melt the walls.
“You should back up a bit,” says Director Bear, urging Hulemy to move a little.
The Menagerie of Fools are starting to retreat as though frightened, but I catch sight of them glancing underfoot.
With every step it takes, it prints a melted, foot-shaped depression into the floor, just like last time. It starts out slow, with heavy movements, but gradually increases its walking speed until it reaches a trot.
It closes in on us with rumbling and ground-melting force; looking at it objectively, it’s incredibly disheartening.
“Don’t get caught! Run straight through!”
The Menagerie of Fools run like their lives depend on it—well, they do—and the flaming skeleton continues to close in from behind. It swings its arms, and while they seem to just barely be out of reach, the hot winds the swings create blow their hair all over.
“Hot! It’s way too hot!”
“Captain, please leave your whining for later.”
“No fair, Vice Captain!” pipes in Shui. “You have water covering you!”
“Don’t you have any consideration for your subordinates?!”
“I’ll take some water, too, please!”
After hearing their shouts, I glance at the vice captain. She is indeed coated head to toe with water. That must be why she’s the only coolheaded one there.
But they all have enough presence of mind to engage in witty banter.
Each one gets past the pitfall, and just as the Flame Skeletitan enters it—
“Now, Mikenne!” roars Director
Bear.
“Right!”
Mikenne, disguised as the wall, activates the trap.
The ground underfoot disappears, and the Flame Skeletitan, its hand outstretched, disappears from sight.
“The steam is going to come out, everyone!” shouts Hulemy. “Don’t get close to the hole!”
The members trying to sneak a peek immediately stop what they’re doing.
But no matter how much time passes, no vapor erupts from the hole, and everyone’s gazes gather on Hulemy.
“H-huh? The water should be evaporating… What’s going on?” Hulemy groans, unconvinced, folding her arms.
Mikenne’s curiosity gets the better of him, though, and he nervously peers into the hole.
“Hey, everyone, the skeleton’s flames are out!”
“I don’t get it, but if they’re gone, great! Start throwing ’em in!”
By Captain Kerioyl’s barked order, everyone begins throwing huge rocks inside.
I’m probably the only one who knows why the flames went out. I was dropping something into that pitfall, but it wasn’t ice—it was actually dry ice.
Dry ice is a mass of hardened carbon dioxide. When the Flame Skeletitan fell inside, the dry ice melted and filled the hole with CO2.
That much is taught in elementary school physics, but if fire doesn’t have oxygen, it can’t burn; and carbon dioxide is heavier than oxygen, so it collects underneath—where its flames are, in other words.
It’s a good thing it worked, but if it had failed, it would be too horrible to look at. This was an independent decision I made, so I’m seriously relieved.
Now, then. It would be great if we can just exterminate it like this, I hope against hope as I watch them drop stones in one after another.
The Finishing Blow
“Mikenne, how does it look?” asks Captain Kerioyl as Mikenne peers into the hole.
“It looks like we’ve hurt it some, but I think we still need another push.”
The smaller stones haven’t quite done the trick, huh? If they used something heavier and harder, it might work… Hmm? Why is everyone staring at me right now, I wonder?
