And once I figured it out, my entire body went stiff.
“Morning,” Ethan’s thick, sleep rough voice sent vibrations through his chest straight into mine. Because in my sleep, not only had he managed to climb into bed with me, but I was pressed so close to him we were practically fused together. He was on his back, one arm tucked beneath me and curling around so that he held my entire front to his side. And even thought I kept telling myself I hated him, there was no denying just how muscular he was, if the chest my head was currently resting on, and the thighs my own leg was thrown over was anything to judge by. The man was a freaking powerhouse. And I was all but laying on top of him.
To make matters worse, the tingle I was feeling low in my belly had nothing to do with being too hot.
“What…” I cleared my throat, struggling to form the correct words. “What are you doing in my bed?”
I felt his body tense beneath mine and went to move, only to have the arm that was holding me in place tighten around me. I realized it was the feel of his fingers sifting through my hair and across my shoulder that was causing the tickling that woke me because he continued the motion once I stopped struggling against the strength of his muscular arm — not because I wanted to (or at least that was what I was telling myself), but because it was pointless. He’d always been bigger, but he had at least fifty pounds and four inches on me now, and the struggle was fruitless.
His tone was still gravelly as he asked, “How much of last night do you remember?”
I scanned my memory to try and pick up right where it left off. “Uh… I remember my dad making me come home with you. I remember you helping me to the apartment…” I wracked my brain to try and come up with more, but the pain I’d been experiencing last night seemed to have overshadowed everything that had happened. “Um, maybe an argument you had with Lilly? And… I think I got sick?” I finished, vaguely recalling an up close and personal look at the inside of my toilet bowl.
“You did,” he answered in a soft voice. “I thought migraines were rare for you, sweetheart.”
I couldn’t keep laying there with him, not cuddled up like we were, having what to any outsider would seem like a normal conversation. His arm had loosened so I tried again to escape.
“Ethan, let me up,” I said when he refused to let me move off of him for the second time.
“Not until I’m sure you’re all right. You scared the shit out of me last night, Eliza.”
The burn I’d been feeling earlier was suddenly coming from an angry place, which suited me much better. “Not that it’s any of your damn business, but I’m fine,” I answered, giving his arm one last hard shove and finally gaining my freedom. Once I was able to put some much needed space between us, I was able to breathe again. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I gained my feet and managed to sway only just a bit before righting myself and turning back to see Ethan had sat up, looking way too good on my mattress than was safe for my sanity. “What I want to know is why you thought my condition last night made it okay for you to take advantage. I know you’re a fan of shitty behavior, but that was low,” I sneered. “Even for you.”
I would have liked to claim that I was the bigger person, that I always took the high road, that the way his jaw ticked as he fought to keep his anger at bay didn’t make my stomach do a happy little flip, but I wasn’t. I’d obviously struck a chord with that last comment, and damn if I wasn’t at least the tiniest bit proud of myself.
“Look,” he stated with straining patience as he gingerly moved off the bed, grabbing a crutch that I hadn’t noticed was leaning against the wall as he made his way toward me. “I know you’re pissed—”
“Pissed?” I spat venomously as that anger morphed into a fury so intense it was frightening. “You think that after the awful things you said to me the last time we spoke, I’m only pissed?” I didn’t miss the way his face twisted with a wince at my reminder of what he’d said to end our friendship, and a loud, uncontrollable bark of sarcastic laughter bubbled up from my throat. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to look contrite. And after six years, no less. My eyes narrowed on him as I continued. “Oh, believe me, Ethan, pissed doesn’t even touch the level of anger I have for you.”
Despite the hatred I was sure was flashing in my eyes, he didn’t stop his advance until he was only a few inches away from me, his face a mask of regret. “Believe me, I know better than anyone that I deserve every single ounce of hatred you must feel for me. But I’m here to fix that.”
I took a step back. “There’s no possible way you could fix that, Ethan.”
Despite his flinch, he continued to push. “I’m sorry, Eliza,” he said in a low, stricken voice. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I took the hit his apology caused and did my best to keep my expression blank. I refused to show him just how much that meant to me. “Too little, six years too late,” I spat. With a side-step I attempted to move past him, only to be cut off. He moved surprisingly fast for someone with a torn ACL who depended on a crutch to get around.
Leaning down so we were eye to eye, he repeated, “I’m sorry.”
I struggled to hold on to the ire I’d felt since the heartbreak finally faded into the background years ago. “I don’t care,” I ground out. “I appreciate you helping me home last night. But, as you can see, I’m fine now. You can go.”
“I’m sorry!” he stated again, his voice growing louder and fueling my own temper until it finally snapped.
“I don’t forgive you!” I stood on my tip toes to yell it in his face. “I’ll never forgive you!”
“Don’t say that!” He roared so loud it startled me, causing me to jump backward. My wide-eyed stare took him in cautiously as his chest rose and fell like he’d just finished running a marathon. “Don’t… don’t fucking say that,” he growled, clearly lost in his emotions as he dropped his crutch, clenched his eyes closed, and ran his hands through his hair. He remained in that position, looking utterly consumed by grief, for so long that I was able to notice my own breathing matched the erratic motions of his chest.
“Why do you even care?” I finally asked on a whisper, breaking the charged, palpable silence encompassing the room. “You made it clear what you thought of me with that last phone call.” I hated that the emotion clogging my throat could be heard with every word I pushed out. “Then you made it even clearer when you disappeared and never came back.”
Any space that had been between us disappeared in an instant when he moved on me, cupping my cheeks in both of his warm, calloused palms. It was when his thumb grazed my cheekbone that I realized I had started to cry. The only thing I couldn’t stand more than showing my sorrow at losing him was the fact I found myself worried over the fact he was standing there, embracing me, without the support of his crutch.
“That was the biggest mistake I’ve made in my entire life. I’ve regretted hurting you every single day, and if you’ll let me, I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you. You were my best friend, Eliza. The best friend I’ve ever had. I’d give my right arm to have that back.”
His voice trembled with such reverence it was almost impossible not to believe him. Almost. I pulled in a deep breath as I stared straight into his eyes and asked the question that had been plaguing me for the past six years. “Then why’d you do it? You knew how everything you said would affect me. It was like you intentionally hit that button my mom created hoping to inflict the most damage. What did I ever do to deserve that?”
“Nothing.” His ravaged voice cracked at the same time his fingers on my face twitched, pressing tighter against my skin. “You didn’t do anything to deserve it, and I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life for what I said to you.”
“Then why?” I demanded on a shout.
“Because of my own stupid insecurities, sweetheart. You were the most important person in my life, and the closer the draft came, the more I found myself questioning if I really wanted to leave here… to leave you.”
My eyes widened, still swimming with tears as he continued. “And that scared the shit out of me, Eliza. You knew. You fucking knew that all I ever wanted was to get out of here, start my life, to create something that was just mine that I didn’t have to worry could be ripped from under me in the blink of an eye. I wanted the security I hadn’t had since my grandmother died. But the closer that day got, I started second guessing myself. I knew what your mom did to you and how that fucked with your head and made it hard for you to let people in, and I knew I was fucking lucky I was one of those people. I was scared of what would happen to you if I left.
“I actually began considering what my life would be like if I stayed for you so you wouldn’t have to feel another loss, and the more I considered it the more fucking terrified I got. I didn’t want to give up my dream, and I thought if I didn’t make a clean break I was at risk of doing just that, and I worried I’d eventually resent you for it. So I fucked up. I made a huge mistake and I’m. So. Goddamned. Sorry.”
I’d always imagined what having Ethan apologize would have felt like, I just never expected it to leave me feeling so… hollow. And in spite of everything he just said, I couldn’t shake the sense that he wasn’t telling me the full truth. But that was no longer my problem. Reaching up to wrap my hands around his wrists, I pulled my face free and took a step away, ignoring the hope shining in his golden eyes.
“That’s the most selfish, inconsiderate thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” I managed to grind out. The tears immediately dried up, leaving me feeling cold and empty. “See, the difference between me and you is that I would never, ever have let you give up what you loved for me. I would have missed you… of course I would have, you were my best friend. But I was happy for you. Fucking thrilled! I would have never asked or expected you to give up your dream for me.”
“Eliza—”
I smacked his hand away when he reached for me again. “Everything you put me through, everything you said… it was all because you were a coward,” I spat, my lip curling in disgust. “I would have been happy with phone calls and texts, with getting to watch every goddamned game you played and telling everyone ‘Hey look! That’s my best friend.’ I would have been happy because I had my best friend. But because you were weak, you took that away from me in the most painful way you could think of. And now you come back and expect me to actually forgive you?”
I let out a bewildered laugh as I looked up at the ceiling, as if asking for divine assistance before meeting his crushed gaze once more. “I’ll be civil. When we’re forced to be in the same room because of our families, I’ll put on a happy face and play nice. And when you leave, I’ll go back to living my life the same way I’ve been since you purposely disappeared from it. But don’t ask me for anything else. I’m not the little, insecure girl I was when you left. I know what I’m worth now. I know what I deserve, and it’s more than the bullshit you gave me.” Once I finished my tirade, my chest swelled with pride that I hadn’t caved, that I stood my ground and demanded more for myself. “Now, if you’ll be so kind as to let yourself out, I’ve got a life to live. And you’re no longer a part of that.”
When I moved around him that time he didn’t stop me. I’d just made it to my bedroom door and pulled it open, fully intending on leaving him without so much as a backward glance when his voice, suddenly so full of determination, stopped me on the spot.
“Eliza.” I didn’t turn. But I did look back at him over my shoulder, only to feel a tremor shoot up my spine at the smile that graced his gorgeous face. “I’m glad to know you’re not that little girl anymore. And just so you know, I’ve changed too.” I opened my mouth to ask, spitefully, if he wanted a pat on the back, but he wasn’t finished. “And a word of warning, before I leave this town, I will get my best friend back. Even if I have to bend over backward and break every fucking bone in my body to do it. I’ll get your trust again. No matter fucking what.”
Suddenly peeved that I hadn’t ended our conversation with the upper hand, I threw the door the rest of the way open and stomped into the bathroom across the hallway, slamming that door behind me. All the while, telling myself that the low sound of his chuckle didn’t make my insides feel all tingly…
Even though it really did.
13
Ethan
There was a strong possibility that I was pushing my luck, but I had reached the point where I no longer gave a fuck. It had been two weeks since the blow up with Eliza in her bedroom, and every day since then, I’d come up with some excuse to be in her presence. Yes, I was aware that what I was doing could have been considered stalking to some, but I preferred to think of it as being fiercely determined. On the plus side, because of my “determination,” I’d gotten to eat at least one meal a day at the café, and damn, that girl could cook her ass off.
But I knew my constant attention was starting to wear on Eliza when, not even an hour ago, she came storming out of the kitchen demanding to know if I intended to “bug the shit out of her” for the remainder of my time in Pembrooke at a volume loud enough for everyone in the café to hear.
Needless to say, she didn’t find me endearing when I announced — just as loudly — that I planned on “bugging the shit out of her” for as long as it took to get her to forgive me and give me my friend back. She let out an adorable huff, followed by a myriad of curses that seemed out of character for her, before storming back into the kitchen.
That was why I currently found myself sitting at one of the comfortable booths that made up Sinful Sweets Café eating my third — or was it my fourth? — bowl of white bean chili when a blast from my past slid into the seat across from me, stating in a voice laced with humor, “Well look who’s decided to grace our town with his presence.”
My head came up from where it had been hovering over my bowl as I shoveled food in. “Holy shit,” I muttered, a grin spreading across my face at the sight of the man sitting in front of me. “Quinn fucking Mallick.” The guy I’d spent three years playing high school football with smiled in return and reached across the table to shake my extended hand. “How the hell have you been, man? I’m surprised to see you back here. Didn’t you move away shortly after graduation? Seattle or something like that?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged casually and leaned back and rested his arms against the back of the booth. “Life changes, man. What can I say? Moved back here when my little girl was four. Remembered what it was like growing up here and wanted to give her that same thing.”
“Wow, man. You’ve got a little girl? That’s awesome.”
Pride shone in Quinn’s expression as he shifted to pull his cell from his back pocket. He hit a couple buttons on the screen before sliding it across the table. Staring back from the screen was a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with a huge smile on her face, complete with missing front teeth and everything. “She’s a cutie,” I told him, handing the phone back. “You’re gonna have a problem on your hands when she gets old enough to date.”
He made a noise in the back of his throat that indicated he already knew that. “Believe me, she’s only in kindergarten this year, and I’m already dreading her teenage years. And she’ll never be old enough to date if I have a say in it.”
With a chuckle, I stated, “Well she’s definitely got her mom’s good looks. If she was as ugly as you, you’d never have to worry about the boys beating her door down.”
Quinn’s smile seemed a little darker as he looked back at the photo on his phone before shutting it down and sliding it back into his pocket. “Yeah, she’s her mom’s girl, that’s for damn sure.” I wasn’t sure what was going on in his head, but whatever it was, the look on his face made it clear not to push. I opened my mouth to move us to a new topic when Eliza’s presence hit me before she’d even made it to the table. With all the delicious smells floating around the restaurant, I could still make out her almond and vanilla scent from feet away.
She stopped at the edge, set two large plastic bags full of Styrofoam
containers on the table, and sent Quinn a friendly smile, all the while pretending I wasn’t even there. “Hey, Quinn. I got your order. Hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”
At the sight of her happy, smiling face pointed in the direction of my one-time friend, a completely irrational sense of jealousy washed over me.
“Nah,” Quinn grinned back, standing from his side of the booth and stepping out, “had just enough time to catch up with this asshole before having to get back to the station.” He threw his thumb in my direction, and it wasn’t lost on me that Eliza’s head didn’t turn my way.
“Well, stay safe,” Eliza frowned playfully, setting my teeth on edge.
“Safe?” I questioned, inserting myself in their conversation since they hadn’t been polite enough to include me.
“Yeah.” Quinn pointed to the Pembrooke Fire Department insignia on the right side of his jacket that I hadn’t noticed until just then. “Working over at Station Two. Just stopped in to pick up lunch for me and the guys.” He leaned in for another handshake, which I returned, while stating, “Good catching up, man. If you’re back for a while, we should go out for beers or something. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah, we’ll do that,” I replied. With a tilt of his chin my way, and a kiss to Eliza’s cheek, Quinn headed out the door. Eliza turned to retreat, but I grabbed hold of her wrist before she could escape.
“You know he’s married with a kid, right?” I said on a low growl. “You really think you should be flirting with him?”
With a sharp yank, she pulled her wrist from my grasp, but instead of leaving, she leaned in, speaking in a furious hiss only loud enough for me to hear. “That wasn’t flirting, asshole. That was me being nice to someone who’s always been nice to me. It’s called common courtesy. Maybe you should try it some time.”
Welcome to Pembrooke: The Complete Pembrooke Series Page 28
