She was prettier now, than she had been hours before when he saw her in the doorway.
"So, Eddie told me that you've only been with one girl. Don't you believe in variety?" her lips were on his neck, close by his Adam's apple. She wanted him, he knew that. She was practically straddling him as it was and he felt his face flush. His breathing was ragged and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest at any moment.
“She's my girl. She's the only one I've ever wanted to be with," he said weakly. Bonnie's face came to mind and made him smile and feel sad all at the same time. She was probably asleep now. She never stayed up late most weekends.
"Awe, well isn't that cute? She sure is a lucky girl," Jacie/Joni sarcastically said, her voice low and scratchy. Her face was in front of his now. He smelled the vodka on her breath. She bit his lip hard and he instantly pulled back, which made it hurt worse. Blood filled his mouth and he became hard even though he wasn't trying. They kissed then, aggressive and rough, not like how he was used to. He tasted blood, salt and beer. This is the second girl I’ve ever kissed, he thought. Bonnie’s face came to the forefront of his mind and he pulled away.
"No, I can't. I love her. I can't do this. I don't even know you," Eli said. He pulled away as far as he could. His hands were on her shoulders gently pushing her away. She pushed against him, hurriedly kissed him again. She smelled like sweat and booze. It was disgusting.
"I don't like the word no. I don't want you as a boyfriend. I just want to show you how another girl can feel," she growled and pressed herself against him.
She walked him to a dark room, opened the door and pushed him inside. The last thing Eli saw was Bonnie's face as he was pushed onto the mattress. Then the world turned black.
Eli looked over to the source of the sound and saw the girl on her stomach, her fire red hair splayed out around her. She lifted her head and smiled. His phone’s light lit her face. She wasn't that pretty, nowhere close to how beautiful Bonnie was. Eli's heart slammed against his chest. He felt tears threatening to spill. His throat was on fire.
"What’s wrong sweetie pie?” Jacie/Joni laughed and faced away.
Chapter Five
"Mama, I'm so sorry. I have no clue how they figured out where we lived," I apologize, peeking through the blinds. At least 50 paparazzi are hanging outside on the sidewalk and in part of our yard. Like vultures waiting to strike. Their cars line the street up and down, blocking multiple driveways.
"Honey, it's not your fault. Anybody can find out anything about anyone nowadays," Mama replies. I groan and turn around. Mama is sitting in her recliner watching TV, not seeming bothered at all.
"The neighbors are going to be pissed," I reply sitting on the couch, "And I really need to go to the store. We could use some groceries."
"This will all pass. I don't want you going out there and being attacked with nosy questions. Why don't you call Eli and see if he can't get them to move on," I shake my head. Here we go again.
"No, I can handle a few paps by myself. I rather not call him and seem like some damsel in distress." I know I’m being stubborn, but I already feel guilty for being so weak while I was sick the previous week. Eli had taken two days off to continue taking care of us, staying at our house and sleeping on the couch. He had been at our beck and call and had already done so much. Too much for me.
"Fine, I'll call him. You're going to have to get over your stubbornness. Y'all were friends first before having a relationship. Remember that," Mama picks up her phone and starts dialing. I just stare at her, my mouth open.
"Hi, Eli? Yes it's Ms. Cindy….are you busy? Well I have some paparazzi in front of my house and around the neighborhood and Bonnie really needs to go grocery shopping. I don't want her being harassed….yes, yes okay that sounds great….Okay see you in a bit. Bye," she hangs up and continues to watch TV.
"Well?"
"He’ll be here soon. He's going to tell them to move on or he'll arrest them. Then he said he'll take you to the store. I’m going to take a nap. A friend of mine might come over later for dinner and a movie."
Mama stands and throws the remote beside me on the couch and with her cane ambles to her room.
I turn the TV volume up and start flipping through channels. I stop on an entertainment show and watch as my face filled the screen.
"Bonnie Jinks has not been reached for comment on her break up with rock star Mick Jones. Her mother was involved in a near fatal car accident and it seems Bonnie broke things off before heading to her home state of Texas to join her mother's bedside. We caught up with Mick a few days ago and he gave this comment," the show's host fades into the background as a video of Mick took up the screen. He looks normal, wearing a faded and ripped t shirt and skinny jeans.
All of a sudden, I hear a commotion outside and peek through the blinds again. Eli is standing in the lawn in his uniform with his police car parked in the middle of the street. He’s talking to the photographers and I hear loud booing. But they’re packing up and leaving. I smile, despite myself, and settle back down on the couch.
On the TV, Mick is in the middle of talking, "You know, I hope she comes back. It's a shame what happened to her mom and all. I don't know if she's going through a quarter life crisis or something but she knows I love her." He takes off his sunglasses and wipes away the imaginary tears he has. He is a damn good actor that’s for sure. I always told him he should dabble in acting along with his music career.
There’s a knocking on the door and I call for Eli to come in. He opens the door smiling and closes the door quickly behind him.
"Man those guys are like freaking piranhas! They bribed me for a picture of you. You're lucky I'm such an honest guy," Eli declares and sits down on Mama’s recliner, “They told me they would give me $200 for one shot. If it's okay with you, we should hang out until they all leave."
I nod and continue to watch the TV. Eli gets the hint and stays quiet as the show's host comes back on the screen.
"We have received word that Bonnie's mother is out of the hospital now and resting at home. We have been unsuccessful at getting a comment from the shy artist. Our reporter was just shooed away from her mother's residence by a local cop. This is what was said."
Suddenly, Eli filled the screen and my jaw drops.
"If you folks do not get off this private property, then I will be forced to arrest all of you. Ms. Jinks and her family have the right to privacy in their own home, and we do not take too kindly to this type of harassment," Eli’s southern drawl is stern and sexy as hell. The host cuts in and something else is said, but I’m not paying attention anymore.
I look at Eli and he’s smirking. I raise my eyebrows as he laughs and exclaims, "Ha! That’s the first time I've seen myself on TV, which was pretty damn cool!"
"You're not mad? I'm so sorry they did that, Eli."
My apology is sincere; I really do feel bad for Eli getting tossed in the middle of my drama. It isn’t fair.
"B, it's okay. Like I said that was cool. I don't have a problem with being on TV, I was doing my job. And I was helping you and Ms. Cindy." He smiles at me and stands. He crosses to the couch and looks through the blinds. "It looks like they're all gone. You want to go to the store now? Or wait a little bit longer?" He peers down at me.
"Um, aren't you on duty or something? Now that they're gone, I can take myself to the store."
Instantly, guilt courses through my body, I sound like a rude bitch. I look up at Eli’s frowning face. My cheeks heats up as embarrassment takes over. I’m acting like a brat.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude. You're being really nice and I appreciate the help, I really do but-"
Eli holds up a hand, stopping me, "It’s alright, B. You're not being rude, so don't apologize. It's just that I'm really happy I helped you, that’s all.”
“I’m just in a bad mood today. I’m sorry.”
He breathes deep and sits down next to me, making sure not to get too close. "You know, it'
s weird for me too sometimes. I just want to start where we used to be? As friends, of course. You're like my oldest friend, you know that right?” His grin is big and goofy and I feel something stir in my belly. A warm sensation passes through me and I feel my bad mood start to ebb away.
I nod, too shocked at his sudden confession to vocalize an answer.
"I don't want this tension, this uncomfortable feeling surrounding us. I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry I'm being so pushy. I'm sorry Ms. Cindy is being so pushy too," he laughs and his face relaxes a little, "She's so intent on getting things back to how they were. It's kind of sweet."
He reaches over and holds my hand. It feels so normal. Like the last six years hasn't happened and we’re 18 again. Our hands have always felt like they were made to fit together.
When I don’t protest or pull away he continues talking, "I'm actually off duty right now and I would love to be able to accompany you to the grocery store. I just want to protect you, Bonnie. I don't want those douche bags around you, hounding you. You've been through enough."
Nodding again, I whisper, "That's very nice of you," then out of nowhere and without thinking, I blurt out, "Isn't your wife wondering why you're spending so much time over with us Jinks’?"
He laughs, “I’m not married. No wife wondering where I am."
"Girlfriend?"
"Nope. Actually, I haven't had one in a while," he answers. I look up into his eyes and my stomach twists sharply. Those stunning sea green eyes have always been my weakness.
"Why are you asking?" His voice has gone soft, teasing me. His eyes have that familiar twinkle and a lump forms in my throat. He is so striking. So completely handsome. So familiar.
I begin to cry then, tears falling down my face. Eli's expression changes immediately and he puts his arm around me.
Six years cannot take away the pain this man had brought me, but it also cannot take away the complete longing I have always felt when near him.
"I just can't help it. I just want to hate you. Hate you so much for what happened, but I can't. Not anymore. When you're around, it's so easy for things to feel like they used to, before that day. Part of me wants that, craves it.” I confess my head buried in his chest. I feel him heave a big sigh and his grip tightens slightly.
He’s silent though, so I continue, "Mama told me to remember that we were friends first. She’s right; you've always been there for me. You’ve been there for most of my life. It still hurts so much to be around you because I just want you and I to be like it used to. I'm just really confused. I'm sorry."
Looking up into Eli’s handsome face calms me. It’s the same face that I’ve kissed a million times. Those eyes that I used to daydream about in art class, his heart shaped lips that promised me forever. All the curves and valleys were so familiar. My hand reaches out to caress his cheek.
Eli sighs and pulls away to kiss my forehead. My throat tightens up and fire is just consuming me on the inside. I’m in danger of crying again.
"Bonnie, do you remember what my note said? How you'll always have my heart?" I nod and he continues, "It was true, and it’s still true. I know this isn't the right time for us, but maybe it will be soon. I feel it. I haven't stopped loving you."
He kisses me then, soft and sweetly. My heart quickens and tightens up. Suddenly, I’m 18 again, back to the day when he proposed to me. My brain is screaming at me to stop, that I’m being ignorant, but my heart overrides its commands. His lips are so soft and he holds me tenderly. Our bodies melt against one another.
It’s the best kiss I’ve had in a while.
He pulls away and sighs, "Lord, have mercy; I've wanted to do that since I first saw you at the hospital. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to take advantage of you, and it just felt like the right thing -"
I cut him off and kiss him again. This isn't just some guy. This is Eli. The same boy who took up for me on the playground at recess during the fourth grade. The one who told Steven Bowman to take a hike so he could dance with me. The one who held me while I cried on the day my parents got divorced. This was Eli, who in the 11th grade, tenderly and gently took the virginity that I gave to him and kissed my tears away when it was over.
This kiss is more aggressive, hungrier than the previous. I take his head in both my hands while his hands move toward my hips. He leans back and pulls me onto his lap.
When it’s over, I notice his eyes are misty, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask.
He smiles as he twirls a piece of my hair around his finger. My heart is still beating fast and he places his other hand over it. He finally nods in response.
"I love you so damn much, Bonnie," Eli whispers, "I never thought I would be able to kiss you again. Not in a million years. I never thought it was going to happen." He leans forward and hugs me. "You, my dear, have made me a very happy man right now."
"I love you, too, Eli. I never stopped." My confession is a whisper. I’m completely drained from the rollercoaster of emotions that has just taken place.
We sit there for a while, me on his lap, cuddling together, kissing every now and then. His arms are strong, stronger than they used to be. I notice that he’s still using the same cologne that he did in high school. I want to stay like this forever.
"How about you come with me to my house and let me change. Then we'll go to the store?" Eli asks. I nod and climb off of him.
"You mean I get to ride in the cop car?" I ask playfully. Eli smiles back and cups my chin, another gesture from the past; one that always brought butterflies to my stomach.
"Looks like it. I got to park it at the house and get the truck before we head off,” he says kissing my forehead.
I check on Mama, who’s still sleeping and apply some fresh make up. We start down the sidewalk and instinctively I take Eli's hand. Out of the corner of my eyes I see him smile while he opens the door for me.
I quiz Eli on all the gadgets in his patrol car. He laughs at my amazement of all the tech toys. All the tension from the previous hour has been completely erased.
"You live in your Pops lake house?" I ask once I recognize the direction we’re headed. Eli nods.
"Pops died a couple years ago and Gran said he had deeded the property to me while I was still in middle school. So I came out here, fixed it up a little and it's been home ever since," he looks sideways at me, "I hope its ok with you, going there. Since you know…" he trails off.
He proposed to me at that house. With petals on the bed that spelled out, marry me? We danced to Michael Bolton's love song. That day had been one of the best of my life.
"It’s ok. No worries," I assure him.
"Bonnie, I loved every minute of what just happened at Miss Cindy’s. But I don't want to rush you into anything. I don't want you to do anything you don’t want to do. I know you just got out of that relationship with that guy and everything…" his voice trails off and I reach for his hand.
“No worries, Elijah. You've always been such a worrier. I'm a grown ass woman and if I don't want to do something, please bet that I'll let you know," I take a breath and continue, "All those years with Mick were just empty. I cared about him, sure. But there was always something missing. Always something lacking and I never really found true happiness with him. Fun times, yes. Not real happiness though. You have always been a part of my life, even when we weren't together."
I take a shaky breath, it was so freeing being able to admit that. I’ve never been truthful about Mick to anyone, let alone to myself.
“I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but…I just don't know what we are right now, you know?" Eli says.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to describe the type of relationship we have. Let's quit being serious okay? I've had enough serious moments the last few weeks to last a lifetime."
At that instant, we pull up to the house. Eli really did fix it up; the roof, the porch everything. There’s an addition to side, as if an extra room has been built. A boat sits off to the side as wel
l as the old gray '88 Chevy Eli used to drive in high school. It’s a bit more rusted than I remember.
"Gaw, you still have that Chevy? I'm surprised it hasn't bit the dust yet!" I exclaim, climbing out of the cruiser. We walk up the driveway onto the porch.
"Be nice, you'll hurt her feelings. She may be old, but she's reliable," Eli unlocks and opens the door and I step in. I’m blown away by how different everything looks. The place has been modernized with electronic gadgets and a big flat screen TV. The couches are different and the walls have been painted.
It looks and feels like home. It feels like Eli.
"Let me change quickly and we can go," Eli calls as he heads down the hallway to the back bedroom. "Make yourself at home. I'll be really quick."
I quietly walk down the hallway after him, looking at pictures on the wall. There are framed pictures of his family, some old that I recognize and some newer. At the very end of the hall, I recognize a piece of art hanging in a very expensive looking frame.
It’s the cover art I had drawn for Mick's band's CD. I reach up and trace my initials at the far left corner: BMJ. It’s surreal seeing it framed on Eli’s wall. He’s pass by this every day for the last few years. And I had no idea.
"Hey, if you want, and don't mind, I could pick some stuff up to cook dinner tonight. I'm not that bad of a cook," Eli interrupts my thoughts and comes out of his room. He stops suddenly to keep from running into me.
I look up and notice he isn't wearing a shirt, just a pair of shorts. My mind goes blank as I stare at his chest. It’s beautiful, a complete masterpiece of perfection.
"Why do you have this?" I ask after hesitating for a split second, tapping the glass.
He grins and his cheeks redden. "Well it's not cause I like the band. To be honest I think they suck."
He walks past me into the living room and picks up a shirt from the chair. He comes to stand by me and he’s so close I can smell the body soap he just used. I look up at him.
"I always thought it was neat. And in that upper far right side, you can make out a man's face. I always hoped that it was me. That I was still in here,” he taps his temple, “You have crazy epic talent. I liked the thought of having a piece of you inside my house," he finished.
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