by T. R. Graves
The fact that Dr. Bryson is Levi's grandfather goes a long way toward minimizing the anxiety I normally have when I'm in a foreign place surrounded by people I don't know. With a bounce of my head, I agree to the lifesaving procedure.
"Great. Can you sign this form?" Dr. Bryson asks after spending several minutes explaining all the risks associated with the endoscopy.
I reach out to take the pen from his hand in order to sign the document, but I hesitate when I see that my hand is bandaged and taped to the point there's barely any skin showing. It's then when I notice there's a tube infusing blood directly into my veins. I send a questioning glance toward Dr. Bryson.
"You've lost an awful lot of blood, Miss Riddle. We're replacing it as fast as we can, but without this procedure, you'll keep losing it. Quite frankly, you could die without it," he says with a little more urgency than before.
Again, I nod. Then, I sign the form. As soon as he takes the paper and pen from me, I study all the tubes, wires, and medical paraphernalia attached to me. I reach up and find that there's a large tube coming from my nose. Alarming me is the fact that it's attached to some sort of suction machine that hangs on the wall next to my bed. Apparently, the machine is suctioning the blood out of my stomach as quickly as it’s being pumped through my veins because the bucket it’s attached to is full.
In addition to the hose that’s suctioning blood from my stomach, I have a smaller pronged tube blowing oxygen into my nose.
In a surreal way, I try to fathom how these people inserted all these tubes and needles in me without me knowing about it. They are so foreign and uncomfortable, I think about how good it would be to pull them out and off. Right before I reach up and jerk them out, a new round of medication hits my vein in the exact spot of the IV.
With the fire burning up my arm and across my chest, I think about cursing the nurse putting the syringe into the red box next to the sink because I know she did something to cause the pain. Before I can say anything, my eyes roll back in my head and I'm out again.
Levi
God damned Tope!
I punch the piss-stained mattress that just happens to be the only place I can sit during my incarceration within the parish jail cell. If Tope were here with me, I'd be punching him for having me held against my will like this.
I wish I'd never fucking told him I was going to the hospital to check on Emily. If I'd have just done it, he wouldn't have had that police officer pull me over, claim I was driving dangerously fast, and arrest me. Surely, I could sue him for false imprisonment or something.
Right then, I hear the clinking of a key chain and the echoing of footsteps. It’s easy to tell that several people are walking toward my cell. I’m not sure what to expect so I stand up.
As soon as the thick metal door swings open, I see my very sheepish cousin standing outside. It’s all I can do not to charge him and beat the shit out of him.
He ignores my anger and steps inside the cell with me.
"Do you need me, Mr. Bryson?" asks the heavily armed guard standing behind Tope.
Tope keeps his eyes on me. "No, Patrick. Levi and I are going to talk. If he sees things my way, he'll be able to leave today. If not, he'll stay here until I come back."
The guard is definitely more aware of the danger behind my anger than Tope.
"I'll wait right outside the door, Mr. Bryson. You call me if you need me," he says, closing the door behind Tope.
"You fucking asshole!" I yell, slitting my eyes and pumping my fists.
Tope puts his hand up as if surrendering.
"I know you’re mad at me, Levi, but you can't just barge into the hospital and see Emily. You have to understand what you've gotten yourself into. She's not normal, and her family will never welcome you with open arms."
I never hear anything Tope says beyond she's not normal. I charge him like I’m a wild animal protecting my mate.
Emily
The next time I wake, it's pitch black outside and I'm in a tranquil room that’s the exact opposite of the emergency room. Anxious about where I might be, I scan the room. I find Tess kneeling on a pillow next to my bed and mumbling soft prayers. Lorenzo, Phil, Brian, and Joe are sitting together on the room's sofa with their heads reclined back and their mouths wide open, sleeping. Owen’s in the recliner next to them. He's leaned forward with his shoulders dropped and his head propped in his hands. I think for the briefest moment he might actually be praying along with Tess.
My voice is hoarse when I say, "Owen. Y'all didn't need to come back because of this. I'm gonna be fine."
As soon as I speak, every stare in the room jerks toward me. All at once, they wake from naps, stop praying, jump from their seats, and gather around me. Based on the looks on their faces and the way Owen and the boys can't stop touching, stroking, and squeezing me, I know beyond a shadow of doubt I've been pulled from the brink of death. Shocking me more than anything is the long, grateful kiss Owen plants on my forehead. I swear I see tears in my father's eyes. I can't stop myself from reaching over and stroking his bearded cheek.
"You really had us worried," Phil says, his own voice husky with grief.
Brian and Joe nod. Every one of the boys are glassy-eyed and smiling at me like they’re beyond thankful I'm going to make it.
I study my men. It's been too many years since any of them has even pretended I'm anything more to them than their housekeeper. When I was a kid, it had been different. They all teased and hugged me nonstop. The love and adoration they had for me was unconditional.
Now that I'm a woman, they find it easier to ignore me than to shower me with attention... love... companionship. Worse than anything else for me was the way Phil purposefully avoided me since the night of Marcus's death. He's cowardly spent every night for the last several months at the union hall. At least, he did until they left for the summer.
Finally, I smile back at the boys with tears of joy and love leaking from my own eyes. Deep down, I know I love them even though they’re absolutely capable of committing atrocities. I feel guilty for loving them, but there's no denying the dried-up kernels of love that have been warmed by sentiment. Especially since they’re expanding, puffing up, and popping around in my chest.
I admire my stepbrothers' every feature. We all have the same brunette hair, chocolate eyes, and long lean bodies because Owen's traits dominated within every one of his children. None of us took very much at all from our mothers. While no man within the commune wants me—according to Lorenzo—the same is not true for my brothers. Every woman of age claims they want to be promised to and eventually married to one of my very handsome brothers.
While I stare lovingly toward my siblings, Phil reaches over and strokes a tear from my cheek with his thumb just as one rolls down his own face, disappearing into his week-old beard. Then, he leans over and kisses my forehead like Owen did.
"I'm sorry, Emi. I know all of this is 'cause of me. I'm gonna make it up to you. I promise. Just give me a chance."
Vividly remembering the night of Marcus's death, I look away from all of them. Love them or not, I feel traitorous when I think about Marcus and how much I'd been hurt that night. It's at that moment I realize the stress that is literally eating away at me began when I watched them callously kill a beloved member of our family.
Ever since then, I've been worried about them... about me... about my future all while facing a moral dilemma where there are no winners. I've been questioning the love I feel in my heart for men who, for all practical purposes, are monsters. Men who will kill me just as quickly if I ever betray them.
Somehow the men I live with, the ones before me right now, are not those monsters. They care if I live or die. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear they would protect me with their lives. It's almost impossible for me to reconcile my heart's love with my mind's images. There are two very different sides to these men, and that reality is driving me crazy and making me sick.
Still facing away from them and sta
ring at the door to the room, I shrug. "I-I've just been worried since... you know. I guess I haven't been dealing with it as well as I thought I was," I croak.
Phil’s voice hitches when I confirm he was responsible for my near-death experience. A wave of grief washes over me that might be my undoing if I even glance the boys' way.
Owen intervenes, speaking quietly. "Hush up now. Both of ya. We'll get back home and talk about what we need to do to make ever'thin' right for you, Emily. None of us like seein' you like this. You mean too much to us."
Those words are as close as Owen has ever come to saying he loves me. After I calm down a bit, I look over at my father and nod. He's as tall and almost as lean as my brothers. His hair and beard have smatterings of grey, and he has a few fine lines around his eyes that the boy's don't. Other than that, they could all be brothers.
I want to talk to them about everything that happened. I also want to be up front with them about Levi. I plan to take full advantage of Owen's offer for an open and honest conversation.
As soon as the thought crosses my mind, Tess squeezes my hand. I look toward her and see that she's barely shaking her head. She knows exactly what I'm thinking, and based on the panic in her eyes, she doesn't agree with my plan to share with them.
Making everyone jerk to attention and back away from my bed as if they'd been doing something they'd been told not to do, there's a light knock on the door to the room. A tough African American nurse who looks like she might be Owen's match pokes her head around the door and says, "The doctors are here. They need to examine Miss Riddle without the men folk bein' in the room. It might be a good time for y'all to go get some breakfast or go home and get cleaned up 'cause it’ll take a few hours for them to do everythin' they need to do."
Somehow, the rules followed inside the commune don't apply here. Not one of the men hesitates when the nurse orders them out. Instead, they quickly comply with her demands, grabbing their hats and jackets and leaving. I envy the ease with which the nurse has the boys scrambling around and following her orders.
I grab Tess's hand. "Can my aunt stay?" I ask, suddenly afraid that Tess might also be asked to leave.
The nurse—Sheila Nightingale, RN, per her name tag—eyes Tess suspiciously before saying, "Yeah. Yeah. She can stay if you want her to."
I hold tight to Tess. I may have talked to Dr. Bryson on my own in the emergency room, but right now, I'm worried he’ll ask about all the things that have contributed to the ulcers. He promised me we’d talk more about my stress once I'm better. I'm not sure if now is the time or if he’ll wait until later. Either way, I know I can't share with him all of the things that are causing me to worry.
A few minutes after the boys leave, Dr. Bryson walks in. His bright blue eyes and the kindness behind his grin are such reminders of Levi that my chest aches. Suddenly, I want to rip every tube out of me and go in search of the man I love. Just when I think I can't stand it another second, I notice the two men following behind Dr. Bryson. They may be dressed in long white coats like they are doctors, but they're not. It's two people I never would have expected to see. Not today.
Levi and Tope!
CHAPTER 13
There When I'm Not
Emily
"Levi. Oh my God!" I say, fighting the wires holding me down and trying to get out of the bed.
Levi rushes toward me, grabs my cheeks in his hands, and kisses every square inch of my face. Ignoring the tubes coming from my nose, he kisses the corner of my mouth and holds his lips there, breathing me in.
"I've been so worried about you, Em" he says with a desperation that almost breaks my heart.
I put my arms around his neck and whisper. "I'm fine. I've just been missin' you terribly."
He huffs. "Yeah. You're fine except you almost died."
I shake my head. "Your granddaddy took good care of me. I'm practically ready to go home," I say, looking toward Dr. Bryson for confirmation.
He chuckles. "You're definitely better, but you're nowhere near ready to go home, young lady. It's taken two days for you to stabilize enough to wake up."
I glance over at Tess. "What day is it?"
Tess nods. "It's Friday, Emi."
That's when I realize I've been in the hospital long enough for the boys to make it back. No wonder everyone's been worried about me.
"Levi's been fighting hard to make it here to be with you, Emily," Tope says quietly. It's almost as if he's afraid for me to notice him.
I pull away from Levi and notice a very timid Tope standing awkwardly in the corner. His jaw is clenched tight and his teeth are grinding. His concern for me—or Levi—is painfully obvious. I study him long and hard and wonder why he keeps the left side of his face turned away from me.
I reach my hand out to Tope. He shakes his head and stays put. When he does, I catch a glimpse of a dark shadow surrounding his eye.
"Look at me, Tope?" I demand, deciding I'll use every ounce of energy in my body to climb out of the bed and find out what I need to know if he refuses. When he turns his face toward me, I see the dark shadow around his eye is not a figment of my imagination, and it's worse than I thought.
I suck in a breath. "Jesus, Tope. What happened?"
Tope turns his black eye away from me and says nothing. Whatever happened hasn’t left him angry. Instead, he's hurt, and with his hurt, I know exactly who punched him.
I pull completely away from Levi and stare at him as if he hit me. "L-Levi, did you do this to Tope?" I’m disappointed in him and I can’t hide it.
Levi looks back at Tope as if seeing him for the first time in days. Then, his shoulders droop in shame. "Em, he had me locked in an interrogation room with guards that wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom without supervision. He's been keeping me from you. I was so out of my mind that when I finally saw him I charged at him and..."
I have no intention of beating either one of them up any more than they've already beat each other up, but there's something Levi needs to know.
I put my hand over Levi's and stroke it before quietly saying, "Levi, I'm threatened with being hit, slapped, and punched every day. I-I don't want to be with a man who uses his hands as a weapon." I lift his hand to my mouth and kiss it. "I've seen too much of that. You're different than them. I know that in my heart."
Levi pushes my hair behind my ear and cups my neck in his palm before leaning over and kissing my forehead. "I'll never hit you, Em, and I promise not to ever hit Tope again."
Tope defends himself. "He doesn't understand your family, Emily. He thinks all he has to do is tell them he loves you, and everybody will live happily ever after. You're going to have to help him understand the worst thing he can do for you is to let them know how he feels about you."
I reach my hand back out for Tope and leave it there until he finally steps forward and takes hold of it. I intertwine my fingers with his and squeeze every ounce of appreciation I have for him into my grasp.
Looking at Tope and siding squarely with him, I say, "Levi, Tope's right, and I want you to listen to him. Owen and Phil and Lorenzo'll kill you if they think for one second you're gonna take me away from the commune. Tope cares for you, and I want him to protect you... even if that means protectin' you from me. I love you, and I won't let them hurt you. You don't know..." My voice hiccups when I think about them doing anything to Levi.
I love him way too much to see him tied to a tree like Marcus or killed like my mother.
I look Levi in the eyes and wait for him to agree to my conditions. When he doesn't, I say, "Levi, I need you to promise this to me. Please."
Levi shrugs. "Em, I'll do whatever you need me to do." He eyes Tope like he's a tattletale. "And, I've already promised not to beat Tope up again."
Tope rolls his eyes. "Yeah. Like you can. The only reason I have a black eye is because I didn't fight back at all."
"All righty there, you two," Dr. Bryson says, reprimanding Levi and Tope with a tone more harsh than I'll ever be able to
use with either of them. "Stress is the worst thing for Emily. This bickering has to stop, or both of you will be asked to leave."
They both eye each other, but neither says anything out of fear they'll really be asked to leave.
"Listen, babe, we don't have a lot of time. All I can do is promise that I'll try my best not to do anything that'll make you worry."
I smile up at Levi. "Thank you. My life will be a lot less stressful if you keep being you, if you do whatever Tope tells you to do, and if you understand when I ask things of you I'm trying to keep you safe."
"Okay," he says half-heartedly.
Finally, Dr. Bryson—realizing their time is growing short—turns from grandfather to physician. "I need to talk to you about your condition. Do you want them to leave?"
I instantly shake my head. I trust both men enough for them to hear what I hear. For the next twenty minutes, Dr. Bryson talks extensively about the findings from the endoscopy, giving me brilliantly colorful pictures that show the lining of my stomach, the ulcer, and the blood coming from it. He explains all of the do's and don’ts of my diagnosis. Since I don't have any of the normal risk factors—drinking, smoking, or NSAID overuse—he avoids lecturing me too much. It's obvious Tope shared facts about my life with him, and he knows most of my stress is out of my control.
The more Dr. Bryson talks to me about my illness, the tighter Levi holds my hand. The degree with which he wants to protect my from every horrible thing in the world is palpable. I don't notice until Dr. Bryson is finished that I'm still holding Tope's hand, and I'm squeezing him with the same desperation as Levi.
"Emily, you'll be here for a few more days so I can make sure the bleeding's resolved," Dr. Bryson says in conclusion.
"Sh-she has another procedure that needs to be done today. Is Emily stable enough for it?" Tess steps into the mix and asks bravely.
I've forgotten all about her until she speaks up. I look over at my aunt. Tess is determined to follow through with the mission we embarked upon earlier in the week. I know why. If today is Friday, it's the last day the implant can be inserted without me having to wait until the next month.
