by HELEN HARDT
“Did the hoodie have any design? A school name? A team?”
“I don’t know. I only saw it from a distance.”
“You’re sure it was gray?” I asked.
“No, actually I’m not sure. Your boyfriend here asked me to think harder, and I did. That’s what I came up with, but like I said, it wasn’t anything memorable.”
“What does your father want from us?” Bryce said, his voice low and angry.
“Money, probably,” Colin replied matter-of-factly.
“He won’t get a penny out of the Steels,” Bryce said. “They’re pissed off now. You don’t take someone’s mother and then expect—”
“What?” Colin’s brows shot up.
“I didn’t get around to telling him that,” I said. “My mother is missing, Colin. Someone posed as Joe, walked right into her nursing facility, and took her.”
“But how? Don’t they have security?”
“They do, but there are ways around security,” I said. “Usually with money. And your father has money.”
“Not Steel money.”
“You don’t need Steel money to bribe nursing home caregivers,” I said. “You know that.”
“No. No way,” Colin said. “My father couldn’t have had anything to do with taking a mentally ill woman. He wouldn’t stoop—”
Bryce stood this time and grabbed Colin by the front of his shirt, bringing him to his feet. “Stoop? You mean stoop to blackmailing Jonah Steel by telling you to name him as your rapist?”
Colin’s face reddened. He didn’t try to break away.
“Bryce…” I began.
“Yeah, I know. You’ve been through hell, Morse, at the hands of my father. I’m not my father.”
Colin shrank into himself. “Your eyes. His eyes. I only saw his eyes.”
“Your father was probably wearing a mask,” I said. “Talon said all his assailants always wore masks when they…”
“A mask,” Colin said. “A mask. Your eyes…”
Bryce let go of Colin, and he sank back into the chair where he’d been sitting.
“I am not my father.” Bryce curled his hands into fists.
I rose and grabbed one of Bryce’s fisted hands. “No one is saying you are.”
“He is,” Bryce said through gritted teeth.
“He’s just saying you have your father’s eyes.” I paused a few seconds. “And you do.”
“And what else have I got that also was my father’s? Is that it? You think I could—”
“No,” I said, trying to sound as soothing as possible. “No one is saying that.”
Colin looked up then. “I’m sorry.”
I had no idea what to say. Colin didn’t really have anything to apologize about. Bryce did have his father’s eyes. He was almost an exact physical replica of his father, just like Joe was of mine. It happened. Genetics.
“Colin,” I said, “if you have more information for us, we need it. Now.”
“I’m trying. Sometimes my thoughts are all a blur.”
“I understand.” At least I tried to. He’d been through so much at Tom Simpson’s hands. He could hardly be expected to—
“Yes,” Colin said. “There’s something else.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Bryce
Marjorie’s touch helped calm me down a little.
But only a little.
“What?” I gritted out. “What else?”
Colin shrank back in his chair again, fear lacing his greenish eyes. I’d scared him, and I felt ambivalent about that. I was not my father, but the fact that I looked like him had to affect Colin. I understood, yet I didn’t. I wanted to separate myself from my father, wanted to cut every part of him from me.
At the same time, though, I didn’t.
I didn’t want to let go of the good times. The pleasant memories. My happiness as a child.
I had the best father in the world.
How many times I’d thought those words as a kid, even as an adult. He’d been so supportive when I brought Henry home, had doted on him, fussed over him.
My God, I’d left my son alone with that man.
Henry was fine. I had no doubt that my father had cared for him as much as he’d cared for me. I knew in my heart that he’d never been inappropriate with my son, as he never had with me.
So much going on in my head. I wanted to jump out of my skin to escape sometimes. I’d let go. I’d professed my love to Marj and committed myself to a relationship. I hoped I hadn’t succumbed too soon.
If I continued down this path of self-destruction and hurt her in the process…
I couldn’t.
I absolutely couldn’t.
“Start talking,” I said, trying to sound calmer than I felt.
“My dad told me something a while ago, right after Joe Steel rescued me.”
“What?” Marjorie asked.
“He said this wasn’t over. He’d find a way to make someone pay.”
“Your assailant is dead,” Marj said. “He’s already paid the ultimate price.”
Colin shook his head vehemently. “That’s not what I mean. That’s not what he said. He said he’d find a way to make someone pay. Someone. Not necessarily my assailant.”
“And you think he meant us?” Marj said.
“I don’t know what he meant. Honestly? My father blames me for what happened.”
“What?” Marjorie’s face reddened.
“I know it sounds terrible. But I’m a grown man, and I couldn’t fight off”—he looked meekly to me—“your father.”
A brick hit my gut. My father had been a big man, like I was, but Colin was hardly small. He was thin now, still recovering from his abuse, but he was six feet tall and, according to Marj, had been strongly built before.
“Are you saying he wants to make you pay?” Marjorie asked. “That hardly makes sense.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. He thinks I’m weak. But that started long before your father…” He gulped.
“He’s manipulating you,” I said, more to myself than to Colin or Marj. “He thinks the more he tells you you’re weak, the stronger you’ll be.”
The words echoed in my head. I’d heard them, or some variation of them, before. From my father? No, my father was never unkind to me.
Yet as I said the words and then heard them again in an echo, it was my father’s voice that uttered them.
“Bryce?” Marj said. “You okay?”
I cleared my head quickly and nodded. “Yeah.”
“I’ve often wondered,” Colin continued, “what my father’s childhood was like. He never spoke of it, and his parents were dead before I was born.”
“How did they die?” I asked.
He stayed silent.
“A car crash, wasn’t it?” Marjorie said. “I think that’s what Jade told me.”
“Yeah,” Colin mumbled.
“So you don’t really know much about your father,” I said. “What kind of man he is?”
“Oh, I know what kind of man he is. I’m finding out more by the minute. Things I don’t want to know. Things that…”
I couldn’t quite read the tone of Colin’s voice, and for a moment, I felt a kinship with him. He both loved and hated his father.
I could relate.
“In my father’s mind,” Colin continued, “I should have been strong enough to escape…or better yet, to not be in the position in the first place.”
“Are you and he close?” I asked.
“In some ways. We were, anyway. Not anymore. Not the more…”
“The more what?”
“Nothing,” he said. “No, I’d say we’re no longer close.”
“What does this have to do with anything?” Marj queried.
“It has everything to do with everything,” I said. “His feelings about his father are going to color what he tells us.”
“You mean whether he tells us everything?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
&
nbsp; “I only want to help,” Colin said. “I don’t want to see Jade or her family go through anything more.”
“What about me? Do you blame me for what my father did to you?”
“Of course not.”
“Your words are empty,” I said. “I can hear it in your tone. Part of you does blame me, and I can’t even fault you for that.”
“I don’t want to blame you,” Colin said.
“But you do.” I curled my hands into fists once more. “We’re in similar situations, you and I.”
“How so?”
“Your father is not the man you want him to be. Mine wasn’t either. Granted, mine was probably a thousand times worse than yours is, but still, he was my father. I wouldn’t exist but for him, and sometimes that’s very hard to deal with. Hard to reconcile.”
He looked at me then, met my gaze with understanding.
He and I actually had something in common.
“So I get it,” I continued. “I do. But if you ever cared about Jade, you need to accept your father for who he is and be completely honest with us. We can protect Jade, but only if we’re armed with everything you know.”
He nodded. “I know that. Why do you think I’m here?”
“Then you’ve told us all you know?”
“I have.”
“You’re lying, Colin,” Marj said. “You said there was stuff you couldn’t substantiate.”
“When I can substantiate it, I’ll tell you.” He looked down. “He’s still my father.”
As much as I didn’t want to, I understood. My father was still my father. Blood ran deep.
I cleared my throat. “When you can substantiate anything else, you’ll come to us?”
“I will. I’ll do anything for Jade. Part of me still loves her very much.”
Marjorie smiled then, and her smile put me at ease. Well, a little.
“Thank you, Colin,” she said. “Is there anything we can do for you?”
“No. I don’t need anything.”
She nodded. “All right.”
Colin stood. “I am really sorry. Sorry this all started. Honestly, if I hadn’t abandoned Jade the day of our wedding, none of this would have happened.”
“I know you’ve been through hell,” Marj said, “but don’t think of it that way. My brother needed Jade. She saved him. I’m not discounting what you’ve been through, but Talon went through the same at the hands of not one but three men, and he was an innocent child of ten. He lived with what occurred for over twenty years. It was Jade who helped him through it, gave him a reason to heal. In a way, you helped that happen.”
He inhaled deeply. “All because I was a coward and listened to my father. I think that might have been a turning point for my father and me. I think…”
I looked to Marjorie, hoping she would say something. She didn’t.
“Now you know who your father is,” I said. “That counts for something.”
“I don’t understand,” Colin said. “I never understood.”
Again I spoke more to myself than to Colin. “You never will.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Marjorie
Talon and Jade went into the city early for Jade’s checkup and the boys were at school, so I was alone in the main house. Bryce was at work, of course, only his second full day on the job. His first full day had gone well into the night. It was after midnight by the time we’d gotten home from the hotel. Though I’d been tempted to stay with him at the guesthouse, I’d come back to the main house and slept in my own bed. I didn’t want to cause any more unnecessary upheaval. My phone had died, I’d discovered, which was why I hadn’t heard Bryce’s call.
The last thing my family needed was to worry about me. We had two pregnant women, two troubled boys, and Joe and Bryce dealing with a repressed memory of Bryce’s father killing a young friend of theirs.
I was not about to add to the mix.
The image of my scar popped into my mind. At the moment, the cutting seemed ridiculous. I had everything. Fucking everything. I’d been born to great privilege, and having enough time to dwell on what was wrong in my life was simply another aspect of that privilege. Rumination leading to self-mutilation was a luxury, one I would now do without.
Again, I would not add to the mix.
Bryce mentioned when he saw me to the door last night that he was going to talk to Mel about his issues. Bryce needed her now, and I wasn’t going to waste her time with my self-serving nonsense.
No more cutting.
No more rumination.
No more self-absorption.
I was so done.
My father’s strength flowed every bit as strong through my veins as it did my brothers’, and I wouldn’t let anyone down. Out of everyone in my family—including Bryce, who I now considered family—I’d been through the least.
Time to let it go and concentrate on ending this nightmare once and for all.
My phone buzzed, knocking me out of my long-coming epiphany. Not a number I recognized. “Hello?”
“Ms. Steel?”
“Yes?”
“This is Carrie Umbrage, principal at Snow Creek School. Your brother asked that I call you.”
“How can I help you?”
“Dale is upset again. He thinks he saw the same stranger lurking around before school this morning. Mr. and Mrs. Steel are at a doctor’s appointment in the city and figured you could get here before they could.”
“Of course. I’m on my way. Is Dale all right?”
“He’s okay. The nurse says his heart rate is elevated, but that’s from fright. He’s lucid and doesn’t have any problem answering questions.”
“What about Donny?”
“Donny’s fine. He’s in class.”
“All right. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Then I quickly dialed another number.
“Your mom and dad will be here as soon as they can,” I told a quiet Dale. “Your mom had a doctor’s appointment in the city.”
“I don’t want to be a bother to them.”
“You’re never a bother to any of us, sweetie. We love you.” I turned to the principal. “Have you called the police?”
“They’ve already been and gone. He answered all their questions.”
“Good for you,” I said to Dale.
I looked up when a knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” the principal said.
The doorknob twisted, and in walked Ruby Lee Steel, Ryan’s wife. I’d called her and asked her to meet me here as soon as she could get away.
“Thanks for coming.” I stood and hugged her. “This is my sister-in-law, Ruby Steel. She’s a former police detective. I wanted her to come and look around.”
“Nice to meet you,” the principal said. “Feel free to do what you need to do. I’ll be happy to help any way I can.”
Ruby shook Ms. Umbrage’s hand. “I appreciate it. I’d like to have a look around the playground. Is that where you saw the man this morning, Dale?”
“Yeah.”
“Outside the fence, like last time?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Can you show me where he was?” Ruby asked.
He nodded again and stood. “Can I go now?”
“Show your aunts where you saw the man,” the principal said. “After that, they can take you home if you’d like.”
“No. I want to stay at school.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah. Talon says it’s important to be strong and that I’m safe here.”
“You are,” the principal said. “We have an on-site police officer, as you know. School is safe.”
I hoped she was right. I didn’t feel great about leaving Dale, but I agreed with Talon. Dale and Donny both needed to learn that they were safe now, but we couldn’t shelter them and never allow them to leave the house. They’d grow up agoraphobic.
My brother was a smart man. Having been through what the boys had been throu
gh, he knew what was necessary for their healing.
“Okay, Dale. Let’s take Aunt Ruby outside and show her where you saw the man.”
He led us out the back door of the school to the enclosed playground. A ten-foot-tall chain link fence encased the large play area, which was covered in pea gravel.
“This way.” He pointed to the far end of the area, where two sides of the fence met in one corner.
Once we got there, Ruby put on some blue rubber gloves, knelt, and examined the ground. “Definitely some indentation on the other side, which could mean footprints. I’m going to go around and have a look.”
“Do you want to go along?” I asked Dale.
He swallowed. “Yes, I do. I want to face my fears.”
More words of wisdom that had come from Talon. I was sure of it.
“Are you sure?” This time from Ruby.
“I’m sure.”
He seemed a little less spooked than he had been the first time. We walked all the way back and then around to the other side. Green parkland surrounded the back of the school. A baseball diamond and football field were overgrown with weeds and grass. A shame.
Ruby knelt again when we came to the spot where Dale had seen the strange figure. “Someone has definitely been here. I can’t really tell much else.” She picked up what appeared to be a cigarette butt. “Was the man smoking a cigarette, Dale?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay.” She put the butt in a zippered plastic bag anyway and began raking her fingers through the soft dirt. “I’m afraid I’m not finding—” She pulled something from the ground. “Well, what do you know?”
“What?” I asked.
“A cufflink. A gold cufflink.” She held it up.
“Why would a guy in a hoodie have a cufflink?” I asked.
“Good question. We don’t know for sure that it’s his, but why would anyone hanging around a schoolyard be carrying a cufflink?” She examined it. “It’s engraved with initials. CM.”
CM. Oh, God. “Colin Morse?”
“That’s the only CM I know who has anything to do with any of this.”
“But Colin…” I shook my head. “It’s a plant. It’s got to be.”
