Chapter 13: In the Dark
11:02 p.m. Missed Call from Tim
11:07 p.m. Missed Call from Tim
11:09 p.m. New Message: silence . . . click
11:10 p.m. New Message from Tim: “Where r u”
Katelyn sat next to the bonfire and read the new text. She was fully alert despite the several beers she had downed. Emily had left her to go talk to Collin, and from what she could see, Emily was making good progress. She was fawning over him as if she was really interested in the drag racing story he was telling a couple of his friends. He was eating up the attention.
Katelyn was as good as alone. Next to her was the class stoner, Josh Kramer. He and a couple other boys had led the smoking session a half hour ago, but only the three boys scattered around the fire were still passing a joint. Conversation had stopped and they all seemed to be entranced by the flames of the bon fire.
When the joint was passed to her, Katelyn held up her beer as a gesture that she’d pass, as if one substance was too much for her. Now she had been forgotten by them, and she didn’t mind. She had to answer some curious questions about her Gorman incarceration when she first showed up. Amazingly, she had reached urban legend status, but her story was now old news. It only served to spur more stories and jokes at Gorman’s expense. Her “record” gave her credibility. She hadn’t necessarily graduated to “cool” status, but she felt more accepted than usual.
Katelyn relaxed in the dark of the night. The air was crisp, but not too cold. If she turned her head from the fire, the only light source for at least a half a mile, thousands of stars sparked in the sky. The burning wood, laced in puffs with the herbal scent of the pot, worked with the heat from the fire to fill her with an overall sense of warmth.
She was out of the house at night for the first time since, she sighed, since her night on the trail with Tim. She had sent him a few more messages. All went without a reply. She resolved not to call or text him anymore. If he did contact her, she would ignore him. Let him see how it feels, she thought.
Of course, she also held out hope that his lack of contact was due to something beyond his control. If he was hurt, she would instantly forgive him. But, she doubted that was the case. It made her sad, but she thought she knew exactly why he stopped calling. He moved on. It was only a matter of time, she thought, until he grew tired of me or found someone better.
When his calls came, Katelyn found herself getting mad. She ignored the alerts. She listened to the hang up message. Now she sat staring at the text. Her resolve was weakening. Behind her anger, she also felt hope.
She started a text in reply, but then cancelled. She bit a nail and wondered what Jenny would do. Jenny would reply. Katelyn started a new message, then stopped. Jenny didn’t have any of her men still in her life. They had all left, even after Jenny gave birth to two of their kids. Katelyn shut the message down again. She didn’t want Tim to think he could do this to her and expect her to take him back open-armed.
The phone lit up in her hand.
New message from Tim: “Kate, oh Kate, where4ru?”
She didn’t want to laugh, but the message reminded her of his great dramatics during the Romeo & Juliet movie.
She choked down the familiarity and the instant trust he expected.
“What do u want?” she wrote.
New message from Tim: “You”
She blushed, but did not respond.
New message from Tim: “Where r u?”
She stayed simple in reply. “Out.”
New message from Tim: “W/o me?”
She didn’t reply.
New message from Tim: “What’s his name?”
How was she supposed to interpret this question? Did he really think there could be someone else? Katelyn’s mind raced through the past two days. Did she do anything to make him think she didn’t like him, or that she liked someone else? The last night he was over at her house, there was one awkward moment. She had stopped the make out session in her bedroom. They had moved further toward having sex and she had stopped him as he tried to push her pants down over her hips. Katelyn knew they would eventually have sex, but so far he respected her when she wanted to stop.
Katelyn thought about anything that would make him suspect another guy. Ryan! Her cousin Ryan had posted a couple messages on her wall a couple days ago teasing her about being grounded. Tim wouldn’t know Ryan was her cousin.
Another thought came to her. He was jealous. Katelyn never had anyone jealous over her before. Oh, she knew firsthand the feelings of jealousy, of wishing she was in someone else’s life, home, family, town, and so many other things.
The phone sounded with a new call. The screen lit up with his name. She let the downloaded ring tone play a few more seconds and decided to pick up.
“Hey,” she said softly. The stoners around the fire had glanced at her with the disruption, but quickly tuned her out, just as they had the other sounds of laughter and talk surrounding them on the hillside.
It was momentarily quiet on the other end. “Where are you?” he finally asked.
She was still mad and decided to play out her only card. If he wanted to know where she was, he’d have to answer some questions, too. “No, Tim, where are you? Where have you been and why didn’t you call?”
“Something came up. A friend needed me,” he said coolly. “Look, I didn’t get home until about half an hour ago.” He paused and she didn’t fill in the silence. She was too busy trying to sort out missing details from his story. She couldn’t decide what bothered her most—that he hadn’t said what friend or their gender, or that the friend took priority over her.
“Home? Where were you?” she asked impatiently.
“Northrup, we had to go to Des Moines and things just got out of control, you know how it is. We stayed over at one of Christian’s friend’s apartment.” She quickly picked up on the male friend reference in his story and felt momentary relief. At least he wasn’t with another girl.
The silence must have told him that she needed more of an explanation because he continued, “Hey, I miss you. Where you at? I want to see you.”
Just then, Collin’s group burst into some loud insults followed by bellowing male laughter.
“Who’s with you?” Tim’s voice lost all its soft pleading tone. Instead he demanded. “Who is that?” he said impatiently.
Katelyn instantly wanted to calm him, wanted to get back to the point where he missed her and they could patch up the mess the few days of distance had caused. “No one. I mean, it’s some guys from school. It’s a school party out in the country,” she tried to explain, but she was stumbling in a sudden anxious feeling.
“What? I’m out of the picture one day and you’re already with another guy? Or should I say ‘guys’? How many guys are there?”
“No,” she cried in frustration. “It’s not like that.”
He interrupted her and she tried multiple times to break in as he continued. “What’s it like, Kate? Are you there with guys or not? Are you not with me? Will you not tell me where you’re at? You didn’t answer my first calls. Why not? Were you busy? Am I interrupting?”
“Stop it!” she yelled at the phone, and the stoners all looked her way along with a few other people nearby. She was grateful for the darkness because she felt her face flush with embarrassment on top of her anger. She looked down at the phone in her hand and heard a slew of swearing and accusations. She hung up.
Katelyn had stood up during his rant and now she turned around and walked out into the darkness. Tears threatened, but she pushed them back. She was so shocked at his reaction that her body shook with tremors. About 50 feet away from the fire and the group of teens in multiple stages of drunkenness, she stopped. She was breathing heavily. The phone rang again, but she pushed ignore.
Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she calmed slightly as sh
e became more aware of the stillness around her. She stood on a rutted dirt path edging a field yet to be turned in preparation for spring planting. Last year’s crop stubble jutted out in random patterns against the darker shadows of earth floor. The wind was subtle but enough to rustle the weeds to brush against her bare ankles. Without the fire, she felt the chill of the air now and she shivered.
She wanted to go home, or at least get away, but she heard Emily’s exaggerated laugh in the distance. Katelyn knew she had little influence on when they would leave this party. The night bugs had grown used to her presence and started up again with their calls. She suddenly felt very alone.
The phone rang again. She once again pushed ignore. He didn’t leave a message again.
Within a minute a message came: “Talk to me”
She immediately replied: “Had enuf of ur talking”
No reply came, and she wondered if that was it, if that was all there was going to be. The first guy she really liked, all those feelings they had, or at least that she had--It only took one fight and it was done. She didn’t use the word, but must have heard it somewhere: bewildered. She felt absolutely bewildered.
But then the phone lit up again.
“I’m sorry. He won’t love u like I do.”
Time stopped. She reread it again, and again, and one more time. It did say “love,” not “like.” He loved her? She was pretty sure the rush of feelings she felt was love. In fact, she had wanted to say it to him so many times in the past week, but it was such a scary word. She didn’t know how he would react. What if he didn’t?
But, now, his admission made her feelings even stronger, affirming all the thoughts and feelings she had toward him in their close moments or when he was away.
Their fight, and that’s what it was, was just fueled by love. He needed to know she cared for him just as much as he cared for her. It was all a misunderstanding.
And just like that, the world seemed to right itself and she warmed throughout her body.
A smile took over her face. Nothing else mattered.
She began her response: “so, u love me . . .”
Pick-me-up Page 22
