by Allegra Skye
Have I died? Keira wondered, and woken up somewhere else? She didn’t think so.
“What’s that?” she asked the medic, pointing at the light. Her voice was suddenly stronger, surprising both of them.
The medic quickly looked over. “What’s what?”
“That light,” Keira started to whisper, but suddenly fell silent. She couldn’t take her eyes off the light. Not only did it soothe her, but gave her an odd kind of strength.
“There’s no light. People see all kinds of things after an accident, dear” the medic said, routinely, “especially after they hit their head.”
This woman doesn’t know anything about what she’s talking about, Keira realized with a flash. Besides, she didn’t want the light to go away—she wanted it to stay with her forever. But even as she thought that, the light faded and drifted away.
“We’re getting ready to roll you into the ambulance,” a male orderly came up to help. “We’ll be very careful.”
As they strapped Keira onto the stretcher, her thoughts became sharper. She felt clearer and more awake.
“My parents?” she asked.
“Try to take it easy. Everything will be all right,” she said.
“I want to see my sister.”
Why wasn’t she answering her? Keira began to get a queasy feeling.
“Do my parents know what happened?” She wouldn’t stop asking. She was determined to get a straight answer. She knew this was unlike her and that her voice sounded different, too, now as she spoke. It was lower, rougher.
The medic smiled at her, but Keira saw that it was a false smile and underneath was fear. Keira could feel the fear, smell it.
“Everything will be handled soon,” the medic was trying to do her job.
Keira’s teeth began chattering.
The medic put a blanket over her. “I don’t want a blanket,” she hissed.
The ambulance drove away, and deep, dark sleep claimed her.
CHAPTER 9
When Keira awoke in the hospital, the whole world was different. At first she couldn’t understand where she was or what happened. The hospital room was filled with flowers, and her father stood at her bedside.
“That’s right, that’s right, wake up,” he said. His voice was trembling.
She opened her eyes and saw him gazing at her.
I’m sorry, dad, she wanted to say. But words didn’t come out yet.
“You’re going to be fine, Keira,” she heard him intoning, and somehow knew that he’d been sitting at her bedside for hours, saying that, over and over again. How long had it been?
She closed her eyes and then opened them again. He took her hands and held them in his.
“We love you, we need you. We want you back with us.”
She felt herself smiling inside. He’d never said that to her before. Ever.
I love you too, dad, she mouthed. Her voice was weak, though, and it was hard for the words to come out. He heard her though, got her message. Keira saw his eyes filling with tears.
She looked over and saw another doctor there behind him. Both he and her father nodded, happily.
“Good, very good,” the other doctor said.
“How long have I been here?” Keira’s voice suddenly became louder.
Her father smiled broadly.
Her father squeezed her hands tighter. “You’re doing great, Keira.”
“How long?” She wanted answers. She needed them.
“Overnight,” her father said.
Keira felt as if she’d been gone for years, as if she’d travelled through the solar system and come back really different, to a strange world. But then she remembered more. Her heart froze.
“And Amanda?”
A heavy silence filled the room.
Keira started to shiver. “Did she die?”
“She didn’t die,” her father said, much too slowly.
Something worse than death? Keira wondered.
“Tell me.”
Her father’s head hung down.
“You’ve got to tell me.”
He couldn’t say anything.
Oh God, thought Keira, why can’t he tell me?
She looked pleadingly at the other doctor.
“I’ve come to take your vital signs,” the doctor said.
“How is Amanda?” Keira wailed, as loud as she could manage.
Her dad and the doctor exchanged a worried look, as if debating what to tell her. It just made Keira even more worried.
“She’s in a heavy coma,” the doctor finally said. “She’s in critical condition. It’s too soon to know if she’ll wake up.”
CHAPTER 10
After she woke up, it was only a matter of hours before Keira could get out of bed and walk along the hospital hallways. Besides being diagnosed with a concussion, there were no injuries at all.
“It’s a miracle,” Keira heard a nurse say.
Amanda, on the other hand, had a broken back, three broken ribs, a broken jaw, and was in a deep coma. Keira was desperate to go to see her, but they would not allow it. Her mother was planted at Amanda’s bedside and had not budged since she got there. Her father, of course, was permitted in, but beyond the hospital staff, it was off limits to everyone else.
“But she’s my sister,” Keira pleaded, as she walked with her father at her side.
“It’s not a good idea for you to see your sister this way,” her father said. “You’re going home tomorrow. You have to be calm and keep your spirits up.”
“She’s my twin sister!” Keira fought back. “I have a right to see her!”
“You need to go home and rest,” he said, changing the topic. He always changed the topic when he didn’t want to discuss something any further. Once he made up his mind, it never mattered what anyone else thought.
“How about mom?”
“She’s staying at the hospital,” her father said succinctly. “She won’t leave Amanda’s bedside.”
At that moment, it struck Keira that her mother had not even taken one minute to come in and check up on her. She realized it with a strong force, as if an arrow pierced her mind.
Suddenly, Keira saw a soft indigo light floating above her father’s head. And as she did, she was shocked to realize that she could hear exactly what he was thinking.
Your mother is furious with you.
Keira gasped, hearing it clearly in her mind as if her father had actually said it.
“She’s furious with me?” Keira asked.
Her father turned pale, and looked like he was shocked. Clearly, he was caught off guard, and he looked disturbed. He gave Keira a strange look, as if she were a creature he no longer recognized.
He stammered and cleared his throat. “There’s—um—well—there’s no reason to think that.”
He was covering up, and Keira knew it. She felt a strange new power overcoming her, and she had never been so clear before.
Keira stared back at him.
“There is a reason to think that,” she persisted. She couldn’t let her father cause her to doubt herself when she knew she was right. It was strange being able to finally know the deepest truth, no matter what people said.
“She’s not even here. She didn’t even visit me,” Keira said.
“You were barely touched. You’re walking away perfect, It’s Amanda who needs her attention now.”
How could he say that? Keira suddenly felt a shiver as she realized that she never knew who her dad really was. But she did know one thing - neither he nor her mother really loved her. Neither of them had even the vaguest idea what that word truly meant. She’d never felt so alone.
“Your mother’s in shock. It’s understandable that she can’t think clearly right now.”
That was closer to the truth.
“And she’s furious with me,” Keira repeated.
“You were the one driving,” his voice grew a little darker.
“Yes, I was,” Keira said.
“You too
k a back road.”
“Amanda told me to!”
He closed his eyes and opened them abruptly. “That’s not an excuse.”
“Yes, it is!” Keira shot back. She felt incensed.
“You were the one driving, Keira. Why did you take that back road? It’s narrow, and dangerous.”
Keira saw the indigo light again, and as she did, she heard his thoughts a second time. She was shocked.
I think you took that road on purpose.
Keira’s entire body became icy cold. Not only her mother, but her father blamed her, too. He always went along with what her mother said.
“How could you think I took it on purpose?” Keira asked, incredulous.
He looked back at her, shocked.
“I never said that,” he breathed, but was clearly caught off guard.
She just stared back.
“You think I wanted this to happen?” Keira’s legs became to tremble. Suddenly, it was hard to stand.
“I never said anything like that.”
“No,” Keira answered. “You didn’t have to say it.”
“I just want to know why in the world you didn’t take the main road? It’s safer, smoother,” her father was like a dog with a bone.
“I told you, Amanda wanted to take the back road,” Keira felt her voice catching, growing dimmer. It was terrible to realize that her father wasn’t really on her side.
Keira had to defend herself. “Amanda wanted to get to the party earlier to have more time with her boyfriend.”
Her father’s upper lip curled in disgust. “What are you insinuating about your sister?”
“That’s what she told me,” Keira wanted to cry.
Her father didn’t believe her, it was clear. Keira could feel him pull away from her.
The indigo light appeared again.
She’s lying.
Keira was shocked.
“You don’t believe me?” she breathed.
“That doesn’t sound like Amanda,” he said.
Keira felt the fire rise in her chest again. The hallway started to spin. “How much do you really know about Amanda, anyway?” she laced into him. Words, like little knives, poured out by themselves. “How much do you know about either of us?”
He looked alarmed. “You’re not yourself,” he said.
But Keira was more herself than ever. And beyond that, something new had gripped her. “I can’t believe that you and mom think I wanted to hurt Amanda,” she couldn’t hold back.
“I never said that.”
“But you thought it. You’re implying it now.”
“I’m not implying anything.”
“Stop lying to me!” Keira stomped her foot on the ground. “Stop lying, stop lying!” she started screaming. To her father’s horror, some nurses and patients in the hallway stopped to watch.
“Keep your voice down,” he said in a low, harsh voice.
“I want to see my sister!” Keira screamed, at the top of her lungs.
Keira began to run down the hall, determined to find the room.
As she ran towards a secure area, an orderly stepped up and stopped her.
“I’m sorry, miss, you can’t go down that hall,” he said, holding her back forcibly.
She twisted and turned, trying to fight him off, hysterical.
“Get off of me!” she yelled. “I need to see my sister!”
Another orderly came over and they both restrained her as she fought back for all she had, hysterical, inconsolable, wanting to be anywhere in the world but here.
CHAPTER 11
Everyone in town heard about the accident. Keira came home to the empty, huge house to find it filled with flowers, fruit baskets, and cards of all kinds. Yet, oddly, she felt more alone than ever.
Keira walked past it all, and headed right up to her room, turning on few lights as she went. Keira was supposed to take the rest of the week off from school to rest, but she didn’t feel sick. She was determined to go back tomorrow. . The police also needed to write a report but agreed to wait until she felt stronger.
Keira turned on the small lamp in her room, shut the blinds so as not to even dare look out the window at the trees, and curled up in bed. She took her laptop and checked her emails.
There were a lot of them. There were tons, more than she’d ever had. Most of them were from the kids at school and from the teachers. They all wanted news about Amanda. What had happened? What could they do to help? Tom sent about a dozen emails, asking if he could visit Amanda. Of course, that was impossible.
He probably felt guilty, Keira thought, because they took the back road so she could have more time with him. It wasn’t his fault, though.
Whose fault was it? That thought had to be uppermost in everyone’s mind. Clearly, her parents thought it was hers. She’d been the one driving, and she took the back road. Keira didn’t know if she could ever forgive them for blaming her.
They could blame her all they wanted, but Keira wasn’t taking the wrap. She was different now, since the accident. Was it her fault that it had started pouring? Was it her fault that the car lost control? That her mom’s car had been in the shop and Amanda couldn’t drive herself? She’d been doing Amanda a favor. How come her parents forgot about that?
The volleyball coach sent an email offering condolences. Keira thought that was weird because, as far as she could tell, no one had died. As long as Amanda was breathing, she still had a chance. And she was breathing, Keira was sure about that. Beyond that, no one filled her in about Amanda’s condition. That hurt her most of all. She sent the coach back an email saying that condolences weren’t necessary, because both of them were alive.
Keira had had enough. She shut her laptop and put it away.
She sat there in the silence, the only one home in the huge empty house, curled up in bed, and she spotted her journal. She picked it up and held it carefully.
Yes, she realized. This was exactly what she needed.
At least her journal wouldn’t answer her back, blame her for stuff, and make her feel like a monster. Neither of her parents seemed to care that all of this had taken a toll on Keira, too. How could they ever think she wanted to hurt her sister? That was way more than she could tolerate.
Today I realize that I don’t have parents at all. A parent is supposed to be someone who sticks by you, through thick and thin. They’re on your side, want the best for you. They’re here to help you grow. They don’t harbor secret suspicions that you may have hated your sister and wanted her hurt somehow.
I’m so worried every second about Amanda that it’s making me sick. I can barely eat or sleep. Why won’t they let me see her? That bothers me even more. Sometimes I feel she’s going to be fine, then other times, I just don’t know. I can’t imagine life without her. I can’t imagine that God would let someone so beautiful and perfect just get smashed up and die. How could that happen? Why? I’m not so stupid to blame another person, as my parents like to do. I know that the reason this happened is much, much bigger than any of us can really understood. But I also believe that someday I’ll have the answer. All of us will. Even my horrible parents.
I never ever realized how cold my father is inside. I always just thought he was frightened of expressing his feelings, and couldn’t stand it if someone didn’t do what he liked. Now I see something different. He’s fundamentally empty and cold. Otherwise, how could he leave me alone like this? He’s been staying with my mother and sister in the hospital night and day. He never calls and asks how I am. He assumes everything with me is fine. It isn’t.
And he’s making another mistake, too. I’m not the same person as I was before. Even if I want to go back to the way I was, I can’t. Something’s changed in me, and I hardly know what it is. It sounds crazy, but I saw this light, above my father’s head, and when I did, I was able to completely read his mind. It was insane.
I’m also seeing shadows, walking by themselves in the streets. And creatures with yellow eyes, hiding
in the trees. And I keep having strange dreams about that gorgeous guy I saw walking across the lawn. I keep feeling he’s with me, knows all that’s going on. I want to see him again so badly.
Am I losing my mind?
Or am I getting stronger? Seeing more than just this world? Becoming someone else?
*
Keira’s father came home from the hospital late that night. Keira had been unable to sleep, and she heard the door open. She came out into the hall in her pajamas to greet him.
He looked haggard and didn’t have much to say. Besides watching over Amanda and her mother, he had to take care of his regular duties at the hospital, where things were getting worse. Amanda had to be put into protective isolation because of the infection that was going around. She was much too weak to survive it, should she get it by some crazy chance.
“Is that why I can’t see her?” Keira asked.
“Why can’t you just respect our wishes and let things be?” Her father was tight lipped.
“You mean just pretend that everything’s going on as usual? I want to see my sister!” she demanded in a louder voice than usual. “I need to see her.”
Her father recoiled. “When Amanda’s better, you’ll see her. When she wakes up out of the coma.”
“Is she really here? Is she being kept alive by machines?”
He looked at her darkly and grew increasingly irritated, as though Keira were purposely rubbing it in. “Why do you have to make things more difficult at a time like this?”
Keira decided to try to soften his mood. “I’m just trying to find out why you won’t let me see her?” Keira held her breath.
Even though he remained silent, suddenly, Keira saw the light, the soft, indigo glow above his head, and suddenly, in her mind, she heard his thoughts as clear as day.
Your mother can’t bear the thought of seeing you alive and well when Amanda’s just hanging on. It’s your mother who refuses to let you in the room.
Keira gasped and felt the color drain from her face.
“What’s wrong now?” her father noticed it.
