***
The anger did not leave as I hoped it would. If anything, it seemed to intensify. Sunday came and we went to church. Unlike the church we went to in Virginia, this one was filled with farmers who wore old clothes. I shouldn’t have been surprised but I felt out of place in my extravagant dress.
Todd seemed as nervous as I was. A momentary flicker of homesickness washed over me. If I could see my parents again... If I could talk to Agnes... I quickly brushed the tears from my eyes and followed Todd to the pew.
After we sung the hymns, the middle-aged preacher talked about anger and how we needed to forgive those who upset us. The lesson wasn’t lost to me. I knew that this was something I had to deal with. I reflected on my anger at Kent and Rebecca. Did Kent care for me, even a little, during our courtship? Could he help loving Rebecca?
I sighed. I was angry, and I needed to forgive them. When it came time for everyone to silently pray, I prayed for the ability to let the past go.
The service ended. Todd and I stood up, ready to leave, when John and Barbara Russell approached us. They were ten years older than us, and they had two sons and a daughter. Calvin was eight, Bruce was five, and Molly was two. I was thrilled to discover that they owned the farm next to ours. They invited us to dinner at their house, and I was happy to get out of cooking again.
By the time Todd and I arrived at their house, we were famished. Barbara’s food tasted so good that I ate until my stomach ached in protest. I wondered if I could ever learn to cook as well as her. I hesitated to question her cooking methods, but I was sick and tired of eating overcooked and bland food.
After the men left for the barn, I offered to help Barbara clean the table and dishes, which was one of the few things I was good at. As we worked, I tried to think of how to ask for cooking advice without sounding incompetent.
“So, what brings you and Todd to North Dakota?” she asked as she washed a plate.
I dried a cup. “We moved here because Todd knew someone who knew Mr. Martin. Todd’s currently working at the bank in town in order to save up enough money to buy farming equipment.”
She smiled as she washed a dish. “I’m sure John will love teaching Todd all he knows about farming. Calvin and Bruce are learning, but they are still too young to do the bigger tasks. Did you grow up on the farm?”
“No. I lived in a city. Actually, Todd and I grew up in wealthy households, so we’re new to everything out here.” Something about Barbara told me I could trust her. “Todd’s father refused to offer him assistance if Todd left banking. I think it’s hard on Todd to be alienated from his family. I hope they come around to accepting his decision.”
“What about your parents?”
“They like Todd, but I’m not sure they will approve of how I married him. We eloped without telling anyone. I left a note telling them about it before we left Virginia.”
She handed me the dish. “Well, you’ll find there are more important things than wealth. What John and I don’t have in riches, we make up for in other areas.”
“Is it hard to make money as a farmer?”
“We live modestly. Sometimes I sell quilts in order to buy nice things.”
Making quilts? “I have a lot to learn.”
“So did I when I married John ten years ago. I grew up in town. My mother taught me to cook and sew, but I didn’t know what I had to do to be a farmer’s wife until I came out here.”
I set the plate in the cupboard. “How did you meet him?”
“When I was seventeen, I went to a barn dance, and he asked me to dance. The rest is history. I didn’t believe I could live on the farm and like it, and the first year was tough. But I wouldn’t give up this life for anything. Getting through the first year is the secret.”
I hesitated before asking, “Did you always cook as well as you do now?”
She grinned at my compliment. “Good cooking comes with practice.”
“I never learned how to cook.” I hoped she wouldn’t laugh at me.
Thankfully, she didn’t. “I suppose a wealthy mother figures her daughter wouldn’t have to cook. You had servants cook for you?”
I nodded.
“Would you like me to teach you what I know?”
“Yes. I was going to ask for your help.”
“Then we’ll start tomorrow. I can go to your house, if you don’t mind Molly tagging along.”
“It’ll be good to have a child around.”
“I’m sure you’ll have your own soon.”
I chose to keep quiet.
For the rest of the visit, she continued to tell me about her childhood, courtship with John and marriage.
***
During the rest of the month, I gained an incredible amount of knowledge in cooking. At first, my meals were poor in quality but I soon improved. Todd had complimented my poor cooking, but I thought he was glad to eat better meals. I know I was glad to eat them.
Todd didn’t like his job, so many times he came home depressed. He couldn’t fully enjoy his days off because he kept thinking of Monday when he’d have to go back. I didn’t realize that working at the bank would make him moody. Barbara assured me that most men got that way if they didn’t like their work. Upon hearing this, I decided that leaving Virginia so he could farm was the best thing for him.
In addition to our meeting with John and Barbara on a regular basis, I enjoyed their children. I hadn’t realized how much I loved children. In Virginia, I was surrounded by people my own age. I did look forward to the day I would have my own, but I also enjoyed the time Todd and I had to ourselves to get to know each other. I was sorry I didn’t give him a chance in Virginia. He was actually very fun to be around, when he wasn’t upset about his job.
One warm evening in late August, I sat next to Todd on the porch swing. I had set a nice blanket on it with a large pillow because it looked comfortable. I enjoyed the fact that it was the one place we could sit together and be close. I found that I looked forward to the evenings for this reason. Since he hadn’t initiated any physical contact since he hugged me in the field on the day I went for a walk, I wasn’t sure if he wanted to be close to me. But he was probably waiting for me to be ready, and I didn’t want to rush things. Not when Kent and Rebecca were still on my mind. Though I’d come around to accepting what happened, it was taking time to heal from it. In the midst of these emotions, I did find comfort in being with Todd. I had thought I was close to Agnes, but my friendship with Todd seemed to run deeper than it had with her.
We’d spend most of our time on the swing reading a book together. Though he held a book in his hands, he didn’t open it on this particular evening.
“Dinner was terrific,” he said, fingering the pages.
Pleased, I smiled. “At least I didn’t burn the bread.”
“You haven’t burned anything in a week.”
I raised my eyebrow at him. “Oh? Did you forget the potato slices from last night?”
He chuckled. “Those weren’t burnt. They were nicely browned.”
I laughed, not understanding how he could overlook that mishap. I thought I had enough time to hang up clothes on the clothes’ line. I’d been wrong. After a moment of silence passed, I asked, “How are things going at the bank?”
“As good as it can be. At least Mr. Richard is a good boss.”
“That is good news. It should make working there more bearable.”
“It does.”
I sighed. He seemed preoccupied. I wasn’t sure of what to say.
I glanced at the front yard. Usually, our conversations were easy, but this evening it seemed forced. I focused on the way the strong wind shook the leaves on the trees that formed a shelter belt around the house.
“Do you ever regret leaving Virginia?” he asked.
Turning my attention back to him, I shook my head. “No. But I do miss my parents and Agnes.”
“I could get some time off of work around Thanksgiving. Would you like to visit them?”
“Do we have enough money?”
“With all the overtime I work, we do.”
“Will you come with me?”
He grinned. “Of course. I couldn’t bear to be away from you. I can hardly stand to be gone while I’m at work.”
I was pleased by this. I also looked forward to being with him. Maybe that’s what happened when people got married. They became a part of each other.
“We’d take the train,” he continued.
I nodded, returning my thoughts to the idea of going back East. “Good because that wagon ride was long. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t boring because I was with you, but I was exhausted when we finally got here. I wouldn’t have survived another day.”
“You would have made it. You have great strength. I’m impressed with you. I don’t think many women could handle the trip or getting used to living here.”
“It is an adventure. I wouldn’t trade this life for Virginia or anywhere else. I’m happy here.”
“I like hearing that. I want you to be happy.” He handed me the book. “I better take care of the horses for the night.” He stood up. “I was going to stop working overtime at the bank, but it would be nice to see your parents in November. After that, I can work less and be around here more. Is that alright?”
“Yes, but you don’t want to read tonight?”
“No. I’m not in the mood. Why don’t you read a couple of chapters and tell me what happens?”
I nodded and opened the book to the marked page.
He went down the porch steps and walked around the house so he could go to the barn.
Chapter Nine
Todd’s Point of View
Ann and I didn’t progress as fast toward intimacy as I would have liked, but I was continually reminding myself to be patient. I knew that until she put Kent behind her, she wasn’t going to be able to open her heart to me, and I wanted her to see me as a man, not as the boy she grew up with or the friend who shared a house with her. Waiting for her to reach this point wasn’t always easy. There were times when I got upset and unintentionally snapped at her. She assumed it was my work that was irritating me. That was partly true, but my increased awareness of her physical beauty wore on my nerves because I couldn’t do anything about it. I was married to her, yet I wasn’t free to explore the physical side of our relationship.
I wouldn’t tell her the truth of my irritations because I didn’t want her to consummate our marriage because she felt guilty or obligated to. I wanted her to want me as much as I wanted her. I actually looked forward to going to work at times because at least when I was at work, I was just bored. Being bored was easier than being aroused without relief. I focused on my goal toward farming while I worked. I kept a calendar in my desk where I was marking down the days to when I could quit.
I did enjoy giving Ann money so she could buy new foods to cook. She seemed to enjoy trying new foods, and I liked eating them. She was quickly turning into an expert cook. Coming home to one of her meals was the highlight of my day. It wasn’t just her cooking I looked forward to though. I mostly enjoyed coming home to her sweet smiles. This was one of those situations where I wanted to be with her and away from her at the same time.
On the third Saturday in September, I went into town so I could do some additional bookkeeping for Mr. Richard. Afterwards, I took out enough money I had saved aside for a gift to buy Ann. She didn’t complain about a lack of anything, but I knew she liked to wear pretty dresses. She wasn’t able to buy any new dresses, and the ones from Virginia were wearing out. They weren’t made for housework. I found the pink dress she had worn at the dance. She had thrown it away, but I found it and set it aside for when I could afford to buy her a dress that was pretty but also durable.
Since Mrs. Coley’s daughter, Daphne Rhodes, sewed dresses and other clothing for a living, I handed her Ann’s old pink dress and informed her that it was a little tight on Ann because Ann did complain about it at the dance. Daphne had a new blue and green dress ready on that Saturday, so after work, I went by to pay her and collect the dress. Daphne knew I wanted to keep the dress a secret, so she never mentioned it to anyone. I wanted Ann to be surprised by it since it was her birthday gift.
Daphne wrapped it up in a pink cloth with a pink ribbon. I couldn’t wait to show it to Ann. Though I didn’t see the dress, Daphne had shown me the design and I thought it would look terrific on Ann. Of course, Ann could wear a potato sack and still be beautiful.
“I hope you don’t mind that I included a bonnet to match the dress,” Daphne said as she handed me the present.“Thank you, Mrs. Rhodes,” I replied. I paid her for the dress and included a tip for her thoughtfulness.
“Thank you, Mr. Brothers. You are very generous. If you need any more dresses, I will be happy to make them for you. Your wife is a very nice woman. I know my mother enjoys her conversations with her.”
I was pleased to hear this so I thanked her again and left. Ann didn’t seem to have any problems making friends. She naturally drew people to her with her sunny personality.
As soon as I got home, I was anxious to surprise Ann. She wasn’t in the kitchen, parlor, dining room or any of the bedrooms. I hesitated to go to the scullery room because that’s where we took baths in the metal tub, but my excitement overcame my awkwardness. I noticed the scullery room door was shut so I tapped on the door.
“Ann? Are you in there?”
“Oh, Todd! I didn’t expect you back so early.”
The sound of water splashing in the tub brought images of her taking a bath. I hadn’t seen a woman naked so I really couldn’t visualize anything specific. I was enjoying the imagery that did come to mind, however. I pushed the thoughts aside.
“I didn’t have to work the entire day. I have a surprise for you.”
“Really?”
“You didn’t think I forgot your birthday, did you?”
“Well... I didn’t even know you knew when my birthday was.”
“Of course, I do. I’ve been to enough birthday dinner parties to remember.”
“I need to finish washing my hair. I’ll be out in a few minutes. Can you put the surprise in my room? I’ll be there soon.”
Can I help? I can wash your back. I wanted to say this but I didn’t. Instead, I went to her bedroom and set the gift on her dresser. Her room was simple in its decoration since she didn’t bring many of her things in our hurried trek to North Dakota. Still, there was no denying it was a woman’s bedroom. Dresses hung in the wardrobe, the blanket she laid out on the bed was embroidered with pink and white carnations, and her comb, hairbrush, and two hats were neatly set out on the dresser. I liked the smell of the room. It reminded me of her.
To my surprise, she walked into the room in nothing but her robe. Her hair was still wet from her bath, and for some reason, this was even more arousing than I figured it should have been. I shifted, hoping she wouldn’t notice my erection.
She blinked, as if surprised. “Oh. I didn’t know you were going to wait in here.”
“Should I leave?” Please say no.
She seemed to consider my question. “We are married,” she softly replied. “I suppose sooner or later, this was bound to happen.” Then her eyes fell on the gift. “Is that for me?” In her excitement, she forgot the awkwardness of the situation.
I was secretly relieved. I wanted to look at her. It was as if I was a starving man and there was a banquet right in front of me.
She smiled widely at me. “You got me a present?”
I could only nod.
“How thoughtful of you! What is it?”
I cleared my throat and willed my breathing to go back to normal. “Open it and find out.” I sat on her bed, not trusting myself to stand. I was ready to run over to her and kiss her. I didn’t trust myself to get too close to her. As it was, I almost felt guilty for staring at her, but I remembered that we were married and looking at her was acceptable.
She gently removed the ribbon. Why did
women feel the need to take their time opening gifts? I didn’t bother to ask. In fact, she could take all day if she wanted. I suddenly caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and saw the skin below her collarbone. She wasn’t aware of my response to her. It didn’t even occur to her that I was thinking about sex.
She removed the cloth and squealed with delight. “It’s gorgeous!” She picked up the dress and put it up to her neck so she could inspect it in the mirror. “Oh, and there’s a bonnet to match! This will be more comfortable than the hats.”
I wanted to tell her to put the dress back down so I could continue to look at her skin, but she was happy with the dress so I didn’t. I was glad she liked my gift.
“How did you know my measurements?” she wondered.
I blinked and looked at her eyes. They were such a pretty brown color. I always liked her eyes.
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Are you feeling alright? You look flushed.” She forgot to hold her dress up to her neck and walked over to me. She leaned over and touched my forehead.
I couldn’t move. Her sudden movement loosened her robe enough for me to catch a glimpse of her breasts. Perfectly formed white mounds with pink tips. They were much better than I imagined.
“You feel warm. Maybe you should lie down,” she said, concerned.
“No, I’m fine,” I quickly argued. The beating of my heart sounded loud in my ears. She was, without a doubt, the most exquisite woman in the world.
“I don’t know. You look like you’re going to faint.” She stood back up and studied me, as if determining whether I was sick or not.
I shook my head to clear it. “I’m fine. It’s just a little hot in here, that’s all.”
“I feel cold. Maybe that’s because I just got out of the bath. Would you like to take a bath? Maybe it would cool you off.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I can boil some water for you.”
“No. I’ll just take cold water.”
Falling In Love With Her Husband Page 7
