I drop my head to my hands. “When I went back, she was gone, along with any trace of her or her parents, just gone. I’ve visited every pack in the United States and most in Canada trying to find her. I knew she felt something for me, but I didn’t know if she recognized me as her Mate. She was so small. I thought she was maybe twelve, thirteen at most. I mean how would she even know, right?”
Still I holding my head in my hands pulling my hair. “I never found out what pack she belonged to. I didn’t want to raise question, have some rouge or wannabe Alpha take her and use her to get to me. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
God my chest hurts, I don’t think I’ve cried since I was a pup. Now, I want to cry for the second time today. “Casper she’s gonna hate me. All the stuff you told me she’s been through and some of it, fuck, most of it, was my fault.”
He’s thinking over what’s been said. “What about you calling her? No one? Who was with you that she thought you chose your girlfriend over her?” He asks kindly.
“I don’t know what I said that night brother. I was out of my head. Michael and Sid were there, a few others. It took everything I had to walk away not to take her with me. As for the girlfriend, that would have been Roxanne back then. I loved her or thought I did anyway. That’s why shits been different with her and me for so long. I knew my Mate was out there somewhere. I just thought she ran from me.”
Cass is looking at me with pity. “She ain’t gonna like it man. You leave her and go with Roxanne five years ago. We pull up today, and she standing on your front porch practically announcing you guys just had a nooner.”
I know he’s right. What was I thinking being with anyone else? I still feel the need to defend myself about today. “We didn’t have a nooner. She showed up here right before you guys, playing innocent. You know what she’s like; she wanted whoever the new female was to see her here with me and assume I was taken.”
Cass rubs the back of his neck and asks, “what now? How are we going to handle this?”
I look down at my beautiful Mate and answer truthfully, “I’ll tell her the truth, hope over time she understands I never meant to hurt her. Then spend my life trying to make up for my mistakes.”
I start to wake slowly; my body is sluggish, content to sleep. My mind however is playing catch up with the events that led to me fainting, in the front yard...of my Mates home with his girlfriend and brother watching the whole thing. Lovely
I lift my lids and see a pair of eyes staring right at me from about six inches away from my face. I scream and launch myself back into the corner of what must be a sofa. “Good God, what is wrong with you people? Do any of you know what personal space is?” My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath. Hand over my heart, I will it to slow down. “Between you and Sniffer, I’m owed about ten years of my life back. Thank you very much!” I need to calm down. I’m just distracting myself from the real issue. My Mate, who I now know is the Alpha, is sitting three feet away from me, and even after five years, I want to crawl in his lap and purr.
He’s stock still; he hasn’t moved a muscle since my backward jump to the other end of the sofa. It’s freaking me out. His eyes are still staring right into mine. I start to squirm. I’m wringing my hands together. Oh shit, is he mad? How the hell do I get out of this room?
“Ugh, where’s Sn..Casper? I’m sure he’ll show me out. I’ll just be going, and you can finish...whatever it is you do. You know the Alpha stuff and the being busy stuff. I don’t even need him to show me out. Really, I can just...you know walk out, to my jeep that is, and then drive out so you can get to all that stuff...” I ramble. Yeah, and I should probably grab a mop for all that word vomit I just spewed onto his lovely hardwood floor. I mentally slap myself in the face. Shut up, I think, just stop talking.
Oh God, he’s still motionless. I finally take good long look at him. Dark brows arch over his eyes that are such a transparent blue they almost look clear, and right now, they’re giving nothing away. His black hair is short on the sides and longer on top; he runs his hands through it, pushing the mass back, leaving him looking like a dark James Dean, holy shitballs. I’m in trouble; shit, shit I’m in trouble. One side of his full lips starts to turn up; his eyes soften like he knows I think he’s devastating.
He finally speaks. “We have much to discuss little one. I’m sorry I frightened you. I promise I won’t hurt you.” His eyes look pained for a brief moment. “Please relax. Can I get you a drink? You’ve been out for almost an hour.” His voice rolls over me, and I do exactly what he said and relax. My shoulders fall, and I take a deep breath.
“Yes, please, water would be good.” I softly reply, only now noticing my dry throat. He unfolds himself from the sofa, slowly. Oh baby Jesus, he’s huge, like mammoth size. His white tee shirt looks like it wants to hulk out, barely holding at the seams of his biceps and wide shoulders. It just reaches the top of his dark wash jeans; a thick black belt holds them low, oh so low on his narrow hips. As he moves toward me, his heavy black boots make no sound. Now, I’m the one frozen. He bends close to my ear and breathes out, “I’ll be right back little one, don’t leave this room.” His warm breath on my neck almost makes me whimper, but I’m able to lock my throat down. However, the tingle that makes it’s way down my spine and the resulting shutter can’t seem to be stopped. When he walks away, I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
I can’t let him see how he affects me; I’m embarrassed enough from how I reacted to him earlier. Will he make me leave school? Town? Where is that devil woman? Is she still here? In his room? Maybe, she’s with him in the kitchen.
Stop this Sophie. You will be fine. We’ve been through this before; we’ll get through it again.
Deciding I need to loosen up, I get up to walk around the room. One whole wall is windows. It must face the back of his property because I see a large pond with a wooden raft dock planted in the middle, a small silver ladder leading up to the top. The multicolored tress of the forest far beyond the edge of the pond make a beautiful backdrop. It’s just about perfect; I muse sadly.
Turning to look at the rest of the room, a massive stone fireplace that I could probably walk into with a gigantic chair is pulled close. There’s a small round table with a beautiful crystal lamp next to it, creating a cozy nook. Is that Roxanne’s chair? Does she sit by the fire and read while he works or watches tv? “Stop it,” I grate. The room is large and holds three sofas all matching the one I woke on. It’s masculine with dark woods and deep colors the only touch of softness is the squishy looking behemoth of a chair and the reading lamp.
I notice a bar running along the opposite wall of windows. There are stools in front and liquor lined up behind it. Getting closer, I see a small fridge with a clear door filled with bottled water, juice, and small gray tubs. Glasses line the underside behind the bar. There is even an ice chest and sink. “Why did he leave to get water?”
I walk closer to the door and hear raised voices. I can’t make out what’s being said, but they sound angry. I round the door slowly looking left and right trying to decide where the shouting is coming from. Once out of the room, the voices are clearer, and I easily hear it’s coming from the left. Tip-toeing, I make my way slowly toward the noise.
Soon, it becomes clear that it’s three people arguing. One is defiantly Sniffer; One is...I’m not sure what his name is; I can’t recall what his friend called him outside the pub. The last voice is a woman’s, and I’m sure it’s her, Roxanne.
“Why are you still here? I told you to leave half an hour ago when I found you standing at the door trying to listen to us. Now, I find you sulking around the kitchen. Just waiting for a chance to pounce.” Sniffer yells.
“What is it I’ve done to you Casper?” She simpers.
“What you’ve done? You use any...” Sniffer starts.
“Cass stop,” his smooth voice falls over both of theirs. He sounds exhausted. In the silence, I can now hear her sniffles. I im
agine he’s holding her, consoling her. Whispering that I’ll be gone soon, and everything will go back to how it was.
My chest aches. God, I thought I was over this, this rejection. It still hurts; I think it’s worse now that I’ve shifted and feel the full pull of him. I want to walk in there and rip her arms off. Yes, good, growls my wolf. I shake my head to clear it. I won’t make a fool of myself anymore than I already have; if he doesn’t want me, I’ll deal with it. I won’t however stick around here and watch or hear him make her feel better.
I can still hear them taking, much calmer and quieter now as I walk away trying to find a way out of this house. I’ve had enough for today. I’ll text Sniffer later and let him know I’m fine. At least, he still seems to care.
This is so humiliating. How do I go back to school? I’m sure everyone will know by this time tomorrow that my Mate, the Alpha no less, doesn’t want me. At least, the sting of embarrassment helps mask the acid like burn radiating through my chest.
I find a door that I think leads outside. When I open it, I find myself in the middle of an atrium. The walls are made of a light blue glass while the ceiling looks like one giant retractable skylight. There aren’t any plants, but there is a platform about the size of a king size bed with a cushioned back and sides like a sofa it hangs from the ceiling hovering a few feet from the ground. Like a giant swinging bed? There are pillows, and a few throws strewn about. It’s all ivory and the palest of blue, the exact shade of his eyes. This must be another place he’s made for her. Did she pick the color to remind her of his eyes? Shit, I need a bathroom. I’m gonna be sick.
I run from the room hoping like hell I find a way out or at least a place to unload the fire ants churning in my belly. The first door I try opens to a game room. Shutting it quickly, I move on to the next. It’s dark, but I manage to see rows of seating, a media room? “Ugh.” Next is a set of double doors with a deadbolt lock. Sweet Jesus, this must be it. Pulling the door open, I find a huge four poster bed, sitting in the exact center of the room. My heart drops. This must be his room his scent is everywhere in this house, but in this room, it’s the strongest.
I see an open door to the left, with no time to think I throw myself through and fall on my knees vomiting everything I’ve eaten the past, oh I don’t know year maybe. When the dry heaves stop and my liver is lodged in my esophagus, I fall to the floor and thank all that is Holy it’s clean. It could be worse right? At least, I’m not lying in sticky pee and pubes. I shutter.
I give myself a few moments before standing to rinse my mouth out. When I look in the mirror, I see myself all those years ago; young, scared, lonely. And lost.
“Piss off!” I’m not the same girl anymore. If I’ve learned anything, it’s I can survive. I wipe the small smudges of mascara that have smeared under my eyes, thankful I don’t wear much make up. Unlike the devil woman, she looks like a spokesperson for Sephora. Jealous much Sophie, I scold. I straighten my back and walk back through the room that I didn’t have much time to study. I don’t need nor want to see evidence of them both in here.
I make it one step out the door when I slam into a wall. What the hell? Where did that come from? I bounce back, and two hands that span shoulder to elbow grab me and hold me steady. I reach up and rub my nose. “Ouch, you should warn people they’re about to collide with an immoveable object,” I accuse. Deflect, deflect, deflect. Nothing to see here just keep moving along.
Again with the silence. “So ahhh, you think you could point me in the direction of my jeep, big guy?”
“What were you doing in my room, little one? Didn’t I tell you to stay put?” He growls. Now that he’s close to me again, I want to climb up his big body and nuzzle my face into his straining neck. Did I say straining? Yeah, he looks like he might explode if I move, or blink, or breath, or say the wrong thing. No nuzzle for you Sophie.
Backing away slowly, I say, “I thought I’d just try and find my way out, save you the trouble.” I’m pretty fast. Will I make it if I run? Run where? I have no idea where Sniffer is or how to get out off this house.
“Don’t run little one. I can see you thinking about it. Don’t. I will chase you, and neither of us is ready for what will happen when I catch you.” His hands are fisted, eyes low, jaw twitching. He looks the same as he did five years ago. No fear Sophie, show no fear. I straighten my back for what must be my tenth attempt today and look him dead in the eyes.
More calmly this time, he says, “Why were you in my room?”
Still retreating “I told you. I was leaving. I was just looking for a door out.” I explain again with a shrug of my shoulder.
“You,” he says, “are not going anywhere!”
Well shit! I guess we do this now. Might as well get it over with. I hope she’s not going to witness this. I look down to the ground but steel my resolve. “You want to do this right in the hallway? Maybe, maybe, we could go out on your porch? I could use some air.” He doesn’t need to know I want a quick escape or that being surrounded with his scent is making me dizzy.
“Sure, we’ll stop by the living room and grab your water. When I found you gone, I must have left it there.” God his voice is sexy. What? Where did that come from?
He motions for me to walk ahead of him. I start walking and feel his large palm on my lower back. His thumb grazes my bra strap, and his pinky finger is dangerously low. I speed up a bit then quickly stop. The pressure from his hand carries me forward a step before he stops and looks down to me. “I don’t know where I’m going. I’ve been lost in here for the past five minutes; maybe, you can lead?” I lift my hand in a forward motion.
He reaches down and twines his finger with mine and pulls me forward. My hand is tiny in his; my fingers spread wide around his. It’s not comfortable, not just because he’s touching me, but because his hand is that freaking huge. I pull away, but he grasps my left hand with his left hand and wraps it under his right bicep, while holding it in place with his left hand. I guess he thinks I need an escort. “I wasn’t snooping around. I just opened a couple doors looking for a way outside. When I found what I now know is your bedroom, I just needed the bathroom. I really am sorry.”
No response. He finds the living room easy enough. His left hand drops mine from holding his arm so I let my hand fall back to my side. He bends and grabs a bottle of water laying on the floor, walks over to the bar, and drops it into the trash. Then, he picks a fresh one from the small fridge. “That one was fine; you know. I would have drank it.” He scoffs. I’m beginning to think the only thing I can do right is piss this man off.
He opens the water and gives me the open container and waits. He looks down to the bottle and then up to me, arches one eyebrow, like he’s saying drink it. Damn I wish I could do that eyebrow thing. I bring the bottle to my lips, and he sighs with relief like I’ve just made his day. “I’m sorry I took so long, I wanted to check on a few things and something came up I had to deal with.” Oh yeah, I know exactly what came up.
When I reach out to take the cap from him, he grabs the bottle tightens the lid and hands it back to me. Picking up my left hand once again, he wraps it around his arm and holds it there. It’s a short trip to the front door, which he opens, and we step out. This time when I take my hand from his elbow I step back. I could use the space.
“Can we sit?” He asks and pulls a chair out from the table. “It is your house, you know.” He’s still standing behind the chair looking at me like he’s waiting for something. I look down to grab the chair across from him so I can sit down when I feel a hand at the nape of my neck pressing me forward into the chair he had pulled out. I resist; a very low, menacing growl comes from me. My wolf does not like this, she hasn’t accepted him as her Alpha; he will not dominate us! “Take your hand from my neck, now!” I speak very slowly through my fangs which have descended.
His hand stays for just a moment before slowly unwrapping each finger. His body is so close to mine I can feel his heat, yet he takes another step
forward and presses his chest flush to my back. He’s breathing hard, his head dips to the back of my ear, and he inhales. “I’d like you to sit in the chair I was holding for you. It’s a sign of respect for me to seat you.” He exhales; his nose is tracing down from my ear to the crest of my shoulder. This my wolf likes, the hussy. My head tilts to give him better access. “I understand many of these things are new to you. Next time, I’ll explain myself better.”
His nose follows the same path back up, but this time, I feel the tip of his soft, wet tongue trace my pulse point. My knees give, but his hands slam to my hips. “You are distracting me little one. We need to talk, but I’m finding it very hard to do.” The word hard is punctuated with a slow roll of his hips. Effectively showing me exactly what’s hard. I gasp and try to move forward, but his hands are still at my hips locking me in place. My body stiffens; I’m not prepared for theses feelings. I’ve never been in a sexual situation willingly. Sensing my anxiety, he steps back away from me.
“That wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry. If it’s still okay, I’d like you to sit in this chair,” he holds out the original chair, “so we can talk, please.”
How the hell can he be licking my neck like a damn lollipop thirty seconds ago, and now he’s utterly calm? With weak knees, I manage to sit in the chair as he pushes it under the table. Laying my hands on the table, I wait for him to explain what’s happening.
Taking a deep breath he starts “Cass has told me a lot about you the past few days. I’d like you to tell me what you told him so it’s all clear. Then I’ll tell you about me. Does that sound good?”
“I suppose. If you won’t be happy with just the stuff Sniffer told you, I can.” I don’t want to go over this shit again.
Becoming His Page 5
