When I finished my work in the lab I checked the clock. I had about one hour before dinner with Cesar, just enough time to go to the library. I ran towards it taken by a great urge to retrieve the book. The last time I was in the library Cesar had closed the book abruptly when I was in the middle of a crucial sentence, almost as if he hadn’t wanted me to read further, and my curiosity was now tingling. When I entered the library’s door I immediately sensed that there was something different about it, something I couldn’t quite pin down, and without being able to tell why, I was at once relieved and disturbed, glad and disappointed. I walked down the stairs leading to the rare book section and went straight to the shelf where my book was supposed to be. It was not there, and yet shelf was tightly packed, there was no room for another book…how could this be if my book had been taken? Was my memory betraying me about its location? I looked in all the other shelves frantically, with no success. I looked in the inventory: if it had been moved perhaps I could find its location this way. But the title of my book was not in the inventory! I was going through the inventory’s cards all over again when a librarian approached me from the back.
“Are you finding everything all right?”, she asked, and I started, because I hadn’t noticed her presence.
“No”, I said, “no, I cannot find my book”
My voice resounded oddly in my ears, as if it were avulsed from reality
“If you give me the title you are looking for I might be able to help you”, she replied calmly
I gave her the title
“Ehm”, she replied dubiously, “I know almost all the titles in here but this one…I don’t seem to remember it”
A panicked look must have crossed my face, because she immediately added, “Oh, but it wouldn’t be the first thing I forget. Let’s have a second look in the inventory”
She scrolled thought the cards, a frown appearing when all the cards has slipped through her fingers.
“Are you sure about the title?”, she asked
“Yes…”, I said faintly
Then, without waiting for her answer, I started to run, blindly almost, feeling reality dissolve into filaments of smoke, my reason waver.
I ran and ran, till I hit a red traffic light, and there I saw the oddest and most terrifying scene. A masked man on a bike approached a car, opened the door and shot the driver in cold blood. Nobody was there, and when he biked away I was not sure myself of what I had seen. But then the driver fell head down on the steering wheel and by the time I approached the car rivulets of blood were pouring from his mouth. I should have called for help, but was I did instead was run – faster than before – run away as fast as I could.
I reached Cesar’s house with large advance, grasping for breath, and rang the bell repeatedly, ready to start running again if he hadn’t opened the door immediately. But he did.
“Come on in”, he said, as he stood beside the propped door with a slightly stupefied expression
“What happened?”, he then asked, his gaze piercing me relentlessly
I told him about the man in the street, and he shook his head in desolation
“Ah yes…I know”, he said
“What do you mean?”, I asked, but instead of answering he wrapped his arms around me
“And my book went missing from the library”, I continued, pulling back to look at Cesar’s face as I spoke
“Which book?”, he asked, arching his brows
“Do you remember the one I was reading in the library, in the rare book section, when we met?”, I explained
“Well, I remember that one day we met at the library but you weren’t reading, you were just sitting at the table with an intense expression on your face. When you realized I was there and raised your eyes you seemed tired, so I told you to take it easy and dragged you out to get some fresh air”, he answered
“No, I was reading!”, I screamed
“Sure, perhaps you were”, Cesar replied calmly
“I was reading and you closed my book!”, I insisted
“You know that I have dinner waiting for us in the oven?”, Cesare told me smiling, as if the previous part of the conversation had not taken place at all
“I am so sorry”, I apologized, returning his previous embrace, “I am so shaken, you know”
“You don’t need to justify yourself, everything is just fine”, Cesar replied in a reassuring tone
We ate with few exchanges of words and the silence, the dimly lit rooms, the fading buzzes from the street gradually permeated me with a peaceful comfort.
But then Cesar spoke.
“You know that I found a paper that I think might be useful for your research?”, he dropped casually
I was surprised, because I had never gone into much detail about my research when speaking with Cesar.
“Oh, I sure don’t know much about your research”, he continued, as if reading my thoughts, “but I recall you mentioned having an interest in mercury cyanides and having synthesized a novel cyanogenic glycoside”
“Here, have a look”, he said, picking up the paper from a pile sitting at the corner of the table and handing it to me.
The first detail I noticed was the date. Today is April 15, 1966 and that was the date on the paper was Aril 15, 1866, one hundred years apart exactly from today. The print was new, and the date could only be a mistake, but it still stroke me as a curious coincidence.
“Look at the date!”, I laughed, “These guys certainly know something about time travelling”
Cesare smiled, but his smile was mirthless.
I began to read, and the more I read the darker my mood became.
“This paper describes exactly what I found today. Exactly”, I said, disheartened
“Who’s the author?”, I then wondered out loud
I looked at the first page
“Ricco Ermete…I never heard of him before. Anyways, I can forget about all I’ve been working on, since clearly it is well known and even published. I am stunned though, the perfect overlap is striking…how can two different minds proceed exactly the same way?”, I said
“Isn’t Ricco Ermete your colleague’s name?”, Cesar asked, as if suddenly remembering
“No…you might be thinking of Otto Hermes”, I said
“What an odd coincidence!”, Cesar exclaimed, “Do you know that Ricco means rich in Italian the same way Otto means rich in German?”
There was a peak in Cesar’s tone I couldn’t interpret.
I shrugged, indifferent to everything now that my world had crumbled, now that I had lost ownership of my best creation.
“Don’t be disappointed Iris, there are so many other discoveries waiting for you”, Cesar told me when he saw my battered look, tending his open arms towards me.
“Thank you for the encouragement…really. I think I should go home now”, I replied with a forced smile, retreating.
“Already? Can I at least walk with you for a while?”, Cesar asked, a sad wave rising within him
“No…no. I will call you”, I replied, and left hastily, running towards my empty attic the same way I had ran towards Cesar’s place.
Chapter 20 –Cesare Mercurio
Still shattered by the funereal atmosphere of yesterday night, after a hasty breakfast I headed to the apothecary shop to find Iryssa, fearful as I was that she might be in danger. She saw me from the window and signalled me not to step in the shop, and to wait outside for a moment. I nodded my assent, and stood in the fine mist drizzling from the grey heavens, impatiently waiting for my woman to meet me.
After a time that seemed endless Iryssa walked towards me.
“I did not expect you this morning, Cesare”, she said
“Oh Iryssa, but why? I was so anguished when we parted yesterday night, I needed to see with my own eyes that you were safe”, I replied, almost pleadingly
“You must not worry about me, take care of yourself rather”, Iryssa said, with an unusual coolness in her voice
&nb
sp; “Your well-being is more important than my…”, I started, but Iryssa interrupted my sentence
“Oh please!”, she exclaimed, “please take good care of yourself! And now I shall apologize, but I must return to the shop. My uncle is waiting for me”, she said
I felt hurt and confused, but my inexcusable conduct the day before had to be punished, of course! I deserved this coolness!
“I am very much aware that yesterday…”, I started
“Don’t say a word, please”, Iryssa interrupted me again, pressing her hand against my arm and then retreating it as if she had been burned. And after this gest, so painful for me to bear, she left with hasty steps, abandoning me in the mirthless morning, with a heart full of doubts, fears and sorrow.
Chapter 21 - Iris
This morning I woke up with a lack of purpose and angry feelings, after the discoveries of the previous night. Now that I had learned that the molecule I thought I thought could be named after me was not mine at all I felt compelled to wipe away everything I had built and start all over again. And yet it seemed much easier to destroy what I had than to plan the reconstruction. If I gave up being a scientist what else could I become? I hated Cesar Mercury for what he showed me! He hadn’t deliberately wronged me, but that was no matter – he had laid my failure plain in front of me, regardless of what his intentions were. How did he dare try to encourage me after what he had done? As if I were a fool and didn’t understand that nothing makes sense anymore!
I was immersed in this state of mind and I was getting ready to go to the lab to dispose of all my samples, when the phone rang.
“Iris…”, the voice on the other end said, and paused
“Has something happened?”, I asked, surprised by the sadness in Cesar’s tone
“Yesterday…”, he began, and hesitated again
“Yes?”, I asked, waiting for him to continue
“Yesterday you lost all your faith in your work, and in yourself too, I saw it”, Cesar said at last
Of course I had! I didn’t reply and waited for him to conclude his thought
“Will you come to dinner at my place tonight?”, he asked, “To make up for yesterday…”
His tone was apologetic.
I was silent for a moment. I didn’t want to see Cesar or anybody else, but then I gave in and accepted the invitation.
“Thank you”, Cesar replied, with a tense gratitude in his tone that to me seemed excessive for the little condescendence I had shown. His transport irritated me. I felt numb and unable to empathize.
So here I am now, rushing my writing because I want to tell you about the events of the day, but I don’t have much time since I will have to get ready and see Cesar in a short while.
After I hang up on Cesar this morning I hastily left for the lab, where I ruthlessly engaged in destroying each sample and all material evidence of my failure. I was pouring the content of a bottle in the waste container when I noticed that Otto Hermes was standing on the door of the lab, with a startled look on his face.
“Good morning”, I said dryly, without interrupting my task
He didn’t speak or move for a moment, and continued staring at me with rounded eyes. I carried on as if he weren’t there, too angered and disappointed for social niceties.
“Iris, please stop this”, he said at last
“Why? So that you can have more samples to steal from me? For your information, they aren’t any good”, I snapped bitterly
“I wasn’t stealing your samples…”, he replied, producing from his bag some of the bottles he had previously taken from me and placing them on the counter
I laughed with abrasive irony.
“You do not understand. It does not matter that you have any of my samples, my samples are waste”, I said
“Let me explain, Iris…here, these are the results I obtained”, he said sheepishly, handing me some thickly written notes, “Do you have a moment to have a look at them?”
“What?”, I exclaimed
“Please…”, he repeated, pushing the notes towards me
I took the papers with a deliberate smirk on my face and began reading.
“I conducted these same analyses and reached the same conclusions. Good, we know how to run our tests correctly”, I commented sardonically
Otto observed me without speaking. I read further, and in those papers I found described, step by step, each of my discoveries. I shook my head in incredulity.
“This is simply impossible”, I told Otto, with genuine surprise now
He had certainly taken my sample, but there was no way that he could have taken my notes and my results because I treasured them with great care, and never once I had left them behind for someone else to read. But then how did this happen?
“What is impossible?”, Otto asked
“How could we have followed an identical logic? You are aware of this, I know it, don’t fool with me!”, I replied with skeptical defensiveness although I felt the ice starting to melt within me.
“Did we really follow an identical logic?”, Otto asked, rounding his eyes in astonishment. Then he laughed, and his laugher was full and mirthful, it glowed in his eyes.
“What makes you so happy?”, I asked, my tone soft now
“We had exactly the same thoughts!”, he exclaimed
“So?”, I asked again, as if this fact no longer stroke me as peculiar.
Otto kept laughing, and at last his happiness spilled into me, and I started to giggle too. Then Otto turned serious, and looked at me as he never had before.
“Iris, I saw you were stressed and I wanted to help you, but I knew you would have refused if I had openly offered to lend a hand. You are so proud”, he said, his eyes locked into mine
“May I inquire about your reasons for wanting to help? What made you doubt my ability to crack the problem?”, I retorted, my happiness giving way to anger
“I didn’t doubt you at all”, he replied with a frank face
“Then again, why help me?”, I insisted
“Because I love you, and I always have”, he said finally, lowering his eyes
I was too stunned to speak.
“I never dared tell you before, but I always have”, he repeated
“You know that what you and I discovered has already been found?”, I said, diverting the conversation
“How so? I combed all the literature and I never found anything resembling the molecule you produced!”, he exclaimed surprised
“That’s what I thought too till yesterday night, when somebody showed me a paper which described exactly, and I mean exactly, all my discoveries. All of them, I tell you, as if I myself had authored the paper”, I said, shaking my head and yet finally relieved to share my pain with someone who could understand it
“Can I see the paper?”, Otto asked
“Sure, if you wish”, I replied, pulling out of my bag the binder where I had placed it yesterday night and handing it to Otto
Otto opened it and lifted it close to his face, leafing through it.
“See?”, I asked, sure that his bugged eyes reflected the surprise for what he was reading, for the resemblance between my results and those described
“But there’s only blank pages in this binder…”, he commented after a while, with a confused expression
“Oh please!”, I exclaimed irritated, certain that he was playing a prank on me.
“You must have confused the binders”, he told me doubtfully, showing me the blank pages
I leafed through the binder the same way he had, incredulous.
Blank pages, nothing but blank pages.
“I swear I placed the paper in this binder yesterday night…”, I said, unable to fully trust my own words at this point.
“Do you recall the author? The title?”, asked Otto
I didn’t reply.
“If you do we could search the library’s database”, he suggested
I was suddenly troubled, afraid that I had invented
everything. But Cesar did give me the paper and I will ask him about it tonight! Of course I remembered the title and author of the paper, but they didn’t exist in the library’s database.
“Forget about the paper. Will you have dinner with me tonight?”, Otto asked me
“No”, I replied curtly
“Why not? Please give me a chance, just one”, Otto said, with a peculiar stubbornness concealed under the pleading tone
“No, I will not forget about the paper and tonight I’ll find some answers from the person who gave it to me. Tomorrow can be our night, if you insist”, I replied, startled by my bluntness and by the surge of a sudden attraction I never felt before.
Otto smiled slyly.
“Then we have a deal”, he said
Now I will head to see Cesar, shamefaced for my inexplicable passions, my treacherous memories, my flickering sanity.
Chapter 22 –Cesare Mercurio
Alas, how can a woman so refined and precious, so witted and sensuous, how can my red beauty Iryssa find any interest in a worthless scoundrel like Ricco Ermete? Am I mistaken about her qualities, her intelligence and integrity, or am I mistaken about what I have seen today? This morning I took a walk in the park, in a vain attempt to clear my mind from the sorrow Iryssa’s detached behaviour had caused me. And yet life can be so ironically cruel, and wounded me with deeper cuts in that very place where I sought to find comfort.
I was close to the lake that had seen our first kiss – ah, how much I wish I could reverse the flow of the sand grains in the hourglass!- and there I caught sight of the red glow emanating from Iryssa. But she was not alone!
Every muscle in my body froze, while my mind raced to the darkest conclusions. Then for a moment I became rational and realized that I was a worthless man if my faith in my beloved was so frail it wavered at the first blow of wind.
And yet I needed to have an unconfutable proof to efface my doubts, so I stood behind a bush from where I could observe without being seen. Oh reader, I am well aware that this is not a honorable behaviour, but I exhort you to hold your to consider my anguished doubts before condemning my actions! At least I needed to see the man’s face!
Iryssa and the man stopped, speaking words I could not hear. Then they turned towards the lake for a moment and I feared they would see me, but they were too engrossed in each other’s company to notice anything else. I certainly saw the man’s face though! It was Ricco Ermete! Oh reader, why? How is this possible? They turned around and resumed their slow walk, striking each other’s hands ever so slightly, the way new lovers do.
Forget Me Not Page 9
