I shook all the reasons we couldn’t be together out of my head and drove as the road twisted through forests of hardwood and evergreen until the final corner. I turned off into the beat up gravel parking lot for the second time today.
In contrast to earlier, the lot was now nearly full with old pickup trucks and compact cars. I scanned for Auburn’s vehicle before realizing she must have decided to stay in tonight. I put my truck in reverse to leave when a couple caught my eye through the back window of my truck. Long dark hair, snug jeans, and Chucks. It had to be her.
My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest. There was no turning around anymore -- if I backed out, she would without a doubt see me. What the hell had I been thinking coming here? Wrong move, major fuck up, Reed.
I breathed deeply and pulled into the parking spot at the end of the row nearest to me and farthest from her. I quickly shut off my lights in hopes she wouldn’t notice. After rolling the window down quietly, I tried to tune into her melodic voice across the small lot.
I didn’t hear her, but I heard him.
Jason, Josh, Jack-off? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care.
Her charming laugh filled the night and before I knew what I was doing, I turned the key and the engine hummed to life. Thrusting my foot on the brake, I tossed the vehicle into reverse and pulled out. With heart pounding, I drove with averted eyes, hoping she wouldn’t notice it was me, but willing to take the risk as long as I didn’t have to see her with him.
I passed them standing at the edge of the treeline talking, and I couldn’t help myself. I glanced over. My heart fell and I knew I failed in that one brief look. Our eyes connected, surprise in hers, probably some form of frustration in mine. Her eyes widened in surprise before she took two steps to my vehicle and I knew I had to run with this. I was here and so was she, and it was exactly the reason I'd come here, to throw caution to the wind and make sure I was really living life before it was too late.
Be calm, be cool, play it off.
“Hey.” Her voice, one octave lower than normal, filtered through the interior of my vehicle and fell on lovesick ears.
“Hi. Couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d see if you were here. I didn’t see your car, so I was just leaving.”
“Stay,” she said simply. And somehow that one fucking word was the only word that mattered. I only nodded, put my car in reverse, and returned to the parking spot I’d just vacated. Stepping out of my truck, I hit the lock and pulled my hoodie over my head in the hopes that any former students wouldn’t recognize me. Maybe I could get in and out of here without being seen. My mind ran over possibilities of the story I could tell if we were caught, but nothing seemed sufficient and it was then that I realized I really didn’t care.
I took long strides to Auburn and we met in the middle of the parking lot. She looped her arm in mine and walked me towards the shore where the flickering of firelight danced in the darkness.
“Where's your boyfriend?” I murmured in her ear once we'd stopped at the edge of the treeline before it sloped down to the riverbank.
“He left.” She informed just as an engine fired to life. A shiny black Rover spit rocks as it whipped out a moment later. “And he isn't my boyfriend, not anymore.” Her dark eyes caught mine in the silver moonlight.
“Poor bastard.” I muttered, the sarcasm in my words making it more than clear how I felt about the end of that relationship.
“I don't think he cared too much.”
“Losing you? How could he not care?”
She shrugged before responding, “Rumor is he fucked the captain of the volleyball team. I'm not worried.”
“Shit. You're not upset that he cheated on you?” I covered her hand with my own and interlaced our fingers.
“I told you, we weren't that serious. And we'd only been dating for a few months. It was time, regardless of,” she gestured between the two of us. “this.”
“Well, I can't say I sympathize.” I caught the shell of her ear between my teeth and gave a gentle tug. “I'm a man with selfish interests.”
“And just what are those interests?” She purred and twisted her neck to grant me more intimate access.
“You. And all things you-related.” She sighed and before she could answer, I hauled her off past a line of cars and down a small path that was out of sight of the group drinking and laughing around the fire. My heart thundered with urgency, my blood pumped with excitement. “What would you tell them if they saw us together?” I hummed as we stopped near an imposing maple tree, branches gnarled and hanging low, partially sheltering us.
“I dunno,” she breathed, eyes averted. She'd been drinking. Her eyes swam with something other than the sparkling amusement I was used to. It made her flirty, sexy, bold. Seeing her that way had the blood charging through my veins to the only area on my body that I could focus on.
“Does it turn you on?” I rotated her soft form and faced her towards the fire, her back to my chest, her pelvis pressed against a fallen and oversized tree, the bark smooth with years of exposure.
“Reed,” she moaned and shook her head. That perfect contradiction again. Her words told me one thing, but her body told me something entirely different.
“I think that husky tone in your voice says yes,” I breathed against her ear, my nose dusting along the smooth line of her neck. With my hands on her hips, I rocked her back and forth against me gently letting her feel how uncontrollably turned on I was. “You shouldn’t be out here with me, Auburn Lawrence.”
“Mmm…” she hummed when I rocked my erection against her bottom. “I think that ship has sailed, Reed.” She was being flirty. Jesus, I loved her flirty. I could just picture the naughty glint in her eye, coupled with hushed, breathy moans. God personified sin when he made Auburn.
I turned her in my arms, pressed her to my body, hard planes against soft curves, and thrust my hand into her dark hair, giving it a tug and making my dick jump in my jeans. “Watch them, look at them. You should be with one of them.” I watched the shiver that coursed through her body at my words as we watched a half a dozen people partying around the dancing orange flames.
They collapsed in laughter, and a guy, someone I recognized as the homecoming king Auburn’s senior year of school, called out for her. “Auburn!” he bellowed as the group laughed. He took a long swig of his beer and called again, “Auburn! You’re needed!” The group howled and then closed in once again, on to another topic presumedly.
“Why?” She spun to face me.
“I'm bad for you.” I murmured before kissing the soft flesh where neck met collarbone. “I want to do bad things to you.” I trailed my tongue along her cool skin.
“What if I want you to do bad things to me?” She arched her neck, allowing me more intimate access.
“That's not the right answer.” My hands were working up her body now, caressing the soft curves beneath thin cotton. She succumbed to the physical onslaught and pushed her hands through the threads of my hair.
“I happen to believe being right isn't always the most important thing.”
“Jesus Christ, Auburn. We're playing with fire.” I grunted, my hands clutching and kneading, as the fine gossamer threads that held my control started a slow and methodical unravelling. Her gaze averted and her lips pressed together in a razor thin line. “What are you thinking?”
With those words her dark eyes slammed into mine. “That I want you to fuck me.”
Each word was like an electric charge to my balls. She nearly toppled me. “That’s the last thing I’m going to do.” I growled as my nose dusted the shell of her ear, still teasing, still taunting.
“Why?” She murmured as her fingers clutched at my shoulder blades. I grunted as she squirmed and shifted between me and the fallen tree.
“I want to be sure you’re fucking me, not the teacher you’ve been masturbating to since you were sixteen.” The only audible sound was the ragged inhale she took, as if all the air had deflated from her lungs a
nd she was desperate for more.
Her eyes held mine, sparkling, angry, sexy, dangerous. “You're an asshole.” She shoved me off of her. “How could you ever, ever think I didn’t like you for you?!”
“Keep it down.” My eyes darted to the crowd beyond the trees.
“Fuck you.” She grit.
“I plan to, if you behave,” I snapped.
“You are a moody, arrogant asshole.” She seethed. “You know? You're right. We shouldn’t be doing any of this. Whatever this is could never work.”
“Auburn.” I reached a hand out to comfort her.
“No. I'm already too wrapped up in you.” She shook her head. “I just need to get beyond it.”
“Wait!” I reached for her arm as she brushed by me to leave.
“No.” She spun, her eyes landing on my hand gripping her forearm before she looked up to me. “We connect, we have chemistry, we have something. But that's all it is.” She looked down before taking a step back with a shake of her head. “You and I don't make sense, Reed.”
I swallowed the aching lump in my throat. “What about the class?” I didn't know if I could stand going to class every day and looking at her empty seat, only left to imagine the soft contours of her face and the wavy hair that cascaded over one shoulder while I lectured.
“I…I don’t know. After all of this...” she paused and wiped at one eye with the back of her hand, before spinning and hurrying down the path. In a sudden flip of events, I was left feeling empty. I had no idea what had just happened, but it burned my fucking insides. Just when I was getting used to Auburn in my life, I was left standing bereft and watching her walk away.
six
I went a week without seeing Auburn. I'd sent her an email after she missed the first class, and then the second, without response. Maybe I'd missed the mark. I'd always known Auburn and I couldn't have a future, but maybe we'd ended far sooner than I'd anticipated.
I stepped into the classroom Thursday afternoon hoping beyond hope that she'd be there. I did a double take when I found her seated at her normal desk, part way back and to my right. My chest ached as I watched her chat so casually with the student next to her, her face so relaxed and inviting as she chuckled about something. She was stunning and set my heart on fire like no one ever had, but the relief that had coursed through my veins at seeing that she was here, safe and healthy, was short-lived.
I dropped my books on the worn, cherry desk, saw that all the seats that should be filled were, and announced the start of class. I hurried through background history of our next author, Vladimir Nabokov, before introducing his most important work, “Lolita.” I kept one eye on Auburn throughout, and it wasn't long before the avoided glances and blatant ignoring got the better of me.
I had to talk to her, my fingertips buzzed with anticipation, my throat dry and tight as my heart shuddered. “Let's do a quick free-writing exercise. In the theme of “Lolita,” please take the next twenty minutes and write about forbidden love, and challenge yourselves. Push your limits.” I finished and quickly glanced around the room. They were each opening their writing books, notebooks they often left with me so I could get a glance at their in-class writings. “Let’s say…” I glanced down at my watch, “three forty-five on the dot.” Eyes glanced to the clock above the door and then heads bent to begin writing. I passed the first few desks in her row and when I approached, her soulful eyes glanced up and caught mine. “Auburn, can I have a word with you outside?” I asked stiffly as I stood next to her desk.
Her eyes narrowed a fraction in a cross between irritation and pain, before she finally nodded. I followed her out of the room with rage and lust simmering in my blood. The heavy industrial door clicked when I closed it behind me. She turned, arms crossed and eyes slitted, but before she could speak, I looped her by the elbow and rushed her to the door next to mine. I pushed her into the darkened room ahead of me and followed her in, not bothering to turn on the light. With no windows to expose us, we were safe from prying eyes. It also had the unfortunate effect of heightening my senses to an all-time level with the close proximity of our bodies.
She had me strung so tightly, every muscle in my body vibrated with some mix of passion and anger. “Why the fuck are you ignoring me?” I leaned across the inches that separated us and growled in her ear. I heard her suck in a deep breath and felt her heaving chest thrumming against mine. “Answer me.” I gripped her thigh in my hand and tightened, raising higher, clutching more greedily, inch by inch.
“I told you.” She wriggled her arms between us before they settled, wedged against my chest. I held her tightly, no chance of her darting away from me.
“I don't believe you” My breath washed across the delicate skin beneath her ear. “I think you like driving me insane.”
“You’re crazy,” she seethed.
“You make me crazy.” I ran my nose along the shell of her ear and felt her body shudder head to toe. Her fingertips clutched against the hard muscle of my biceps. As my eyes came to focus, my mind registered that we'd ducked into a janitor's closet. I propped my hand on a shelf above her head and held my body over hers, my other hand still kneading, maybe even hard enough to leave bruises, on the inside of her thigh.
“Reed...”
“Mmm…Jesus, I love when you say my first name.” I groaned, lost in her.
“Don't say that.” Her quiet words clear in the space separating us.
“Why?” I breathed and nipped at her ear lobe.
“Because I'm trying to get over you!” Her frustrated holler stilled my heart.
“How can you get over us when we haven't even gotten started yet?” I breathed as I danced fingertips up her thighs and beneath the hemline of her shorts. She shifted, granting me further access until my fingers met damp cotton. I pushed the offending fabric away without a second thought and thrust my fingers inside her. “You want me the same way I want you, Auburn. You can't resist this pull between us, anymore than I can. Just try, Auburn. Just try to deny that what I'm doing to you right now isn't exactly what you want on every level.” She arched and her hips rocked as she became a slave to the pleasure my hand gave her, my words seeming to spur her on. I pulled my hand from her pants and held her head in both palms before kissing her savagely, never letting her head turn, her face move, not giving her a chance to breathe or leave. I devoured her sense of reality, became her everything -- giver of air, master of manipulation.
“So fucking sweet,” I uttered as my hands moved over her body. She groaned as her hips worked back and forth, bottles of cleaning solution and buckets shaking with the movement. Her arms shot out to either side and fingernails scratched against old wooden shelves as my fingers found her hot center again and sunk into her. She was funny, beautiful, perfect, smart, mine. She was mine.
“I can never get enough of you.” I thrust without concern of hurting her. If it was too much, I didn’t care, because every day was too fucking much for me. I lived in a constant state of torture because I wanted her desperately, with every fucking fiber of my soul. I conjured her everywhere, her laugh at the supermarket, the sway of her hips walking down the sidewalk, and then she came to my classroom and pranced around in short shorts. “And this ass,” I grunted as my thumb slid between her cheeks and pressed at her back entrance, “I’m taking it,” I growled and slid my thumb past the first ring of muscle. She yelped as her fingertips clutched at my shoulders. I felt the burning pain where she’d broken my skin, but my blood buzzed as if morphine was racing through my system. Auburn had me higher than any chemical ever had.
“God, I hate you,” she panted between moans. “I fucking hate you,” she grit through her teeth but continued to ride my hand while I brought her closer to release. “Is this what you want? Do you like knowing I'm wet just thinking about you? That listening to your voice in class gets me so turned on I can't focus on anything but what it would feel like to have you inside of me? I hate you for making me want you. I hate you for making me want
what I can't have! What you won't give!” She screamed and sobbed and rode my hand until I pressed my fingers deeper, swirled quicker, and she came in earth shattering waves around my fingers. I groaned as I pumped, the sensations nearly too much to bear, before her body went lax, her muscles limp around me. Soft lips met the skin beneath my ear and she sucked, slow and steady, not too hard.
“Jesus,” I murmured as she came down from her euphoric release. My head fell to her neck and I sucked in long, fortifying breaths as I tried to control my raging hard on. I wanted her, but I didn't want her here. Not the first time.
Finally, when I'd regained some small semblance of control, I flicked my tongue out and tasted the sweet skin at the curve of her neck. I loved the taste of me on her. I loved working her to a sweat and getting her all wild and messy.
“Can you let me down?” she asked, emotionless. My heart shuddered to a thunderous halt in my chest.
“Auburn.” I couldn’t keep the emotion from my voice. I prayed I wouldn't have to watch her walk away from me, again. I heard fabric rustling and knew she was trying to straighten her clothes and I shot a hand out to stop her before she opened the door.
“Stop, Reed. This doesn’t make it better,” she whispered with near rage. “This has gotten so complicated, I’m just not sure it’s worth it anymore.” Her voice wavered and my hand tightened on her waist before I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and nuzzled against her neck.
“I know it’s fucked up, but I can’t stand being away from you.”
“That’s not fair. What you're asking of me isn’t fair!” she screamed, her anger in direct contrast to my submission. “All this sneaking around makes me feel like your dirty little secret.” She nearly whimpered the last word.
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