She was willing to go out on a limb and find out. She’d heard the saying that faint heart never won fair lady. Well, hell, it was probably the same in reverse. If she wanted something – someone – she had to stand up and go for it. She’d been playing it safe for too long.
He was worth it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
‡
Jason laid back on the blanket and pillowed his head on his hands, his stomach pleasantly full. After their hot sex in the shower, they’d reluctantly dressed and set up their picnic in the backyard. He’d ordered from the local diner and they’d delivered tasty fried chicken, potato salad, rolls, and two large slices of chocolate cake. Brinley had opened a bottle of wine to go along with the meal and he was feeling a little sleepy and mellow. Other than the case being stuck, today had been a good day.
Brinley rolled over and pillowed her head on his shoulder, throwing an arm over his middle. “You’re quiet. Is everything okay?”
“Too much good food and wine. Not to mention the great sex before,” Jason chuckled, letting his fingers play in her long, silky hair. “I think I need a nap. I’m not as young as I used to be.”
Jason’s fortieth birthday had come and gone a few months ago while Brinley had just passed her thirtieth. It was another obstacle, although not insurmountable. He had friends who had married women that were several years younger and so far those couples were completely happy.
Whoa.
Where had that thought come from?
He wasn’t going to marry Brinley…or anyone. He had too many scars, mostly internal, to ever tie someone to him for a lifetime. He had nightmares and he couldn’t even get a decent night’s sleep. Hardly husband or father material.
“You’re not old. Age is just a number. It’s all in how you feel.”
Then I feel about seventy.
“I think I’m out of shape. Working on the dining room kicked my ass today. I admire the fact that you’ve done so much on your own.”
“I don’t mind. But I’d like to have as much done as possible before school starts. I won’t have any time then. I’ve been lucky that Logan likes home improvement. He’s helped a lot.”
Jason rolled onto his side so he could see her face. “That reminds me. Logan mentioned that your ex Greg has been coming by uninvited and bothering you. Do I need to have a talk with him?”
Brinley rolled her eyes. “I’d hardly call him my ex. We barely dated and we never kissed. He’s more of an acquaintance that never made it to the next step. Honestly, he’s kind of a jerk.”
Jason had never met this Greg but he didn’t like him one bit. And that didn’t have anything to do with being jealous or anything. He simply sounded like a real piece of work.
“Maybe he and I should have a chat. I can let him know how things are.”
Brinley ran her finger up his arm, sending tingles to parts in a southerly direction. Suddenly he wasn’t all that tired anymore.
“And how are things? What would you tell him?”
She was looking up at him expectantly, and he knew what she wanted him to say. He wasn’t a stupid man, although the nuances of relationships were sometimes beyond his understanding. But he’d have to be an idiot not to feel the growing bond between the two of them. She was becoming ever more important to him with each new day and it appeared she felt the same.
He had to put a stop to it now. He’d been wimping out, putting off the discussion but the time to act was here. He couldn’t let her go on thinking there was a future between them. He had a shitload of work to do before he’d be ready to be someone’s husband or father.
“I’d tell him to wait for an invitation, and I’d make sure he heard the words. I can be very persuasive when I want to be.”
“I’ve already told him all that. I don’t think he cares much about what’s polite.”
“I can make an impression that he won’t forget.”
Jason sat up and stretched. The very thought of this Greg guy putting his hands on Brinley made Jason want to punch the ex right in the jaw. He was possessive of her and that was a mistake. Eventually she’d date someone else and he’d have to deal with it.
And he had no clue how he was going to do that.
“If he comes by again I’ll just tell him that I’m seeing someone.”
The moment was here. Now.
“Look…Brinley…I think we should talk about what’s going on between us and where you think this is going. I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings. I want to be clear about things.”
She went stiff next to him and he winced at the harshness of his words, if not the tone. A part of him wanted to backtrack and tell her he’d misspoke and that everything was okay. A bigger part of him knew that it was because he felt so much for her that he couldn’t allow her to settle for less than she deserved.
“Yes, we should be clear.” Her words were stilted and her expression had gone from flirtatious to icy.
Jason pressed his larger hand on her smaller one, trying to cushion the blow that he was about to inflict. This was going to hurt her but it was better to do a small hurt now than to make her a victim the rest of her life.
“I really care about you and it’s because of those feelings that I say this. I’ve got problems, honey. We both know that. Hell, I can’t even get a decent night’s sleep most days. I have nightmares and there are times when I’m back in that cell. It’s real to me and it may always be. I can’t ask you to take all that on. Not right now. I just can’t make any kind of commitment.”
He expected tears and maybe some histrionics about being led on which wouldn’t have been a stretch. He’d very deliberately not thought about the future when they’d started seeing each other. And sleeping together.
Instead he saw anger light up her hazel eyes. She sat up and snatched her hand back as if she’d been burnt and she held it to her chest as her lips began to tremble. The color was high in her cheeks and her spine ramrod straight.
“I don’t remember asking you for a commitment, so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m confused. I thought we had something special between us but I wasn’t thinking that we were going to elope this weekend. I get that you’re working through some things, Jason, but you don’t think I understand that. I never realized your opinion of me was that low.”
“It’s not. I think you’re terrific.” Jason was astonished at her reaction. She couldn’t possibly think he thought so little of her. She was amazing and wonderful.
“But not wonderful enough.” Bitterness tinged her words and he knew he’d screwed this up royally. “You’re a coward, Jason Anderson. I know you have feelings for me, and I darn well know I’m in love with you, but you’re going to keep pushing me away. Why? Because you’re scared. You’re shaking in your expensive cowboy boots. Making excuses about commitments and not sleeping at night. Do you even hear yourself?”
He certainly heard her, despite the fact that she was so furious her voice had dropped to a whisper. “I’m broken inside, and you deserve better than that. You should have a man that doesn’t go back to the dark place all the time.”
Brinley jumped to her feet, anger in every line of her body.
“I’ll take that under advisement. Just so you know, right now you’re not my favorite person. You’re pissing me off and I’m losing my patience. You’re not putting distance between us because of your nightmares. You’re doing it because you’re a lily-livered chicken shit. But I get that sometimes people can be scared of their emotions so I’m going to let this pass and forget that we ever had this conversation.”
Frustrated that an evening that had started so promising had turned to hell, Jason levered to his feet and tried to hold her hand but she pulled it away and shook her head.
“I feel more for you than I’ve ever felt for anyone but I can’t guarantee that we have a future together. I can’t say for sure that everything is going to be alright.”
“I haven’t asked for a guarantee, Jason, and do you
know why? Because they don’t exist. I can’t give you one either but you don’t hear me pussy-footing around saying things like I feel more for you than anyone else. That’s a cop out. I’ve told you I love you and I’m not taking it back, but right now I’m deeply questioning my taste in men.”
With that Brinley turned on her heel and marched into the house without a backward glance over her shoulder, leaving him standing there like a total loser.
Somewhere along the way he’d taken a wrong turn but he didn’t know where. The words hadn’t come out quite right and he’d first hurt her and then angered her. He’d only been trying to be honest.
And he didn’t have a clue how to put things right.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
‡
Brinley was still frustrated early the next morning, although the anger had faded as she readied to go out for a bicycle ride. A long one. She needed to work off the emotions that had kept her up most of the night tossing and turning in the guest room. Jason was scared of commitment and in a way she couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t something to take lightly, which was why she’d turned and left the conversation last night when she did. There were so many hurtful words she could have hurled at him but it wouldn’t have helped him get over his fears any sooner. Only time could do that.
She scratched out a note and propped it up on the kitchen island. In getting out of the house before he was awake she hoped to avoid some of the hard feelings from last night. Once she cycled a few miles it would clear her head and she’d know what to do about the entire situation.
She grabbed a water bottle and quietly exited the house. After unlocking her bike from the front porch and pulling on her helmet, she climbed on and pedaled away, the physical exertion exactly what she needed.
The wind whipped at her long hair and instantly dried the sweat on her skin as she built up speed, putting miles between her and her troubles. This was one of her favorite routes with all the quiet back roads and the homes few and far between. She didn’t have to worry about traffic or even people. All she had to do was lose herself in the rhythm of the ride.
The cobwebs in her brain slowly lifted as her adrenaline soared. Every pump of her legs brought her closer to what she knew to be the truth.
Jason cared about her. He couldn’t hide it. He probably loved her although she doubted he’d ever used that word before. The stubborn mule of a man was a confirmed bachelor and he wasn’t going to fall easily. Strangely enough, he’d obviously been thinking more about the future and commitment than she had. She’d been happy to just be with him and enjoy what they had in the present. Now he was running scared.
From himself. What she really needed to do was sit back and let him deal with his internal demons. There wasn’t anything she could do about them anyway except not put any more pressure on him. He’d either come to admit his love or not, and she had to be prepared either way.
But she wouldn’t be passive in all this. She was done with that. She’d taken a chance and found an amazing man. She’d stick by him while he fought his battle and let him know that she was there and wasn’t frightened.
The growl of an engine behind her interrupted her train of thought, and she rode even farther right to give the car as much of the full road as she could. Normally they slowed down as they went around her and waved before gunning the motor and moving on. Everyone was quite courteous to cyclists although she’d noticed that there weren’t many of her kind riding around. In Chicago she’d a few accidents with some less than pleasant drivers, including one where someone had pulled in front of her and she’d gone ass over tea kettle into the dirt, breaking her wrist. That person had had the nerve to yell at Brinley for being “in the way”.
She waited for the car to pass her but it didn’t, perhaps waiting for a car to go by in the opposite direction. Or maybe the driver was texting. Brinley had learned to fear those people. They never seemed to pay attention to what was happening around them.
She craned her neck but couldn’t see any vehicle coming toward her that would impede the car behind from going around. Pedaling even faster, she pulled as far to the right as she dared without getting into the soft shoulder that would surely toss her from the bike. Now there was no reason for the vehicle not to pass her.
Sweat trickling down her back, she heard the roar of the engine and then felt a sickening jolt that tossed her into the air like the matador at a bullfight who had connected with the horned end of the animal. Fear rippled through her as she landed like a rag doll onto the pavement with a sickening jolt that rattled her teeth and bones. The first thing she registered was the pain in her legs, arms, and torso. The second was that gravel had dug into her exposed skin and dirt and blood dripped down her knees and palms. Dazed, she reached up and felt her helmet still in place and said a small prayer of thanks that it had protected her head even as the rest of her body had borne the brunt of the collision.
Anger surged through her tangled and bruised body. She’d given the driver more than enough room to go around her. Anyone who managed to hit her under those conditions with a deserted road and clear skies was a blooming idiot who shouldn’t have a license. As soon as she felt better she was going to give the driver a piece of her mind.
The car had come to a stop about ten feet ahead and was now just sitting there idling. Even in the other two accidents she’d been in the drivers had flown out of their cars to see if she was injured. The snippy one had even followed Brinley to the hospital to make sure she was okay. Now this asshole was just sitting there waiting for her to get up and climb back on her mangled bike.
What a jerk.
She waved her arm to try and get the driver’s attention but she couldn’t see him or her and she wasn’t sure they could see her from this angle.
“Hello?” she called out, her voice weak and shaky and her breath still shallow. The excruciating pain on her right side was making it difficult to get a lungful of air. “Can you help me? I think I’m hurt.”
Her bicycle lay about three feet away and the back wheel looked bent and damaged beyond repair. Even if she hadn’t been hurt she wouldn’t be riding it anywhere. She had her phone in the pack around her waist and she should probably just call and have someone pick her up since right now she didn’t trust herself to be civil to the guy who had knocked her off her bike.
The driver still didn’t answer and Brinley was losing patience. She was sprawled on the road, in pain, pissed off. This accident was their fault and by God they needed to own up to it. With her luck it was probably some teenager that was now panicking and calling mommy or daddy asking what to do. Quickly she memorized the license plate in case the car drove off without helping. It hadn’t ever happened to her but hit and run wasn’t unheard of.
If she could get to the driver’s window she could force the person to acknowledge the incident whether they liked it or not. She tried to push herself to a sitting position but her head swam and the world tilted dangerously. She fell back onto the pavement, a pain shooting up her leg that made tears well up in her eyes.
“Hello?” she yelled again, this time as loud as she could, wincing as the sound reverberated in her skull. Her right ankle and hip was beginning to throb with pain and black dots spotted her vision. “Can you please help me?”
Still no answer and that was weird. In fact, the entire situation was strange. There should have been no reason for anyone to hit her and yet they had. Now they wouldn’t get out of the car to help her which was equally bizarre.
The vehicle finally lurched as the driver put it into gear. Backup lights came to life and anger morphed into fear in that instant. The driver was going to put the car into reverse and she was lying right in the path of its bone crunching wheels. Brinley sucked air into her lungs as her heart pounded like a timpani in her ears.
The accident hadn’t been one at all. He’d meant to run her down and now this lunatic was going to finish the job. How annoyed he must be that she didn’t die on the first try. The whole
thing with the murder and the house came down to this moment. Someone might want in the house but they wanted her dead too. They’d succeed if she didn’t do something.
Move!
Her limbs shaking with terror, she used her already ripped up hands and feet to drag herself toward the side of the road where she could roll down into the ditch. A shaft of stunning pain shot up her leg that almost took her breath away but she gritted her teeth, determined to ignore anything but the voice screaming in her ear to get away.
Tears leaked down her cheeks as the car engine gunned, almost splitting her skull open with the booming sound. The last bit of strength in her battered body used up, she made it to the shoulder of the road, the soft earth a cushion on her abraded flesh and rolled as far as she could down the ditch, but not nearly far enough to protect herself. She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to watch her own demise, but the vehicle came to a sudden squealing stop a mere foot from where she lay. The tires spun and the car peeled away from her, spitting gravel in the air, rocks and dirt pelting her as it raced down the road.
Another car seemed to come from nowhere and she didn’t even have the energy to flag the driver down. Her guardian angel must have been working overtime because the vehicle stopped and the driver frantically ran over to her, kneeling down while pulling out their phone and calling 911.
“An ambulance will be here in a minute, young lady,” the elderly man said, patting her hand. “Just stay still and try not to move. What happened? Did you fall?”
Brinley shook her head and winced at the pain in her shoulders and back. She felt like she’d been beaten with a baseball bat and by someone who knew how. She’d be feeling this for days. “That car that just left hit me.”
The man’s bushy brows shot up. “Hit and run? I wish I’d gotten the jerk’s plate number.”
Damsel in Danger (Danger Incorporated Book 1) Page 18
