She’s come back, Lord. And I’m not letting her go again. I was a fool the first time. I won’t make the same mistakes.
A vision of his dad teaching him, as a boy, the tricks to breaking a horse played through his mind. “Patience,” his dad had said. “Gotta be patient.”
Patience had never been one of Kirk’s stronger qualities.
* * *
Callie dabbed her eyes with a wet washcloth. She gripped the vanity sink in the bathroom and stared at her reflection. She’d lain awake most of the night over that kiss. How could she have been so foolish, so impulsive?
She had no desire to get back together with Kirk. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She had loads of desire, but a relationship was not what she wanted. Or needed. The people she loved died. All of them.
Shrugging, she washed her hands in the sink. Death was a part of life. Everyone died. But the people she loved died too early, and she simply couldn’t handle any more heartbreak.
She shouldn’t have kissed him. It was a mistake. Now, she didn’t know if she should apologize or simply pretend it never happened. If she apologized, he might look down at her with those enticing eyes, which seemed to have a knack for drawing her into them, and then she’d end up throwing herself in his arms again. She shook her head. No, she couldn’t risk that. Ignoring him would infuriate him, but she wasn’t tempted to kiss him when he was angry. Not nearly as much, anyway.
After drying her hands, she joined the family in the kitchen. The visitors had been fed and cleaned up after. They’d already left to enjoy some hiking. Mike and Tammie sat at the kitchen table, as did Ben and the girls. Tammie’s leg was propped on a chair. Her brows furrowed and her face flushed. She’d been up the whole morning. She needed to eat and then rest a bit. Callie looked at the kitchen clock. “Tammie, I’ll get you some pain pills so that after you eat you can lie down for a while.”
“I think I’ll do that.” Her hand shook when she picked up a glass of iced tea and took a drink.
Mike grimaced. “I wish I could make it better.”
“I know.” Tammie patted the top of his hand. “It will get better once they can set it and put on the cast.”
“Grandma, I’ll go fluff your pillows,” said Emma, and she raced into the other room.
Emmy hopped up. “I’ll go put my panda bear on your bed. He likes to take naps.”
Callie’s heart swelled at the tenderness of the family. Pamela placed plates of hot ham and cheese, potato salad and cole slaw in front of her parents. Kirk filled glasses with sweet tea then sat beside Ben. Two seats left. One beside him. One beside Ben.
Before Pamela could choose, Callie grabbed a plate and sat beside Ben. She glanced at Kirk, noting the frown wrapping his features. Ugh, she wanted to scream. He had every right to be confused and frustrated with her. Why couldn’t she have just told him to mind his own business and slammed the door in his face last night?
“Ben, is everything ready for school in the fall? All the paperwork turned in?” asked Mike.
Callie breathed a sigh of relief. If they talked about normal stuff, maybe she could eat quickly then head upstairs to make the guest beds and tidy up the bathrooms.
Ben swallowed the bite of hot ham and cheese. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I think so, Dad. Transfer scholarship papers are completed. Classes are ready. In just a few months, I’ll be working toward my engineering degree.”
Kirk ruffled Ben’s hair. “The nerd of the family’s headin’ off to school.”
Pamela released an exaggerated sigh, and Callie studied the woman she once believed would be her sister-in-law. There were only a few months between their ages, and though she’d always liked Pamela, they’d never spent a lot of time together. The main reason had been because Pamela had spent all of her time with Jack.
After swallowing a bite of potato salad, Callie asked, “Did you want to go to school, Pamela?”
She nodded, but didn’t offer a comment, simply took another bite of her sandwich.
“She wanted to be a math teacher.” Tammie placed her hand on Pamela’s arm. “Isn’t that right? Then it was...” She lifted her finger to her mouth. “What was it?”
“An accountant.” Pamela continued to focus on her plate. “I wanted to be an accountant.”
Callie swallowed a drink of her tea. “Then go back. Take a few classes at the community college. I’ll help you get started.”
Pamela looked up at Callie, a slight smile lifting her lips. “It’s not so easy with the girls, and—”
“They’ll both be in school this fall. I bet you could take a class or two. I’m here to help around the house, and—”
Mike patted Pamela’s back. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. You’re great with numbers. You take care of our books just fine.”
“You should do it, sis,” said Ben.
Pamela blushed, and Callie noticed she seemed to try to shrink back into a shell. Callie wouldn’t let her. “Later on, you and I are going to print out an application and fill it out. Okay?”
Pamela shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ll see.”
Tammie released a loud sigh. “I’m sorry to be such a downer at our lunch party, but I think my medicine is kicking in.” She turned toward Mike. “Will you help me up? I need to get to the bed, or I’ll be facedown in this plate in a minute.”
Mike chuckled as he helped his wife into the bedroom. Ben excused himself to finish working in the barn. Callie swallowed a knot in her throat and begged God that Pamela and the girls wouldn’t leave the table. She shoved another bite of ham and cheese in her mouth. If she hadn’t talked so much during lunch, she’d be finished and could excuse herself, as well.
“Mama, can I go play? I’m done,” said Emmy.
Pamela pointed to the plate. “Two more bites.” She pointed at Emma’s also. “Both of you.”
The girls shoved bites in their mouths, and Callie did the same with an oversize forkful of potato salad.
“Done!” the girls chimed in unison.
Pamela stood, picked up their plates and placed them in the sink. “Okay. Play quietly in your room so Grandma can rest.”
With a quiet squeal of consent, the girls raced out of the kitchen. Please God, let Pamela sit back down. I can’t be alone with Kirk.
She peeked at him. He wasn’t going to budge. He probably even prayed against her—that Pamela would leave. She shoved another bite of salad in her mouth.
As Callie expected, Pamela wiped her hands on a dish towel. “I’m heading back to the gift shop. See ya in a bit.”
Before Callie could utter a peep, Pamela left. Kirk stood and placed his plate in the sink. Callie sucked in a breath. Maybe he’d leave. Maybe she wouldn’t have to worry about explaining or apologizing.
Both his hands cupped her shoulders from behind. “I thought they’d never leave.”
Callie swallowed. She’d have to talk to him. Just say something to get him to go away. Like a coward, she stared at her plate. If she looked up at him, she’d melt, and she had to stay strong. “I’m sorry for kissing you last night.”
“What?”
Frustration flowed from the single word. She knew him. It would shift to anger in a moment’s time. Good. She could avoid him better when he was angry.
“I shouldn’t have done it.”
“But?”
“No buts.” She stood. She couldn’t risk looking back at him. Leaving her plate on the table, she walked toward the living room. “I’ve got work to do.”
Chapter 9
Two weeks had passed since Callie kissed him then brushed it off as if it should have never happened. He’d run the gamut of emotions—frustration to anger to aggravation to confusion to peace. Just as she wanted, he’d avoided her. Given her space and then he stuck God in her spot in
his mind.
He couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d prayed so much. Ended up, he didn’t only pray about Callie. He got to going on about his mom’s ankle healing, his brother’s school, his dad, his sister and his nieces. He’d always prayed over the land, but he’d taken to actually going out in the orchard, standing right there in the middle of it and lifting his face to the heavens in prayer.
Having been raised on the Bible, he knew it said that he could have a peace that surpassed all understanding. But he’d never understood that before. The peace he now felt didn’t make any sense. It was as if anything in the world could happen and he knew God would see him through it.
And he’d never felt more love for Callie. Real love. The kind that gave her space and didn’t demand to fill it. The kind that wanted the very best for her. Wanted her to be ready to come to him. The kind of love God had for the world.
Having finished the farm work, Kirk headed to his house to clean up before dinner. The B and B had a cancellation, so it would just be the family. No waiting on guests. No sitting all crowded together at the kitchen table.
He walked inside as Ben squirted cologne on his shirt. Kirk whistled at his clean-shaven brother decked out in a royal blue polo shirt and khaki shorts. “Where you going? Hot date?”
“As a matter of fact, yep.”
Kirk lifted his brows. “Really?”
Ben scoffed. “Well, don’t act so surprised. I can get a date, you know.”
“Oh, I know. You just said you weren’t messing with women. At least until after you got to school.”
“And I’m not.” Ben blew out a breath. “Stan begged me to go out with his girlfriend’s sister who’s visiting from Idaho or Iowa or one of the I states.” He adjusted the collar of his shirt. “But I’m going to kick his rear if the girl has four eyes or a tail. I didn’t want to do this to begin with.”
“Or she could be gorgeous, latch on and want to marry you.”
Ben growled. “That would be worse.” He furrowed his brows. “Wait. Not the gorgeous part. The latch on and marry part.”
Kirk laughed as he made his way to the bathroom. “Have fun.”
“You know Pamela and the girls are going to a birthday party tonight.”
Kirk stopped. That meant only his parents, Callie and he would have supper together.
“And Dad took Mom out for dinner. First time she felt like she could maneuver on the crutches enough to go out.”
Kirk scrunched his face as he scratched the side of his head.
“That leaves just you and Callie.”
“Yeah. I did the math.”
Ben chuckled. “The last time I saw her she was weeding the garden.”
Kirk nodded. “Thanks for the heads-up.”
He scowled as he cleaned up after a hard day’s work. They’d been together for lunch. It would have been nice if someone had let him know they all had plans tonight. Now he didn’t know if he should just drive to town, grab a burger and stay at his house. Maybe he should run over to the garden and nonchalantly ask Callie if she wanted him to pick her up something, as well.
He’d just stay home and eat what they had in the kitchen, but he and Ben didn’t really keep food at their house. Some crackers. A little peanut butter. Enough for midnight snacks.
He blew out an exaggerated breath as he put on clean clothes. God, I’ll just ask if she wants me to grab anything for her. No other questions. No pressure. Praying for help not to revert back to his natural instincts of blowing a gasket if she made him mad, he walked to the main house.
As Ben said, Callie was in the back pulling weeds from the family garden. A big blue sun hat flopped on her head like an oversize Kentucky Derby hat. She wore black running shorts and a neon-green T-shirt, which made the hat look even more ridiculous, and yet adorable all at the same time.
“Need some help?”
Callie turned at his question, and he noted the reason for the hat. Her cheeks and nose burned red as a ripened tomato. “Nope. I’m almost done. Potato soup is hot on the stove.”
“That was nice of you. I was gonna offer to pick us up a bite to eat.”
She swatted the air. “No need for that. It’s ready.”
“Okay. I’ll go spoon up a couple bowls.”
She looked up at him, studying him for what seemed several minutes. Finally nodding, she said, “’Kay. I’ll be there in a sec.”
Kirk walked into the house, pulled out two bowls and filled them with soup. He took some crackers from the cabinet and the homemade pimiento cheese from the refrigerator. Spying some leftover baked beans in a plastic container, he nuked them in the microwave. It was a hodgepodge meal, to be sure, but it would suffice.
Callie avoided his gaze as she walked into the house and made her way to the sink. She’d taken off the hat and much of her hair stayed plastered to her head with electrically charged hairs sticking out from various angles. He prayed not to laugh at her and for God’s wisdom on what to say as she washed her hands. Having a seat at the table, he waited for her to join him.
She sat across from him then traced her fingers through her hair. “I look a mess.”
“You look like you’ve worked hard.” He pointed to her face. “Sunburn to prove it.”
“It was such a nice day. I wanted to be out in it.”
She averted her gaze again, and Kirk placed his hands on the table but didn’t reach for her. “Mind if I say grace? I’m starving.”
She nodded. He didn’t mind when she didn’t take his hands. He hadn’t expected her to. Finished with the prayer, he grabbed a spoon and dumped a heaping of baked beans on his plate, while Callie slathered pimiento cheese on crackers.
“Your mom makes the best pimiento cheese.”
He nodded. “Gotta agree with you about that.”
“I’m glad she’s moving around a bit more.”
“Me, too, and I know she’s glad.”
“Your dad’s been worried sick.”
“Yep.”
The small talk ended, and silence covered them, but Kirk didn’t mind. Her kiss had been his breaking point, forcing him to his knees. And God had given him peace.
“You’re not still mad at me?”
Callie’s voice held little more than a whisper, and Kirk swallowed his bite of potato soup and looked at her until she made eye contact with him. “Not at all.”
“But after I... And I shouldn’t have... And then I said...”
Kirk begged God for wisdom. If he were upfront, he’d tell her he loved her. Had always loved her. That before he hadn’t understood what that meant, but now he would wait. With God’s strength. The timing wasn’t right to blurt out what he felt. She needed space and time to heal. He lifted his hand. “Really. It’s okay.”
She narrowed her gaze and cocked her head. “You’re different.”
He chuckled. “Been spending a lot of time with God.”
Callie nodded. “That’s good. Me, too.” She placed her hand against her chest. “I’m healing. I know I am. But I’m afraid of loving again. Loving hurts.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and Kirk longed to reach across the table and brush them away, to take her in his arms and promise he’d never allow another moment of pain in her life. But he couldn’t do that, and he knew the Spirit prompted him to wait.
“You’re right. It does hurt.”
She studied him a bit longer then clasped her hands and placed them on the table. “I’m enjoying spending time with Princess again.”
He nodded. “I’m sure she enjoys it, as well.”
“You wanna go pick strawberries with me after we eat? They’re almost all picked over, but I’m sure we can still find several.”
Kirk’s heart swelled in his chest. He would enjoy nothing more than to sp
end time with Callie. “Absolutely.”
“We’ll make Pamela fix a strawberry pie for tomorrow.”
He rubbed his belly. “Best pie ever.”
“I know.” She twisted her mouth as she bit the inside of her cheek. “She’s gonna have to teach me how to make it.”
So that one day you can make it for our family. He didn’t say the words, but he felt them in his heart. Patience, Lord. Keep filling me up.
* * *
Callie marveled at the change in Kirk the past few weeks. She kissed him, told him she hadn’t meant it, he’d become angry initially, then it was as if he did a one-eighty. A complete change.
He didn’t pester her for more information. He didn’t pressure her to begin their relationship again. He was just there. Part of the family who was trying to love her back to wholeness.
Some days she felt herself again. She laughed as she played on the play area with Emma and Emmy. Devoured the summer wind whipping through her hair as they raced to see whose swing could go the highest. Her heart filled with new excitement for Pamela when they filled out her college application and applied for financial aid. Contentment wrapped around her when she fixed meals with Tammie then served their guests or helped customers at the gift shop or guided families through the play area and petting zoo. And nothing beat riding Princess out to the pond and spending time with the Lord as she fished or simply sat basking in the glory of God’s creation.
Then she had dark moments when death seemed to grip her around the neck, threatening to steal her breath and life. She tried to work through those moments, to throw herself into the garden or the house or the shop. She’d pray and feel God’s nudging of freedom and peace, but some days the grip was simply too tight. Today had been a battle.
Placing a strawberry in the third basket they’d filled, she sat on the ground. “Today’s the anniversary.”
Kirk stopped picking fruit and sat a little ways across from her. “Anniversary for what?”
She crossed her arms. “Dad’s death.”
“I’m sorry, Callie.”
He didn’t move toward her, and she appreciated that. She didn’t want his embrace. “It was a small service. Just me, his brother and Bill and his wife.” Callie glanced at Kirk and pointed to her chest. “Who was not me.”
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