Miriam took the three stairs as if she were going to her own execution. He hadn’t been convincing enough. She felt sorry for him. That was the only thing he didn’t want from Miriam—her pity.
Why had he ever thought it was a good idea to share his true feelings? They meant nothing now but something to laugh with Ephraim about.
No, no, he must not let bitterness take root. Miriam would never turn his love into a joke.
Would she?
Ephraim opened the buggy flap and Miriam climbed in. She leaned forward to look at Seth through the glassless window as the buggy rolled down the lane. Seth listened to the clip-clop of hooves as the buggy reached the paved road and watched as his best reason for living rolled out of sight.
He relaxed his grip on the railing and unclenched his teeth. He’d bitten his tongue so hard, he had actually drawn blood.
Seth lifted the collar of his coat around his neck to block out the chill that suddenly surrounded him. He tromped down the porch steps of his shell of a house and grabbed the reins of both horses.
“Come on, girls. Let’s get out of the cold.”
Patches puffed a warm breath of air into his face and nodded wisely. She seemed to understand that everything had changed.
The world had gone dark.
Who would have thought a heart could break twice in the same lifetime?
Chapter 28
Miriam trained her eyes on Seth as Ephraim drove away. His face betrayed nothing as he stood all alone on the porch of his empty house.
“I think I love you.”
His declaration had taken her by surprise, certainly, but when he said those words, the sun rose and a rainbow appeared in her sky.
She didn’t want to cry in front of Ephraim, but the tears flowed unbidden. Seth had told her he loved her, and she had rejected his gift. He tried bravely to cover it up, but she knew every line of his face, saw every subtle emotion. He was worse than hurt. He was devastated.
“Go, go with him. Be with the man you truly love.”
Ephraim saw the tears. “Miri, what is the matter?”
A feeble sob escaped her lips. “I don’t know. After all this time of being without you, it feels strange—”
“You thought we’d never be married, and you wonder if I really mean what I say now.” Ephraim went so far as to stop the buggy and pin her with an earnest gaze. “I promise you, Miri, we will never be separated again.”
“The things you said about Yost and Susie—”
“Will never be mentioned between us. Can you forget all our old disagreements?”
Miriam swam in confusion. Had she made the right decision? Ephraim was the only boy she had ever loved for as long as she could remember. Even Seth said as much. Surely God had put them together. But if being with Ephraim was the Lord’s will, why did she feel so miserable?
Maybe the thought of Seth, all alone in that cold stable, brushing his horses in silence, troubled her. Maybe her concern for his feelings overshadowed her joy at being with Ephraim again.
The good Lord would heal all things. In time Seth would find another girl to love.
Miriam didn’t expect the pang in her heart. Did she want him to find another girl to love?
Ephraim furrowed his brow. “Are you okay, Miri?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’ve got to believe me, Miriam. I thought about you the whole time I was visiting relatives. My family got back from Missouri only an hour ago. We heard your dat was the new bishop, and I went straight to your house to see how you were doing. I didn’t even unpack. Your mamm told me I could find you here. I rushed over, not wanting to spend a minute more of my life without you.”
Miriam stared at him in puzzlement. Could this really be happening? “What about Sarah Schwartz?”
Ephraim didn’t miss a beat. “There is only one girl for me, Miri. You haven’t been off my mind since I saw you in the quilt shop. You looked so pretty, like the day I laid eyes on you when you were in the first grade. Do you remember how we found that cat at recess and fed it pieces of our lunch?”
“Until Teacher caught us and sent a note to your dat.” Miriam quit frowning. “You chased me around the playground every day and tried to pull my hair.”
“That is a sign of affection, you know. For an eight-year-old boy.” He flashed that blinding smile. “That affection has only grown stronger. We understand each other. Always have. Even when I broke things off with you, deep in my heart I knew we would end up together. You must have felt it too.”
Maybe that explained why she could never truly get over his loss, why the very sight of him made her heart pound like a set of drums.
“When I heard that your fater was the new bishop, I knew I had misjudged your family. I regretted judging you so quickly.”
As Ephraim turned onto Blossom Lane, Miriam realized where they were going. His gaze darted to her face. “My mamm wanted me to bring you for supper.”
“Mamm is expecting me at home.”
“Don’t worry. My little brothers went over to tell them that you would be eating with us.”
Already? How did Ephraim know before he left home that she would choose to come with him?
Miriam took a deep breath to calm herself. A visit to Ephraim’s house this soon made her uncomfortable. She hadn’t been here since early summer. What had they been saying about her in her absence?
“Mamm scolded me for breaking up with you.” Ephraim pitched his voice an octave higher. “‘That is the finest girl in the district, Ephraim Neuenschwander. Mark my words. You will regret it.’ And she was right. She threatened to never feed me again if I didn’t bring you over today.” Ephraim’s cheerfulness grew the closer they got to his house. He winked at her. “I didn’t want to starve. Do you remember last year when I had a stomachache and didn’t eat anything all day?”
“Jah, you had a green tint to your face just before you fainted.”
“Denki for at least trying to catch me.”
Miriam cracked a grin. “I tried, but you went down so fast.”
Ephraim rubbed his chin. “Still have the scar.”
“I like it. It makes you look rugged.”
“Only until I grow a beard.”
Ephraim’s white clapboard house stood on a narrow rise of ground close to the road. The Neuenschwanders’ porch traveled all the way around the house, making it perfect for foot races with the grandchildren. Smoke rose from both chimneys, and three bare peach trees hunched over the front yard.
Ephraim’s mamm exploded out the door before he even parked the buggy. She ran to Miriam and gave her a solid hug. “I have a bone to pick with you. We ain’t seen you since June. Why have you been a stranger?”
Miriam hid her astonishment. Why had she been a stranger? Did his mamm want to dredge through the past or pretend it hadn’t happened?
Pretend it hadn’t happened. She waved her hand in dismissal. “No matter. You are here with Ephraim now. All things are as they should be. Cum in. We are having yummasetti, Ephraim’s favorite.”
Miriam sat at her regular place at Neuenschwanders’ table. Everything felt familiar, as if she’d never left. The awkwardness of the situation could not let her relax, but Ephraim’s family acted as if nothing were out of the ordinary. Ephraim had three younger brothers and three older brothers. The three older had families of their own, but the four boys left at home made an enormous racket. Ephraim’s mom brought a long wooden spoon to the dinner table to give her boys a whack if they ever forgot their manners. The boys weren’t afraid of the spoon. It was more of a joke than anything else, but they did try harder to behave if they felt the wrath of the spoon.
After the silent prayer, Ephraim sat close to Miriam and didn’t stop smiling. Freeman, Ephraim’s brother closest in age, sat on the other side of Miriam. She had never really adored Freeman. He acted too big for his britches and loved being the center of attention in any room he entered.
“I am glad you and Ephraim are ba
ck together,” Freeman said, shoving a large spoonful of yummasetti into his mouth. “You are like two souls sharing one heart.”
Miriam wanted to roll her eyes. Where had she heard that before? Probably some honeyed words that Ephraim used to feed her. Ephraim used flattery to make her laugh. Seth’s compliments, on the other hand, made her blush. Sometimes she thought Seth spent his days thinking of nice things to say to her. He was seldom without three or four compliments. The thought gave rise to a smile. Seth would examine her expression, decide it was safe to proceed, and express his admiration of her face or her intelligence or her sense of humor. Miriam found it quite charming.
Thinking of Seth, she felt the weight of the world pull her to the floor.
“I think I love you.”
After supper Miriam and Ephraim’s mamm finished up the dishes, and then the entire family played an energetic game of Scrabble. Miriam and Ephraim were partners, and he soon had her laughing at all the nonsense words he crafted out of the seven letters in their pile.
“N–U–P–E–N–S–I,” he said, showing Miriam his new word.
“And what does it mean?”
“It means we have some gute vowels.”
Miriam remembered why she liked Ephraim so much. He knew how to make her laugh. “Jah, we do.”
“Actually, a nupensi is a tiny hair in your nose. When it gets irritated, you sneeze.”
“If you use that word, your dat will insist on the dictionary.”
“I don’t think he would dare. I am the best speller in the family.”
Miriam giggled. “Jah, I can see that.”
Once the game ended and Ephraim and Miriam lost miserably, Ephraim took Miriam home. Miriam could imagine the surprise Mamm must have felt when Ephraim had shown up at their door in search of her. What would she say?
Ephraim walked her to the door but, true to form, never laid a hand on her. “Can I take you to the gathering tomorrow night?”
Facing the suddenness of being thrown back into Ephraim’s life, Miriam hesitated. What would people think?
Nae, she wasn’t concerned with what they would think. Everyone loved Ephraim. But the thought of seeing Seth there filled her with a sense of dread. She couldn’t bear to face the pain in his eyes. She couldn’t bear to be reminded of her own pain.
Her own pain?
Didn’t she have what she truly wanted?
“I don’t know. I am finishing a quilt for Susie.”
Ephraim lifted his eyebrows. “No excuses, Miri. I have lost too much time with you already. I will pick you up at six.” He quickly turned and walked away. That was how he avoided an argument.
Miriam slipped through the door, deep in thought. This was what she wanted. Ephraim’s apology testified to his change of heart. She had loved him forever. In time, they would be comfortable and easy like before.
Mamm’s voice came from the kitchen. “Is that you, Miriam?”
Miriam lit a kerosene lamp in the front room and draped herself on the sofa.
Mamm bustled into the room with all the concern of a mother hen. Susie and Hollow crept in from the kitchen with Yost close behind.
“Ephraim came over, and I sent him to Seth’s,” Mamm said. “What happened?
“Ephraim wants to get back together.”
Yost cracked a smile. He had never told Miriam of his visits to Ephraim. He probably felt responsible for their reunion. Maybe he was. Let him think whatever he wanted as long as it made him happy.
Susie gasped and sat next to Miriam on the sofa. She frowned and folded her arms. “I am glad my sin did not keep you apart in the end.” She didn’t look glad at all. She stood up as quickly as she had sat and began pacing the floor. “You and Ephraim back together—this is good news.”
Susie’s lack of enthusiasm was evident, and it seemed to mirror Mamm’s. Mamm creased her forehead as her lips turned down and a look of alarm burned in her eyes. “What did Seth say?”
“He told me to go with Ephraim. That it was what I have always wanted.”
“Is it?”
Miriam brushed her hand across her eyes. “Seth always gives good advice.”
Susie and Hollow exchanged a look of concern.
Mamm clucked her tongue. “Oh, poor boy.”
The heaviness pressed on Miriam with greater force. “What else can I do? Ephraim broke up with me. I wanted to be together. He has made many mistakes, but I owe it to both of us to give him another chance. He is giving me one.”
“Jah, I suppose he is,” Mamm said.
Why did Miriam feel like she had to defend herself? “Ephraim is a gute boy from a gute family. He is the minister’s son. What more could you want?”
“What more could you want?” came Mamm’s muted reply.
The question was left unanswered.
* * * * *
Miriam rode Daisy down the lane as she had done countless times since she met Seth, glad this time for the sweatpants underneath her dress and the long johns underneath her sweatpants. The snow-covered path felt like an old friend, beckoning her to spend some time. She took Daisy slowly. Daisy showed her age more than ever, and snow was never easy for the horses to walk through.
A full week had gone by before Miriam found the courage to visit the foals.
How could she face him, knowing how he must despise her?
With Ephraim’s renewed and full attention, it had taken no time at all for Miriam to return to the good graces of the entire community. At Ephraim’s insistence, they had attended three gatherings last week in three different districts so Ephraim could “make up for lost time.” Deacon Kiem’s wife from the old district had baked Miriam a cake, and Ada Weaver even invited her to a quilting bee. Miriam should have felt honored. Ada was very selective about who she chose for her quilting circles.
Miriam needn’t have feared that Seth would be to one of the gatherings. Just as Ephraim had once disappeared from her life, Seth was now nowhere to be seen. She had spied his brothers walking home from school one day, but the wind whipped up and they didn’t hear her calling to them.
Tying Daisy’s reins to the hook, Miriam remembered the first time she came to Seth’s stable—the first and last time she had knocked on the door. But today she felt more like an intruder than a friend. She knocked softly, and when she got no response, she rapped louder. Still no movement from inside.
She cracked open the door and peeked inside. “Seth?”
Moving farther into the stable, she looked over each stall. No one here but her and the horses. On the cot in the tiny alcove where her quilt used to be was a thin white sheet, as if he didn’t care whether he froze to death. The sight of his cot stripped of the quilt hit her like a snowball to the back of the head. She knew exactly why it was missing.
Averting her eyes, she walked to the large stall where her two foals stood with their mother. Well, they weren’t both hers, but she still hadn’t chosen the one she wanted.
They were taller now, although their legs still seemed out of proportion to their bodies. She held out her hand, and the colt, which she had named Diamond for the patch on his face, came to her immediately. He nudged his nose into her hand, looking for a treat.
“Sorry, Diamond. I didn’t bring raisins or anything,” she cooed. Seth had always supplied her with plenty of apples. She’d never thought to bring her own.
Light flooded the space as Seth came in carrying a hose and a shovel.
“Hello,” she said. Her voice sounded timid, even to herself.
He stopped short when he caught sight of her and sucked in his breath. His expression went hard, hiding any and all emotion behind those cold, gray eyes. “It’s a chilly day to be out riding.”
“My coat is warm.” Miriam wished she knew how to make everything better. All the things she had planned to say to him flew out of her head, leaving her with thousands of painful emotions and no words. They stared at each other until she found the courage to speak.
“Seth—”
She didn’t want to be let off so easily. “Seth, wait.”
He gripped the coil of hose in his hand and slapped it against his thigh. “Best I get out there before dark.”
“I want to say I’m sorry. I don’t understand how things got so twisted and confusing, but Ephraim and I have been together for so long, it seemed to be the right decision.”
He looked away and stood as still as a statue. “Don’t be sorry. Your feelings cannot be helped.”
“I never wanted you to be hurt.”
Was it resentment or regret she saw flash in his eyes? “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I will get along fine. Now that my arm is healed, I don’t need your help.” He forced a warped smile that made him look more wretched than ever. “You have been a gute friend. Denki.”
Miriam didn’t know what else to say. His “thank you” suggested a desire to end the conversation, but the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that nothing in the least had been settled between them. She searched for something, anything, to keep him talking, to keep him close to her until she could find the perfect words to repair the damage. “Yost said the therapy session was gute last week. I am sorry I missed it. I will be with him next time.”
He snapped his head around to look at her. “Nae. He can come by himself.”
“Oh.”
“Yost is almost a grown man. He can do therapy without his sister.”
“Oh, I see.” Miriam swallowed hard as her throat swelled up. “How do you think he is doing?”
“I must go fix the windmill.”
“Do you think Yost is better these past few weeks?”
Seth let out a long breath as if in surrender. He met her eyes, and she caught a glimpse of his very soul. She saw raw, bitter pain that knocked her backward with breathless shock.
He slumped his shoulders and kneaded his brow with his thumb and forefinger. “Miriam, I don’t want you to come here anymore.”
Miriam's Quilt Page 25
