He refused to let his own gaze stray to Tristan, who sat with Amory and Bria on a blanket in the shade of a large tree. Amory had his sketchbook, but he seemed to be spending more time talking with Tristan and playing with the baby than sketching. And Tristan was smiling, a brilliant, happy smile.
Or at least, Etan refused to let it stray there much.
Instead he joined Philip playing with Julien. The toddler was getting more and more confident on his legs, and when faced with an expanse of lawn and garden paths, he wanted to run. Etan and Philip chased him around, taking turns playing monster and growling and roaring, sometimes letting Julien escape and sometimes grabbing him up and hoisting him in the air, tickling him until he was breathless with laughter.
After a while, Etan collapsed onto the grass, gasping for air. Philip sank down at his side, equally as winded, but Julien continued to run in circles around them before climbing all over both of them.
“Where does he get his energy?” Etan said once he had his breath back.
“I have no idea, but he’ll sleep well tonight. I think we need reinforcements, though.” Philip glanced over toward Amory and Tristan. “I’m going to ask the kitchen to send out some refreshments. It’s Amory’s turn to run after this one for a while. Isn’t that right, Julien?”
Philip snatched up his grinning son and tickled him some more before setting him back on his feet. “Go get your papa, sweetheart.”
They both smiled as they watched Julien toddle over to Amory and fling himself into his arms. After a moment, Philip heaved himself to his feet. “That child wears me out sometimes.”
Etan gratefully accepted the hand Philip held out to him to haul him to his feet. “Me too.”
When Philip strode off toward the house, Etan found himself strolling toward where Tristan sat on the blanket with Bria. Julien had succeeded quite quickly in getting Amory up and playing with him. Without thinking about it, Etan dropped down to sit on the blanket beside Tristan.
“I’m exhausted.”
Tristan laughed. “You looked like you were having fun.”
Etan tried to tamp down the little spark of pleasure that Tristan had been watching him. “I was, but now I’m exhausted. Julien seems to have an endless amount of energy. Philip and I needed a break.” He nodded toward Amory who had taken up the game and was running around the lawn with Julien.
Tristan laughed. “Devious way to get one, sending Julien.”
“That was Philip’s idea. But, really, who can refuse that sweet little face?”
“I can’t think how anyone could.” Tristan smiled fondly, a little wistfully, at Julien and Amory playing. Not so long ago Etan might have wondered if Tristan was pining for Amory, but he knew the look came from something else.
“Why don’t you go play for a while too?”
“And let him exhaust me?”
Etan grinned. “If you like.”
“I can’t even if I did want to. I can’t leave Bria here alone.”
Etan followed Tristan’s gaze down to where Bria lay on the blanket, a little stuffed toy in her tiny hands. “I’ll stay with her. Go, enjoy yourself.”
“I couldn’t ask you to.”
“You didn’t—I offered. Go. Practice for when Bria wants you to chase her around.”
Tristan’s brow furrowed. “Do little girls run around like that? My sister never did.”
“They can if they want to. Meriall did. Elodie too when she was little.” Etan shrugged. “I suppose it depends on the little girl.”
“And who’s raising her.” Tristan looked at Etan, uncertain. “Are you sure?”
“Go play.” He smiled as Tristan bounced up from the blanket and took off running toward Amory and Julien, at which point the game changed into the Tristan monster chasing Amory and Julien, who tried desperately to escape while shrieking with laughter.
Etan grinned. He looked down at the baby beside him on the blanket. “Your father is quite silly, did you know that, Bria? He really is.”
She stared up at him with big eyes the same shade as Tristan’s for a moment, as if she was weighing his words. Then she smiled and stuffed her toy in her mouth, and Etan’s heart was just a little bit lost. He glanced over at Tristan, who was running around making monster noises, and tried not to think about how his heart might still be lost to Tristan. Resolutely he turned back to Bria.
“Soon enough you’ll be running around too, but until then you’ll have to play here.” He picked up a little rattle from the blanket next to her and shook it, utterly delighted when she laughed and grabbed for it.
“JULIEN IS asleep.”
Amory looked up from his book when Philip walked into their bedchamber but didn’t move from his cozy nest among the blankets and pillows of their bed. He raised an eyebrow as Philip closed the door behind him. The door led to their bath and dressing room and beyond them, to the bedchamber they’d converted to a nursery when Julien was born. They usually left the door open partially so they would hear Julien at night.
“And you’re not expecting him to wake up overnight.”
“I’m not, but his nursemaid is with him if he does, and she knows to come for us if she needs to.”
Amory had almost forgotten that they’d brought Julien’s nursemaid with them this trip. They didn’t always bring her to Alzata with them, preferring to care for Julien on their own when they could, and at Alzata they usually had that opportunity. But this trip they’d decided to bring her, as Tristan was bringing Bria’s nursemaid, so they could spend time with their friends and family as well. Which they had, including a dinner with only adults, which wasn’t always the case on a trip to Alzata.
Philip smiled, a wicked curve to his lips that sent a jolt of heat through Amory’s insides. “So I get you all to myself.”
“I like the sound of that.”
Philip flashed him another smile and went to the table to pour them each a glass of wine. Amory set his book aside on the bedside table and took the glasses as Philip shed his dressing gown and climbed into the bed next to Amory.
“Not going to read to me?”
“I could. I thought you had something else in mind.”
“Oh, I do, but not just yet.” Philip burrowed under the blankets, closer to Amory, and pulled Amory to rest against his chest. “I’d like to enjoy this first.”
Amory could feel the contented little smile on his own face as he snuggled closer. Even after all their time together, he wanted nothing more than to be close to Philip, to be in his arms. And he jealously guarded his time with his husband, time alone with Philip outside their duties to Tournai. He’d enjoyed the day with family and friends—they didn’t bring anyone with them to Alzata often, so having everyone together was a pleasant change—but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit, at least to himself, that he’d been looking forward to this time alone with Philip all day.
He let himself bask in it, sipping wine and relaxing into Philip’s chest, letting everything outside the room, outside the bed even, fade away. Julien was sleeping under the watchful eye of his nursemaid; everyone else was tucked up in his own bedchamber. Amory didn’t have to think about anyone else. He and Philip talked a little, but mostly they were silent, Philip’s fingers sifting through Amory’s hair, both soothing and stimulating his body, leaving him languid yet aroused in Philip’s arms.
“It was a good day, and this is a perfect end to it,” Philip said after a while, echoing Amory’s thoughts. “It’s nice to have everyone here for a change.”
He made a noise of assent. Philip would understand, and Amory was far too comfortable in Philip’s arms, wine and firelight and their cozy cocoon of blankets making him warm and a little drowsy.
Philip chuckled, and Amory smiled, feeling the sound vibrating through Philip’s chest where he lay against it. “Are you falling asleep on me?”
“No.”
“Good, because I have plans for you yet.”
He liked the sound of that very much. “I’m
awake.”
Philip chuckled again and dropped a kiss on Amory’s hair. “How was Etan? Did he seem all right to you?”
Well, that wasn’t what Amory expected Philip to say next. But he didn’t blame Philip for asking. They both worried for Etan, though Etan wouldn’t thank them for it—not when Etan hadn’t come to either of them when Tristan had married and, perhaps inadvertently, hurt Etan. “He seemed all right, I suppose. Better than he has been. If he’s talking to anyone, though, it would be Cathal.”
“Yes.” Philip lapsed into silence for a moment. “I worried about inviting both him and Tristan at the same time. I thought they might be getting closer, but I wasn’t sure…. Etan has been so worried about getting involved with Tristan again, even becoming friends with him again.”
“I know, I felt the same. I didn’t want to cause them problems or hurt.” But he didn’t think they had. Today had seemed fine. “They seem to be rekindling a friendship if nothing else.”
“Etan spent a lot of time with Bria.”
He smiled at the memory. Etan had played with the baby quite a bit after he sent Tristan off to join Amory and Julien, and even after the game with Julien ended. “He was good with her. But that’s not surprising. He’s always been good with Julien too.”
“Yes. I think he’s fallen a little in love with her. If only he and Tristan could find their way back to the path they were on before, maybe Etan could be something to him and his daughter.”
Amory nodded. It was a nice thought. And it reminded him of what he’d said to Tristan earlier that day when they’d been sitting together in the shade, the baby between them and Julien shrieking with laughter as Philip and Etan chased him. Something he probably shouldn’t have said. At least not until he’d spoken to Philip.
“Well, maybe we can do what we can to help them along. I want Etan to find happiness.”
“Yes,” he answered absently. Nerves washed through him in a wave, taking with them some of the languor he’d felt just a second ago. “Pip?”
“Hmm?” Philip seemed to hear Amory’s change of mood in his voice. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes. I just… I was wondering… have you ever thought about having another child?”
In the silence that followed the question Amory forced out, he didn’t want to turn to look at Philip, didn’t want to see what Philip’s reaction was. Didn’t want to be disappointed if Philip didn’t want what Amory was beginning to think he himself did. Philip did it for him, gently turning him so he faced Philip, but was still snuggled close in his arms, something Amory was grateful for. He needed the connection between them.
“I haven’t really thought of it,” Philip said. “I take it you have.”
“Some, recently.” Mostly since Bria had been born. The circumstances were so sad, but the baby was beautiful and seeing her reminded him how much he had enjoyed Julien as a baby, despite the sleepless nights.
“I never thought you’d want to go through that again.”
He hadn’t, as much as he loved Julien, as much as he didn’t regret his decision to carry him one bit. At the end of it, after Julien’s birth, he never could have imagined going through it again. Men could not naturally carry children, and it was only a strange fluke of magical Talents that made Amory one of the rare few who could do so with the aid of an extremely complex spell. But the spell couldn’t stop the physical discomfort of childbearing, nor the mental upset. “I didn’t think so either. But the result of it was wonderful. We’re so lucky to have Julien.”
“We are. And you think you might want another?” Philip said nothing about Amory wanting to provide Philip with a spare heir; they’d long since had the conversation about how having a child wasn’t solely so Philip would have an heir, and having another child, if they chose to do so, wouldn’t be for that purpose either. Amory knew Philip wouldn’t even think to raise the issue.
But Amory couldn’t read what Philip was thinking from his expression, something that happened so rarely these days. “I might. Maybe not right this moment, maybe when Julien is just a bit older. But not too long from now. If we had another child, it would be nice for them to be close in age. What do you think?”
“I think… I think Julien would enjoy having a sibling someday. I think I would enjoy it too,” Philip said slowly.
“You would?” He saw every day how good a father Philip was, how much Philip enjoyed their son, but that didn’t mean Philip would want another child.
“Yes.” Philip smiled and dipped his head to kiss Amory, long and slow.
Amory loved those kisses, always had. Always would. He could drown in them happily. When Philip finally broke the kiss, Amory said, his voice breathless, “You said something about plans?”
Philip chuckled, a low, deep sound that sent shivers through Amory, and pressed Amory back into the pillows. “Yes, I did.”
TRISTAN HESITATED in the dimly lit corridor. It was late. They’d lingered over dinner and then sat with their wine in one of the sitting rooms downstairs, the glass terrace doors thrown open to the evening air. Their conversation had skipped from topic to topic and included a lot of laughter, much of it provoked by Flavian’s sharp comments. He had put his paints away when the light began to change and rejoined the party with Cathal, and Tristan was glad of it. He didn’t know Flavian well, but he’d enjoyed the man’s company that night. They had all been pleasantly tired after a long day outdoors, but Tristan, at least, wasn’t ready for the night to end, despite that fatigue. He’d been enjoying himself and the conversation far too much.
But, as much as he would have liked the night to continue, it had to end, and after a while, they all drifted up the stairs and scattered to their bedchambers, Amory and Philip turning one way at the top of the stairs and the rest of them going the other, with murmured good-night wishes. Tristan’s bedchamber was a comfortable room, not as large or grand as he’d expected of a royal residence, despite all Amory’s descriptions of Alzata. Actually Amory’s descriptions hadn’t done Alzata justice at all, not because Amory hadn’t described the estate well, but because Alzata was just that beautiful.
He’d changed into nightclothes and a dressing gown and then went to check on Bria. She was sleeping peacefully in a cradle moved into the bedchamber next to his. Her nursemaid reported she’d eaten and gone to sleep with no trouble despite the change in routine that day, and Tristan left them with some of his worries eased.
But now he stood in the corridor, torn about what to do next. He could return to his bedchamber and leave well enough alone. He and Etan had been getting along so well, both before this trip and today—having comfortable conversations again, laughing as they used to—but there was still a distance between them when they went to bed together, as if Etan was holding himself back. And for the life of him, Tristan couldn’t figure out why.
Paralyzed, he stared at the door to Etan’s bedchamber, which was across the corridor and one over from Tristan’s—he’d possibly paid more attention than he should’ve earlier when Etan went in. What he didn’t know was if he should knock at Etan’s door. Today had been good—Etan had been good with Bria and seemed to genuinely enjoy his time with her, and he and Etan had sat talking for a long time after Tristan collapsed back on the blanket, worn out from chasing Julien around. Part of Tristan urged him to turn around, go back to his bedchamber, and crawl between the sheets of his large, empty bed. It looked like it would be quite comfortable despite its loneliness, and he could preserve the delight the day spent with Etan had given him.
Instead, he stepped forward and knocked lightly on Etan’s door.
A moment passed. Perhaps Etan was already asleep. Playing with Julien was enough to make anyone tired. But disappointment dragged at Tristan all the same. He’d wanted Etan to open the bedchamber door and smile when he saw Tristan, to pull him into the room.
He took a step back, and the door opened. Etan stood in the doorway in a chocolate-brown velvet dressing gown. Bare skin peeked out of
the gap at the neck, showing him that Etan wasn’t wearing a shirt. Tristan let his gaze travel down and saw the hems of thin pants below the dressing gown. He couldn’t decide if it was a good thing for his mental state that Etan wasn’t completely bare beneath the dressing gown.
“Tristan?”
“Etan, I… I wanted….” Tristan looked into Etan’s eyes, such arresting eyes with gold swirling among the light brown, and swallowed. “Let me come in?”
“I… yes. Come in.” Etan stepped back, allowing Tristan to walk past him into the bedchamber and closing the door behind him.
Tristan glanced around the bedchamber. It wasn’t all that different from Tristan’s in furniture or layout, except for the addition of multiple bookcases crammed full. Etan must have used this bedchamber each time he came to Alzata, perhaps even back when he was a child, with the number and variety of titles Tristan could see on the closest bookshelf. He was drifting over to look closer when he was distracted by the scatter of books and papers on the table near the fireplace.
“What’s all this?” Tristan stepped toward the table and saw Etan’s neat handwriting covering the loose pages. He didn’t read them, didn’t want to pry, so he looked up at Etan instead.
“I’m giving a lecture at the university in a few days. I was doing some last revisions.”
He remembered Amory mentioning something about Etan giving a lecture at the university a while back. He wondered if this was that lecture or another. He didn’t even know how often Etan lectured—hadn’t known Etan did such things at all and wasn’t sure how he hadn’t. They were supposed to have been friends.
But then his mind snagged on the last part of what Etan said. “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting you? I could go.”
“No, it’s fine.” Etan went to the table, moving to tidy his papers, coercing them into neat piles. “I wasn’t getting very far. It’s too late, after too long a day.”
The Scholar's Heart (Chronicles of Tournai Book 3) Page 19
