by Adele Abbott
What a cheek! Jimmy and Kimmy had obviously taken it upon themselves to put up the new sign without consulting me first. What would my clients think when they walked into the building, and saw a sign that informed them that the clowns were upstairs? This was unacceptable. I would have to have a word with those two.
Seeing the sign had reminded me that I should give Terry Tune a call, to find out where my sign was. I’d been waiting for that thing since forever. The last I’d heard, he was making yet another replacement because the last one had been installed upside down, and had broken in half when they’d tried to turn it around.
Mrs V was busy crocheting.
“Did you see the new sign downstairs, Mrs V?”
“The clown one? Yes. I didn’t think you’d be very happy about it.”
“You’re dead right. I’m not. I’ll have to have a word with Jimmy and Kimmy later. I think they’ve got a cheek.”
“Did you ask Jack about dinner, Jill?”
“Sorry, he didn’t get in until after I’d gone to bed last night, and then this morning, I’d intended to ask him, but we had a bit of a pigeon incident. I’ll definitely ask him tonight.”
“What kind of pigeon incident? Was it your neighbours’ racing pigeons again?”
“Yeah, something like that. It’s a long story. I don’t want to bore you with it. Do you think you could make me a coffee?”
“Yes, dear, of course. I’ll bring it through.”
Winky was sitting on my desk, looking very pleased with life.
“Hey, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”
“Me?” He gave me that innocent look of his. “What have I done now?”
“Do you remember yesterday when you said you’d turn off the pigeon app for me?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“You didn’t turn it off.”
“Are you sure? I thought I had.”
“Well, you were wrong. You set it to some kind of global call sign. This morning, Jack and I were woken by the sound of a thousand pigeons on our back garden.”
Winky laughed so hard that he almost fell off the desk. “That’s just too funny.”
“I’m glad you think so because I certainly don’t. The back garden is covered in pigeon poop.”
“Stop it! Stop it!” He was holding his sides.
Five minutes later, Winky was still in hysterics when I rang Terry Tune.
“Sign Of The Times, Terry Tune, speaking.”
“Terry, it’s Jill Maxwell.”
“Hello, Jill, how are you?”
“I’d be an awful lot better if I had my sign.”
“I’m afraid I have good news and bad news about that.”
Not for the first time during this escapade, my heart sank.
“The good news is that your replacement sign is ready.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“I’m afraid it’s going to be a little while before we can install it.”
“Why?”
“We’re short-staffed, unfortunately. I do appreciate your patience, though.”
“My patience ran out several weeks ago. Why haven’t you replaced the guy who won the lottery? It can’t be that difficult.”
“I did replace him, but the day after his replacement started, the new guy won half-a-million on a scratch card. He’s resigned now too.”
“That’s just great.”
“I am truly sorry, Jill, but it shouldn’t be more than two weeks now, I promise.”
***
After I’d finished my coffee, I magicked myself over to Cakey C in Ghost Town.
My mother was busy behind the counter. I say busy, but she was actually just standing around, talking to one of the customers. It was her assistant, Yvonne, who was doing all the work.
“Hello there, stranger.” My mother gave me a little wave. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen you over here. I thought you’d fallen out with us.”
“I’ve been really busy. How’s the shop doing?”
“Very well. As you can see, we’re going from strength to strength.”
“Mum, would you mind if I had a quick word with Yvonne in private?”
“I suppose so. You won’t be too long though, will you? We’re very busy this morning.” She looked horrified at the thought of having to do some work herself.
“It’ll only take a minute, I promise.”
She turned to Yvonne. “Jill would like a word with you. Why don’t you take your break now?”
I grabbed one of the tables at the back of the shop so that we could talk without my mother eavesdropping.
“Is everything okay?” Yvonne said.
“Yes, Jack had a phone call from Roy this morning.”
“Is he all right? There’s nothing wrong is there?”
“No. At least, nothing physical. Jack said his dad seemed rather depressed. He got the impression that Roy’s missing you.”
“Oh dear. Poor Roy. He always did rather depend upon me.”
“Jack and I were both wondering what you thought about making contact with Roy.”
“I hadn’t really considered it. He never had much time for ghosts and the supernatural. If I did manage to make contact, I’m worried it might upset or scare him.”
“I definitely think it’s worth some consideration. He’s already depressed, so what do you have to lose? Knowing that you’re still around might just lift his spirits.” I laughed. “Spirits? Get it?”
She just gave me what I took to be a sympathetic look, but I continued anyway, “What do you think, Yvonne? Do you reckon it would be worth a try?”
“If both of you think it might do some good, then I’m happy to give it a go. I’d like nothing better than to see Roy and to talk to him again.”
“Great. I’ll tell Jack that you’re okay with it. He’ll have to see if he can persuade Roy to be open-minded enough to at least give it a try. Roy is coming over to our place on Saturday, so if he gives us the nod, you could try to make contact with him then.”
“Okay. Will you let me know how Jack gets on?”
“Yes, of course.”
I was about to leave when Yvonne caught hold of my hand.
“Hold on a minute, Jill. I was actually going to contact you later today, to ask a favour.”
“What can I do for you?”
“Madge Rumbelow, a friend of mine, has had some jewellery go missing from her house recently, and the police don’t seem particularly interested. When she told me about it, I mentioned that you were a private investigator, and I said I thought you might be able to help. Do you think you could?”
“I’ll be happy to try. If you let me have her details, I can pop over there in the next day or so.”
Chapter 5
The Parkside Hotel’s brochure described itself as a boutique hotel, but as far as I could see, it was nothing more than a glorified budget hotel.
The receptionist was too busy checking her Instagram to notice I was standing there.
“Yes, madam, how can I help you?”
“My name is Jill Maxwell. I’m a private investigator. I’d like to speak to someone about a man who disappeared from your hotel.”
“I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake, madam. The man who disappeared recently didn’t do so from this hotel.”
“Actually, I’m not talking about the man who disappeared in the last week or so. I’m investigating a similar incident that happened over two years ago, and it was most certainly from this hotel.”
“Oh? I didn’t work here then.”
“In that case, do you think I could speak to the manager?”
“I’m not sure he’s available.”
“Perhaps you could give him a ring and check?”
Rather reluctantly, she made the call. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but judging by her expression, she was clearly surprised by the response.
“The manager will see you. He’ll be down in a few minutes if you’d care to take a seat over th
ere.”
I’d no sooner sat down, than a tall man in a designer suit appeared in reception, and greeted me with a warm smile and a handshake.
“My name is Siegfried Topp, but everyone calls me Siggy. My receptionist tells me that you’re interested in an incident that happened here a couple of years ago. A disappearance, I believe she said?”
“That’s correct. I’m working for a lady called Lorraine Cross. Her brother disappeared from this hotel over two years ago. I wondered if you could tell me what you remembered about it?”
“I wish I could help, but unfortunately, I’ve only worked here for just over a year myself.”
“Is there anyone else you can think of who would have been here back then?”
“Like most hotels, we have quite a high turnover of staff. However, I do know that the head of housekeeping, a lady named Denise Black, was working here then. She may remember something about the incident you mentioned.”
“Would it be possible for me to speak to her?”
“Unfortunately, it’s her day off today.”
“Could you give me her phone number?”
“I’m not able to do that, I’m afraid, but if you leave me your card, I will speak to her and ask if she’s prepared to talk to you. You must understand, though, if she’d prefer not to get involved, then I would have to respect her decision.”
“That’s fair enough. Thank you very much, Siggy. You’re a star. And I’m not dust saying that.”
***
The first thing I saw when I got back to my office building was that stupid sign. It was time I had a word with Jimmy and Kimmy, so I hurried up the stairs and took a left down the corridor to Clown. On reception, Kimmy was dressed in full clown costume, as usual.
“Hi, Jill, how are you?”
“I’m a bit cheesed off to tell you the truth, Kimmy.”
“It’s Sneezy when I’m in costume.”
“Whatever. I’m a bit cheesed off, Sneezy.”
“What’s the matter? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so angry. That whistling sound on the roof hasn’t started up again, has it? I haven’t heard anything in here.”
“No, Sneezy, it’s not the whistling sound. It’s that sign at the bottom of the stairs.”
“Our new one? Do you like it?”
“No, Sneezy, I most definitely do not.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“The sign says that the clowns are upstairs.”
“But that’s correct. We are upstairs.”
“Yes, but have you forgotten that my office is also up here?”
“I’m sure no one will get mixed up.”
“Look at it this way, Sneezy. When a new client pays me a visit, I don’t want the first thing they see to be a sign that says the clowns are upstairs. How do you think that would reflect on me?”
“I see what you mean. I hadn’t thought about that. We certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to upset you, Jill. You’ve been very kind to us. What do you suggest?”
If I’d been truthful in response to that question, I would have shocked her to the core. And besides, I wasn’t sure it would have fitted anyway.
“You need to remove that sign and get a new one made.”
“It was quite expensive, Jill.”
“I’m the last person you should complain to about the cost of signs. I’ve spent several weeks and a small fortune trying to get my own sign put up, and yet here I stand, still sans sign. I’m sure you’ll manage to scrape together enough money to buy a new sign to go at the top of the stairs. And make sure it points down the corridor to the clown school. That way there should be no confusion.”
“I’ll have to talk to Breezy about it.”
“Why don’t you do that, and if he’s got a problem, tell him to come and see me, would you?”
Mrs V was filing her nails. With her eyes closed.
“Mrs V?”
“Sorry, dear. I didn’t see you standing there.”
“Why did you have your eyes closed?”
“I can’t bear to look at my nails while I’m filing them.”
“Right? And why is that?”
“I’ve never been able to. It sends me all unnecessary. Doesn’t it have that effect on you?”
“I just bite mine.” Mrs V pulled a face, like I was the weird one. “I’ve just had a word with Kimmy about their new sign.”
“How did that go?”
“She promised to talk to Jimmy. I suggested that they have a new sign installed at the top of the stairs. That way there’ll be no confusion.”
Winky was sitting on the windowsill, chatting to Harold. He had his back to me, and he began to laugh loudly.
“There were hundreds of them in her back garden. I wish I could have been there to see them.”
I didn’t need two guesses to know what he was laughing at. He was no doubt telling Harold about the hordes of pigeons who had landed in my back garden.
Harold spotted me and waved a wing. “Hi, Jill. I’m really sorry to hear about what happened. It must’ve been a nightmare for you.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Harold. You weren’t the one who set the app to global.” I glared at Winky, who continued to laugh.
“Ida is really grateful for what you did, Jill. It’s been a long time since she and Emma have had the chance to get together.”
“No problem. It was my pleasure. How will Emma find her way back home with her terrible sense of direction?”
“Fortunately, a close neighbour of hers has the app too. When Emma decides to go home, her neighbour will set the app to give her directions. If there’s ever anything that Ida or I can do for you, you really must let us know.”
“Can you dispose of an unwanted cat?”
As always, Luther Stone arrived dead on time; the man was nothing if not punctual. He was looking particularly dapper, and he certainly seemed a lot happier than on his last visit.
“It’s nice to see you again, Jill.” He beamed. “I wasn’t sure if I’d come to the right place.”
“How do you mean?”
“Your sign has disappeared, and when I walked into the building, I saw a sign that said the clowns were upstairs.”
“I’ve been having a few problems signage-wise recently. I’d rather not discuss it if you don’t mind. I have to say, Luther, you’re looking much happier than the last time you were here.”
“That’s because I am. I’m very pleased to say that I’ve found myself a new lady friend. Her name is Rebecca.”
“That’s great news. You deserve someone special. How did you meet her?”
“Through work; I do her books. She’s a personal fitness instructor. Since the two of us got together, I’ve started working out more.”
“I can tell. You’re in great shape.”
“Thanks. She and I really hit it off; we have loads in common. You, Jack, Rebecca and I should go out for dinner some time.”
“I’d like that.”
Luther had taken the paperwork through to the outer office. I was hopeful that, this time, he’d be able to report that everything was in order, and that there had been an upturn in business since his last visit.
A girl can hope, can’t she?
Twenty-minutes later, he popped his head around the door. “Do you have a moment to answer a couple of questions, Jill?”
“Of course. What do you want to know?”
“It’s about some of the expenses you’ve charged to the business. Do you remember the last time I went through your books? I said you needed to be very careful about what you included?”
“Yes, and I took you at your word. Everything on there is a genuine business expense.”
“Right? Well, there are a couple of items that caught my eye. The first one is for a hundred balloons. Are they really a business expense?”
“Balloons? Actually, no, that shouldn’t be in there. I must’ve included that bill by mistake. The balloons were for Lizzie’s birthday party.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll scrap that one. And then there’s just one other: You appear to have purchased some deep sea diver’s boots?”
***
Foolishly, I’d allowed myself to hope that, after Luther had finished his review, he’d congratulate me on turning the business around. In fact, the words he used were teetering on the edge.
By the time he left, I was feeling rather despondent, and began to mutter to myself, “There’s no justice. I work so hard.”
“I guess it’s only a matter of time, then,” Winky said.
“What is?”
“Until this place goes to the wall. Where am I supposed to live then?”
“That’s just typical of you. You’re so selfish. What about me? How will I survive?”
“I hear they’re looking for shelf stackers at the supermarket down the road at the moment.”
“It won’t come to that. I can still turn this business around.”
“You know what you need, don’t you?”
“I get the feeling you’re about to tell me.”
“I already have. My marketing expertise.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. What I need is coffee and a blueberry muffin.”
***
I magicked myself over to Cuppy C, in the hope that a latte and cake might make things look a little brighter. To my surprise, both of the twins were behind the counter.
“What are you doing here, Pearl? Isn’t it your day off?”
“I only popped in for a few minutes to have a chat with Amber. Would you like to hear our good news?”
The way I was feeling, the last thing I needed was to hear someone else’s good news, but I knew they were going to tell me anyway, so I said, “Yeah, sure.”
“We’ve only gone and won the Candlefield Community monthly raffle,” Pearl said.
“I wouldn’t get too excited. Look what happened when I thought I’d won the Washbridge Lottery.”
“Yes.” Amber sniggered. “But you didn’t actually know what your prize was, did you? You somehow managed to convince yourself that it was a car. We know exactly what we’ve won: it’s a weekend for two at the Candlefield Country Park Hotel.”
