by Tara Brown
“What?” I almost shout, spinning around and gasping as the curtain’s down and the band is standing in position.
As the rest of the heads turn, Wesley Shultz starts playing a song I don’t know.
My gaze darts from the band and back to Matt. Matt and back to the band.
The smug glare in his eyes would suggest he might have planned this, he might have organized it. But how? And why? Why would he want to have the poor Lumineers come and play for these people? Is this for me?
Fuck!
“It’s all for you. You know that, right?” he whispers in my ear, reading my mind.
Double fuck.
He places a single kiss on my cheek as he leads me to the back of the room. “How do you like your crow pie, Sami?” He almost sings the words, he’s so pleased with himself.
“Warm.” I jerk free and let go of the excitement I have bubbling inside me.
The hateful wives club fades into the background. The players, I only really care about when they have a jersey on and stick in hand, become nothing more than blurred faces. And Matt is something in the back of my mind I’ll have to deal with later.
The Lumineers become everything and they give it their all, washing away my feelings and doubts.
By the time it’s over and they’re gone, always scurrying off before we can fan over them, I’m happy.
Just as dinner is served, everyone attacks Mat to thank him for the wonderful entertainment. I’m hot from frothing for an hour straight and need some air. I saunter to the front door, caught up to by Lori. He links my arm in his, joining me on the stroll out into the cool air. “You shouldn’t walk around out here alone, I heard Tarrytown is kinda rough, people lose their heads and shit.” He winks.
“Yes, I have heard that.” I let him have that cheesy attempt at humor.
“Man, I can’t believe Matt got the Lumineers to come here. I love the them. I saw them in Van, it was amazing. Caught them once at a local bar in Colorado too. True musicians.” He leads me to a garden path, slowly strolling like we might be a couple. But then he spins me, catching me completely off guard. “What is going on with you and Matt, for real?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because I want to taste that lip gloss, and I do not step on another man’s toes. Bros before hos.”
“That rhymed.”
“Are you dating or not?” His stare intensifies, burning me.
“Not.” The word hurts. It’s not a lie, even if my heart suggests it’s also not a truth. “We had a thing but now we’re just friends who hang out sometimes.”
“You look sad when you say that.” He takes a step back. “Like you wish it were more.”
“I do.” I can’t believe I said that aloud. “I guess. I really liked him.”
“What happened?” He’s prying and I am disclosing. It’s weird.
“Tandy.”
“Tandy the puck fuck?” He wrinkles his nose. “Brimstone doesn’t strike me as a ‘dip your quill in the communal ink’ kinda guy. You could skydive in that vagina. Most of the team has. Bro. Tandy?” He’s baffled. “No. I won’t believe it. Guys have to leave a breadcrumb trail to escape that. There’s no way Brimstone went in there. Not without a ball of thread at least.” He laughs at his own joke.
I lift my phone and tap the screen until I am in the deleted photos section. I come and go with deleting this particular photo so it never really actually leaves me. It makes me physically ill, but I spin the phone around and flash him the pic.
“Oh God! Gross.” He turns away, no longer chuckling about big vagina jokes. “What happened to his face?”
“Rough game. But you’re kinda missing the point of the picture.”
“No, I got it.” He looks how I feel about it. “Wait, is that the photo Laramie took?” His eyes bug out and he grabs the phone, inspecting it. “This is what got Laramie traded, and me here. I didn’t know it was Tandy in the photo. How the fuck do you have this? Coach got rid of all the evidence.”
“Tandy actually messaged me this little gem herself.” This is more than I have told anyone beyond Carson.
“Wait, this is why you and Brimstone aren’t dating? I hate to help the competition out, but you’ve been lied to. This Tandy chick’s a puck bunny, yes, but he didn’t bang her. Or get his pistol suck started. That Laramie guy was in love with Brimstone, or obsessed anyway. The way I heard it was he sent some girl in there, obviously Tandy, and she pretty much raped Brimley. His head is back ‘cause there’s soap on it. I heard the whole story. He was washing his hair and she just suck starts him by surprise. Matt was fucking angry. He pushed her away and sent her packing, shouted at her. It was a whole scene. Bunnies aren’t allowed in the change rooms anymore. Dude, you’re pissed about nothing. I thought you meant because of the Christmas part—anyway, the whole thing was a misunderstanding.” His cheeks flush and my heart stops.
“Christmas party?”
“Oh, you know Tandy.” He laughs but I don’t.
“No, I don’t actually!” I snap and stare at him, waiting for the answer.
“Uhhhh, you’re gonna have to ask Brimstone that one. I don’t know what happened, just that he shot her down. Twice apparently.” All the charm is gone and my insides are aching.
“I think I hate all these PFs and the gross shit. I don’t think I could ever date a player, it’s too seedy.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, getting the point I’m making. “Can you wait around for me to retire?” He nudges me, laughing again. “I have weak knees. It won’t be a long career.”
“Sure.” I smile but my heart’s not in it. In fact, my poor mosaic heart is chipping away again as my brain repeats the words “Christmas party.”
Chapter 5
Magic vag
January 2, 2016
Natalie
A noise startles me and I lift my gaze to the doorway of the games room. “Hello?” Brady’s at a game so there shouldn’t be anyone here.
“It was romantic.” Sami staggers in, looking rough. I can’t tell if she’s drunk or exhausted, and I have no idea how she got inside the apartment. “He took me to this place I’ve always wanted to go to, and he asked me to be in a serious relationship and to think about marrying him, and it was sort of perfect.” She slumps onto the sofa with glistening eyes and a trembling lip. She looks like she might cry, but I know she won’t. She never does. “And I wanted to call you or ask him to redo the whole thing on FaceTime with you watching.” She blinks a single tear down her cheek, breaking my heart. “But I couldn’t.” She whispers the last part. “Because I made such a mess of everything so I had to tell you the whole story before I could tell you this.”
“What are you talking about?” I fling the remote and turn to face her, her and that giant diamond. I want to touch it and try it on and pet it, but we need to focus on this.
She faces me, revealing things I haven’t ever seen in her eyes before. “I love him, Nat. I have loved him forever.”
“I know that, dipshit. But I don’t think the feelings are reciprocated as intensely.” I choke the words out, not wanting to be this honest with her, at all.
“They are.” She sniffles. “He loves me more than anything.” She drops her gaze. “I see that now.”
“Well, then he’s amazing at holding his cards close to his—”
“I made him,” she blurts, cutting me off. “I have to tell you the whole story.” She lowers her voice, “Don’t judge me.”
“I always judge you, it’s our thing. Just tell me.” I’m terrified.
Her lips part. I watch them talk for a while, not believing what I’m hearing. The introduction makes me swoon. I can imagine his coat and the way it smells. The club, I hardly recall. He and I hadn’t been introduced then, but I know we were jackasses to him. She goes through each year, each moment they’ve known each other. I remember a lot of them, but not the way she’s describing it. His cold actions make almost perfect sense. I actually start to feel bad
for him.
“And the night he got drunk and put on the strip show was the night Rich told me about William. I needed the distraction so I didn't tell you everything. So Matt made our night amazing, got drunk and did everything we dared him to do, including strip.”
I zone out for a second on that part of the story. He did make the night amazing.
When I hear her words again she’s into the summer.
The highs of their relationship make me see it, the love they have. The lows make me sick. Tandy, the limo, and the big fight are awful. They break my heart, not just for her but for me too. She suffered alone, she never shared this with me. She acted like everything was fine, her curse.
The deal she made with him is the worst part of the story. Her cruelty is unmatched by his stupidity. His dirty deeds don’t even come close to hers. He has excuses for the things he did. She had wounded pride and was embarrassed by him so she ruined their year. It’s awful and not something I imagined her capable of.
“The worst part is when Lori told me the Tandy story, I knew Matt hadn’t done anything wrong and I could have asked him, but I kept it going instead. I made him suffer because he broke my heart.” She wipes her eyes, smearing mascara everywhere. “And somehow he still wants to be with me.” She starts to laugh. “It is clearly a case of mistaken magic vag.”
“You’re an idiot.” I laugh too and succumb to the charms of Sami Ford, as I always do. I wrap around her, shaking my head.
“You’re judging me, I can feel it.”
“Yeah, I am. But I still love you. Even if you’re insane and cruel and hateful and sneaky.”
“Yeah.” Sami grips me. “But if I do marry him, I need a maid of honor so you can’t give up on me until after the wedding.”
“Oh God, what did your parents say?”
“They don’t know.” She sighs and gets control of herself, still sniffling but less shaky.
“He never asked for permission?” I wince, unable to imagine how this is all going to go over.
“No. There’s nothing to talk about yet. It’s like the pre-pre-engagement.” She sniffles. “And anyway, his parents should be grateful to marry into my family and my dad can’t be disappointed by his. His mother is better bred than I am and his dad is a bigger billionaire than mine. It’s exactly what my parents want.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Can we be excited now?” She glances at me from the corner of her eye. “I’m in an adult relationship for the first time in my life.”
“I’m excited if you are. You can’t blame me for thinking it was a bad idea.” I need to say the thing that’s bugging me the most in it, “Why didn’t you just tell me everything that’s been going on as it happened? Why the secrecy? I mean, I knew he was very into you for a while and then he wasn’t and then he was, and then this last year he sort of just was there in the background as a thing in your life. Meanwhile, you were really having one of the hardest years ever. I could have helped you.”
“I was embarrassed he’d played me so hard and I didn’t want you to hate him.”
“You were protecting him from me?” I can’t help but laugh.
“Yeah. You’re a savage.” She laughs too.
“I guess, but who have you been talking to for support?”
“Carson knew the whole story and so did Lori.”
“You’ve replaced your secret shrink with a hockey player from Canada and a bisexual junkie?” It’s a slap in the face.
Her eyes widen. “You knew about Linda?”
“Of course I knew about Linda. I have eyes. Why do you think I’ll hate Matt? I never hate anyone.”
“Yes, you do. Have you forgiven any of the girls who screwed around with Douche Nozzle? Have you forgiven Douche Nozzle himself? Have you forgiven your mom for a single thing she has ever done? No. This is who you are. Do you remember that time we ordered pizza and the guy brought the wrong pizza to the house? And for the last five years you have ensured that we don’t get that guy? He doesn’t even work there, and you still write down a special request in the order not to have him. You don’t forgive anyone. Ever. And you remember shit forever. You can tell me exactly who did what and when for all of high school. I point to a girl and say, ‘Hey, there’s so and so,’ and you say ‘OMG, she’s such an asshole, remember that time’—every time.” She gasps her breath.
“Okay, I hold grudges. Whatever. I’ve forgiven Brady for being a whore and sleeping with a girl in my office.” I point out.
“Brady doesn’t owe you an apology, he never cheated on you. He did those things before you ever met him. He’s as innocent as a preacher’s sheets.”
“Maybe don’t use preachers and Brady in the same—”
“You know what I mean. Brady is basically a saint. Yes, he had some fun before he met you, he had enough fun for twenty or thirty people, but he did it before. He doesn’t owe you shit. The office girl is unfortunate, but not his fault. And you hold grudges and stew and grumble and hate on things.”
“Okay, God! I get it,” I snap back.
We’re both breathing heavy and looking savage.
“I should have told you.” She finally admits it. “It’s been horrible keeping it from you.”
“And it’s hurtful to know you kept something from me, but I get it. I mean, you got kind of engaged and I ruined my first Christmas with Brady and moving into the new place.”
“You did?” she gushes.
“Yes, dick. I did. I was so mad at you I didn’t care about anything else,” I huff.
She hugs me again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Now that we love each other again”—she pulls back, giving me a strange smile—“I have a business proposition for you.” She gets up and grabs her portfolio, dragging her iPad from it. “I want to be partners.” She grins wide and I am terrified she has lost her mind.
Chapter 6
Richard, the lion heart
July 6, 2015
Sami
“So you love him?” Lori nudges me, looking quite sharp in his suit.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.” It’s the lie I tell myself most often so it rolls off the tongue like silk. “I do know I’m not interested in a relationship, not right now.”
“That’s sad, ‘cause I think Brimstone is in love with you. Like the real kind. Getting to know him better this last bit has made me see what a mess he is, and I blame you. You’re probably the one who ruined the playoffs for us. I mean, he hardly scored. Guys gotta be scoring here, to score there.” He points at his dick and then out at the rest of the ballroom. It’s the least appropriate thing I have ever seen done in a ballroom.
“That’s disgusting. Where were you when I was eighteen and getting in shit and ready to burn places like this to the ground?”
“I was learning to drive and getting my braces off.” He smiles his perfectly straight teeth as if they’re proof.
“It’s a shame we didn’t meet earlier in life.”
“Yeah, not gonna lie, Ford. You are not the wild child I was told about. I figured we’d meet at the end-of-year party, drink till we make out, and have a threesome with one of the servers.” He waves his hand up and down my body. “I don’t know what this is.”
“It’s Valentino.” I grin.
“I know the dress, not the girl in it.” Lori rolls his eyes.
“What are we discussing?” Carson saunters over, his tie is already undone and his pupils are dilated.
“Me being lame.”
“’Tis true. You sold out of the cool club a while ago.” His eyes narrow as he scans the large room filled with people. “I blame him.” He points right at Matt who is in the middle of shaking some fat senator’s hand. “He ruined you.”
“He ruined a lot of things.” I blink and glance elsewhere, anywhere but at Matt.
We haven’t spoken much since the end-of-season mixer. His lame story of a second sexual assault by the team ho is fishy a
s hell. What girl sexually assaults guys? And why? It isn’t hard for hot slutty girls to get laid.
The whole thing bothers me.
Maybe more so because that was the Christmas party he didn’t take me to. He took Brady after he’d already asked me to go and then changed his mind last minute. He said he had forgotten he invited Brady, but it seemed suspect at the time. Even more suspect now.
Nat starts making her way to us from across the massive room, obviously drunker than I had hoped she would get.
“What is that and why is it staggering like that towards us?” Lori wrinkles his nose.
“It’s Nat. Her off-again, on-again boyfriend is William Fairfield, and he’s a piece of shit who routinely messes things up with her. And she routinely takes him back.” Carson sighs.
“She’s gorgeous but that’s too heavy for me. I’m going to fuck—that one.” Lori points at a brunette with a silver gown and an obvious bumpit under her hair.
“You can do better.” I grimace.
“I know. I don’t want better. I want trailer-trash bumpit girl.” He hands me his beer. “Here.”
“I don’t want that, or to know how you know what a bumpit is,” I groan as he walks away. “How did you even get beer here?” I hand the beer to Carson. “Why can’t he drink scotch?”
“I don’t know. He’s a West Coaster. They drink craft beer and wear winter hats in the summer. I can’t explain it to myself, how can I explain it to you?” His eyes narrow on Nat who is almost to us. “Why don’t I go sober her up while you go find Rich Fairfield and see if he wants a dance.” Carson gives me a knowing eyebrow waggle. “He says he has something he’s dying to tell you.”
“Fine. Get her coffee and fries. She needs starches. And sparkling water with lime for her next drink. She won’t know it’s got no booze in it.” I make my way around the room, smiling and shaking hands and being the daughter my father always wanted me to be. Not because he wants it, but because I do. I have a plan and it involves my image in every way possible.
