“I see.” Arlene studied her for a thoughtful second then nodded briskly. “Well then, I—”
Before she could finish her sentence, somebody rapped on the nursery door.
Jacob looked in. “I knocked on the front door, but I guess you ladies were too busy talking to hear. Sorry if I startled you.” Natalie bit her lip, wondering how much of the conversation he’d overheard. She couldn’t tell from his expression.
“That’s right. We were talking, not gossiping, so you can save yourself another lecture. It’s time for me to get going, anyway.” Arlene paused by Natalie’s side and gently took Ethan’s pudgy hand in her own. The older lady’s face softened. “He’s a cute little fellow, isn’t he?” She cleared her throat. “He’s all right for the moment, but those nails grow fast, so be sure to keep an eye. I’m headed on back to the church. I’m sure there’ll be plenty to see about, what with the preacher out gallivanting again.”
She brushed by Jacob, who moved politely aside to let her pass. But his eyes never strayed from Natalie’s, and his expression remained unreadable.
What was he doing here?
“Abel Whitlock just pulled up in the driveway.” Arlene’s voice called from the front door.
Natalie shot a questioning look at Jacob. “What’s Emily’s husband doing all the way out here?”
“I asked Abel to take a look at the goat fence. Maybe he can figure out how to fix it. I hope you don’t mind, but Rufus can’t run loose all the time. He’ll drive you crazy in a week.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Ethan squirmed in her arms and began to fuss. “He just woke up from his nap,” Natalie found herself explaining. “He’s hungry.”
Jacob nodded. “I’ll go outside and see what Abel has to say about that pen.” There was no trace of his normal, easy smile. He looked so serious that it was making her nervous.
She cleared her throat. “Is...something wrong?”
“Go ahead and feed the baby, Natalie, while I see what Whitlock thinks about that fence. Then we need to talk.” He stepped backward and closed the door.
Chapter Eleven
“See?” Inside the goat’s dilapidated pen, Jacob pulled on the wobbly fence post. “I’ve fixed this one twice already. He just butts it until it comes loose again. No matter what I do, he gets right back out.”
Abel Whitlock nodded, one tanned hand tousling Rufus’s topknot. Rufus stared up at him adoringly. Whitlock wasn’t much of a talker, but he definitely had a way with animals.
Jacob glanced back at the house. He needed to get this goat situation dealt with. He and Natalie had an important conversation to get through. “So what do you think? Can you fix it?”
Abel scanned the fence and shook his head. “You’d do better to tear this whole thing down and rebuild.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“Even that might not do you a lick of good.” Abel’s mouth quirked up into a lopsided smile. “I expect Rufus here would find a way through any fence we put up. Goats are smart animals, and he’s got a stubborn streak a mile wide to boot.”
Jacob sighed. “I was really hoping you could help. Natalie has a soft spot for the old rascal.”
A troubled look crossed Abel’s lean face. “This goat may turn out to be the least of your problems, Stone.”
Jacob frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Special church board meeting’s been called.” Abel shook his head. “I got the email this morning. Still don’t know what they were thinking when they asked me to serve on something like that.”
Jacob did his best to look innocent. That had been his suggestion, but he wasn’t about to admit it. Abel was the only person Jacob knew who hated meetings and committees worse than he did, but Jacob had wanted somebody on the church board with Abel’s old-fashioned common sense. “What’s the meeting about?”
“You.” Abel gave a short nod toward the farmhouse. “And her, I expect. I figure Digby Markham intends to do a little meddling in your personal life. I thought you might appreciate a heads-up.”
“I see.” A chill settled over Jacob’s heart. “Thanks. So when’s this meeting?”
“Thursday at four thirty. I’d appreciate it if you’d be there.”
“Am I invited?” Sometimes the pastor attended, sometimes he didn’t.
“I’m inviting you.” Stubborn lines creased Abel’s tanned forehead. “Never have held with talking behind people’s backs. Folks have something to say, they can say it right to your face.”
That ought to be fun. Jacob nodded shortly. “All right. I’ll be there.”
“Digby’s bound to come loaded for bear. You’d better do the same.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“Never do. Not much, anyway.” Abel’s crooked grin flashed again. “I’d better get on my way. Lots to do on Goosefeather Farm this time of year.”
“Thanks again, Abel.” As his friend drove away, Jacob kicked at a clump of overgrown grass. Well, it looked like things at the church were finally coming to a head, and at the worst possible time. He had other things to worry about just now.
His upcoming talk with Natalie wasn’t going to be pleasant.
The news he’d brought would hurt her, and he hated that. It just didn’t seem right for a sweet woman like Natalie to be hurt, over and over again.
Of course, it also wasn’t right that he’d hung up the phone with Bailey’s park ranger friend this afternoon with a sharp flame of hope burning in his belly. It wasn’t right that when he should be focused on what was best for Natalie, Ethan and Adam, Jacob’s mind kept drifting selfishly toward what this news might mean for him.
“Jacob?”
He looked behind him. Natalie was picking her way across the rough yard, Ethan in her arms. His heart gave a thud that hurt all the way down to his feet.
She had her hair in some sort of sideways ponytail today, tumbling over her left shoulder, and she was dappled with the flickering shadows of the budding leaves above her. The sunlight sneaked through to tease gold glints out of her hair and highlight the soft fuzz just visible on Ethan’s little head. She stepped carefully, her slender fingers protectively pressing her baby to her body.
She was wearing another one of the outfits he’d bought for her, and he felt a sudden, fierce possessiveness rise up in him. He wanted to do more of that. He wanted to buy her pretty things that made her smile and fill her cupboards with healthy food. He wanted to take care of Natalie and Ethan, pushing himself between them and anything that tried to hurt them.
Halfway between the goat pen and the house, Natalie stumbled over a rock, and Jacob was startled out of his thoughts. “Careful there.”
He headed in her direction, and she stopped where she was, her fingers gently kneading Ethan’s blanket. Her eyes focused intently on his face as he approached.
“Did you find Adam?”
“Natalie, let’s go back inside and sit down. Okay?”
“No.” She shook her head stubbornly. “Just go ahead and tell me now. Please. Whatever it is.” She took a deep breath. “I can handle it.”
There was a firmness in her voice that told him she meant to stand her ground. “Then let me hold Ethan, Natalie.”
Worry leapt into her eyes, but after only a second’s hesitation, she allowed him to take the baby from her arms. He settled Ethan against his chest, tucking in the blanket carefully.
He was stalling, and they both knew it.
“Tell me.”
“A park ranger found Adam on the trail. Finally. It took some doing.” Jacob paused, very aware of the soft, warm weight of the baby in his arms. There was no kind way to say this, so he might as well stop looking for one. “Adam saw all your messages about the baby, Natalie. He’s just...not coming back.”
She stared at him for a second, her expression blank. Then without
a word, she turned and headed for the house.
He followed, cushioning Ethan against him. The baby was wide-awake, but he wasn’t fussing. His unfocused eyes were wide with wonder, and Jacob could tell that soon they would be the same warm shade of brown as Natalie’s. The little guy was growing so fast. He already looked different than he had those first minutes after his birth, those special minutes that Jacob had only experienced because Ethan’s real father was out somewhere on a hiking trail eating beef jerky and communing with a pine tree.
Adam Larkey, Jacob thought for the umpteenth time, had some seriously messed-up priorities.
Natalie didn’t say a word until they were back in the well-scrubbed kitchen. As Ethan stretched his feet in his bouncy chair, she turned to Jacob and cleared her throat.
“Thank you for finding Adam for me.”
“I’m sorry it wasn’t better news.” And he was sorry—sorry that Natalie was hurt. But his regret didn’t stretch much further than that. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.” She nodded too forcefully, and her voice sounded strained. “After all, it’s not like this is a big surprise.” She turned away from him and started rearranging the items on the counter.
“Are you still in love with him, Natalie?”
He hadn’t meant to ask her that. But somehow the question had just come, and now he needed the answer as badly as he needed air.
He saw her go suddenly still, saw her slender shoulders stiffen. She was staring down at a dish towel she clutched in her hand. It was faded, and it had a hole in it.
She needed new towels, but that wasn’t all Natalie Davis needed. She needed new dreams, new plans, a whole new life. Surely, she’d be able to see that now.
He went to stand beside her. “Are you, Natalie?” His own voice sounded strange in his ears, rough with feelings he couldn’t even put names to. “Because I think you deserve a lot more than Adam seems willing to give you.”
She looked at him, her face tight. “It doesn’t matter what I deserve.”
“Of course it matters.”
She shook her head fiercely. “You don’t understand. It doesn’t matter how I feel or what I want, not anymore. This whole mess is all my fault.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is. I was so lonely. And I was working so hard and making no money, and I didn’t have anybody to care about. Then Adam came into the restaurant, and he made me laugh. And I just...didn’t want to be lonely anymore.” She broke off, shaking her head again. “I knew Adam never wanted to get married. He’s not that kind of guy. The minute I told him about the baby, he left.”
“I’m not surprised.” Running away seemed to be Larkey’s response to just about everything.
“I called his grandmother about a month later. She was the only relative I knew how to find, and I didn’t know what else to do. When I told her what had happened, she said some pretty...sharp things. But then she told me that she’d put money in a college fund for my baby if Adam and I were married. He needed to settle down, she said, and anyway, she didn’t like the idea of her great-grandchild being raised in a housing project by a single mother. So she offered to give us this farm to live on. It all sounded so perfect.”
“Natalie.” He said her name and stopped. He had no idea what to say next.
It didn’t really matter because Natalie rushed on. “I was scared and desperate, so I agreed if she could talk Adam into it. Do you know, it took nearly five months for her to convince him? And even then, she only managed it by threatening to cut off his allowance.” Natalie laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “I should have backed out then, I guess. But...I’d become a Christian by then, and marrying Adam seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, I really believed if I had faith and trusted God, He would work everything out.”
“He always does, Natalie. Just sometimes not the way we want Him to.”
“Like I told you, this isn’t about what I want. Anyway, the main thing I want is for Ethan to have a good life. My own mom wasn’t the most responsible person in the world.” To Jacob’s ears, that sounded like an understatement. “She couldn’t hold down a job, so we never had enough money. It was so embarrassing. We were always having to ask people—” She broke off abruptly, her gaze flickering away from his. “Anyway, I don’t want Ethan to go through that. I’m sorry. I really don’t want to talk about all this right now, Jacob. Even though I was kind of expecting this, it’s still hard. I have a lot of things to think about.”
“I understand. And I can help, Natalie. I—”
“I don’t want you doing me any more of your favors, Jacob. From what I hear, neither one of us can afford that right now.”
“Natalie—” He reached out for her, but she brushed past him. She gathered Ethan swiftly out of his seat and fled into the nursery.
He stood where he was for a while, looking at the closed door. Then he leaned over and picked the ragged towel off the floor. He folded it carefully and placed it on the table. When he came back, he would bring her some new towels. Prettier ones.
Because he was coming back.
Natalie had told him a lot just now, but there was one very important thing she hadn’t told him.
She hadn’t told him she was still in love with Adam Larkey.
* * *
Natalie sat with Ethan cuddled against her shoulder, forcing herself to rock at a gentle pace as tears streamed down her cheeks. She heard Jacob shut the front door, heard his truck sputter to a start and crunch out onto the road.
For once, she was glad he’d gone. Jacob unsettled her. He made it hard to think clearly, and she needed to pull herself together.
Crying over this was silly. She’d suspected for some time now that Adam had no intention of keeping his promise. Wasn’t that why she’d cut the blueberry deal with Bailey and taken the job at the coffee shop? Because she’d figured this was where she’d end up, fending for herself. Again. She should have been prepared for this news; she should have accepted it calmly.
No wonder Jacob had asked her if she was still in love with Adam. But this wasn’t really about Adam.
And she wasn’t in love with him. Jacob’s pointed question had made her realize that, clear as day. What she’d felt for Adam, even way back at the beginning, hadn’t really been love. Loneliness, yes, and desperation and a frantic grabbing at something to fill the emptiness inside her heart. But not love.
Love felt different. She knew that now.
She didn’t want to think too hard about exactly how she knew it, but she did.
She raised her arm carefully so as not to disturb her baby and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She couldn’t sit here sniffling. She had Ethan to look after, and he needed her to be strong. He was depending on her to provide for him.
She’d have to find another full-time waitressing job. That would mean long, late hours, so she’d have to find a babysitter willing to keep Ethan well into the night on the days she had to close. She wouldn’t be able to pay much, so her childcare options were going to be pretty grim. And where were they going to live? She’d have to leave Lark Hill. She hated the idea of moving back in to a housing project, but what other choice did she have?
She pressed her cheek against the fuzzy curve of her baby’s head and closed her eyes. Lord, Jacob’s right. You sure don’t always answer our prayers the way we want You to. I’ve tried so hard to make my plans work out, but everything just keeps getting worse. It looks like Your plan is a whole lot different from what I was expecting. Whatever it is, I hope You’ll help me figure it out, because I sure seem to be making a lot of wrong turns lately. Please. For Ethan’s sake. Work all this out for our good somehow. Amen.
She stayed where she was for a few minutes, rocking. Little by little, her heartbeat slowed into its regular rhythm. Now that she’d officially given this over to God, she actually felt a little bit re
lieved.
She was still scared, but what she’d told Jacob was true. How she felt didn’t really matter. She had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other until God revealed His plan, whatever that might be.
In the meantime, she might as well get busy and pick some blueberries.
* * *
Two days later, as she and Ethan drove away from Bailey’s store, her car started acting up again. Natalie’s heart skipped a beat, but then she cranked up the radio to drown out the rattling noise and kept right on counting her blessings.
Her first blueberry delivery couldn’t have gone better. Bailey had been delighted with the berries. She’d sampled several immediately before weighing them and counting cash out of her register.
The money Bailey had given her wasn’t much, but it was a start. And now that she was making plans to move back to Atlanta, she was going to need every penny of it.
As she drove through downtown Pine Valley, Natalie’s eyes scanned the scene around her. Spring was in full force now. All along the sidewalks, flowers spilled over their planters in colorful riots. Encouraged by the beautiful weather, people lingered to chat in front of the various stores.
She loved this charming little town, and she hated the thought of leaving it. But it looked like that was exactly what she was going to have to do.
Yesterday, she’d broken down and called her old manager to see if he had any shift openings at the diner. He’d told her the new waitress he’d hired wasn’t working out. Natalie could have her old job back, if she wanted it.
She didn’t. But unfortunately, she needed it.
She really didn’t want to move back into the housing project either, but rent in Atlanta was steep. She did know of one apartment complex that rented studios. She and Ethan would be cramped, but it was in a slightly better area. If she could sell enough blueberries, maybe, just maybe, she could swing the deposit and the first month’s rent.
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