“But Shannon, we never spoke about it before today.”
“I know, Marco. And that is all my fault.”
“That’s impossible. You could never do anything I wouldn’t love. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’m in love with you, Shannon.”
I couldn’t speak. He slowly stood, came over to the couch, and in front of me, knelt down and held out a huge diamond ring. “I think I knew about this the first time I saw you. Everything fit into place so perfectly. Like we were long lost friends, soulmates from another time and place.”
“But…”
“Shannon, marry me. I waited too long before. She didn’t want to wait. This doesn’t have anything to do with her, but she taught me something. And I felt her come to me this afternoon, and it was like she was telling me I should stop waiting to join her, that I should find someone just like her, and do what I should have done before.”
“But…”
“Don’t you see? I never believe in these kinds of things. But it was like we were predestined for each other. You’re the girl I’ve been looking for, waiting for my whole life.”
I was in shock. I let him lift my left hand and slide the beautiful ring on my fourth finger. It was so heavy, I felt like I’d fallen into the ocean, and that ring pulled me right down to the bottom of the sea, where I’d be forever.
Chapter 19
Marco
Shannon didn’t react like how I expected. I knew she didn’t suspect that I would impulsively propose, but I didn’t plan on her shivering, her coldness and the look of pain on her face.
“What is this, Shannon? What’s happened?”
“Nothing happened, but it’s—”
I got to my feet, then sat next to her, my arm around her shoulder. She’d been playing with the ring, which was a little too loose. She was twisting it around and around her finger, staring down at her lap, gently rocking back and forth.
“I’m sorry about the size. I guessed. It will be easy to adjust.” Was that the real problem going on with her?
She stopped rocking.
“Are you ill?” I persisted.
She carefully shook her head from side to side, her eyes still focused downward.
I decided to just wait for her to tell me. Maybe she couldn’t get the days off she said she could and was somehow upset about that. Maybe Rebecca paid her a visit. But something was definitely different and I was worried, getting more so by the minute.
Then she turned toward me, our knees touching. She wrapped her arms around my neck, brushed her cheek against mine. I felt her whole body shaking. When we parted, I could see she’d been crying.
Had I missed something? If she was averse to getting married, I’d try not to pressure her, but this wasn’t the Shannon I had gotten to know. At last she wiped her tears off her cheeks, removed the ring, and placed it in my palm, curling her fingers over mine and began to sob.
Through her tears, she said, “I can’t accept this until you know the truth, Marco. I’ve been lying to you and I feel horrible. I’m not the woman you think I am.”
“I don’t understand. What big dark secret do you have? I swear to you it won’t matter.”
“You don’t know that,” she mumbled, again wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I’ve been so dishonest with you.”
Anger was beginning to boil in my belly. I’d been certain she would be thrilled at the prospect of spending the rest of her life with me. I felt punched in the gut. I was beginning to wonder if I knew anything about women because obviously something had happened and she was locking me out. I wanted answers and I wanted them fast.
I got up, shoved the ring in my pants pocket and started to pace. “This is complete bullshit, Shannon. I expect the truth from you. You better tell me the score or I’m walking right out of here and I’m not ever coming back.”
Even that didn’t make her spring to action. I felt a twinge of regret that I’d spoken to her harshly. Whatever it was, it was serious. I’d never seen her this way before.
I started guessing. “You’re married.”
She shook her head.
“You have five kids.”
“God no.”
“You have an incurable disease?”
“No, not that either.”
“Does this have to do with Rebecca?”
“No.” She inhaled deeply and then stared into my eyes. “The reason you thought everything was so familiar between us was that we have met before. We met over fifteen years ago.”
She was waiting, searching my face to see if that helped me figure it out, but I still didn’t have a clue.
“How did we meet? Fifteen years ago, you were what? Ten?” I asked.
“Emily was my older sister. I’m Melanie Shannon Mabry. When I moved to Florida and began at TMBC I picked a stage name. I used my middle name, Shannon. But—”
“Em always called you Shan,” I said from memory, pictures of those days flooding my mind. The horrible pain and loss came back and I felt like a dastardly trick had been played on me by God.
“Marco, I was a preteen. Braces. Bushy eyebrows and skinny. I wore glasses in those days and they were thick and huge. I got Lasix. I grew up, and when I shed all those things, I was a different person. Like a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon.”
“So, you planned all this?” I demanded. I couldn’t help but tighten my fingers into fists, trying to destress, but it wasn’t helping.
“I didn’t plan for all this, no. But I came to Boston to see you, to meet you, because I’d dreamed about you all those years. I just wanted to see—”
She began to tear up again.
“I never had what Em had, Marco. I wanted to see what that would feel like. I didn’t intend to come insert myself into your life. I just wanted a taste, maybe just to experience something she had, maybe in some small way to bring her back. And that’s stupid, I know.”
I ground my teeth. I really thought I had experienced Emily talking to me, telling me to move on today. But it must have all been a figment of my imagination because deep down inside, I must have sensed little Shan was just like her older sister. My mind had figured it out when my heart wasn’t paying attention.
Here was yet again one more heartless betrayal. One other instance where I hadn’t been paying attention. I was so intent on deepening this relationship out of pure fantasy, I was blindsided and I fell into the trap I’d fallen into before. Twice before.
The fact that she’d lied to me was so painful, I couldn’t look at her any longer. I felt so completely ridiculous spending so much money on that diamond. Buying the red Bentley. What was I thinking? I didn’t even know her. Heck, we never even talked. I hadn’t asked her what it was like growing up. I didn’t have a clue what I almost had gotten myself into.
“I do appreciate one thing, Shannon. I’m glad you told me now, not when we were halfway around the world, and thank God you told me before I entered into some sham marriage based on lies. It takes guts to tell the truth.”
“No, I wasn’t that noble. I thought you’d caught me. I knew I’d tell you eventually, but things got so hot and heavy, and then I never wanted it to end. I kept pushing it off into the distance, looking for a way, a time to tell you. But yes, that ring forced the truth out of me.”
“So, you basically stalked me?” I couldn’t believe how vulnerable I was. “Am I that dumb?”
“No, it was chemistry. All that was real. I just came on stage under false pretenses. Don’t beat yourself up, Marco,” I begged on his behalf. “And because I used to watch the two of you, and when she was home on weekends from college, she used to tell me about you. I used to think about what it would feel like to kiss you. I didn’t mean to take what was not mine.”
I suddenly was transported back to that time. I leaned over, scrambled her hair on the top of her head, and said what I used to say all the time, “It’s okay, kid. Things will turn out.”
She broke down, hugging her knees. When she looked up a
t me at last, I saw those strong, unflinching eyes that I could get lost in. “I am so sorry. So very sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know you’ll never forgive me, but I want you to know, because I probably won’t ever get the chance to say it again. I do love you, Marco. That part was real.”
The universe had tilted and I was in free fall. This was going to force me to re-think and re-evaluate every decision I’d recently made. My businesses were falling apart, and Rebecca hadn’t done that. I did it. I was the one responsible for causing all this. I’d lost my focus, and now it suddenly had gotten worse.
Ten years ago, I would have completely lost it with Shannon. But now, I was just numb. I could even understand why she did it, and that really surprised me. What I had the most difficulty was that I didn’t catch on. I pieced together the clues and instead of coming up with a pink flamingo, I’d created a pelican. It was close. She was right, the chemistry was indeed there. But I was ill from knowing my firewall had been breached and my judgment was flawed. I acted with my heart instead of my head.
I vowed never to do that again.
I said good-bye and thanked her for our time together. I told her I needed to get somewhere all by myself and get my head on straight. I promised I’d let her know when I got back from D.C., and maybe we could talk. She told me she wanted to help out with the Trident Towers, asked my permission to see if she could get Rebecca to cooperate. She silently accepted my leaving without further drama, which I was grateful for.
It would be hard to watch her on the TV, thinking of all the things we’d done. I tried to fill in the blanks, because we never talked about it. How she grew up. How her poor parents were. They’d been so devastated with Em’s passing. I didn’t have any of that information. And maybe it was better that way.
I asked the Oceanis to store my convertible and to wash it every day, even park it out front if they wanted. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the car.
I arranged for my pilot to come over early, and within three hours of my botched proposal of marriage, I was wheels up and headed back to Boston.
My pilot didn’t ask too many questions and focused on his job, of course. He hadn’t bothered hiring an attendant. I nestled down in the wool blankets and fluffy pillows and slept all the way until we landed. I vowed I’d stop being so indulgent with the alcohol, the desserts, the exquisite foods, and go back to my “Go-To” diet, and I’d start working out again. I had to get through these next few days. If I could get my body into action, focus on re-connecting with all the D.C. allies I lost touch with as I fought off the attorneys, and when I got back out into the field, covered in dust and jumping from airplanes again, I would start to heal. Hiding, rescuing, defending people and leading escape missions would bring me back to life. That’s the only item on my agenda, while I cleaned up the pieces of my broken fortune.
Alone.
Maybe Em had taken that happy family and the true love portion of my life to the grave with her. It was only now, fifteen years later, that I finally caught on.
But at least I caught on.
Shannon would land on her feet, because that’s what she deserves. It wouldn’t be useful to be bitter about it. That never was her intention. We both got caught up in that fantasy and were equally at fault. I didn’t want to expend the energy blaming her, because it wasn’t true.
As my driver pulled up to the Bachelor Towers, I handled my own bags, stopped by to pick up a Midnight in Manhattan from Ollie and went right to my floor without answering any questions.
The sterile place felt like a shiny gilded cage as I walked in all alone once more. I had to get more paintings on the wall, some color in there.
I removed my tie, brought my drink into the bedroom, exhausted and began to get ready for bed early. The sun was still up.
In the shower, I thought about Shannon. As I tucked myself into the sheets naked, I thought about Shannon.
Yeah, I had been bitten by the snake of love, just like the sultan had advised. A tiny regret tugged at my heart. It was unfair, but it was definitely there. I’d looked forward to bringing her back here, remembering our beautiful first night together. I wanted her in every part of my life. How in the world would I ever forget how I felt with her? Even as determined as I was, there would always be that hole, that place where I felt safe in her love.
I thought about all the lovely things we would have done in this bed, in this apartment, had looked forward to.
If she were here.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Chapter 20
Shannon
I’d never called in sick before, but I did today. I needed a day of sleep, walks on the beach. I needed to face the reality of what I’d done, look inside my heart and try to figure out why it all went so wrong. Why did I think that not telling him would make things any easier later on? It was a stupid, foolish idea. It was important to get it settled in my own head first, then I’d meet the world and embrace the rest of my life.
But I did prove one thing. I devised a plan, executed it, and went for broke. And I nearly made it. Never again would I use a lie, even a white lie, as a coverup for being real. My choice was real. It was how I did it that doomed the mission. I should have told him that day when he said, “No more secrets, Shannon.” That would have been the perfect time.
So many of the wonderful qualities Marco had were complementary to my own. We made a good pair. I resigned myself to the fact that if there was one man I could run off with reckless abandon, there had to be another. I didn’t need five or six. Just one more. When the right time came along. I completely pushed out of my mind the worry that perhaps there would never be another. That there was only one man for me. That I’d met him, fallen in love with him honestly and with my full heart, without hesitation and that my methods were completely wrong. But I had to believe that one day, there would come another.
On Tuesday, I went back to work and told Jared that I wasn’t flying off to a pink palace in the Indian Ocean. He almost looked disappointed for me. If he studied my face any closer, he’d see my puffy eyes—the result from an all-day crying jag.
It had taken Marco several days before he called me again after our first encounter in Boston, but I didn’t expect he’d really call me this time, even though he said he would. I braced for that. Accepted it as the consequence of my actions. I respected his boundaries now, unlike before. I wasn’t going to delude myself or pick weeds in his garden because it wasn’t my garden.
But it sort of felt like making amends to show up as a volunteer at his center. It made me a better person, and I needed that. Nobody expected it, and I even asked permission, just to keep it clean. I intended on doing this in and around my work schedule, since I had no social life now.
I didn’t expect any resumption of our former relationship, so I concentrated on doing more meditation and stretching. I started eating less and drinking more water. I knew in time it would stop hurting so much. Time and the beach.
The beach heals everything. It was my favorite plaque on my wall. I would live by that motto every day, until I was whole again.
I even accepted Jared’s invitation to have a drink later in the week. I thought he was going to fall off his chair when I said yes.
I stopped by the project after work on Wednesday and helped Dax’s group make calls to donors from our curated list. I used my real name, since anonymity was what I was going for. I was just doing the pure work and not getting celebrity status out of it. It was the least I could do after creating such an upset.
Judie and I planned to go to the movies on the weekend. We both had a lot to catch up on together. She loved hearing about Marco and how he lived his life in the old days before either of us knew very much about him. We made up stories about what we’d do if we inherited hundreds of millions of dollars. And now I realized how shallow that had been. It was Marco I had fallen in love with, not his lifestyle, his handsome body and his warrior mentality. I loved the part of him that r
eached out to me and trusted me, before I shattered it. I would try to think of him that way. Always.
Rhea got a set of plans from the County, and before she sent them to Marco, I looked them over. Rebecca had submitted extensive changes, she pointed out.
“The cost of concrete for these foundations will be at least double what it was before.”
“How so?’”
“Well see, she’s used the full forty-two foot height, adding additional units for a third floor, complete with balconies and many of the exterior windows had been changed to sliding glass doors for access to those outdoor places. That also means there will be new engineering costs and calculations. We don’t have earthquakes, but we have tropical storms and hurricanes to consider. More stories, more windows. More balconies, more weight.”
I could see, as she pointed out all the details, Rhea understood that this project wasn’t anything like the original proposed plan.
“She’s going to have to go before the Design Review, but maybe the Planning Commission too,” sighed Rhea. I wonder if she knew that.”
“So that would delay the project, then.”
“Yes, I think we’re looking at maybe six months, a year additional, maybe longer.”
“I don’t get it. Why do you think she’s doing this?”
“Well, it is a much nicer design, I mean it’s really pretty, but it’s going to require a lot more money. I hope she’s got unlimited funds.”
I wondered if she’d gotten a wealthy backer.
“Did you try to get hired on?”
“That was a no-go. She recognized me right away. Dax too. And she has some guy who used to work for Marco there too. I’ve met him a time or two.”
“Who was that?”
“He’s an accountant, I think. Calls him her project manager.”
I decided I should speak to Rebecca, see if she would open up about her plans. Maybe I could still be useful for Marco.
Judie was against it when I told her later on.
“That’s not a good sign, Shannon. You need space. You need to distance yourself from all this. Time to move on. Didn’t you get the memo?”
Bone Frog Bachelor (Bachelor Tower Series) Page 14
