by Abby Ayles
* * *
In fact, she was sure that in the back of their minds, her father included, they had always just assumed she would still be around to see them off right and take care of their father once they were gone to their new homes. She had done the same. At the very most she had considered marrying Mr. Lucas once she was sure all her sisters had been seen off right.
* * *
Even that notion no longer seemed possible to her. As much as she would have liked to, she just didn’t see Mr. Lucas in a romantic light. Of course, romance wasn't required for marriage when you were a woman with no way to support oneself. Still, she had rather thought if she ever did marry, she would want the life that her father and mother had shared.
* * *
More than the testament of her father’s grieving were the memories she had of her parents before her mother’s death. She knew with all her heart that they had loved each other. In some ways, those images had somewhat jaded her. She could never see herself settling for any less than the look of pure joy and happiness she saw on her mother’s face when her father would come into the room and greet her.
* * *
If she were to accept any future, it would be one like that, or none at all. It wouldn’t be possible with Mr. Lucas. She considered for the first time since her friend gave her the notion that it might be possible with Raven.
* * *
Her cheeks flushed as she considered all their interactions. The way he looked at her so intently that it made her skin warm from the inside out. She had to admit she even did enjoy his humor just a bit or would if it wasn’t always directed at her.
* * *
She shook the notion from her head. It was silly indeed. Indeed, just the wish of a friend to make a connection between two people she found admirable qualities in. The chances that the Duke of Raven would ever have feelings for her were, in her mind, just as realistic as an opportunity for her to leave the confines of the city.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lady Alexandra didn’t have long to consider her friend's opinion in private. From the moment she returned home and for the following day, every second was alit with the buzz of the duke.
* * *
For the second time that month, Lord Grebs decided to join his daughters for dinner. Not only that, he informed them of the impending guest of the duke on the marrow for a private family dinner.
* * *
If Lady Alexandra didn’t already have enough things to do, now she had to work with cook to prepare an elegant dinner fit for a duke.
* * *
Between her usual work, added work for the quickly approaching banquet, and now planning for a family dinner with an honored guest, Lady Alexandra had to endure more prodding from her sisters.
* * *
Either Lady Josephine had shared Lady Eagleton’s ideas with her younger sisters, or they just happened to be on the same page. None the less they spent every moment questioning Lady Alexandra and trying to prove there was some affection between her and the Duke of Raven.
* * *
Well, that was the goal of all her sisters, except the youngest, Lady Sophia. For her part, she was as quiet as possible – for a girl of her nature. She spent the next twenty-four hours sulking over the idea that her eldest sister might have caught the duke’s eye and not herself. An impossibility in Lady Sophia’s mind after she had clearly shown the duke that she would accept any attention he might be willing to send her way.
* * *
Lord Grebs insisted that his daughter spare nothing for their quiet family dinner with the duke. In fact, she would be using more on this one meal then was typically used to fund an entire month’s food bill. Though Lady Alexandra didn’t agree to such things, in the end, her father was the one truly in control of the household finances. Up until this point he had taken little interest, if any at all. Now he seemed to be insisting on things go his way, despite how impossible they might be.
* * *
By the night of the dinner, Lady Alexandra was at least satisfied in the fact that their house, and the smells coming from their kitchen, were far better than anything they had experienced for some years. Her three sisters had spent almost the whole of the day up in their shared room dressing and preparing for the night.
* * *
Though it was just one guest, and at a casual family dinner, it still held significant meaning. For a single gentleman to choose such a thing with Lord Grebs and his house, meant that he was planning to continue close intimate connections to the family. With four single daughters in his home, that message went far beyond just business arrangements in the eyes of society.
* * *
Lady Josephine had pointed the fact out to Lady Alexandra when the former chose to make light of their day of preparation.
* * *
“You should be doing the same,” Lady Josephine encouraged. “I am finished with my hair now, allow me to do something extra nice with yours.”
* * *
“I have no reason to do so, and none of you do either. Plus, if the duke is interested in me, as you all claim, then what good is it for the rest of you to work so hard to show a perfect front?”
* * *
“Do you not see how a match with the duke will improve all of our standings?”
* * *
Lady Alexandra considered that. She hadn’t up until that moment, if the truth was told. All she had considered was the duke’s attention to her family being a hindrance.
* * *
“Do you know how much the ladies of society must be talking about us?” Lady Alexandra countered. “The duke has caused nothing but trouble I am sure of it. They all are gossiping, and I am sure it is with the four of us in a poor light.”
* * *
“You are right, that some of that is going on. But if I am right, and I am sure I am, and the duke does fancy you, doesn’t that mean this is just the next step in a natural courtship? You two could be engaged and then married by year’s end. Think how wonderful that would be for all of us? No longer would we be desperate to find any match that would come our way. Now we could find a man of our choosing, for love.”
* * *
“I suppose that is true,” Lady Alexandra said. “Though that is with the assumption that the duke would wish to marry me, and I wish to marry him. I can promise you with absolute certainty at least one of them is untrue and the other just as likely to be false.”
* * *
“Or perhaps you are as blind to your own feelings as you are to his,” Lady Josephine said grabbing her sister's hand and pulling her up the stairs and into the room.
* * *
Despite Lady Alexandra’s denial her sister, always the optimist, would hear none of it. Instead, she sat Lady Alexandra down in front of their one looking glass and began to re-do her eldest sister’s hair in the most splendid way.
* * *
“I also thought it might be nice for you to wear this,” Lady Josephine said opening the small jewelry box that the four sisters shared. Reaching into it, she lifted the false bottom to reveal their most prized possession.
* * *
It was only the two older sisters that knew it was even there. They both knew if either younger sister found out about its hiding place it would end up in Lady Sophia’s hands, and no doubt treated as something light.
* * *
Of course, it wasn’t exactly an expensive trinket. The value of the thin pink ribbon with its one charm hanging was not of monetary value but sentimental. It was a small rose quartz stone rubbed smooth into oval shape. On top was a delicately carved profile of a woman in ivory. The over stone encircled in a simple thin sheet of gold that had one single hoop that attached it to the ribbon.
* * *
It was the only jewelry they had that once belonged to their mother. Her father had sold or simply destroyed much in the early days of her mother’s death. Lady Alexandra had never been happy with her father’s actions, but the age of eight h
ad been far too young to realize what he was doing, let alone stop it. Lord Grebs hadn’t removed every item of his wife’s out of spite, or even for money. Instead, he had wanted to wash away every memory that pained him.
* * *
In the process, he had also stripped all four of his daughters of a mother. If Lady Alexandra’s promise hadn’t been weight enough on her eight-year-old shoulders, she now had the pressure of fulfilling the memory of a woman they no longer could have any physical reminder of.
* * *
This pendant was the only thing remaining of their mother; not even a small pocket portrait had escaped their father’s purging. The only reason they still had this small trinket was that it had fallen under her mother’s bed. It wasn’t until years later that the maid found it cleaning the room. Lady Alexandra was old enough by then to understand its importance and had promptly hidden it away.
* * *
“I’m not sure that would be a wise idea,” Lady Alexandra hesitated.
* * *
“Why not,” Lady Josephine said lowering the object slightly.
* * *
“What if I break it?” Lady Alexandra responded tentatively.
* * *
She had barely allowed herself to brush her fingers over the pendant all these years. It was just too precious to risk even for the possibility, however unlikely she thought it, of turning the eye of the Duke of Raven.
* * *
“You won't,” Lady Josephine waved off her sister’s worry and placed it delicately around her neck, tying it in the back. “Mother would want you to wear this. Perhaps it will be your good luck charm.”
* * *
Lady Alexandra rolled her eyes at her sister through the looking glass but now in a more playful manner.
* * *
Lady Josephine smiled in returned before her face went solemn.
* * *
“Do you remember her?” Josephine said softly, her golden eyes off in a different place.
* * *
“A little,” Lady Alexandra said just as soft. “There is just one memory in particular. She was sitting in the drawing room. In that high back chair. I think it was her favorite,” Lady Alexandra said, screwing up her brows in concentration. “She was reading a book of some sort. I just stood there in the doorway and watched her for a moment. She was positioned just so that the light coming in through the one window shown down on her face. She looked so peaceful, so serene. I used to play that memory over in my head before bed.”
* * *
Lady Alexandra took a long slow breath out as her sister placed the last few curls into their right place.
* * *
“I seem to forget the way she looked in that moment a little more every time I try. I used to remember the exact color of her hair as it reflected the light. The shape of her face. The color of her gown that day. Or the way she had slipped out of her shoes and tucked her feet under her.”
* * *
I can’t remember any of that now, however. Instead, I see Mother sitting in that chair, the sun shining down, but her face is pale. Deep dark circles shadow her eyes and beads of sweat trickle down her forehead. She is trying to smile at me, but too weak to do so. Then the light fades in her eyes, and she is gone.”
* * *
Lady Alexandra looked up at her sister who had finished her work and was just standing and listening.
* * *
“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t a memory of her at all,” Lady Alexandra said with a shrug. "At least then, all of them wouldn’t be poisoned with the memory of her death.”
* * *
“Trust me; it would be better to have something than nothing at all,” Lady Josephine said with a frown.
* * *
It was a look that almost never crossed her sister’s face. Though Lady Josephine was only a year younger than her eldest sister, it was clear that all her memories of their mother had long since gone.
* * *
“We should talk about her more,” Lady Alexandra said with a weak smile of encouragement. “Maybe if we did, more would come back to our remembrance. And of course, that would be more for Sophia to hold on to. I do worry that she will grow up quite jaded with no memory of Mother to call her own.”
* * *
“No, you are doing a fine job with her. I do agree, though,” Josephine said with a sniff and the return of her usual pleasant face. “We should endeavor to talk about her more.”
* * *
It was a relieving conversation for Lady Alexandra to have with her sister. In a way, she had been keeping these thoughts, feelings, and maybe even guilt, bottled up within her. She was beginning to see it was important to open up to her sisters more. Not just for their sake but for her own as well.
* * *
She had little time to ponder the notion, however, as the duke arrived just as the two finished their preparations in their shared room. Lady Josephine and Lady Alexandra descended the stairs in perfect time with the front door opening to welcome their guest.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Raven was already in a pleasant mood as he walked up the front steps of Lord Grebs’ house. As much as he had hesitated to take the earl's offer yesterday for a family meal, he felt no reservations now.
* * *
He knew how the rest of society would take such an action. His aunt would be furious when she found out, of course. He cared little for that now. He had made up his mind that Lady Alexandra was the lady for him and nothing, not even his aunt whom he loved dearly, would deter him from this.
* * *
He had walked with an extra bounce in his step and even found himself humming after he knocked and waited for Lord Grebs’ man to answer the door. He was stunned into silence by the view that met him as he crossed the ’earl’s threshold.
* * *
Timed just at the perfect moment, Lady Alexandra descended the stairs just as he entered the foyer. It was as if the world around him melted away as he took her in.
* * *
She was beautifully dressed in a dark lavender dress that made her skin against it glow like ivory. Her hair was twisted and curled with a wide ribbon woven in to contrast her chestnut ringlets.
* * *
She had just a slight rose to her cheeks that brought her warm brown eyes to life in a way he hadn’t seen for some weeks. Adorned around her neck was a simple thin ribbon with a pendant. It was the first piece of jewelry he had ever seen Lady Alexandra wear he realized for the first time.
* * *
“Good evening,” Raven said with a bow once the ladies reached the bottom of the stairs.
* * *
He could feel the smile splitting across his face, and though he knew he should hide it, he couldn't seem to bring himself to do so. He noticed Lady Josephine looked quickly between him and her sister before trying to hide her own rosy-cheeked smile. He wondered if perhaps the younger sister had caught on to his attentions.
* * *
It was clear that Lady Alexandra had not. She greeted him politely and invited him in the drawing room for some sherry before dinner. Beyond that, she seemed rather cool to him. It was more than her usual distance. He was sure she was trying to make a point of keeping things polite but unfeeling between the two of them.
* * *
He worried whose benefit that was for. The obvious answer was for himself. After all, he was making a rather bold statement coming to their house tonight for dinner. Perhaps this was Lady Alexandra’s way of stating she had no interest in him.
* * *
He was sure that couldn’t be the case. She had seemed wary of his attentions, but there were still moments where Lady Alexandra finally allowed her walls to come down. It was in those moments he was sure she cared for him just as he did for her.
* * *
Lady Alexandra’s other two sisters were already seated in the drawing room. It was clear to him that every member of the family was dressed in their finest for the
evening's dinner. Lord Grebs wasn’t far behind joining them in the drawing room once they learned of the arrival of their honored guest.
