It had been a couple of weeks since he and Maggie returned from their honeymoon. They'd signed the closing papers on their new house a couple of days ago, and now a group of us was pitching in to move them into their new home. Jade and I were helping Maggie set up her kitchen, while Derek, Jax and Derek’s brother, Paul, finished unloading boxes and small furniture from the moving van. Fortunately, Derek had hired a crew of movers to help with the heavy lifting this morning.
His new wife smacked his arm. "Aw, did all that sun make you weak?" she asked playfully.
Maggie squealed as Derek hauled her into his arms planting a big kiss on her lips. "What sun? We spent more time inside hav—"
More than one of us cleared our throats and started fake-coughing as Maggie slapped her hand over his mouth. She turned the cutest shade of pink which had nothing to do with the sun. Derek caught her hand and held it to his lips. I watched my friend melt into his arms all doe-eyed.
Jade pushed them apart and shooed Derek out of the kitchen. "We could've been done an hour ago if you two would keep your hands to yourselves." She wrinkled her nose and crossed her arms as Derek raised his arms in good-natured helplessness as he and Jax jogged back outside to the rented moving truck.
I'd been surprised when Jax showed up here a few minutes after my arrival. He'd greeted his cousins with handshakes and Maggie with a kiss to her cheek, but only a chin nod and quiet "hello" for me. I likely imagined it, but he looked uncertain, like he was going to say something more to me, but then his features schooled themselves back to disinterest.
It seemed naïve of me not to consider that he'd be here helping his cousin, but in the time I'd been around Derek, I'd never seen Jax come to anything. Granted, I hadn't been invited to family affairs. Now that she was a part of Jax's family, I wondered if I'd see more of him at their house during casual gatherings in her and Derek’s house. If so, I was going to have to be able to be around him without recalling how good it felt to be in his arms. For the moment, however, I turned my back on him before I could try to read anything into his frown that he had been casting my way since he'd gotten here.
My interest was piqued, however, when I happened to pass the living room window and saw the guys taking a water break out by the moving truck. They'd taken their shirts off and were pouring the water over their heads and chests.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! They were all fine-looking men, but Jax? He took it to an entirely different level. Those abs! And look at that ink covering his upper arm! As Jax moved, what appeared to be some kind of bird on his left arm almost looked like it was breathing as the muscle beneath it flexed.
"Catch anything with your mouth hanging open?" Jade crept up behind me. "Oh, wow. Now I really wish I'd been the one to go to his office. I'd have been willing to make a contribution of my own to him."
I nudged her with my elbow. "Stop being so crude."
She crossed her arms and turned to face me. I did my best to ignore her by moving some furniture that had been left in the center of the room, but it was obvious she was studying me.
"Interesting."
"What?"
"He's different. You really like him.”
"It doesn't matter. He made his feelings clear enough."
"Did you?"
"Did I what?"
"Did you make your feelings clear to him?"
I kept working so I didn’t have to look at her. I grabbed a lamp, plugged it in, and placed it on an end table before moving on to unwrap some pictures that I placed on their mantle. At this rate, I'd have the entire room organized if Jade kept up her evaluation.
I paused to brush some hair out of my face. "Why are you pursuing this? I'm trying to move on. In fact, there wasn't that much to move on from, so I don't understand why you're pushing me on this."
"You forget you confessed to me about him. I know you were on the verge of opening yourself up to someone for the first time in a while. I want to make sure you're honestly good, not just faking it."
I blew out a breath and looked at the ceiling. "Look. I'm good, okay? I'm grateful he stopped it before I started to have real feelings. He could have strung me along. He did an honorable thing."
"Okay."
"Really? You'll drop this now?"
"Drop what?" Maggie's voice chimed from the entranceway. "Please tell me it wasn't my grandmother's crystal vase!"
"No," Jade answered. "Just our friend here needs to get laid and fast."
"Oh, good lord. I'm going to go pray for your soul," I groaned and moved around them, eager to leave the room.
"You know, there's a couple of guys at my work who are pretty hot. I could set you up," Maggie called after me.
"No!" Although I trusted Maggie's taste more than Jade's, at this point, I could use a break from men. And a break from my friends might not be a bad idea either.
"We're just looking out for you, honey. Maybe you could give them a chance and go out. Maybe even...you know. A girl has needs, too."
Oh, my god! Sweet, sweet Maggie couldn't bring herself to say the words like Jade could, but that she even thought it spoke volumes. Did I have "desperate" scrolled on my forehead?
I threw my hands in the air and spun back around to face them. "Enough!" I almost shouted. "My sex life is fine, thank you very much. I can get laid all by myself. Well, you know, not all by myself, that sort of defeats the point. But you know what I mean. I can find someone to take care of my needs”—I made air quotes—"without your interference. In fact, I'm meeting someone tomorrow night. Maybe while I'm there, I'll—"
Someone cleared a throat. I choked on whatever I was going to say, at once grateful that someone had stopped my word vomit and horrified that someone other than Maggie and Jade might have heard it.
I raised my eyebrow at them. Maggie at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Not Jade, however. She smirked and looked over my shoulder.
"I think I can speak for all of us when I say we didn't need to hear that," a masculine voice stated.
I whirled to find all three guys, Derek, Paul, and Jax staring at me. Derek was openly laughing after his comment, Paul appeared to be biting his cheek, but his eyes were twinkling, and Jax, well, he stared hard at me before he scowled and put the box he was carrying down a little harder than necessary. Then he turned and stomped off with five pairs of eyes staring after him.
"That was strange," Derek said. "I wonder what got to him."
Jade got an evil gleam in her eye and grinned, much like the Cheshire Cat. "I think Grace is what got to him."
I itched to wipe that smug look from her face. And now all the focus was on me again.
"Jade." I shook my head as I tried to warn her to shut up. Why had I ever thought her directness was a good thing? I started to press my hand against her mouth, but Derek caught it.
"No," he said. "I want to hear what's been going on. Has something happened between the two of you?" He sounded worried.
I didn't want there to be any trouble between him and his cousin. I rolled my eyes and sighed. "He made a very generous contribution to the teen center, and it turns out our families know each other, so my mom invited him to dinner one night and he came. We're friends."
Paul was suddenly alert. "Friends? Jax doesn't do friends with women." He eyed me. "Did he try something with you?"
I didn't care for his suspicious, almost angry, tone. "We had a few misunderstandings, but we resolved them," I answered firmly. "It's no big deal. We've since had a few laughs together. As I said, we're friends."
Right. Friends who kissed.
"Hmm. Doesn't sound like the Jaxson I know," Paul remarked, frowning.
"Well, maybe you don't know him as well as you think."
Geez, guys! Let this alone!
Before any more comments could be made, Jax hollered from the kitchen. "This is the last box. I think I'll head home."
Maggie clapped her hands. "Wait, don't go, yet.” Jax stepped into the room, but avoided looking at me. “We should all ce
lebrate us being homeowners. Let's go out! We deserve it! First drinks are on Derek and me."
Derek laughed. "There she goes, already telling me what to do and spending my money. Guess this is married life!" He slid his arms around Maggie from behind and kissed the top of her head when she rested it back on his shoulder. "And I couldn't be happier," he whispered in her ear.
Everyone but Jax chuckled. He stood off to one side, glaring at me, while the rest of us decided to meet up later after we had a chance to clean up. His attitude annoyed me. Why was he so pissed? If anyone deserved to be angry, it was me.
Anger fueled my boldness. I made sure I headed to my car at the same time as him.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked from behind him as he pulled his keys from his pocket.
His fingers froze, then he unlocked his car without looking at me. "No. Why?"
"I don't know. You seemed quiet most of the afternoon, and now you look irritated."
"Maybe that's just how I am." He opened his door.
"Maybe."
Where was the cocky guy who liked to tease me, or the protective man who stood up for people who couldn't? I didn't care for this silent and broody person.
"Jax." He turned to look at me. "It was nice to see you here. It made a big difference. I've heard you're quite the workhorse, even on weekends, so it was nice you took some time away."
He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Someone recently told me that the company I keep says something about me. My cousins are some of the best people I know, so..."
"They are good peeps."
"Yeah. Maggie's sweet, too. Your friend Jade, though. Not too sure about her."
I laughed. "She takes a little more getting used to, but I love her. She and Maggie are my best friends, and there's nothing we wouldn't do for each other.
Jax smiled. "Then she must be good peeps, too."
More awkward moments followed. It was like we were dancing around each other, neither knowing the correct steps, but both doing our best not to step on each other's toes. This would never do. His cousin was married to my best friend, and it was inevitable that we'd see each other on occasion. When I suggested we walk away from each other, I didn't mean we shouldn't be in the same room together and that we couldn't try to be friends. Although, the friend thing was a little questionable when I basically lusted after him. I'd have to see if the acting gene had made its way to me.
Breaking the moment, Jax opened my door for me. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something. Instead, he tugged my ponytail. "See you around?"
"Are you going to meet us tonight?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Probably not. It's not my kind of thing."
I hated the disappointment I felt. "Oh. I hope you'll change your mind."
A scowl darkened his face. "Do you?"
Puzzled, I answered, "Sure. Why wouldn't I? You worked hard today. You should take a break."
"And do what? Sit around and watch the newlyweds slobber all over each other?"
Talk about mercurial! Was he trying to pick a fight with me? I refused to take the bait.
"I think it's sweet. Besides, they won't be the only ones there. Paul and his girlfriend will be there."
"And will you be there looking to get laid?"
"Wh…what?"
"You know, you mentioned that maybe you’d try to find someone tonight? I'd think you were asking if I'd be there so you could pick me, but you've already shot that down, so you must be looking for someone else. Maybe you should ask Bowtie Guy to go with you. He wouldn't turn you down, although I'm not sure he knows what to do. But you can teach him since your sex life is fine and all. Or maybe you like to pick up strangers. You did kiss me before you even knew my name."
I was momentarily stunned into silence. My arm recovered before my mouth. Without realizing I was doing it, I brought my hand across Jax's face, leaving a bright red mark on his face. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised, but I had to admit I felt better.
"You know what, Jax? You're an ass. You're the one who said I deserved better. You made that decision for me. So go home to your empty house and your safe lovers. You were right. I do deserve more. And tonight, tomorrow, or whenever, I'm going to find it."
I climbed into my car and yanked the door closed. I half hoped I ran over his foot as I backed out of the driveway and peeled down the street. Thank goodness Paul and Jade had already left. Hopefully, Maggie and Derek were otherwise occupied. I didn't need any more witnesses to my humiliation that seemed to follow wherever Jax went.
Why did I think we could be friends? He had my head spinning around more than the Exorcist, but maybe it was exactly what I needed to do to clear my head of Jaxson Carter once and for all.
19
Jax
Damn that woman!
I pounded the steering wheel as the words repeated over and over in my head. I knew I should have ignored the phone when Derek called. And worse, I knew I shouldn't have agreed to help when he asked if I was available to help him moved some of Maggie's belongings to their new house. Not because I was such an ass that I wouldn't help someone, especially family, but because I knew Grace would be there.
I thought I was strong enough to handle seeing her. After all, it had been a couple of weeks since I'd seen her. Never one to linger over a breakup, I thought for sure she'd lose her magnetic pull on me. Not that we'd had a relationship to break up. I'd thought it was a sexual attraction that would go away if I sought other relief. But not one name that I thought to call came with any accompanying enthusiasm. Ever since I'd met Grace, my hand had seen more action than it had as a teenager, and all to thoughts of her.
As I pulled away from Derek and Maggie's house, I thought about going into the office and working. I thought about going home and getting drunk. I did neither. Instead, I did what any lost boy would do.
Twenty minutes later, my mother pulled me into one of her hugs. "Well, hi, Son. This is a surprise. What brings you by?"
For such a small thing, she was exceptionally strong, both physically and emotionally. I guessed after all that she'd been through, she'd had plenty of reasons to flex her abilities. Often, I pulled away within seconds, but this time I held on longer, absorbing her warmth and love like the starved child I felt like.
Her hand rested on my cheek, and her eyes darted across my face as if she were taking inventory of my soul through my eyes.
"Come on in, baby. I've got sweet tea and fresh cookies. Or maybe something stronger is in order."
I smiled. It was one of the good memories I had of growing up. We didn't have a lot, but my mom always insisted on having something freshly baked in the house, usually some kind of cookie, depending on what she had available. I think baking was an outlet for her. She didn't have the fancy mixer then that I made sure she had now. Instead, I think she kneaded, folded, and blended by hand as a way of working out her stress. Then she always took time to sit at the table with me along with her freshly made treat and a cup of cold milk and talked to me about whatever I wanted.
She still liked to bake, only now neighbors and a homeless shelter were the recipients, and the milk had been replaced with adult beverages—tea or whiskey—depending on the time of day.
"Talk to me," she commanded after we'd settled at the kitchen table. "What's wrong?"
"Why do you think something's wrong?"
She frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Mother's intuition, fueled by you showing up unannounced, on a Saturday, no less." She reached out and wiggled my cheek. Besides," she crooned teasingly, "this handsome mug looks more serious than usual, and that's saying something."
I jerked my head away and swatted at her hand, but she had managed to draw a smile from me with her playful gesture.
I made a pile of crumbs out of the cookie in front of me while I thought about what to say. Between Grace and Noah, I felt like I'd been through the ringer of advice and psychoanalysis. And while I wanted to call 'foul' on what they had to s
ay, deep down I knew there were kernels of truth to their thoughts. Big, fat kernels that were popping all around me in the heat of reality.
"Do you ever regret marrying Dad?"
Her glass paused halfway to her mouth. "Wow," she said, putting the glass down without drinking. "That came out of nowhere." Her eyes honed in on me. "Or did it?"
I pushed harder. "I mean, if you knew you'd only have a short time together would you have done it anyway?"
Mom drew a circle through the drops of condensation on the table the pitcher had left. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she pondered my question. Finally, she looked up at me. "What is this really about, Jax?"
I should have known she wouldn't give me a direct answer. Throughout my life, she'd ask questions, helping me see through all possible sides, but rarely did she tell me what to do or give me a straight answer if she thought I needed to resolve something on my own.
Blowing out a breath, I mumbled, "I met someone. A woman I like. A lot."
Shit. Could I sound any more like a teenager?
I could see the interest and a hundred questions light up her face, but she was smart enough to reign them in. "That's wonderful, Jax. What does this have to do with your dad?"
It was a legitimate question, and hearing it out loud made me question it, too. "I don't know," I mumbled. "It was something stupid Noah said to me recently."
She nodded, but didn't comment, waiting patiently for me to continue.
"Noah thinks I don't have normal relationships with women because I'm afraid it will end badly, and I don't want to get hurt. He thinks I deliberately date women who I know I won't get attached to."
God, even to my ears it sounded pathetic. Why had I started this conversation? I stood up and took my plate and glass to the sink.
"You know, never mind. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's stupid."
Mom wasn't disturbed by my peevish tone. "No, I don't think it is. Do you think he might be right?"
I leaned against the sink and crossed my arms. "Maybe," I admitted. "And it's no secret I don't trust easily after everything that happened." Even years later, bringing up this topic made me want to come out of my skin.
Against the Rules (Harts of Passion Book 1) Page 16
