Jax
Memories camouflaging themselves as dreams disturbed more and more of my nights, which were restless enough as they were. I didn't need a psychology degree to figure out why. Trying—wanting—something more with Grace was akin to uprooting the past. The last time I'd wanted something with half as much energy it ended in disaster.
I'd fought that kind of vulnerability for years, and I'd sworn never again would I open myself up to that kind of life-changing pain. I took my frustrations out on myself to avoid hurting others. Over the course of time, I learned I could redirect my anger and emotions into work, fulfilling a need to be in charge and never at the beck and call or mercy of someone else. It was powerful, freeing, and rewarding.
Until it wasn't.
Until Grace.
She was a force I never saw coming, completely knocking me off my feet. Her sense of humor, compassion, and humility wore at me much the same way water smooths rocks—with consistency and perseverance. Without knowing it, she'd challenged me to see how empty my life was. Noah had been right. I didn't want to only see her in my past. I wanted her daily, and I was beginning to realize I wasn't seeing the future without her either. And the very near future was looking very promising.
I punched in a number on my phone. "Hey, I'm on my way. I should be there in about five minutes," I said as soon as I heard her voice answer her cell.
"I'll be ready!"
The smile on my face probably made me look like a fool as I drove toward her apartment but ask me if I cared. I was committed to trying to be more for her, and to my surprise, it wasn't difficult at all. I couldn't wait to get her away from work and all to myself. I'd rented a small cabin up in the mountains for the weekend, but that's all I'd told her. She needed a break, and I was going to give it to her.
I knew what it took to be successful in business, and I was impressed by the amount of effort she put into her career. But I also saw the toll it was taking on her. Her cheerful, yet sassy disposition was still in place, but it was obvious from the dark circles under her eyes that she was exhausted. The charity event dinner was a big undertaking to make sure everything went just right for the influential guests who would be coming.
The rest of her time was taken up with other projects she'd been hired for. It didn't matter that those weren't as “high-end” as the elite dinner; she gave all her clientele her best. I had listened in on a couple of evening phone conversations, and I knew she made each one of them feel as if she was working for them alone. And there was the carnival which I'd learned recently wasn't part of her original schedule, but because she loved the kids, she'd allowed them to talk her into volunteering to help them plan it. It was no small task. And as the two fundraisers drew closer, her attention to detail was at an all-time high. I was worried it was a matter of time before she broke.
Despite our busy schedules, we'd still managed to spend a couple of hours together nearly every night. For the first time, I found myself leaving work before eight o'clock at night. I was eager to see her and let her touch ease away the stresses of the day. Knowing she wouldn't stop to eat, I'd pick up dinner to bring to her, triggered by an unusual need to take care of someone else.
It wasn't the first time I'd ever treated a woman to dinner. It was just the first time it wasn't because of my convenience. Sometimes we both finished up a few items for work while we sat side by side on her couch. Other times we watched television or a movie. Every time ended up with kissing. It was my new favorite pastime and not something I'd done with other women unless I was sure it was going to lead to more. And always, we spent our time in her living room, where I felt more at home than in my apartment which now seemed to echo of its emptiness, despite the designer decor.
I knew she was becoming a frustrated with the way I'd kept her at somewhat of an arm's length, or at least a distance slightly longer than my dick's. I could feel her pulse race beneath my fingers and mouth as I kissed along her throat. I wasn't blind to the longing, sideways glances she cast at me, nor was I deaf to the sighs and moans as I pulled away after a long and enthusiastic make-out session on her couch.
And I wasn't immune either. My hand had become overly acquainted with my dick in the past weeks, and both were ready to make new acquaintances, as long as they were attached to Grace. I'd been ready since the moment I first saw her, but I wanted, needed her to know that she was more to me than a soft, warm body to fuck. It was a new concept to me. I'd never turned down a willing woman before. And even if she didn't need to be different, I did.
But tonight, I was hoping to change all that. Fortunately, she'd had enough foresight not to schedule any events the two weekends before her two fundraisers. So, technically she was free all of this weekend if I could pull her away. Convincing her to go out of town to the cabin I had rented for the weekend had taken some of my best persuasive tactics.
"What if I still have some work to do?"
"Let Jade take over." I leaned in to nuzzle her neck, lingering on the pulse that fluttered beneath my lips.
"But what will I tell my family? I've never gone away with a man before." Even as she found an excuse, she closed her eyes and rolled her head so I had better access.
"Whatever you want, or don't tell them at all. You're an adult." I nibbled along her ear. "Do you have to answer for everything?" I pulled her closer, breaking my distance rule. I let my fingers rest on the curves of her ass and squeezed. As I anticipated, she cuddled closer within the circle of my arms, sliding her arms up until her hands rested on my shoulders.
"No, but everyone will notice I'm not there at church. They'll ask all kinds of questions.'" The downside to such a close, loving, nosy family
"I know you feel like you owe them answers, but do you really? I want to take you somewhere. If it's that important, I can have you home by Sunday morning."
I felt her yielding. I rubbed my nose against hers, and as her lips parted in anticipation, I thrust my hips forward a touch. She couldn't help but notice how much I wanted her. Her breath hitched as I nibbled my way down her neck and along the top of her shirt.
"Let's do it," she gasped. "You're right. I'm a grown woman who can make her own choices."
"That a girl.” I rewarded her with a long, sweet kiss; a promise of what to look forward to.
She pulled back enough to look up at me, a gleam dancing in her eyes. "Just remember, Daddy will kill you if he finds out you've stolen me away for a romantic weekend."
I knew I was in deep when that threat didn't intimidate me. "It will be worth it. A dying man's last wish. Which if I don't have you soon is what I'm going to be anyway."
I loved her answering giggle. "Death from lack of sex? I don't think so."
I raised an eyebrow. "It's a thing, I'm sure. We shouldn't risk it. I wouldn't want it on your conscience." I eyed her carefully. Maybe I'd been misreading the signs? "Unless you don't want to go. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."
Her brow arched back at me. "Your concern for my conscience is noted and appreciated." She rubbed her soft tits against my hard chest, and bingo! Immediate reaction. She raised on her toes and kissed me, then stepped back. "Just wanted to make sure everything was in working order, since, you know, you're near death and all that. Because I'd hate to get up there and find out you can't live up to all your talk."
Oh, I enjoyed this saucy side of her! I stretched my arm out to capture her around the waist and pulled her tight. "Everything is in perfect working order." I lifted and set her down onto the back of the couch and pushed her knees aside, inserting myself between her legs. The bulge behind my zipper was in perfect alignment with her pussy. So much for my rules. But then, I'd thrown them all out the window for her. "And you're going to find out just how perfect we are together."
And she would. Because we were.
As I pulled into her complex, I saw she was already outside, sitting on a low brick wall with her face tipped upward like a beautiful flower soaking up the sunlight.
Damn, she was gor
geous!
When she noticed my car, she smiled as bright as the sun she was absorbing and jumped up. A small suitcase sat at her feet, which she grabbed before I could get out of the car.
"Here, I'll get that for you," I said, taking it from her hand. One suitcase. Wow! She was so different from the high maintenance women from my past.
"Actually, if you wouldn't mind grabbing that bag, that would be great. Just be careful with it."
Another bag? Oh, well. Guess you couldn't win the lottery every time.
I leaned over the wall expecting to find a suitcase. Instead, I found a dark green reusable grocery bag from a local grocery store. Puzzled, I grabbed the handles and turned back to find her grinning mischievously. "What's in here?"
"You've been trying to take care of me all week. I wanted to do something special for you, so I'm bringing the ingredients to make you dinner."
Seconds passed while I stood there speechless. All the women I'd spent time with looked to me to take them out and treat them like a queen. In fact, it was like an expectation. I'm not sure any of them even know how to turn on a stove.
Her smile faltered. "I mean, if you don't want me to cook, that's fine. Maybe you already had other plans, and I'm ruining them. All of this can keep for another time. It's not a big deal. In fact, here, let me take that, and I'll put it—"
I held the bag out of her reach when she tried to take it. I heard something that sounded like glass bowls clinking as the bag swayed. "No, you're not ruining anything. Quite the opposite." She still looked uncertain. "It'll be perfect. Thank you for thinking of it."
"Are you sure?"
"I can't think of anything better than having you all to myself, but a homecooked dinner will be a real treat." I swatted her backside playfully, causing her to jump, but also a gleam to form in her eyes. "Now scoot. Let's go before I decide to stay here and have you for dinner." I gnashed my teeth at her making her laugh, but she hurried into the passenger side while I appreciated the way her jeans showed off her ass.
Despite the playfulness in front of her apartment, the ride up the mountain was quiet, just idle conversation about our workday. The energy, however, was vibrating at maximum intensity. My nerves were wound tight with anticipation of finally having Grace. It was going to be all I could do to hold on to any sense of civility and allow her to take in the cabin and its spectacular view when my very primal sense urged me to take her straight to bed and never let her up, not even for the dinner she wanted to cook.
As for Grace, it was harder to read her. She'd never lost her smile, but her hands were clasped tightly in her lap, and her teeth constantly abused her lower lip. While I felt I was moving like molasses in January, maybe I’d read her wrong. Maybe this was still too fast for her.
I reached over and plucked one of her hands from her lap and threaded our fingers together. "We don't have to do anything you don't want, you know. I'm glad just to have you to myself without any outside distractions." I kissed the back of her hand and rested our entwined hands on my thigh. I could feel her warmth through my jeans, and that little bit of touch was enough to make my dick sit up and take notice.
She rested her head against the seat and rolled it to look at me. "I know. I want to be here with you. I've looked forward to it ever since you suggested it. I guess I'm a little nervous now that it's here."
I frowned. "Of me? Don't be."
"It's hard not to be."
"Why?"
"Well, um, because you're, um, I mean, I'm..." Her free hand fluttered in front of her as she turned bright pink. "I'm-not-as-experienced-as-you-are-and-I-don't-want-you-to-be-disappointed." Her words came out so fast my mind was still trying to separate and process them a full five seconds after she finished. Five seconds that must have felt like an eternity to her given the shamed look she now wore.
I swung into a scenic view pull-off that almost miraculously appeared around the next bend. She tried to pull her hand from mine, but I held firm.
"I'd think it should be obvious to you that we have good chemistry. There's no way you would ever disappoint me, not sexually and not you as a person."
She took a deep breath and swiveled to face me. Her shoulders squared, and she looked me head on. "As you can imagine, I was raised to have pretty high standards about relationships. Not just because of an overdose of morals, but because my parents' marriage is everything I want someday. It's real, you know? They're not all prim and proper like some people would like to believe. They're always touching and kissing, at least at home. No kid wants to think about what happens behind the closed bedroom door, but I've seen my dad get this look on his face, and he'll whisper in my mom's ear and she'll blush and the next thing you know, they're kissing. We all learned as kids to leave them alone on Saturday mornings, so they could sleep in, but I'm pretty sure they weren't actually sleeping."
I was trying not to imagine that picture, but I sensed Everett Hart was a passionate man, so why wouldn't those passions run carnally? He was a man after all—a big, scary man wielding a bible, sure, but still a man. He had four daughters. He had to know something about the pleasures of the flesh!
"So, I have to truly care about a man and believe he cares about me before I'll sleep with him. It's a commitment." I started to speak, but she shook her head and tried to pull her hand back. I held tight. She drew a breath and continued, staring at our joined hands. "And I know my family is a lot to take on. You've seen the worse of my sisters already. And Daddy, well..."
Hadn't I already proven they weren't an issue for me? "Grace, where is this coming from?"
She pulled on her hand again, and this time I let it go. "I believe relationships have always been casual for you. I know you’re truly committed to trying us—” she used her fingers to make quotation marks—"but this is taking it to another level, at least for me. I'm scared at some point you'll be able to walk away and not look back, and I'll be left holding all the pieces of the broken relationship." Her voice was a little shaky, but she didn't back down.
"Because you think this—us—means more to you than it does to me."
Her bleak expression told me my assessment was right. I was rocked by her confession, and not just a little freaked out by how well it matched my feelings for all the women who'd come before her. And despite my desire to have something more with Grace, I couldn't lie to myself. I wasn't just a little afraid that's exactly what would happen. Not because I was bored with her; she was the first woman I found exciting and wanted to spend time with, even without sex. But I was afraid I'd hurt her unintentionally because of my own issues.
"I guess this is a conversation we should have had before now, huh?"
She nodded. "I was afraid to. I know it sounds naive and childish and girlishly emotional. I thought I could handle this, no matter what happens. I didn't mean to bring it up. It's okay if you want to turn around and go home. I'd understand, and better now than after. Especially if we, well...I know other women can handle this kind of thing much better than me. I was trying to be like them."
She sounded miserable, and I hated that the fun we'd started out with had suddenly been sucked dry.
I used my fingers to lift her chin from where it had dropped down to her chest. Her eyes, when they finally looked into mine, were full of misery and doubt.
"I don't want you to be like them. And I don’t want to turn back. That's what's different about you, Grace. I want to move forward with you.” I gripped her hand tighter. “You're not the only one taking a risk here. It could easily be you that ends up not wanting me. I know I'm a challenge, probably too much of one.
“But I promise you this. Your dad isn't going to scare me away. Your sisters aren't going to scare me away. If that were the case, I think it's safe to say I wouldn't be here right now. I tried before to move on without you already, and I think we both know I wasn't successful at it or we wouldn't even be having this conversation, here in this car, halfway to a cabin to be alone together so we can get to know each oth
er better. Intimately." My thumb swiped across her cheek to catch the tear that had fallen while I spoke. "So, what do you say? Should we keep going? Because I know I’d like to.”
She held my eyes for several seconds. I could feel when she made up her mind; her entire body relaxed and her eyes gained back their strength and determination that I was used to seeing in her.
She leaned into my hand and reached up to entwine her fingers with mine. "Yes, let's keep going. All the way." Her smile was tremulous, but this time I was certain it was from good emotions, not fear. Still, it invited a kiss that was warmly received.
The rest of the trip was still quiet, but the tension was relaxed. Call me an ass that after that little emotional outlet we both shared, but my cock was still hoping her “all the way” comment was a metaphor for sex and not just the remaining road trip. He wouldn't be as happy with my hand once again, but I could control him if I needed to.
What I couldn't control was the beating of my heart. It was thumping loud and strong; a reminder that it was getting the much-needed exercise that my mom had told me about.
It was feeling stronger with each Grace-infused beat.
26
Grace
"Wow, how did you find out about this place?"
My mouth had dropped open as Jax easily navigated his car along a driveway that curved around a colorful English-style garden. When he stopped, I stepped out of the car slowly, trying to take in all the beauty that surrounded me. When Jax had mentioned a cabin, I envisioned a rustic log cabin set in a small clearing in the woods. Not this gray stone, beautifully landscaped home that had emerged as we pulled up a secluded gravel driveway.
A blue butterfly fluttered past me to land on a red flower, while the air buzzed with the hummingbirds that darted from one feeder to another hanging between the columns of the large front porch. Wooden rocking chairs teased of potential lazy moments as they swayed in the breeze.
Against the Rules (Harts of Passion Book 1) Page 21
