by Erin Trejo
“Oh yeah? I didn’t notice.” I start to walk towards him when little hands pull me back.
“Ryker, I need to talk to you.” Glancing down at her, I can see something’s bothering her.
“Ok. After church though. I need to get inside.” I turn around and walk away from her. Something in my chest constricts and the air is sucked from my lungs. Tank slaps my shoulder as I walk up next to him.
“She ok?” Nodding back towards Jersey I follow his gaze.
“Yeah. She ain’t been sleepin’ good is all.” Jersey stands there like she’s lost or confused. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her.
“Let’s move darlin’.” Yelling over at her, she turns her head to look at me before she nods. Grabbing her bag she starts to walk towards us.
“How you get her trained like that brother?” Tank chuckles before passing me the cigarette that was hanging from his lips.
“She came that way. I tell her what to do, she does it.” Shrugging he laughs again before she walks up next to us.
“How you doin’ Jersey?” Tank speaks to her in a friendly tone but she doesn’t know how to respond.
Jersey looks up at me before she looks over at Tank. What the hell does she want? The ok to talk? See, this shit right here is what’s been throwing me off the last week. She isn’t Jersey and I have no fucking idea what’s going on. She has reverted back to that same little scared girl that seeks permission.
“I’m fine. Want me to take this to the room?” With her attention back on me, I nod. Jersey walks in the door leaving Tank and me standing there confused at what the fuck just happened.
“What the hell is that shit?” Pointing to the door I shrug.
“No fuckin’ idea. She’s been like that for a God damn week.” Pulling the door open, I head inside with Tank not far behind me. Heading towards the office I see the other guys filtering in too.
“Is Jersey with you?” Bella jumps at me out of nowhere. Damn that girl!
“Yeah. She’s in the room.” Bella smiles as she starts to walk off. Jada waves at me from across the room before I wave her over.
“How’s junior?” Rubbing her belly when she walks over to me, she hits me.
“Not a junior Ryker! And she’s fine. What’s up?” Jada looks up at me and I know she can see the concern in my eyes. Who the hell couldn’t?
“I need a favor.”
“Anything.” She beams at me as I swallow hard. I hate to throw Jada in the middle of the bullshit but she does know what’s going on so I don’t think it would hurt.
“I need you to talk to Jersey. She’s been off this last week. I don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on in her head but I know it’s not good.” Jada’s smile fades as she looks at me.
“I’ll talk to her. Maybe it’s just all catching up with her. She’s been through a lot.” Wrapping my arm around Jada’s shoulders I pull her in for a hug.
“I know she has. I thought she was doin’ ok though. It’s just been this last week. I don’t know what she has runnin’ through that head of hers. I just wanna know that she’s ok.” Jada wraps her arms around my waist before she pulls back.
“Don’t worry. I’ll see what’s going on and let you know. She’s a sweet girl, I’m sure it’s just stress.” With a quick nod, Jada lets go and walks away as Creed and Joey walk up.
“What’s that about?” Creed nods at Jada as she heads towards the hallway.
“I asked her to talk to Jersey. She’s been off is all.” Creed slaps a hand on my shoulder as he leads me into the office.
“Sorry to hear that. Fuckin’ sucks that this news isn’t gonna help much.” I drop down in my seat and wait since I already knew this shit was coming. I just don’t know in what form I’ll be fucked this time.
Chapter 26
Creed bangs the gavel on the table making everyone shut up. I’m the only one that seems on edge right now and I’m not even sure why. He hasn’t said a word but I know there’s something.
“The Dusts’ have word that we blew that car. Russians want someone’s ass on a stick for that guy that blew with it. They know Jersey wasn’t in that car too. They want what they paid for.” Creed’s eyes travel to me as blood rushes to my head. There is no way in hell that I’m letting them near her.
“We need to come up with somethin’ here, brothers. Blow back on the club ain’t gonna be good. I talked to Richmond over with the Flames’. They are willin’ to roll back up but they have a situation down south they are on right now. That means that we need to come up with somethin’. I don’t know how long we have until they figure out she’s with us. Shifters’ and the Dusts’ both know but apparently they haven’t said anything. That shit doesn’t sit right with me. They’re after somethin’ and I don’t know what. We need to be ready when they flip that info to the Russians.” My heart pounds in my chest. My ears are roaring with rage as my mind jumps around. That girl is mine. She’s mine to protect and mine to keep out of this.
I made the choice to break her out of that hell and now I need to think of a way to get the club out without hurting her.
“We have a little room to breathe. From what I hear, the Dusts’ have some shit goin’ up north that they are handlin’. That gives us a little window to come up with somethin’ before they head home. You think of somethin’, you come to me or Tank. I’m not lockin’ the club down again but I would prefer if you stayed around, that means families too. I get some of you don’t want to or can’t, and that’s fine. This is optional at the moment.” Creed’s eyes move around the table but my body is on fire. I want to kill something or someone.
“That’s it for now.” Creed brings the gavel down as the guys all stand and leave the room. Not me though. My hands are clenched around this table edge so tightly I might break the fucker off.
“It’s not just on you Ryker. We voted on that shit. We have the meet with Bone this week too, about the other girls. We need to keep our shit straight. We got this.” I look up at Creed but I don’t know if I do have this.
“She’s doin’ shit to me brother. I don’t know what I’m doin’ anymore. I don’t know which God damn way I’m supposed to go.” Creed notices the look on my face before he walks over placing a hand on my shoulder.
“You feel things brother. You can’t change them and if you try to run from them, that shit will fuck with your head. I need your head clear and right for this shit. We are about to come into a shit storm and I need to know we’re on the same page.” Pushing up out of my chair I look him in the eyes.
“I’m always on the same page brother. You don’t need to worry about shit when it comes to business.” Walking past him I get what he means. I need to be level headed to handle the shit with the Dusts’ but drag the Russians in and shit could get bad.
“I know you are.” Creed speaks behind me as I make my way out of the room.
I spot Red across the room and motion her to follow me. Just like I knew she would, she hauls ass in the direction of the rooms.
“Whose room’s open?” Red’s eyes narrow on me but there is no way in hell that I can take her in my room with Jersey in there.
“Trace’s room is free.” She finally speaks up as I push her hurriedly down the hallway. I need to have my dick in something and since Jersey isn’t an option, Red will have to do.
I kick the door closed to Trace’s room before I slam Red against the door. My lips travel her neck but it just feels off.
“Take your clothes off. I need to fuck you now.” The urgency in my voice must spark something in her too. She is naked in record time standing in front of me.
“Turn around and bend over.” Red does as she’s told with her ass sticking out just for me. I walk closer as my jeans drag around my ankles. Gripping her hips I don’t give her any notice before I slam roughly into her. Over and over I push harder. I’m taking out all my fucking frustrations on her pussy but it isn’t the pussy I want.
I pull out of her and slide into her ass instead. M
aybe this will feel better than the other.
“Stop!” Red screams but I don’t stop. I hold her hips roughly in my hands pounding inside of her. I need the thoughts of Jersey out of my head. Her face, her lips, her body. I need all of it gone.
“God damn it!” Growling out in frustration I slap her ass roughly as she screams. Before I know what’s going on the door flies open and Joey, Piper, Jada and Jersey come flying into the room.
I let go of Red as she pulls away from me but my eyes are locked on Jersey’s. The look of disgust and hate flash across her face before she runs from the room with her hand over her mouth.
“FUCK!” Screaming at no one in particular I grab my jeans and pull them back up. I run my hand through my hair as I try to think of what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.
Chapter 27
I stalk out into the hallway beyond pissed off at myself. What the fuck do I care anyways?
“Nice dick.” Joey the little smart ass says as I walk past him. My nerves are already on edge and he’s just making it worse. I spin around and grab him by the neck before I slam him against the wall.
“You ever talk to me like that again and I will snap your fuckin’ neck.” Growling in his face, he doesn’t move. The kid is growing some balls finally.
“What the fuck!” Creed’s hands land on my shoulders yanking me back as Joey sucks in the air that I deprived him of.
“What the hell is goin’ on?” Creed rounds on me, standing in my face. My body’s on fire with tension and all I want is to snap on someone. I don’t care who but I need to relieve this somehow.
“Fuck off Creed!” Shoving him in the chest I make my way out the side door and out into the back yard of the club. I need to clear my head but what the fuck can I do now? Stopping at the weight set that sits out here, I grab the weights and start lifting.
I let my mind wander to other things. Killing, shooting, riding. Anything that isn’t Jersey.
I lift for a long time as the cool air starts blowing around me. The sky’s dark and full of ominous clouds. I don’t care that rain trickles down on me. I keep lifting until my arms are on fire. My muscles burn with the pain but I can’t stop.
“You can’t keep doin’ this.” Glancing over I see Creed standing there watching me. What the fuck does he know anyway.
“I’m not doin’ shit. That’s the point yeah?” Turning my attention back to what I was doing I will him to go away. No fucking chance of that happening and I know it.
“You have feelins’ for that girl! You’re hurtin’ her, hurtin’ yourself. It’s not worth it, Ryker.” Setting the weights back down I turn my whole body towards him.
“I can’t be with her Creed. She’s young; she has a life ahead of her. I can’t fuckin’ love anymore. Beth ruined that shit for me. I can’t use that girl as a fuckin’ crutch. What the fuck do you want me to do?” Yelling slightly I run my hand through my hair. Creed looks around before his gaze comes back to mine.
“Loss is somethin’ I understand. I’ve been there Ryker. Losin’ Jada so many years ago turned me into a fuckin’ monster. This club, these people brought me back to who I am. When I found Jada again, fuck, I thought my world would blow up. I was torn in every fuckin’ direction. In my head I knew she was better off away from me but in my heart I knew I couldn’t make it without her. She is the other piece to my fucked up puzzle. It’s hard to let your walls down brother.” I get what he’s saying. I just don’t know anymore if it’s because of what Beth did to me so long ago or if I’m just a complete fucking bastard.
“Don’t you think she deserves to have a life?” Creed shakes his head before he smiles at me.
“Maybe she does. Maybe that life could be with you. Did that ever cross your fucked up mind?” Blowing out a breath I try to think that one through.
“I just don’t know brother.” Creed shakes his head again before walking away. Just like my life, the rain begins to pour down on me. I don’t care though. I walk over and sit on the other weight bench, dropping my head into my hands.
If Beth wouldn’t have betrayed me would I be happy today? Would we be married with kids living the good life? That’s all I ever really wanted out of my life. Once she ruined that, there was nothing else.
I feel that now familiar warmth as hands come down on my shoulders. I know it’s Jersey. I would know that heat anywhere.
“I can’t do this Jersey. I don’t know how.” Her hands leave me before she moves to stand in front of me. I look up in those eyes of hers and I want nothing more than to make her happy. I want to see her smile. I want to see the joy that she holds inside of her.
“For almost two years I was used. Even before that my parents didn’t want me. When I was traded out for drugs and guns, I thought to myself that no one ever really wanted me. Not my parents, not the club, no one. I’d lie in that fucking bed and cry myself to sleep. When they said I was being sold, I didn’t care. Not at first anyway. The thought of someone paying for me, that meant that they wanted me right? That’s what I told myself. Over and over I tried to make it right in my mind. They day you were there and gave me your patch, I thought I’d die. I didn’t think anything good would come out of you being there. I never thought I would make it out of there alive. When I was a little girl all I wanted was the fairy tale life. What I was given in life wasn’t anywhere near a fairy tale. It was hell. All I ever wanted was to be wanted and loved. I wanted to have a family, one that really loved me and cared what happened to me. I know now, that part was the fairy tale. No one can ever have that, it isn’t reality. I’m sorry I messed up your plans. I just want you to know that I’m thankful that you got me out of there and I’m sorry that I’ve caused so much shit in your life.” As I stare into those eyes and listen to the words she speaks, my mind wanders to new places. Places it shouldn’t go.
Chapter 28
The rain is coming down in cold icy sheets. The air is wild but I can’t seem to find it inside of me to move. Reality is something I was never very good at. My heart was never something that I wanted to acknowledge but it’s beating inside of me.
I walk around the back of the club like a lunatic. I don’t care, I can’t go in there, not until I have my head right. Jersey said a lot of things that made sense to me before she walked away. I didn’t expect her to even speak to me after seeing me with Red.
As I walk around the side of the building I see her sitting with her back against the brick of the building. She doesn’t see me; she’s curled up into herself. I wouldn’t miss those cries even in all this rain and thunder. Something about her is unmistakable.
I kneel in front of her before pulling her hands away from her face. I startle her slightly before she looks up with her blood shot eyes.
“I don’t know how to love anymore. I’m not sure that I even have it in me. You think that I don’t want you? From the first day I saw you in that shit hole, you ripped a piece of me open. A piece that deserved to stay dead. You’re young and you deserve the chance to be happy and have everything you wanted in life. That’s all still possible for you.” Jersey reaches up and touches my cheek with her hand.
“It’s possible for you too. You don’t give yourself enough credit, Ryker. I get what you mean and I promise I won’t be a bother to you anymore.” Her hand falls and so does my heart. Just when it felt like it was beating again, it’s gone.
Jersey stands wiping at her face before she starts to walk away. Something in me says to go to her, don’t let her walk away but the other parts says it’s better this way. I never was good with figuring out which part to listen to.
When Jersey is out of sight I head in the end door and start towards my room.
“Did you two talk?” Bella stomps her foot in front of me. If I wasn’t feeling like the biggest piece of shit I would laugh at the way she looks right now.
“Yeah. Why?” She narrows her eyes at me but I’m lost on this one. What the fuck did I miss now?
“So you know? But you don’t look hap
py.” Scrubbing my hand across my face, I stare at her. What the hell is this girl going on about now? I swear these girls around here are going to kill me!
“Bella what the hell are you talkin’ about now?” Bella rolls her eyes which gets a smile out of me. Hell, help me.
“She didn’t tell you did she?” Her face flames red before her hand comes to cover her mouth.
“Tell me what?” Taking a step closer to her, she shakes her head.
“Oh fuck, fuck. What the hell? Why didn’t she tell you?” Looking at anything but my face I don’t know what the hell this girl is talking about.
“Ok. This is fuckin’ crazy. What didn’t she tell me?” Starting to get pissed off I grab Bella’s shoulders I force her to look at me.
“What Bella? What the fuck didn’t she tell me?” Before Bella can open her mouth I hear Jersey speak behind me.
“I didn’t tell you that I’m pregnant.” Her voice is firm and she sounds so confident. Not the little girl that I found so broken in that room. No she is beyond that.
Letting go of Bella she hurries down the hallway before I turn to look at Jersey. I notice the bag over her shoulder but those words are what hang in the air between us.
“What did you say?” Watching her swallow hard she looks me in the eyes.
“I said, I’m pregnant Ryker.” I stand there stunned by those words. I’m at a loss here. Jersey extends her hand to me as I reach out for it.
She sets my name patch in my hand before she starts to walk past me. I can’t let her go. I can’t lose what I have with her right? Is it to selfish of me to want her?
Reaching my arm out I stop her. My palm fits against her stomach before I slowly and gently push her back in front of me. My hand rests there as silence hangs between us.
My heart’s in my throat. I don’t know what to say here. How do I tell her I want her but I’m scared? I’m supposed to be the protector. The one making sure she feels safe but I’m scared to death of what I feel for her.
