“Pam, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it wasn’t anything private.”
Studying Marian’s face carefully, even in the gloom of a fog-covered beach, Pam saw Marian’s shortcomings: a woman who was willing to sacrifice self-respect just to be with a man. Pam knew more about that than she was ready to admit.
“Let’s change the subject,” Pam said, suddenly lighthearted.
If Randy had told Marian that Pam had AIDS, so what? Or if Frank knew somehow and through pillow talk had divulged that to Marian, again, so what? She thought back to two instances that she still regretted—ending her friendship with her old neighbor Jeff because he told Ted she had AIDS, and breaking up with Dan Chua because he told his sister about it. Although it was a betrayal of confidence, it wasn’t worth losing two passionate relationships over.
Faced with a betrayal from Randy would be difficult to overlook, but she wasn’t going to make a third mistake. And she wasn’t going to get into a discussion with Marian about AIDS. Marian knew Jack, and if she knew about Pam having AIDS, well, it was a no-brainer.
“So! What do you think about Will spending so much time with Alison and Dave?” Pam asked, looking at Marian sidelong.
Touché, Pam thought. Don’t mess with me.
***
Down the beach, in a nineteen fifties ranch house that was in a state of renovation, Alison Case paced on the new terrace with her infant in her arms. Baby Morgan had her days and nights mixed up, but that was okay, because as soon as Nanny Fredericka arrived, Alison would hand the baby over and go to bed for the rest of the day, or at least until Diana got home from school.
It was chilly out for a late spring morning, and the beach was socked in with fog. The gray gloom fed her current state of despair. Not prone to admitting to depression, Alison was depressed, suffering from postpartum depression big time. She thought it would have passed by now, months after the birth, but it was holding on, whispering, planting the seed of discontent, of anger, of jealousy.
She missed Ryan, missed his ribald sense of humor, his handsome hunkiness, his irreverent attention when she was pregnant, so sly that Dave missed it completely, or ignored it.
After Morgan was born, Ryan had come to the hospital one time to see her, and that was it. His original pledge to be there for the birth had never amounted to anything; she couldn’t even reach him when she went into labor.
Evidently, he was enmeshed in a work relationship with Randy’s daughter, Laura, that was morphing into a romance. His live-in girlfriend, Jennifer, was brokenhearted, but used to Ryan’s behavior, saying she had sort of expected him to dump her eventually.
But for Alison, who’d been led to believe that Ryan would participate in parenting, his apathy was monumental, bordering on betrayal. Her hand reached for the phone to call him several times a day, but she fought it and called Lisa instead, who was a patient listener, but refrained from advising. What she did instead was encourage, praising Dave’s generosity, his patience, his willingness to care for and support another man’s child.
“It’s time to make a pro and con list for Dave. The pros are obvious: he fixed his house up for you and Diana and shares his money and resources.”
“He’s easy to get along with,” Alison said. “Boring, but pleasant.”
“There’s something to be said for a boring guy,” Lisa said, thinking of those she knew who were exciting.
Alison didn’t tell Lisa the one caveat. When she’d introduced Will Carlson into the relationship, she didn’t count on Dave embracing it wholeheartedly. But worse, Dave didn’t want just the sex play with Will; he wanted the whole relationship, the partnership, the family. Will was going to move in whether Alison wanted him there or not.
Alison discovered right away the three-ring circus of group sex was not her style, especially being pregnant. She was curious, watching Dave and Will. But it didn’t take her long to discover that the reason Dave took so much direction from her in their own sex life was because his heart was really with a man’s body. The next morning, as soon as Will left, Alison, who had slept in Diana’s room from that night forward, cornered Dave.
“Honey, I’m running late. I have to get to the store,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
“Dave, it doesn’t open for two hours. This is only going to take a second of your time.”
“Okay, go ahead,” he said, aware of what she was going to say. He poured a cup of coffee and took it for himself when she refused.
“I couldn’t help noticing last night that you were really enjoying yourself. You were into it, for lack of a better word. Was it just the newness of it? Or do you prefer a man to a woman?”
He struggled to answer her honestly, but old hang-ups kept him from being honest with himself, let alone Alison, who was still somewhat a stranger to him.
“I still can’t believe I did that,” Dave admitted shyly. “Being with someone else in front of an observer, that was so out of character for me.”
“Why do you say that? It was exactly what you wanted. I’m not criticizing you, Dave, but I think we owe it to ourselves to be honest. If Will is moving in, I’m moving out.”
“Alison, I’m confused. You brought him here.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think anything would happen. He amused me. I certainly wasn’t going to join in with my belly out to here.” She looked down at her pregnant belly and frowned. “I don’t want Diana exposed to him, either. It’s one thing to have him here on the nights she’s with her father. But to have Will hanging around all the time? No, thank you.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Dave finally replied. “I really enjoyed his company. After last night, I might be in love with him.”
“Well, that’s just great,” Alison said.
As the day of Will’s moving in grew closer, Alison grew increasingly desperate. As she walked with the baby on the fog-covered beach, she saw familiar figures with two dogs walking toward her.
“Pam!” she shouted. “Pam!” Thank God it was Pam. But then she saw Marian.
Chapter 2
Lisa rolled to the side of the bed and pulled herself into a sitting position. After Megan and the boys left for school, she took advantage of it and got back into bed, where she’d stayed most of the day. Her belly was bigger with this baby than it had been with the other two. With the other two, she’d looked like she had a basketball under her shirt. With this one, even her butt got bigger.
The children would be out of school in two weeks, and Daniela was still working for Julie Chua in the morning, taking care of baby Margaret, but now that they were living practically across the street, she was going to press Dan and Julie into more help with the boys once the new baby arrived.
The baby’s due date was pressing forward, and she felt as unprepared as she ever had. The worst part of it was not having the baby’s father involved, not that she wanted Ryan anywhere near her. His treatment of Alison grated on her nerves, and now the knowledge that he was dumping Jennifer for Randy’s daughter made it so much worse; Lisa wouldn’t even take his calls. Not that he was trying to contact her lately, occupied as he was with Laura.
She was still seeing Dr. Steve Lafferty, but their relationship was in a holding pattern until after the birth. They saw each other almost every night, but there was no intimacy. They both wanted it, but it seemed counterproductive to even consider it with the baby there, lurking, so Lisa refused. He didn’t leave, so he must have really wanted her. One night recently he’d let her know exactly the way he felt.
“Hello,” he’d said, echoing, his mouth on her belly. “Can you hear me? It’s time to come out. I’m going to explode.”
“Oh, God,” Lisa had cried, laughing hysterically. “How do you know the kid won’t remember this?”
“I’m counting the days.”
“My mother’s Memorial Day party is next weekend. I’m hoping it doesn’t come in the middle of that fête.”
“Everyone at the office is asking if I was invite
d,” Steve said. “I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”
“I think it gives the economy a boost every year. Back in the old days, my grandmother and aunt helped my mother cook all the food. Can you believe that? They had a leaded glass bowl of peel and eat shrimp that weighed one hundred pounds. When I asked my mom why she did it, she said she was trying to impress my father.”
Suddenly her face changed, the expression switching from mild amusement to abject despair.
“What just happened?” Steve asked gently.
“My father would have been impressed if my mother would have hired the most pretentious caterer in New York. How could Pam have missed that?”
Steve shook his head. “I guess we’re all guilty of misjudging people.”
“If you’re directing that to me, you aren’t kidding,” she said, her misery increasing.
“No, no, not you,” he replied. “People in general. It’s just difficult being alive.”
“Let me repeat, you aren’t kidding.”
So that morning, as Lisa sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her belly, an awareness passed over her that was unmistakable. The baby hadn’t been moving. She placed her hands on each side and gave her belly a little side-to-side push, which normally would have initiated a rolling movement. Nothing. Chills flooded her body, and she reached for the phone, dialing Steve’s cell phone.
“What’s up, beautiful?” he asked, leafing through a chart.
“I just got up from a nap and realized the baby hasn’t been moving.”
He closed the chart and walked back to his office, shutting the door. “Did you try a little massage?”
“Yes, and nothing.”
“Come in and have an ultrasound,” he said. “Don’t drive, though. Call your mother and ask her to bring you in.”
“I’m scared,” Lisa cried, the unimaginable taking hold.
“Do you want me to come get you?” he asked.
“No, I’ll hang up and call Pam.”
“I love you, Lisa,” he said, concerned.
Marian and Pam stood on Dave’s new terrace, admiring baby Morgan, when Pam’s phone beeped. “I’d better get this,” Pam said. “Lisa is due any day now.”
“Hi, dear,” Pam said into the phone.
“Mom, can you take me to the doctor? I have to go to my OB’s office for an ultrasound.”
Pam sighed, at odds with Lisa lately over her lack of planning. “Honey, where’s Daniela? Can’t she take you?”
“This just came up. Look, it’s not a problem if it’s going to inconvenience you.”
Pam heard a hint of hysteria in Lisa’s voice. “What’s going on?”
“I haven’t felt the baby move in a while, and I’m scared. Steve said to come in now.”
“Why didn’t you say that from the start, Lisa? I’ll be right down.”
“I hope someday I can just ask you to help me without begging you,” Lisa cried, losing her control.
“Lisa, I’m on my way,” Pam said, sorry she’d brought up the nanny. “I’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone and then turned to Marian. “You heard. Can you take the dogs back for me?”
“Yes, of course. Is she okay?”
“I’m not sure. The door is open. Just take their leashes off and close the door behind you.”
“Can I do anything?” Alison asked, worried.
“I’ll call you if I think of anything,” Pam said.
She handed the leashes over to Marian and headed the short distance to Lisa’s house with Marian and Alison watching.
After calling Julie and telling her what was going on, Lisa got dressed and was brushing her teeth when Pam arrived. She saw right away that Lisa could be in trouble. Her face and hands were swollen.
“How do you feel?” Pam asked.
“Tired, but what else is new?”
“Is the swelling something new?” Pam asked.
“I never noticed it until now, so I guess so,” she said, looking at her hands.
“Come on. I’ll drive your car.”
After seeing Lisa, Pam was scared for her. She didn’t mention the baby’s well-being, wanting to be a calming presence for Lisa. They didn’t talk on the way into town, the upsetting phone conversation forgotten, but the possible gravity of the situation terrifying. They arrived at the office, and Steve, who’d been waiting at the back door, came right out to meet them.
“Whoa,” he said, looking at Lisa’s hands. “Did this just start?”
“She said she didn’t realize it,” Pam said.
“My feet were swelling last night,” she replied. “This thing with my eyes swelling is new, and I have a headache.”
It was her whole face, not just her eyes. Mumbling a silent prayer, Pam knew something was terribly wrong. Steve brought her into the office. He took her blood pressure first, and it had skyrocketed.
“You’re probably preeclamptic,” he said, thinking it was eclamptic and they needed to move fast. “This baby is going to come today.”
“Yikes,” Lisa said, looking at Pam, knowing she wasn’t going to be happy about being forced to help out.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” she said. “You just take care of yourself.”
“Let’s listen to the baby.” It was Lisa’s old obstetrician, Marilyn Lago. “Come with me, sweetheart.”
Her kindness to Lisa pushed Pam over the edge, and she quickly excused herself to use the ladies’ room. Standing in front of the mirror, the sickly yellow fluorescent light magnified everything wrong with the day. She looked horrible, forgetting her hair had gotten smashed by that hat, lipstick creeping into the lines around her mouth, sand embedded in her hairline. She bowed her head and started to cry.
“You’re a mess. And now your daughter could lose her baby. Why?”
No one had said that out loud, but Pam read; she knew what it might mean if the baby didn’t move. And here she was, feeling sorry for herself while her daughter might be getting the worst news a mother could get.
She opened the door to the bathroom and walked down the hall, and then she heard it, the loud swishing sound of a fetal heartbeat and the cheerful voices of Steve and Lisa and Dr. Lago. The baby was okay.
“Steve is going to take me to the hospital and get me ready for a C-section while Dr. Lago finishes office hours. She’ll come after and deliver the baby,” Lisa explained to Pam. “After I called you, I called Julie. She and Daniela will watch for the bus and take care of Megan and the boys.”
“I’d better call Randy,” Pam said.
Randy was going to come right home.
“I wonder if I’ll hear from Ryan. He isn’t interested in the baby now that Laura is there,” Lisa said. “Alison said he’s only seen Morgan once.”
“Oh, that’s awful. He is such a putz,” Pam said, grimacing. “I was talking to Alison when you called me.”
“I’ll ask her not to say anything to Ryan, then,” Lisa said, getting her phone out to text Alison.
“It might be too late,” Pam said. “I should have asked Randy not to say anything.”
“Don’t worry about it. He’ll find out eventually.”
Alison responded right away with I won’t tell that asshole anything. Do you need me to go up to your house? I need to move in with you anyway for a while.
“Oh no! Alison is leaving Dave,” Lisa said. “I wonder what happened.”
Yes, go to my house. You can have the upstairs apartment if you want! Lisa texted her back. The two-bedroom apartment that Tim Hornby had lived in with Brent was now vacant. I’d love you to live with me.
“She’s going to move into the apartment,” Lisa said.
“I don’t know why that isn’t reassuring to me,” Pam said, her nostrils flared.
“Mom, she’s my sister. If there’s something going on over at Dave’s that is bad enough for her to want to move out, she can stay with me. Just be glad she didn’t ask you.”
“I would have let her come,” Pam said, her head in t
he air. “You always make me sound so uncaring.”
“Mom, let’s keep it real between us, at least,” Lisa said, smirking. “You’d hate it with Diana there, wouldn’t you? Tell the truth.”
“Luckily for you, she’ll only be home half the time,” Pam replied. “She’s with her father the other half. “Anyway, you, my dear daughter, are having a baby today, so let’s not worry about Alison, okay?”
Steve reappeared without his lab coat, pushing a wheelchair. “Get in,” he commanded, nodding to the chair.
“Mom, I’m leaving it up to you to find out what happened,” Lisa said, sitting down in the waiting wheelchair. “I think it has something to do with that swinger guy.”
“I left Marian and the dogs with Alison,” Pam said, staring off into space. “I wonder if anything will come up in that conversation. I wish I could be a fly on the wall.”
Marian and Alison watched Pam trudge through the sand up to Lisa’s house. The dogs were sitting on the terrace, licking the sand off their paws.
“Wow, I hope everything will be okay with Lisa,” Marian said. “She seems like the one drama-free member of Pam’s family.”
They walked a short distance on the beach, Alison asking Marian about her life as a psychiatrist.
“Do you want to come in for coffee?” Alison asked. “This baby has finally decided to sleep.”
“You should sleep, too,” Marian said as they turned around to walk back to the house.
“I need adult, preferably female, conversation right about now. I’ll trade that for sleep any day.”
They reached the house again, and she opened the new French doors. “Come in. Dave’s been doing some badly needed renovations, and just when things are looking nice, I decide to leave. Have a seat. I’m going to stick this kid in her crib.”
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