by Warren Cain
Jeff’s head hung down. The shame of what he had become in his lifetime weighed upon him.
“I thought I was so great. I treated people like dirt. I want to make up for my life. What can I do to make up for the way I’ve treated people?”
“You’ll get your chance, Jeff. If you desire it strongly, you will make up for every person you’ve wronged and every evil deed you justified as necessary. God has a plan for you,” Jerod answered.
“What is that plan?”
“Jeff, I would like you to meet Susie.” The knight ignored the question as he introduced the little girl who had stood by quietly as Jeff talked about the errors of his past.
“Susie, this is Jeff.”
The girl’s smile broadened as she stepped forward with her hand outstretched.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Susie.”
“He’s going to take you to the light you see over there.”
The knight pointed to the horizon at what Jeff had assumed to be some sort of astronomical entity such as a large sun setting behind a relatively large snowcapped mountain.
“I-I am?” Jeff stuttered, not too sure about the prospect of taking a kid across the wilderness and mountain he saw between him and the light.
“You asked what God’s plan was for you. This is the beginning of it.” Jarod grinned at the bewildered look on Jeff’s face.
Chapter 19
The large Belgian ran toward the beckoning whistle of the old knight. The horse looked refreshed as though he had been rubbed down and cared for. Jeff grabbed the reins of the horse. His uneasy footsteps gave Jeff a sense that this animal did not like standing in place.
It must be like prison to him. To stand here when he could be running across these pastures. The freedom he must feel to move so swiftly and powerfully that very little can stop him.
“Come on, Susie,” said Jeff, holding his hand down to pull her up with him. He swung her behind him, and she instantly put her arms around his waist. Jeff gave Jarod a look that gave way to the fact that in his life he had spent no time whatsoever with children and was unsure how to handle this situation.
“The horse will take you where you need to go. When the time comes, he will bring you back here. Susie won’t be coming back.” Jarod stepped aside to give the horse room.
“COME ON, BOY.” Jeff dug his heels into the horse, causing him to take off at a high rate of speed. Jeff barely got a hold on the saddle horn as the horse ran towards a ray of light that looked to Jeff to be miles away across the green pasture. They passed trees, streams, and lakes more beautiful than any he had ever seen as they made the journey towards the light.
With no command from Jeff, the Belgian stopped near a stream. Full lush grass carpeted the ground in front of the large pine trees that fringed a rock-lined stream, in which flowed the cleanest water Jeff had ever seen. The grass swayed in the wind, giving an illusion of movement across the valley to the base of the mountain.
“Come on, boy.” The horse would not move but turned his head to give him a look like he should be doing something besides sitting on his back.
“What? We’re supposed to go to the light. We’re close, but not there yet.”
The horse made a nodding motion with his head.
“What? What do you want?”
“I think he wants us to get off him.”
Jeff turned to look at Susie.
“Now why would he want us to do that?”
“He needs a break.”
“Is that it, boy? You need a break?”
The horse shook his head again as though he understood.
Jeff climbed off the horse.
“All right, Susie, down you go,” he said, reaching up to grab her.
As soon as her feet were on the ground, the horse took off across the pasture in the direction they had come from.
“NO!” Jeff cried out in disbelief as the horse disappeared into the heavy foliage at the opposite side of the open meadow.
“Now what do you suppose that was about?” Jeff said in an angry tone.
Jeff looked at Susie, hoping he didn’t scare her.
“What are you laughing at?” he asked, seeing her trying not to laugh at the situation they now found themselves in.
“He just ran away,” she said, laughing uncontrollably.
Jeff’s first instinct was to be angry and try to figure this situation out from a logical standpoint. Now, he couldn’t help but join in her laughter.
“All right, I guess it is funny then.”
Chapter 20
Jeff and Susie sat on a large rock near the edge of the river. She had talked him into taking his shoes off and letting their feet soak in the cool stream.
“We don’t have time for this,” he insisted when she first suggested the idea to him.
“Where do we have to be?”
The question was so innocent and yet seemed so profound.
Even after I died I still can’t get rid of my bad habits.
“Let’s do it,” he exclaimed, thinking it might be fun.
The breeze blew across his face as he and this child he barely knew sat in silence. In the distance he could hear the song of a bird he was not familiar with. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“How did you die?” she asked, breaking the silence between them.
Jeff opened his eyes. He was hoping to hang on to the silence a little longer—enjoy the sounds and smell that came with this beautiful piece of heaven he was now in. Most of all he did not want to answer that question.
How could I ever tell anyone, most of all this innocent child, of the death I caused? Others and my own.
“It’s okay. I understand about death. Even though I was young when I died, I’m as familiar with dying as you are. I don’t remember much about my death . . . I think someone suffocated me.”
Jeff gave a concerned look.
“I’m kind of the same way. I can’t remember much about it. This place seems to take a lot of bad memories away.” It was the truth. Had it not been for Jarod mentioning Gloria and Mike’s names, he was almost certain he would have forgotten.
“I like it here,” she remarked with a look of delight crossing her face.
“Me, too. I think this is one of the nicest places I’ve ever been.”
Jeff sat back and closed his eyes to try to recapture the enjoyment he felt at the sounds filling this wonderful place.
Chapter 21
Susie sat on the large rock next to Jeff. His body lay motionless except for the rise and fall of his chest. He had drifted off to sleep listening to the sounds of the birds and the stream, and she decided it best to let him rest. She turned her head towards the mountain with one eye closed and the other closely inspecting two objects a distance from one another.
It is moving. She moved toward Jeff and nearly jumped on him in her excitement.
“It’s moving towards us! It’s coming! Wake up!”
“Wha-What is it?” It took him a second to regain his bearings.
“The light . . . it’s coming to us!”
Jeff turned and looked up toward the mountain. The light they had seen in the distance was now much closer.
“Look at the size of it.”
The light closely resembled a tornado only much larger and did not appear to be destroying anything. The base of the light was at the foot of the mountain, while the top matched the mountains in height.
“Look at how wide it is.”
How come I’m not scared of it? Jeff thought to himself, baffled at how something that resembled a tornado would not make him want to run in terror.
“It’s coming right at us!” Susie moved to the side to get a full view of the amazing sight.
“It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“
I guess we wouldn’t have time to get out of its way if we want—”
Jeff could not complete the sentence. He was no longer flesh and bone, but he felt almost breathless as the light moved on top of them.
It’s so bright, but it doesn’t hurt to look at it.
Where have I felt this before? It was so familiar, yet the memory escaped him.
“This is the union of souls, Jeff. Everyone’s soul that has been on earth or will be on earth is here. We are all one in this union. You must join us and be consumed by the light so you can complete what you must do.”
Jeff took a step forward and was thrust into a world of total awareness.
I was here before I was born. When I was waiting to become human.
Jeff was surrounded by other souls who spoke to him. There were many different souls, but they were all one. Now, Jeff was one with them.
You wasted life, Jeff. The thought was revealed to him, and it was the conscience of all of the souls combined in this perfect union.
So many souls, thought Jeff in awe of the sensations he was discovering.
But somehow only one soul.
Jeff could not tell which thoughts were his and which belonged to the union. His thoughts and memories were consumed by the one soul he was now a part of and he was at peace with a feeling that the soul was rejoicing for his return to it.
“I was taken out to live my life on earth. A life I was shown and accepted before I was born.”
“We all accepted the lives we had on earth. Everything good and bad that happened in our lives was for the greater good. We all brought greater knowledge and through the struggles of our time on earth, a stronger soul back to the union we now share. This union that gives glory and praise to God. Now, Jeff, you must once again leave us to complete your life on earth.”
Jeff said nothing but basked in the feeling of wholeness.
“Bye, Jeff.”
Jeff saw Susie’s bright eyes and warm smile as she peeked out of the light. Her face was glowing, and he understood what true happiness was as he watched her move toward the top of the union. Jeff felt himself separate from them. The bright light slowly moved away from him and he was left standing next to the horse in the open field.
Bye, Susie. Take care.
Jeff stood in amazement as he watched the union leave him behind.
Chapter 22
Jeff once again hopped onto the back of the black horse. He took off slowly not caring if the trip back took a long time. He had seen his reflection and returned to what he knew was home with the union. He wanted time to contemplate what he witnessed.
As the horse rode off, Jeff turned and looked back toward what was once again a light on the horizon, a part of him hungering to be reunited with the union and knowing deep within himself that they wished to have him and all of the souls back with them but for now they knew it was for the best. Those who were not with the group would someday return, while others would be dissected from the entity to spend their time on earth.
Seems strange that we forget the union. How can you forget something like that? I always wondered what that feeling of incompleteness I had was.
Chapter 23
Jeff dismounted and walked over to Jarod who was sitting, staring at the pool of water.
“You have questions, don’t you?”
“Lots of questions.”
“I will tell you everything I can, but some of your questions cannot be answered. You have a keen understanding of human nature. This quality will serve you well when you return to fulfill your duty, if you so choose. It’s one of the reasons you were chosen. As well as it served you on earth fulfilling your own desires, it will now serve God’s will. You know deep in your heart you’re not meant to stay here. A voice inside you keeps telling you this. That voice is going to stay with you when you get back to earth.”
The knight paused with a thoughtful look.
“Listen to that voice. When you start to stray from the path God wants you on, the voice will be harder to hear. If you do not hear the voice, it’s time to ask yourself what you need to change about your life.”
“Whose voice is it?”
“It is connected to the union, but it is yours. Your conscience, so to speak. You had that same voice when you were on earth, but you didn’t listen to it. For many years the voice remained silent because you stopped listening. You were too concerned with building earthly wealth. When you are connected to the union, it will convey to you the will of God. Just because you’re back on earth doesn’t mean you can’t listen to what heaven is telling you. You have a mission, Jeff. You feel you have to go back and complete it, despite the desire to stay with the union.”
“I’ve felt it since I left the union. Something important.”
“You have a lot to find out about your purpose on earth. You are going back to redeem sinners. You will be a keeper of the Holy Grail used in a ceremony that connects the sinner to heaven. It gives them their voice back. The voice tells them what is good and what is bad. Right from wrong and why it’s better to choose good. It gives them a connection back to God’s will in their life. It lets them know there is redemption and what they need to achieve it. The work you do will be important, but you must understand it is not your work, but the work of God you are doing. You will not see the world as you used to. No longer will you be concerned with possessions. You will have nothing, yet your life will never feel more complete.”
Jeff began to feel a growing enthusiasm.
“You are dead, Jeff McCarry. Do you accept the work being assigned to you? You have the choice to decline, always. You will still have temptations you must overcome. The path that follows God’s will is not an easy one, but it is the right one.”
You want to do this. This is more important than anything you’ve ever done on earth before, his new voice was shouting at him.
“Yes, I accept.”
“Then kneel and accept your fate.”
Jeff knelt in front of Jarod. The old knight raised his sword.
“Do you understand you must die to your former self?”
“Yes.”
“That to accept this position, great and honorable as it is, means to live humbly in the service of your fellow men?”
“I do.”
“Then Jeff McCarry is no more. His existence is only a reminder of the failed attempts of some humans to achieve greatness, when that greatness is measured by earthly means. Die that which is Jeff McCarry and rise Larry Kincaid, servant of those who seek redemption.”
The knight struck Jeff on the left shoulder with a solid blow from the flat side of his sword.
“Rise, Larry Kincaid, servant of God and servant of his fellow man.” The sword struck his right shoulder with a solid blow.
“Rise, Larry Kincaid. Where once was Jeff McCarry, an arrogant man serving only himself, rise Larry Kincaid and serve a cause much greater than yourself.” The sword fell on top of his head. Blackness surrounded his vision, starting from the outside edges and working swiftly inward.
Chapter 24
The three bodies lay still, face down on the forest floor. Each one faced away from the others, forming a triangle between them. Gloria’s long blond hair moved slightly as a small breeze blew across it. Her open eyes held a glazed appearance that left no doubt she was lifeless.
Mike laid face down nearly twenty feet away. The side of his head that lay upward was mangled from the exit wound of the bullet.
The area held an eerie silence. No birds were singing; all the animals had vacated the area after the sound of gunshots filled the air.
Jeff McCarry’s body lay lifeless on his stomach. His face turned sideways to allow a full view of it. The wound on the back of his head left no doubt it was fatal.
His eyes suddenly lost the glazed appearance, and his body flinched. The wound on the back of his
head healed, leaving no scar behind. His eyes blinked and turned a lighter shade of blue. He stood and looked around. A second of pain overcame him as his wound finished healing. He reached up and felt it. The memory of dying came to him as the wound continued to heal.
“Larry Kincaid. I’m Larry Kincaid.”
His hands began to tingle.
“I’m changing.”
He ran to the van to look at himself in the mirror.
I don’t even look like Jeff McCarry.
His face was not drastically changed, but he would never be recognized by anyone he ever knew. His hair turned slightly gray as though he had aged nearly ten years.
Even my eyes are a different tone. Brighter, full of life. I’m not Jeff McCarry. The thought came to him as though it were the most natural of things.
Gloria? Mike?
A wave of extreme guilt overtook him.
“OH, NO. What have I done?” His knees gave out from under him.
Slowly he stood back up and walked to Mike’s body and knelt beside him.
“I’m so sorry,” he gasped.
A sense that this gruesome scene served a higher purpose came over him.
“I trust You, God, that this is serving a purpose I, in my human ignorance, cannot fathom. Please forgive my contribution to their suffering.”
Larry leaned down to look at Gloria’s lifeless face.
I wish I could ask your forgiveness, Gloria. I’m sorry I used your past against you. I will call the authorities to get your bodies. From there they would figure out that Mike had murdered you and turned the gun on himself.
They, however, would never know he was at the scene.
“Go fulfill your mission.” He could hear the voice. It seemed so right and so easy when he was talking to Jarod about redeeming sinners, but now that he was back in the flesh he was struck with extreme feelings of doubt and fear.
“Oh, God, why me? I’m such a sinner. How can I help other people when I can’t even take care of myself?”
