by Warren Cain
“Will you see Sarah?” asked Kirk.
“Yes.”
“Can you tell her,” Kirk swallowed, “can you tell her I love her and I’m sorry?”
“She already knows.”
The brightest light Kirk had ever seen filled the church. As the light dimmed, Jesus was gone.
“I forgive myself,” whispered Kirk.
Chapter 62
Kirk turned off the highway onto the gravel road. It had been three years since he had made this trip home. His car was loaded with everything he had decided to keep from Washington.
Kirk pulled into the driveway at his mom’s house.
Looks almost the same as the last time I was here, thought Kirk, noticing John had replaced about five hundred feet of the fence that ran from the house to the barn.
“It’s about time you made it back,” said Kirk’s mom, stepping out of the house with John close behind.
“Hey, Mom,” said Kirk as she gave him a hug that almost cut off his air supply.
Kirk and his brother shook hands.
“Hey, Kirk, how ya been?”
“Good. Really good. How about you?”
“Busy. I just bought the Milford farm and all their stock. Gave me almost eighty more head of cattle. I’m going to have to hire a hand to help take care of everything. I’ve been putting in about twelve hours a day and need to put in about five more to keep up.”
“I would be interested in that position,” said Kirk as the thought of working back on the farm sounded pretty good.
“It doesn’t pay much,” said John.
“That’s okay,” said Kirk with a smile. “I don’t have a very good résumé.”
“Let’s go in, and I’ll cook you boys something to eat.”
Kirk always thought it was funny the way his mom answered every situation with wanting to cook something for them, but he was hungry and hadn’t had a good home-cooked meal for some time.
“I’ll take you up on that offer, Mom,” said Kirk, walking with his arm around her into the house.
Chapter 63
Kirk had not stepped into this church for almost six years. He had been here in his visions but had not been physically here for some time. A few things had changed, but Kirk was almost certain his visions showed the church the way he had remembered it.
Kirk sat down in a pew about halfway towards the front. My whole life seems to have revolved around this church, thought Kirk as he remembered his childhood dream and the visions he recently had.
“Kirk?” asked a deep voice. Kirk turned to find himself facing Mr. Horton.
“I thought that was you,” said Mr. Horton before Kirk could respond. Kirk’s heart skipped a beat at the uncertainty he was feeling at facing this man he had hurt so terribly. The last time he had spoken to him he made it clear he did not wish to ever see or talk to him again.
“Can I sit down?” asked Mr. Horton in a tone that calmed Kirk’s uneasiness.
“Sure,” replied Kirk, scooting over to allow room for him.
After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, Mr. Horton began to speak. “I hated you, Kirk. More than I’ve ever hated anyone else.”
Kirk could not reply because of the knot swelling up in his throat.
Mr. Horton’s voice cracked as he continued. “All my adult life I’ve been a businessman, a good businessman. I’ve made lots of money over the years. Right now, I would trade all that money for a few minutes with my daughter.” He paused to clear his throat before continuing. “You did something one time without considering the consequences of your actions, and it took her life.”
Mr. Horton began sobbing as he tried to finish what he was trying to say. Tears ran down Kirk’s face. He had never seen Mr. Horton look so broken.
“I’ve got a letter I want you to read. I’ve never shown it to anyone else,” said Mr. Horton, barely able to get the words out.
Kirk took the letter from him carefully. The envelope looked as though it had been carried around in Mr. Horton’s pocket for some time. Mr. Horton turned away from Kirk as he began to read the letter to himself.
Dad,
I was looking forward to going to the concert with you last night. I hope what you had to do at work was more important than how I feel because I was hurt. I shouldn’t have expected anything less since that is how it has been my whole life. Kirk wanted to take me out the night of my birthday, but I told him he had to wait until Friday because you were taking me to the concert on Thursday. I spent my seventeenth birthday alone, but tonight Kirk is taking me out, and I can depend on him to do that because he said he would. He may not have a lot of money like you do, but he has something you never have for me. Time.
Mr. Horton gave Kirk a second to digest what he read before continuing. “She left that for me the night she died. It was her last words to me. I was angry at you for taking her life, but I took her life also. A little piece at a time. The ball games I missed, the holidays I wasn’t home. I made the decision more than once to take a little piece of her life away from her because I had my business to take care of. My worthless business,” he said as though he never resented anything more than the business he had built. “The more I thought about her life being taken from her, the more I realized I was guilty of taking it, depriving her of things she needed to live a fulfilled life, and if I hated someone for taking life from her I had to hate myself.”
Mr. Horton grabbed Kirk’s shoulder. Kirk looked at him. Both men had tears streaming down their face.
“You gave her life, Kirk. I wouldn’t admit to it back then, but you made her happy. She was missing something important, and you filled that space I had left empty by not being there. I forgive you, Kirk, so I can move on with life and because you made her happy when I did not.”
The words were hard to understand through the sobbing, but Kirk clearly heard “I forgive you.” He had become reluctantly content with the fact he would never hear these words from Mr. Horton.
Kirk was surprised as Mr. Horton wrapped his arms around him. A wave of emotion overtook Kirk as the words sunk in.
“Thank you,” sobbed Kirk. “Thank you.”
Chapter 64
Mr. Horton stood in the small room under the stairway of the home where he was raised in rural Kentucky. The room was tiny for him now. He remembered as a child spending hours in this room. It was his refuge from a father that was usually drunk and always in a bad mood. Mr. Horton would spend hours under this stairway hiding from his dad. His mom knew where he was but would leave him there until his dad passed out for the evening.
“Hello, Kenny.”
Mr. Horton did not seem surprised by the old man who appeared behind him.
“You were right, Joe,” replied Mr. Horton. “I do feel better now that I’ve forgiven him and myself. I realize it’s time to let Sarah go. She’s starting to seem like a good dream I had now, instead of someone I shared part of my life with.”
“It is time to move on with your life, Kenny,” replied Joe. “God never intended for anyone to live with guilt or to let it take away from the life he intended for you.”
“What am I supposed to do now?” asked Mr. Horton.
“What was the mistake you made with Sarah?” Joe asked, letting Mr. Horton answer his own question.
“I didn’t spend enough time with her. I spent my whole childhood hiding from my father and swore to myself I would not be like him. I kept that promise because my child never hid from me. She didn’t have to. I was never there. I gave her life but didn’t share that life with her or teach her how to not take it for granted. But despite my failure to teach her how to love life, she learned. From someone else, she learned good things. She was full of good things I should have enjoyed while she was here.”
Joe smiled. “Now go and enjoy the other people in your life that are still with you.”
> Joe disappeared, leaving Mr. Horton to his thoughts in the little room beneath the stairs until he would wake from this dream.
Chapter 65
Kirk took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the sweat from his brow. He was painting the old barn that had been neglected for a few years. A red pickup pulling a cargo trailer pulled into the driveway. Kirk sat his paintbrush down and walked down the hill to greet them.
Kirk saw a man get out of the driver’s side and walk around the truck. From the back of the pickup, the man pulled out a wheelchair. Kirk’s heart almost jumped out of his chest as he saw Linda step out of the truck and sit down.
“Hello, Kirk,” she said with a smile that showed she was delighted to see him.
“Hi, Linda,” said Kirk, unable to conceal his mixed emotions of confusion and delight.
“Kirk, I would like for you to meet my father. Dad, this is Kirk.”
“Doug,” said the man, taking the liberty to introduce himself as more than “Dad.” “Pleasure to meet you, Kirk. Linda had some nice things to say about you.”
“Dad,” said Linda, sounding a little shy about Kirk knowing she spoke well of him.
“Glad to know I make good first impressions,” said Kirk, sharing a look with Linda. “What brings you to Lansing?”
“You said one of your goals was to obtain your license for a hot air balloon, but you weren’t too sure about it because you’ve never flown in one. I thought since I was certified to fly one and my dad owned one that I would take you for your test flight to see if you enjoyed it.”
“You mean you can fly one?” asked Kirk.
“If you decide you like it, Dad and I thought if you could take a month off sometime you could come up to Lake View. Dad here is a certified instructor. He could train you.”
“You can do that?”
“I would even waive the fees if you helped out with some stuff I’ve been meaning to get done around the house.”
“I would take you up on that . . . if I can get my boss to let me off for a little while,” said Kirk in a raised tone as he noticed John coming up behind him.
“You’ve worked here three weeks and you already want time off,” said John jokingly. “No wonder you had such poor references.”
“Well, let’s get it set up and ready to go,” said Linda, anxious to take Kirk on his first flight.
Doug pulled the truck out into an open spot in a field he thought would be a suitable launch site.
Kirk could tell from the speed that Doug set the balloon up he had done this many times. Kirk realized quickly the best way he could help was to stay out of Doug’s way until he asked for something.
He’s not afraid to ask either, thought Kirk to himself as Doug barked orders when he needed an extra hand. Must be ex-military, Kirk decided.
* * *
“Ready for take-off, Linda?”
“You bet, Dad.”
“I’ll be on chase. You want to come with me, John?” Doug asked.
“It’ll get me out of painting the barn for a couple hours.”
Kirk hopped into the basket.
“You have to help me in,” said Linda as her father picked her up out of her wheelchair.
Kirk took Linda from her father’s arms. He had not held a woman this close for a long time. The smell of her perfume and the touch of her hand draped over his shoulder caused his heart to skip.
As he sat her down in a seat which appeared to be specially made to allow her access to the controls, their eyes met. His mind was telling him to look away, but he couldn’t make himself.
“Uhh. What now?” he said, finally breaking the silence.
Linda seemed at a loss for words as she reached up and pulled the handle to allow more fire to heat the balloon. Her father untied the ropes that held the balloon.
Kirk’s heart began to beat faster as a sensation similar to going up in an elevator came over him.
“It’s better than I imagined,” said Kirk, looking down on the farm. He could see all the way into town and all the neighboring houses he had been so familiar with as a child. Everything looked so different from this height, and the ride was so quiet.
“Your troubles won’t touch you up here,” said Linda who had remained quiet to let Kirk enjoy the experience. “Do you think you might want to come up for a month and learn how to fly one of these?” asked Linda, hoping the answer was yes.
“Linda,” said Kirk in a serious tone, “even if I didn’t like flying in this today, and I do, I would say I did just so I could go to North Dakota for a month and get to know you a little better.”
Kirk knelt down and held Linda’s hand so he would be eye level with her. “Since that night in Indemnity, I’ve thought about you. I know we haven’t known each other very long, but something seems to click between us. I know I’m saying a lot here but given the distance between us I don’t want to waste time. I hope I didn’t just make a fool of myself,” he said, looking at her for what he hoped would be a positive response.
From the look on Linda’s face it was clear she felt the same way. The wind was gently blowing her hair, and the blue sky matched the color of her eyes perfectly.
She looks so beautiful.
“I was hoping you felt that way,” said Linda, brushing her hair back. “Or I would have made a fool out of myself coming from Lake View to give you a ride in this balloon.”
“That was a nice gesture. Thank you,” said Kirk in a softer tone, leaning towards Linda.
Linda leaned forward to give Kirk a warm, welcomed kiss as they drifted effortlessly over the beautiful countryside, too high above the ground for their troubles to reach them.
Epilogue
(Five years later)
Kirk pulled up to the construction crew that the Order had placed a couple miles outside of Indemnity on Highway J. He flashed the lights of his van three times in rapid succession, and a fourth time ten seconds after. The crew pulled the road closed signs out of the way and waved him through.
“This is so cool,” said Linda with a smile. “I’m so glad to be with you back in South Dakota on your fifth anniversary of your first time here.”
“…and your tenth anniversary,” Kirk added. “So much has happened since then.” He smiled and grabbed her hand, rubbing the engagement ring. “I never dreamed that my guilt would be so far behind me with nothing but a blessed life to look forward to.”
“Me too,” returned Linda, bringing his hand to her face and giving it a gentle kiss. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Linda.”
Kirk turned down Highview Road.
“This town hasn’t changed,” said Kirk as he pulled into a parking spot on the side of the road.
“Probably part of the reason the Order uses it,” commented Linda.
“It looks like the festival has already started,” Kirk pointed out, noticing that a lot of the carnival rides were already operating.
“Let’s stop looking at it and get me in my wheelchair,” said Linda in a sarcastic tone. “We’ve got a couple of anniversaries to celebrate.”
“On it,” replied Kirk.
Kirk grabbed the wheelchair from the back of the van and brought it to the passenger side. He opened the door and wrapped his arms around Linda and lifted her down into the chair.
“You know I can use the lift in the back and get down myself.”
“I know,” smiled Kirk, “but I would miss the closeness if I didn’t get to help you out. Besides, I’m kind of feeling romantic since this is where we first met,” Kirk said with a smile.
Linda smiled back.
“Are you two done with the romantic talk? I’m hoping you have time to say hi to an old friend.”
Kirk turned. “Oh wow…Ron…Ron, how have you been?” asked Kirk as he instinctively reached out for a hug at th
e excitement of seeing Ron after all these years.
He hesitated for a second, not sure he and Ron were on hugging terms.
“AHH…bring it in here, Kirk. I’m glad to see you too. Just a man-hug, though,” laughed Ron.
“Let’s walk through the carnival, and you two can catch up as we go,” interrupted Linda.
“All right,” replied Kirk, grabbing the back of her wheelchair and pushing her towards the lights.
“Wow, it is so good to see you, Ron. How’s life?”
“Kirk, my heart is full. I succeeded in my mission. Kept him from making my mistake. But I have to tell you, that thing with the devil before I got there…about did me in. Would never have done it without God.”
“Same here. The devil was in a church I went to. Unreal some of the things I saw. It made my faith so strong. If God can get me through that, I know there’s nothing he won’t get me through. I’ve heard God won’t give you more than you can handle, but that was the limit. I’m afraid more may have been too much.”
Ron nodded soberly, looking off into the distance.
“Linda here is my hero,” continued Kirk. “She did what we did against the devil, but she did it in a wheelchair.”
“Kirk, I’ve told you it wasn’t about physical abilities. It was about faith. God had me. I knew it at the end of my trial that I could do it.”
“I think sometimes we see people with physical disabilities as weaker…God knows they are stronger,” Kirk commented.
“Look at this place,” interrupted Ron. “It’s so much better to be here for our five-year anniversary than it was to be here the first time. We had lost faith and direction. So good to be here with a focus on God and family.”
“Family?” quizzed Kirk.
“Yes,” beamed Ron, “we worked it out. Nancy, Nick, Andrew, and me. We’re all back together, living under the same roof. Well, Nick left for college last year, and Andrew is leaving for college at the end of this year…two years early. Man, he’s a smart kid. They bumped him up. Way ahead of anyone else in his class. It was good to be involved in the last few years. I watched them turn from kids into young men. I helped them make that transition. Something that wouldn’t have happened without God and the Order.”
