by S. J. Sylvis
I laughed out loud on that one, remembering the awful day and how Dawson had pulled me aside to ask me why the heck I was wearing such a large shirt.
My head fell, just as my shoulders did. I was completely defeated and wanted to cry. Breanna always hated me. She always tried to make my life a living hell. I truly had no idea why, that's just how it was back then.
Once I told Dawson what had happened, he skipped his second period class (yes, I had gym first period – how rude of the school to make me preform physical activity so early in the morning… Oh, and not to mention having gym-hair all day long) and he made Emmett drive him to my house to grab me a shirt and pants.
As soon as they arrived back at school and snuck back in, he pulled me aside just as I was walking to English. He smirked as he handed me my favorite blue polo and a pair of jeans.
I was completely shocked to the point that I couldn’t form words.
Neither could Breanna when she saw me walking into English wearing normal clothes.
She didn’t admit to taking mine in gym, but I knew she did it. The redness of her ears and angry lines around her eyes told me so. It was definitely one of my better memories of high school…all because of Dawson.
I hurriedly texted Becca back, telling her that she was absolutely no help, and then moved onto my sister’s text:
How was it staying with your old pal?
I replied, Fine.
Dawson glanced over at me and smiled, causing my heart to flutter. Yeah, my “fine” was a big, ol’ lie.
Mia’s text made my fingers still on my phone.
Have you told him that you’re still crushing on him, even six years later?
Am I that obvious? My God.
I texted her back: I have no clue what you’re talking about. And then I shoved my phone back in my bag and leaned against the cool, leather seat of Dawson’s ’99 Camaro.
“UGHHHHH. No!” I yelled, jamming my fingers onto the dash.
“What?” Dawson yelled back, acting appalled.
I smirked. “Dawson, we are not listening to this crap. I didn’t listen to it back then, and I won’t listen to it now.”
What was blaring through the speakers of the Camaro was what I’d refer to as murdering music. All it was, was a bunch of guys screaming (literally, screaming) into their mics. They were screaming so loud, I couldn’t even understand the lyrics.
“I get that you like this screaming crap, but I don’t. Gimmie,” I said, putting my hand out towards him and twinkling my fingers.
Dawson shook his head, a smile stretching along his face. “Nooooope.”
I growled and then reached for his phone anyway. It was lying on his lap with an aux cord hanging out from the bottom. The second my hand landed on Dawson’s jeans, his entire body went rigid.
I noticed the shift, still reaching for his phone, and then almost died.
My hand was resting right… on… his… dick.
Like, literally, I could feel his dick through his jeans.
My first thought, even before lifting my hand was, Is it really that big?!
Then, mortified, face blazing with heat, I snatched the phone and pulled it into my lap.
I expected Dawson to joke around and say something inappropriate because he’d been spewing those stupid, “That’s what she said,” jokes all day, even first thing this morning, but he said nothing.
Instead, he gripped his gear shift so hard that I was certain it would break off. His jaw muscles worked back and forth and then I felt pleasure ball up inside of my belly when I glanced up and saw his full, lower lip tugged in between his bright teeth.
He. Was. So. Hot.
I coughed, trying to hide the fact that I was so turned on that if he were to just stare at me, I’d probably have an orgasm.
I was almost wishing that Eric and I were on better terms so he could release some of this insane pressure I was suddenly feeling, but I knew now, after having my hand accidently rest on Dawson’s lower region and then almost coming apart from the mere sight of his lip tugged in his mouth, Eric would no longer suffice in my sex game.
Would anyone?
My God, I was never going to be able to have sex with anyone ever again without imagining Dawson above me, ramming himself inside me and sucking in his bottom lip as I tightened around him.
To watch someone like him, come apart because of me…that would be equivalent to heaven. Dawson was irresistible.
He was irresistible when he was sixteen, but now? Now he was so damn tempting that I would choose having him over my last breath.
Having Dawson would probably make going to Hell worth it.
Finally, evening my breath and calming my raging hormones down, I tried opening his phone to pick a different song.
I huffed, snapping my head over to his. “Password protected. Really? Why?”
Dawson swallowed, moving that strong and prominent Adam’s apple up and down. Whew.
“One word: Breanna.”
I thought for a moment. Why was he with her again?
“Well, what’s the password?” I asked, ignoring my desire to prod him about Breanna. They were breaking up soon, I thought, so it didn’t matter if I told him once again that she was all wrong for him.
Dawson looked out his side window for a second, then brought his eyes back to the road. His shoulders were pulled back and his eyes blinked rapidly.
Why was he nervous? It wasn’t like I was going to dig through his texts and pictures. I rolled my eyes, ready to tell him just that, but he stopped me.
“Zero.”
I peered at him out of the corner of my eye, but pressed the number zero on the keypad.
“Okay…” I said.
“Four.” I pressed that button and then looked over at him. He took his fingers and drummed them along the peeling, leather steering wheel. “Two. Eight. Nine. Two.”
I quickly pressed the remaining numbers onto the key pad and then gasped.
I repeated the numbers in my head, like they were on a loop.
Zero. Four. Two. Eight. Nine. Two.
I slowly turned my head, driving my eyes right into the side of his head.
Then I repeated the numbers again: zero, four, two, eight, nine, two.
“How long has your password been that exact set of numbers?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s my password for everything. But for that phone? Since I got it.”
My heart strummed in my chest like a lone string being played on a guitar. His password was my birthday.
“I told you I never replaced you, Ivy. I never stopped thinking about you and I never stopped hoping you’d come home.”
Dawson turned his head to me, stopped at a stop sign on an old dirt road right on the outskirts of our little, country town. We stared into each other’s eyes for far too long. I had no idea what he was thinking, but the only thing I was thinking was how it felt like no time had passed between us at all.
Six years was a long time, but suddenly, just looking into Dawson’s eyes, knowing he still cared about me just as much as he did when we were teenagers, made our time apart seem like nothing.
We were wrong that night, so long ago.
Nothing had changed between us.
I still loved him just as much, if not more, and I was pretty sure he felt the same.
He was still Dawson, just an older, way hotter version, still with a huge heart that may or may not still have my name written all over it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Dawson
“I cannot believe you talked me into this!” Ivy squealed, jumping out of my Camaro and slamming the door shut.
I laughed. “I can be very convincing.” I shot her my best grin and she just couldn’t help but smile, even if she was irritated with me.
“I don’t doubt that for even a second.”
Cicadas hummed in the background, no doubt lying helplessly in the hollows of all the tress that were surrounding us. The scent of cris
p, autumn leaves and cow manure wafted around us with help from the gusty breeze. An occasional “moo” from a cow sounded in the distance, which was basically the soundtrack to our little town.
“I wonder if kids still come up here to make out?” Ivy asked, gazing out toward the open field of tall grass.
“Oh, I’m almost positive. I think I heard Max saying something about him having to come up here a week or two ago to scare them off.”
Ivy’s sweet laughter filled the air. “I’m gonna ask Bec. I’m sure she’ll know all about it. Those two seem to hate each other but I have a hunch that something else is going on.”
My forehead furrowed as I thought back to the last time I saw them together. There was definitely something going on with them, and I was almost positive I knew what it was. I didn’t say anything to Ivy, though, I was sure Becca would fill her in… eventually.
I leaned against the side of my Camaro, crossing my arms over my chest, and watched as Ivy climbed on top of the hood. Her tight jeaned legs dangled off the bottom as she kicked her feet back and forth. She brushed back a curtain of thick hair over her shoulder and gazed up at the stars. Her jaw was so delicate looking, and I couldn’t help but let my eyes travel down the slope of her neck, all the way to the curves of her breasts.
The way she looked underneath the glow of the moon and stars made her appear like she was truly an angel. It honestly made it hard to breathe.
She was so flawlessly beautiful, it hurt.
Ivy kept her gaze upward as her voice broke through the quiet sounds of night. “I had fun today.”
I genuinely smiled. “I did, too. It’s nice going down memory lane, isn’t it?”
She chuckled. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been down memory lane.” Then she paused and I walked a little closer to her. I could smell her shampoo as she shook out her hair, letting it dangle behind her back. “I tried to stay away from anything that reminded me of what was.”
Me too.
“Well, what was, can now be,” I quipped, breaking my gaze from her features.
“Dawson,” she started, her voice no higher than a whisper in the wind.
I met her sparkling green eyes. “Yeah?”
A soft breath escaped her mouth. “Why have you settled?”
I crinkled my brow. “What do you mean?”
Ivy’s voice was still quiet, like the pages flipping between a book. “I mean, why are you settling with Breanna? Or why have you settled with her? It’s evident that she doesn’t make you happy…”
I gulped, feeling nerves close in on me. I knew the truth was about to fall off my lips. I could taste the bitterness of it. “Because she was safe.”
Nothing in her expression changed. Not even a flicker of her eyes.
I kept my sight locked onto her, feeling myself spill the dark truth. “I knew that if things went south with us, it wouldn’t hurt.” My chest rose up and down quickly, like I was gasping for air. “I know you don’t want to hear this, again, but when you left…” I clenched my eyes, wondering if I should continue on.
Then I heard her scooting closer to me, jeans rubbing along the hood of my Camaro. When I opened my eyes again, Ivy was only a few inches away, staring up at me with doe-like eyes. Like she was calling out to me, asking me to tell her what we both knew I wanted to say.
“When you left, you took something with you. I was empty. As if you took part of my soul…” I looked away, just for a second to gather myself. “I know how crazy that sounds. I mean, we were so young and we were the best of friends, so to say you were my soulmate…that sounds ludicrous, but the night of the fire and then every day after, I literally felt like part of my soul was missing.” I shrugged. “I knew that Breanna could never take away something like that from me, so I just… I guess you said it best, I settled.”
Ivy’s eyes were quickly filling with tears and all I wanted to do was backtrack and take away everything I’d just said. I didn’t tell her the truth to make her upset. What happened with us was inevitable. Some things that happen in life are simply out of our control. They happen for a reason. No one could have guessed that Ivy’s parents would have died in a house fire, all caused by a stupid faulty wire, and no one would have guessed what would happen after.
Ivy and Mia moving away.
Me ending up with Breanna.
Ivy coming back.
Her and I both still feeling the same strong pull we had over one another, the way our bodies called out to each other…the most intense attraction that I’d ever felt in my entire life.
My heart skipping a beat when I saw her standing in my father’s office after six years.
The way my heart thrummed in my chest when she was near.
“Ivy,” I whispered, inching my body in between her legs. She widened them to let me stand between. I peered down into her eyes, searching for any indication that this was right. That she was feeling what I was feeling. “What do you want?”
She didn’t dare move her eyes from mine.
“I want a lot of things, Dawson, but the thing is, you don’t always get what you want.”
Then her eyes moved down to my mouth and I knew right then that she was feeling what I felt.
Everything.
I answered quickly, “I do.”
Then I pressed my lips onto hers.
The entire world ceased to exist.
The only thing I saw was her. The only thing I felt was her. The only thing I breathed was her.
Ivy’s soft lips parted immediately, letting me take a hold on her. My hands snaked around her face, cupping her cheeks in my hands at the same time she pressed her middle up against my jeans. Her legs wrapped around my lower half, and I swear, I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.
Kissing Ivy was everything I’d ever imagined and more. I never wanted to let go. I never wanted to know what it would be like to kiss another woman for the rest of my life.
This was what we were meant to do. We were made for each other. I could feel it all the way to my bones.
My tongue slipped in Ivy’s warm mouth, enticing a soft moan from her, which only intensified my need to pick her up and carry her over to the open field to claim her. Ivy rounded her hips along my dick and my hands gripped her ass so hard, I was likely to leave marks.
I didn’t care. I needed her to know how much I needed this.
How much I needed her.
Ivy’s legs wound tighter around my hips as I carried her a few feet over to the back of my Camaro. Our tongues continued to swirl together and Ivy’s hands found their way to my hair, rustling the strands between her fingers.
“Ivy,” I breathed, almost unable to form words. “I’ve waited my entire life for this.”
Then she gasped and quickly bucked her body off of mine. Her legs flailed around my hips to the point that I had to release her.
When I looked down, all I saw on her face was mortification.
Her eyes were widened and her cheeks were flushed, then her hand came up and covered her mouth. Tears welled in her eyes and I had no idea what had just happened. It was like getting kicked in the balls.
“Oh my God,” she muttered, slowly backing away from me.
I inched toward her, feeling my heart come to a screeching halt in my chest.
“Dawson, you have a girlfriend!”
Then reality came crashing along my shoulders. I brought my hands up to my head, driving my fingers into my skull.
What the fuck just happened?
I was so caught up in my need for Ivy that I forgot about the one thing keeping me from her the last few weeks.
Breanna.
I was still dating her, whether or not I’d made my mind up about breaking up with her. I was a cheater.
And that meant Ivy was a cheatee.
“Ivy,” I started, bringing my hands down. She was staring at me with a blank expression on her face, void of all the emotions I saw earlier. “I’m so sorry.”
She looked like I’d j
ust run over her dog. Her mouth formed a small frown, and she instantly pulled into herself.
“Can you take me home?” she asked, voice near breaking.
“Ivy,” I said again, her tear-filled eyes snapping up to mine.
“I can’t even blame Breanna for hating me.”
My heart dropped. Fucking great. Not only did I just cheat on Breanna, hurting her, but now Ivy was fucking hurt, too.
I had to fix this.
“This was my fault. Just…” I wanted to punch something. Or break something. I wanted to do anything but look into the face of the one girl who had my heart, knowing that she was now looking down on herself because of something I had done. “Just don’t say anything, okay?”
Ivy’s face was ambivalent. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell her…”
“No!” I shouted, clenching my fist, feeling my stomach form a pit. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just trying to protect you. If Breanna found out, she’d… I don’t know what she’d do but she’s never been a nice person. You know this.”
Ivy’s eyebrow rose. “It seems like you’re trying to protect yourself, Dawson. Don’t worry…” she repeated, walking to the passenger side of my car. “I won’t make a peep.”
Anger flashed within. I let out a groan as I rounded the back of my Camaro. I stood only a couple inches away from her. “You know very well that’s not what I meant. Just stop for a second.”
“I want you to take me home.” Another kick to the balls.
“Ivy,” I protested. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you until I was single.”
Ivy’s lip trembled as she lowered her eyes down to the ground. She dropped her head so low I could barely hear her. “Can you just take me home, please?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, again. I wanted to crush her body onto mine, to make her feel better and to express how sorry I was that after six years of being apart, I choose to kiss her while I was still technically with someone else.
I was a fucking shit boyfriend and an even shittier friend.
“Just take me to my car, please. I… I just want to be alone.”
I clenched my jaw together to keep myself from doing anything else that would get me in trouble or make her feel worse. I knew she was feeling awful. The one thing I knew for certain about Ivy, was that she hated hurting other people and she hated doing wrong.
