by Mimi Barbour
“Is that why Alex does those things, like run away from his teachers?” Lance asked.
Her stomach knotted, but the man's words weren't judging. He genuinely wanted to know. She fought for the right words. Cara had to keep from going berserk. Not everyone was out to get her or Alex.
“No, that's not all of it.” Cara sighed. “Alex has Asperger's Syndrome. We just got the diagnoses in August. Yesterday was the final straw. I thought keeping him mainstreamed would be best, but it's obvious I was wrong. Which does not make me the best SuperMom.” Tears pricked her eyes once again. Ugh, she didn't feel like crying in front of this man! “Jean meant well, but some kids who have Aspergers don't like eye contact. She tried to coax him to do it, which is why he ran to your room. He's a good kid-”
“You don't have to defend him to me.” Lance straightened. “I know about kids and their quirks.”
Yes, he would, wouldn't he? At least about kids and quirks. Cara flushed, wondering why she did feel the need to defend Alex. Probably because a lot of people didn't understand. When her son had his meltdowns in public, Cara always felt the stares, the pity, and the anger. The questions of why can't she control her child? And then it made her wonder and question why she couldn't handle her own son sometimes. The diagnosis itself took a toll on her. She blamed herself. Maybe if she'd done something differently. Night after night, she retraced her footsteps and wondered if anything she could have done would change things. She agonized over it day in, day out.
It brought her mind back in time when she'd fight with Ethan over Alex's behavior. She'd tried to tell him something hadn't been right, and he swore up and down nothing was wrong with his son. Until the behavior worsened. Ethan stood by his thoughts until the day he died. When Alex's behavior continued to spiral, she took a stand and went to find out for sure what the problem was. Ethan's parents weren't happy about the decision and belittled her over it. Now they barely kept in contact with her or the kids. They acted like her son was a damn disease, and nothing angered her more than that.
“I'm struggling with my feelings over this,” Cara blurted. Why in the world did she just say those words to a complete stranger, let alone a man who was going through his own troubles?
She'd never know the answer. Lance's phone rang and he reached for it. “She did? When? I'll be right there!” He hung up and stared in awe in her general direction. “Tamara- she just spoke for the first time in two weeks. I have to go. I'm so sorry to cut this short.”
Cara didn't even get to tell him it was okay. Lance picked up the remainder of his food and rushed away.
She hoped for the best with Lance and his daughter.
*****
All the way to the hospital, Lance wondered how Tamara's next few days would go. Finally, progress! She'd had a lot of brain swelling, and he'd been warned during her two day coma that even if she woke up, things could take a totally different turn. He'd never prepared himself for the possibilities, as every day he just wished his little girl would open her eyes and look at him. When she did and wouldn't speak, it scared him more than ever. How many changes would they have to make? Would she ever be normal again? Were there things she couldn't do?
It hurt. The moment she first spoke and he hadn't even been there.
He barely paid attention to his surroundings as his shoes pounded against the floor on the way to his daughter's room. Lance couldn't wait to get there and hear her voice.
Entering the room, Lance stopped in his tracks, staring at the doctors and nurses surrounding his daughter's bed. His heart raced as she turned her head slightly, those little eyes catching a glimpse of him. She reached out.
“Daddy!” Her voice was raspy, but she talked!
“I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up,” Lance whispered, brushing past everyone to stand close to her bedside. Tamara's fingers curled over his. She continued to stare at him with wide eyes. “I'm so glad you're talking. You scared us all.” He squeezed her hand, then faced the doctors. “What happens now? Is the worst over?”
“The next few days will be crucial. We'll learn more on the extent of her injuries and go from there. Now that we know she can talk and understand us, we'll be able to determine any other problems,” Dr. Raymond responded.
All night, they ran Tamara through more tests. She slept in between when allowed. Lance hated this whole thing, but a necessary evil. The doctors explained the sooner they do some of these tests, the better they'd be able to find results and make sure they were prepared for anything.
Sixteen hours later, Tamara asked the question Lance dreaded most. “Where's Frenzy?” Tears filled her eyes as she waited for an answer.
How could he tell her he didn't know, let alone anything else he felt- like he didn't want to know?
Chapter Three
“We wish you a ferret Christmas, we wish you a ferret Christmas,” Alex sang while swinging his legs back and forth at the school office two days after the hospital bathroom incident. The holidays were a terrible time to try and get him moved to a better school, but with Jean's help, they found a private school that would work with them. Today they'd have a meeting to discuss options and what to do. After dropping Shelly off at school and letting her boss know she'd be late, Cara drove straight here with Alex.
She chuckled at his parody. Alex had found a ferret running around in the yard a week ago and had attached himself to it. She'd only seen it on occasion, but Alex claimed he came back every night. Cara set out food and water for it in hopes that if she happened to see the critter, she could try to figure out who it belonged to. “Ferret Christmas, huh?”
“I want him to stay with us,” Alex commented. He stopped swinging his legs for a second. “I'm gonna learn all about ferrets so I can take care of him!” One of the ladies behind the desk glanced up from her computer at Alex's loud voice. Cara ignored it and focused on her son. She was used to the stares.
“I don't know about that.” She regretted the words immediately, hoping this wouldn't spark a meltdown. She counted to ten, mentally preparing for the worst.
Alex's lower lip puckered out, but he said nothing. He continued to glance at the floor and swung his legs again, repeating his Christmas ferret song. She debated on asking nicely for him to quiet down, but then there was a chance for him to get completely upset. He was loud, but not to the extreme. His voice just rose above all else. Learning to understand or avoid the meltdowns became impossible, and she feared them since they were like a ticking bomb clock.
Cara left it at that until they were called back. She followed Alex and the principal to the meeting room. Jean was already seated there, along with some people she didn't recognize. On a smaller table to the side of the large one were some toys and crayons, presumably for Alex to play with and keep busy while they discussed options.
A round of good mornings chorused through the room, and Jean introduced the strangers as a teacher and representative from the private school.
Nerves fluttered around in Cara's belly. She would hold it together. No crying, no fear. She would not show her vulnerability. She'd be okay. In the long run, everything was to help Alex succeed. If only she wasn't doing this alone. Even if Ethan were alive, he never did listen to her concerns as it was. Taking a seat, Cara avoided the looks. Heat crept up in her cheeks. She wondered what they would do in this situation. Did other parents struggle with their child's diagnosis? Alex didn't have cancer or any terminal illness, but her mind freaked out as if he did.
“Hi there, Alex. Would you like to play a game with me?” one of the women asked. She wore her long blonde hair in a bun and had a genuine smile. She looked not much older than Cara's thirty two years. “I'm Mrs. Stackle. I'm the school psychologist over at We Can private school. If it's all right with you, Mom, I'd like to engage Alex in a few activities and evaluate him.” Her tone was gentle and understanding. Cara liked her already.
“That's fine with me.” She nodded as the words left her lips.
“Is there a M
r. McLean coming along soon?” the other woman asked.
“No, it's just me. I'm a widow,” She explained.
Sympathetic looks were sent her way. The tension thickened. This was going to be a long meeting.
Cara tried to pay attention to Jean as she spoke to everyone. She voiced her concerns about Alex, talking about his strengths and weaknesses. Beside her, Alex and Mrs. Stackle talked and played. Cara marveled at how well her son interacted with the woman. She didn't push for eye contact, she just let him do what he did and made observations. She kept writing down in a notebook.
She would give anything right now to know what the woman wrote. Cara hated not being in the know. Squirming in her seat, she tried to focus on the words being spoken instead of watching her son nervously.
Focus.
Cara needed to do what was right for Alex and stop letting her insecurities hold her son back. He was a smart kid. With the right help, Alex would thrive. The world may not always be kind to him, but he would be just fine given the right guidance.
*****
Lance didn't believe in miracles. He was a by-the-books type of guy. But as each result came back from his daughter's testing, he had to wonder if miracles did exist after all, and if someone had granted him one. A guardian angel, stroke of luck, something!
Tamara didn't come out of this unscathed, but it could have been so much worse. She could talk, and she understood her surroundings. With a little physical therapy, she'd be able to walk normally again. They still had so much to monitor and at any time things could change, but right now he couldn't be happier. No long term damage. They'd finally been able to rule that out. Tamara was expected to make a full recovery.
Once again, she asked about Frenzy. Tamara's eyelids fluttered, fatigue taking over, but that little voice begging for her pet's whereabouts tugged on him. Lance had to hide how he felt about it and answered in a vague way. “He's safe.” That seemed to satisfy her, and Tamara closed her eyes.
He knew what he had to do. Lance would put out Lost Pet signs and find him. When his mother showed up to stay with Tamara for a few hours, Lance reluctantly left. At home, he found a picture of Frenzy and began to put together the lost pet flier, adding on a nice reward. Whatever would help bring Frenzy back to Tamara. Once done, he stared at it. Lance's finger hovered over the mouse to click on print. He had to get over this stupid thing about blaming a pet and print the paper out. Tamara wanted Frenzy back, and at this point he'd give his daughter whatever she wanted, since there were things he couldn't give her.
He spent the next few hours posting the signs as the sun sank lower in the December sky. Clouds hung on the horizon, turning bright orange. Typical Southwest. No snow or deep chill to help bring in the holiday cheer feeling, but the sunsets were undeniably amazing.
In the distance, Lance spotted a girl walking with friends. A boy on a moped whizzed by, zig zagging through the parked cars. An elderly couple walked hand in hand with their three Pomeranian dogs on leashes sniffling through the grass.
“That's your pet?”
Lance focused his attention on the owner of the voice, a girl about eleven or twelve. She stood next to him pointing at his sign.
“My little girl's pet. He's missing,” he explained.
“I figured. That's what your sign says.” The girl stared at it with an odd expression on her face.
Oh. Right. Sheepish, Lance nodded in response. “Have you seen him?”
“Shelly! Mike's picking on your brother again. Alex looks like he's ready to hit him!” a voice called from behind her.
“Dang it. When will this stop?” the girl muttered, then took off.
Lance recognized the names. Shelly and Alex? Were these Cara's kids? He watched her run towards a crowd of kids and without another moment's hesitance, he followed.
“Why don't you talk right, huh?” An older boy Lance guessed to be in his teens snarled. “Little freak!”
“Leave him alone, Mike! Seriously!” Shelly yelled, shoving him. “Why are you always messing with my brother?”
“Maybe if he stopped messing with me!” He took a step toward Shelly.
Alex darted in between them and pushed Mike. When the older boy grunted and curled his fist, Lance jumped in before things got worse. “Break it up!” He blocked Mike from doing anything. The kid glared at him in anger and surprise.
“Who are you?”
“Doesn't matter. Break it up and leave them alone. Do it now.” Lance ordered in his best authority voice. He half expected the boy to hit him. Mike set his jaw, squared his shoulders and continued to glare.
“He's right, dude. Leave Shelly's brother alone. He's different. Not even worth it.” One of the other boys pulled on Mike's arm.
Slowly but surely, the crowd broke up.
“Don't like him,” Alex muttered.
“Are you both all right?” Lance turned back to them. There were still a few kids remaining, but he figured they were Shelly's friends, therefore harmless.
“Yeah. You didn't have to do that, but thanks. Mike is a bully,” Shelly muttered. “He doesn't get Alex. Come on, let's go home.” She put her hand on her brother's arm. Alex trembled and stayed quiet.
“I'll walk with you,” Lance offered. Just in case the kid decided to come back. He could also apologize to Cara for running out so quick the other night. He'd been abrupt and knew it, but his mind had been on Tamara.
*****
Cara was just about to head outside and call for the kids when they walked up the steps to the front porch. To her surprise, Lance trailed behind them. “Umm, hi. What are you doing here?” She opened the door wider for Shelly and Alex to slide by and sent a curious glance at him. How did he find her address? Had she left something with it when she'd dropped her purse at the store? No, that didn't make sense, because they'd picked everything up right then and there.
“Mike was being a jerk to Alex again. He stopped him and walked us home.” Shelly pointed at Lance. “You know him?”
“Yes, I know him,” Cara said to her daughter, avoiding full details for the moment.
“I've been putting up signs for my daughter's lost pet. Your daughter was talking to me when someone mentioned a boy picking on Alex,” Lance explained. “I didn't want them to be followed by Mike, so I thought I'd walk them home. I apologize if I overstepped.”
“No, no. I appreciate it. This isn't the first, nor will it be the last time we have a problem with Mike, I'm sure.” Cara suppressed a sigh. “Come on in.” She stepped back, then looked for Alex. He'd already taken off for his room, no doubt. “What kind of pet?”
Lance grimaced and handed her a flier. “A ferret. His name is Frenzy. My daughter has been asking about him non-stop ever since talking again.”
“Sounds like she's making a good recovery. I'm glad to hear it.” Cara stared down at the photo. “Hey, I've seen that ferret, actually. He's been running around the neighborhood. I thought he was a stray and have been leaving food and water out for him. Alex really loves the ferret, but I haven't wanted a pet right now. Not to mention it can be expensive to have a ferret. Next time we see him, I'll be sure to bring him in and call you.”
A mix of relief and... something else flashed across Lance's face. Anger? Frustration? Something didn't make sense. “I appreciate it. It'll make Tamara happy. I want her to have all the happy she can get.” Something that resembled wistfulness resonated in his tone.
“Yeah, I bet,” Cara said softly. She held back a shiver. Something about the way Lance looked so lost and how he talked pulled at her. “I'll tell Alex and Shelly to keep an eye out. If you hand me a few of the fliers, I'll go put some out for you, as well. Maybe some of the neighborhood kids have seen him.”
Surprise showed on his face. “Thank you.” He thrust out his hand with some of the fliers. Cara set them down on the table.
“You're welcome. I hope your daughter continues to improve.” She smiled. Did her nerves show? The mere presence of this man thrust her body
and soul into turmoil. It had been a long time since she'd had a decent conversation with a guy. Boy, was she out of touch lately. Big time.
“We got lucky. It could have been so much worse. I think she'll even be home by Christmas. My parents are with her now so that I could get these printed. I should get back to her...” His eyes darkened, sadness reflecting in them.
.How awful to be spending so much of the holiday in the hospital, but at least his situation improved. “Do you have any other kids?” She shifted weight from one foot to the other, then took a step back, realizing how close she stood to Lance. His presence still overwhelmed her. Curiosity about this stranger intrigued her. A strong emotional connection had formed the other night, at least on her end, and Cara wondered about him ever since.
“No. Tamara's an only child. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to divide my time between two or more kids.” Lance shook his head, threads of hair sliding across his forehead. He tucked the fliers under his arm.
“Oh, that's not a fun one to try and manage,” Cara replied, recalling some scenarios of her own. “Alex was in the hospital a few times and I had to figure out how I'd deal with staying, but also being there for Shelly, too.” It didn't help that her late husband hadn't been around as much. With her family being so far away, Cara had struggled. Good thing her neighbor and good friend stepped in to help. She'd come sit with Alex when Cara couldn't, and when Cara stayed with him, then Tess would keep Shelly and take care of her.
A loud wail sliced through the house. Oh no, what caused it this time? “Excuse me.” Cara bolted toward his room.
“Mom! Alex is having a meltdown!” Shelly shrieked.
“Yeah, I hear him. What happened?” Cara had been told many times to let him run through his emotions, as long as he wasn't hurting anyone or himself. Still, the sound of his angry wails tore at her heart and she found it difficult to leave him alone. She wanted so desperately to know what went on in his mind when he gets like this. The doctors had told her there was a fine line between normal temper tantrums and meltdowns.
