by Terra Wolf
But I didn’t have that. So I was forced to endure people thinking they were encouraging me, when they were only rubbing salt in the wound.
“Honey, Luke’s never brought a girl to meet his brothers. And he’s certainly never called them in a panic to set up a barbeque just so he has something to invite them to.”
My eyes went wide and she laughed, nodding. “But you didn’t hear it from me. I do think it’s kind of sweet though. I definitely don’t think there’s any question that he’s definitely interested, even if it doesn’t feel like anything yet.”
Yet. In three short letters, Alexis stoked the flame of hope inside of me again. Yet was a good word. Yet was full of promise and hope and looking to the future.
But it wasn’t just the future I had to think about. It was the past too. I sighed, shaking my head.
“I can’t,” I said.
Alexis frowned, scooting closer to me on the bench. “Well why not? I’m not sayin’ you need to haul off and get married tomorrow, but what’s wrong with seeing how it goes?”
“It’s not just me I have to think about,” I said, my eyes going to Ella. “Any guy that wants to ‘see how it goes’ with me, is also seeing how it goes with my daughter. And I don’t want to put her through that over and over again. I know how that can mess a kid up.”
“So you’re not going to do it at all? What’s the real reason?”
I narrowed my eyes at her and sighed. “You’re kind of annoyingly insightful, do you know that?”
She shrugged. “Call it a gift,” she said, grinning and flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Ella’s dad… Chuck… I made a big mistake with him. I was young and stupid, but I thought we had something. I thought it was real. And I look back at that now and I don’t even recognize the girl that fell for him. I don’t even know what she saw in him. But what if that happens with Luke too? What if I’m in that same fog of dumb, bad decisions and I just keep repeating the same mistake with different men? My own emotional stability aside, what kind of example is that setting for my little girl? I’d rather her see me as a strong independent woman that doesn’t need a man than a woman that bounces from relationship to relationship, never satisfied with being by herself.”
Alexis was quiet for a long time, looking out over the lawn and the gathered party. Where we were, we were secluded by the shade and the plants, but behind the willow, more trees crowded in, leaving us in relative quiet, too. It was easy to forget everything in that spot, but I wouldn’t let myself.
“There’s also the other option,” she finally said, resting her elbows on her knees.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, the one where you try dating when you meet someone you can’t imagine not dating. And if it works out, great, but if it doesn’t, you don’t have to jump into somethin’ else. But you can’t lie to me, you want to be with him, right?”
I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, but finally I nodded. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, he’s not your shitty ex. I’m not going to tell you that Luke is a saint by any means, but don’t punish him for crimes he hasn’t committed, you know?”
I sighed, blowing out a deep, heavy breath. Finally, I nodded again. “Yeah, I know. You’re right.” I couldn’t keep my life on hold indefinitely because I’d made a poor judgment call. I couldn’t just stop doing everything because one of the things I did was stupid. That’s not how you learn. It isn’t how you live. And looking at Luke, now crouched down in front of Ella watching her act out some incredible story, I decided I definitely wanted to start living again.
Thirteen
Luke
It wasn’t until after all the food had been made — and eaten — and the sun was starting to set that I finally got to actually spend some time with Claire and escape my brothers.
“Hey there stranger,” I said, sidling up beside her in the warm glow of sunset, the sound of crickets waking up filling in the silence left by the waning party.
“Hey you,” she answered, smiling my way. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d been avoiding me all day.”
“Never,” I said, my voice low and soft. Her eyes flicked to mine, surprised by the sincerity there, but she just kept smiling.
“How’s Ella?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I think she’s made some new best friends. She’s definitely ruined that dress, and Tubby might need your surgical skills, but there’s no doubt she’s had fun.”
“Good. I’m glad. What about you? My family didn’t harass you too much, did they?”
She shook her head, golden curls bouncing in the light. One of these days I was going to get to run my fingers through it. Feel those curls and see if they’re as silky soft as I imagined.
“Everyone’s been wonderful to me. Thank you for bringing me.”
“Anytime,” I said, my hand twitching to wrap around her waist. But the last time I tried to do that, she jumped away like I’d burned her. I didn’t know enough about Claire’s past to make any assumptions and I didn’t know just how much of an asshole her ex was. But if a woman jumped at my touch like that, it made me think she’d been touched in the wrong ways. Ways that weren’t showing her how beautiful and precious and perfect she was.
So I didn’t touch her. Not then. Even though my whole body ached, every muscle coiled tight with the effort of keeping my hands to myself while my bear roared in the background and her sweet vanilla scent filled my head.
“Speak of the devil,” Claire said, nodding toward the group of kids heading in from the playground. They all knew the rules and knew there was no playing out there after dark. But surprisingly, Ella was leading the procession, Tubby clutched close, her tiny fist rubbing her eyes with every other step. Claire turned and held up a finger. “Hold that thought,” she said, darting off to scoop a very sleepy Ella into her arms.
“This is firsthand evidence of how much fun she had,” she confirmed, readjusting the girl on her hip. Ella was draped over Claire’s shoulder and already pretty much asleep.
“Let me,” I said, offering my arms. Claire hesitated for a moment, but after adjusting Ella another time, she relented.
“She’s just getting too big for this,” she sighed.
“Not while I’m around,” I said, heading off toward the truck. “I could carry you around like this without a problem.”
She laughed. “You wouldn’t.”
I sent her a playful look over my shoulder and waggled my eyebrows at her. “Don’t tempt me.”
I couldn’t be sure in the dark, but I thought I saw her cheeks go red, her eyes darting to the ground. But there would always be time to tease her and gauge her reaction once we were back in the truck. I could already feel a wet spot growing on my shoulder from Ella’s drool, not that I minded. I was a doctor. Drool was the least of my bodily fluid concerns.
I got her situated in her booster seat and all buckled in. Of course, Claire had to double-check my work, but she gave me the stamp of approval and I’d never felt prouder of an accomplishment. I wanted to be able to protect these girls, to keep them from harm, to make sure they were always safe and happy and loved.
That thought still sent ice through my veins, but after talking to Zion and Aiden, I just tried to ignore the ice. Yes, thinking about someone I barely knew in such long-lasting serious terms was terrifying to the human part of me, but the bear part knew what it wanted. What we both needed. And I couldn’t argue with him forever.
It wasn’t until we were past the bear carvings that we finally broke the silence in the cab of the truck. At the same time.
“So I was thinking—”
“So, I wanted to—”
“Go ahead,” Claire said, nibbling on her bottom lip until it was swollen and red and begging for me to kiss it. I shook my head, already having forgotten whatever words were on the tip of my tongue.
“No, you first,” I said, hoping to remember how to use words by the time
I had my turn to speak. There was something about this woman. She was so innocuously sexy. It was something natural about her. She didn’t have to try or think about it. She just was. And it was distracting as hell.
“I was talking to your brother’s wife Alexis…”
“Oh God,” I groaned, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.
Claire chuckled and shook her head. “They’re not out to sabotage you, you know.”
I sighed. “I know. But I also know that having a swarm of strangers descend on you with a solitary purpose is probably overwhelming.”
She shrugged. “I think it was helpful to have an outside perspective. I’ve been so in my own head about… Well, about whatever this is.” She paused, her breath caught in her throat, her whole body tense. Then, in a whisper, she said, “It is something, right?”
I just nodded. I didn’t think she needed more confirmation than that and her relief-filled exhale told me I was right.
“Right, well, I’ve been really in my own head about it all and trying to tell myself it isn’t anything and even if it was I couldn’t… Because…”
She sighed again and shook her head. “Why did you make me go first? I’m no good at these things.”
I chuckled and reached across the cab for her hand, lacing my fingers with hers.
“Okay, my turn then. All my life people have told me that at some point, I’ll meet a woman I’m drawn to. A woman I can’t bear to be apart from. And it’s never happened for me. I thought they were all crazy. Until I met you. And I know it sounds insane, but I feel that with you. That weird unexplainable pull that makes me want to be near you every second you’re away. I don’t think either of us was looking for this, and that’s made it a little difficult to get started, but I don’t think either of us really wants to let it go without at least trying, right?”
I held my breath until she nodded. “Right. I’ve been so caught up in not wanting to repeat past mistakes that I didn’t really consider I might be making a new kind of mistake…”
I grinned, squeezing her hand. “So, how about a real honest-to-goodness date this Friday? Just you and me.”
She smiled back at me and looked back to Ella. “I can convince my sister to watch Ella, I’m sure.”
“Perfect,” I said, waves of relief and excitement washing through me in tandem.
We bounced down the mountain road, Ella softly snoring in the back of the cab, Tubby snuggled close. It felt like a thing I’d done a hundred times even though it was brand new. The little girl sleeping in the backseat, the beautiful woman smiling in the seat next to me, the comfortable silence and the woods wrapping around us. What could be better? What more could I ask for in life?
“Did you know Aunt Valerie was a contender for the ‘52 Olympics?” she asked after a long stretch of quiet.
I laughed, nodding. “She might be in her eighties, but don’t let her fool you. She’ll still launch a beer can like a shot put. Gave one of my cousins a nasty concussion when he didn’t duck fast enough.”
Claire gasped, covering her mouth in mock shock. “Dr. Bradford, I had no idea you brought me to such a dangerous event.”
“We’re all a bunch of animals,” I teased, making her laugh hard enough that Ella muttered in her sleep and rolled over. But it wasn’t just a joke. One day she’d have to find out the truth about me and my family. One day, she’d learn that there are things living in secret that she never thought possible. And on that day, I’d just have to hope that she cared about me enough to look past it.
I honestly didn’t know how a person could look past something like that. If the tables were turned, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it. There are too many unknowns from her perspective. I could be dangerous, or wild. I could be uncontrollable. She doesn’t know. And God forbid she ever catch wind of the curse. Then she’d just be worried about me going feral and getting shot some day.
It was a lot for anyone to take in. Even someone that was raised amongst bears and knew all about them. But Claire wasn’t one of those people and it would be a huge shock to her.
I’d just have to keep it under wraps for as long as I could manage. Maybe I could get away with never telling her. Never shift again.
My bear growled a warning at that and I knew I could never just shut him out. He had as much a right to be me as the rest of me. Trying to get rid of him would be like trying to get rid of my hands. I just wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be able to function the way I always have.
So, even though it was a ticking time bomb hanging over my head, I knew the bear thing would have to come out at some point. I just hoped by then Claire decided she couldn’t live without me, no matter what.
But I was getting ahead of myself. We didn’t even have our first official date until Friday. And it was only Saturday. Friday seemed impossibly far, but I hoped the time would give me a chance to get a hold of myself. Because whenever I was anywhere near Claire, I lost all control. I just started imagining happy futures with babies and a big house and all the things I never dared dream about. And I knew it was dangerous. I just couldn’t stop it.
“End of the line,” I said, pulling up at her house, shoving all those thoughts far from the present. They were for a future version of me to deal with. Right now, I had Claire and Ella with me and I wasn’t going to waste the moment by fretting over what might happen later.
“Thank you again for inviting us. We both had a fantastic time,” Claire said, her hand hovering over the door handle. I hopped out of the truck and hurried around, opening the door for her.
“Thank you for coming. I know it wasn’t exactly what most people would have in mind for a first date.”
“Oh, this was a date, was it?” She smirked. “I thought that’s what Friday was?”
I shrugged. “Fine. This was a test run, fair enough?”
She nodded, smiling, her eyes sparkling in the dim light from her front porch.
I carefully unbuckled Ella and scooped her out of the booster seat without jostling her. She didn’t budge.
“I’ll just get this out of here…” Claire reached past me for the booster seat, running it over to her car. I headed up to the front porch and waited for her, passing Ella over when she got there.
“Sweet dreams,” I whispered to Ella, kissing her forehead. “And I’ll see you soon,” I said to Claire, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead too.
“Friday,” she said, nodding as she slipped into her house.
Friday. It couldn’t come fast enough.
Fourteen
Claire
“Okay, so here’s the booster seat in case you go anywhere,” I said, thrusting the thing to my sister Dana.
“And here’s a bag of her stuff. There’s a change of clothes in there and pajamas. I don’t expect to be late, but just in case. Also, her favorite bubble bath is in here—”
“Claire—”
“And I know she’ll probably give you grief about eating her vegetables, but there’s no dessert unless she does. And I mean that. Don’t be the cool aunt that lets her break the rules, please—”
“Claire—”
“And here’s the number for her doctor, though I’m going to be with a doctor, so if anything happens you should probably just call me right away—”
“Claire.”
Dana’s hand shot out to take me by the shoulder and she gave me a little shake.
“What?”
She grinned, taking everything from my hands and patting me on the arm. “You’re going for a date, not a trek into the arctic for six months. She’s going to be fine. I think I can handle it for one night.”
“Okay, but don’t let her trick you. She isn’t allowed to use grown-up scissors or stay up past nine.”
“But drinking and smoking’s cool, right?”
I gave my sister a hard look, but she just smirked at me. “Come on, really? I can handle this. We’re just going to paint our nails and watch movies. It’ll be fine. Enjoy yourself.”<
br />
I sighed, slumping forward. “Promise?”
She nodded, pulling me into an awkward hug with the bag and booster seat and everything else between us. “Of course.”
“Thanks Dana.”
“What are sisters for?”
I grinned and shrugged, feeling a little silly about my manic need to control everything.
“You look super hot, by the way.”
“It’s not too much?” I asked, plucking at the dress I hadn’t worn in years. The deep red shade played nicely off my pale skin and blonde hair, but I bought the clingy, revealing number before I’d had Ella and I wasn’t sure my post-pregnancy body was pulling it off.
“Well,” Dana said, looking at my ensemble thoughtfully, “you do want to sleep with him right?”
I nodded.
She shook her head. “Then no, it’s not too much at all.”
“Dana!”
She grinned and held up her hands. “You’re the one that picked the ‘fuck me’ dress.”
“Watch your language,” I hissed, eyes darting past her to find Ella. But Ella was already engrossed in cartoons and not paying us any attention.
“Just have fun, would you? You deserve it.”
“I’ll try,” I sighed, hugging myself self-consciously now. I wondered if I could dart back home to change, but then I saw the time and realized I was already running late.
“Shit, I’ve gotta go.” I gave her one last hug and started sprinting to the car, but Dana stopped me.
“Uh… Claire?”
I turned and she just nodded her head, her eyes going to my hands. Where I was still holding on to Tubby. I guess he offered comfort to more than just Ella. I laughed and chucked the stuffed elephant towards the front door and Dana caught him with two free fingers, waving at me with her fist closed around Ella’s bevy of supplies and possessions.
I got in the car and blew out a few deep breaths before I started it and headed down the mountain. I’d been looking forward to this date all week, looking forward to seeing Luke again and actually talking to him. Actually exploring this chemistry between us and seeing where it could go. But of course, now that the time had arrived, I was a nervous wreck. What if he didn’t show? What if he did show and immediately regretted it? What if everything went well and I blew it right at the end? There were too many things that could go wrong. So many things, that it almost seemed inevitable that something would go wrong. But I couldn’t think like that. Thinking like that was just inviting the bad things in. I had to focus on the positive.
