by Ayles, Abby
“I don’t want to go back,” Caroline said sulkily. “I want to stay here with Grannie. I could take care of the kittens and help her around the cottage,” Caroline suggested.
“That’s such a lovely idea,” Grannie chimed in. “But your father would miss you sorely. You must go back home to him, my child.”
“But she is just awful,” Caroline pleaded now with Hannah. “I tried to tell Father and he wouldn’t listen to me.”
“I know that she doesn’t seem the greatest match for your family now,” Hannah said, putting an arm around Caroline and rubbing her back gently. “In all honesty I can’t say that you will ever feel differently about her. But she must make Lord Grimshaw happy or he would not have brought her to Brighton Abby.”
Caroline grumbled at this.
“And he wouldn’t pick a lady that he didn’t think would also make you and Rebecca happy too. He loves you both so much. You are his whole world. Your father would never dream of doing anything that isn’t right for you.”
“I know you don’t like her either,” Caroline retorted as a last-ditch effort.
“It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t, does it? She is your father’s choice. Let’s be happy for him, hm?”
Though the words came out of Hannah’s mouth she couldn’t feel it in her heart. She wasn’t sure she could ever feel happy for Lord Grimshaw’s marriage to Lady Tara. The fact that she had to say such things to Caroline tore at her heartstrings.
Today was most likely going to be her final day with Caroline and Rebecca Blackburn, so she wouldn’t taint that moment with her personal thoughts on the lady.
She would want them to remember her as one who tried to help and lift them up, even if the prospect was looking bleak.
The sounds of a carriage caught all their attentions and silently they made ready for their departure. By the time the Grimshaw carriage had pulled up to the cottage, cloaks were on and hugs and goodbyes were expressed to Grannie.
Johnson hopped down from the driver’s seat, took the horse that Hannah had rode on the night before and tied it to the back of the carriage to follow behind.
Grimshaw stepped out of the carriage looking like he had had little sleep and no time to shave. Hannah guessed it was the look of a father up all night worried over his daughter’s happiness.
Caroline didn’t say a word to him but merely got into the carriage. He looked to Hannah questioningly.
“Just give her a little time,” Hannah said to calm his fears.
Hannah climbed into the carriage behind Caroline and Grimshaw followed too. Caroline stuck to Hannah’s side, leaning on her for support as they took the ride back to Brighton Abby in silence.
Perhaps it was because Caroline too remembered this was to be Hannah’s last day at the estate or perhaps it was because she knew in Hannah’s shadow her father would not press her, but either way she would not leave the side of her governess upon their return.
Finally, rather reluctantly, Caroline was ushered to Abigail and Hannah was left on her own. The earl also with a heavy weight on his mind went straight from the carriage to the closed doors of his office.
It left Hannah a bit in limbo in the middle of the foyer. No doubt she was to go to her room and prepare to leave that very day. The problem was she still had nowhere to go nor any means to get there.
Hannah thought back to the sound of the crunching ice under her feet that morning. What was she to do now with winter coming in earnest and no prospects of shelter over her head?
As much as she regretted the thought as it came to her, she knew there would be only one course of action. It was something she would have rather never had to do, but nothing could be done for it.
She would have to stand before the earl and beg him to let her stay on in any capacity possible at least until the coldest parts of winter passed.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Hannah knew where she would find the earl. After breakfast he often retired to his office to see to any work he might have.
After seeing to any paperwork he would spend his afternoon with his guests instead of working in the west wing as he had been doing in the past.
Hannah needed to speak with him alone. She was sure if she waited too long he would be with his guests and she would be forced to grovel in front of all of them.
Standing outside the office door, Hannah leaned her ear against the wood to hear for any sound. She could hear the subtle sound of quill scratching on paper. Taking a step back from the door she smoothed out her skirts and took a long deep breath. Raising one hand that only slightly quivered, she knocked softly on the door.
She opened it when bade to enter and was surprised to see Lord Grimshaw wasn’t alone in the room. Seated across from him looking far too small in the massive chair was Caroline.
“I don’t want to interrupt anything,” Hannah said quickly, “I just wondered if I might have a word with you at some point today?”
“Now is fine,” Grimshaw said, leaning back in his chair. “Caroline, you may go join your sister in the nursery now.”
“I hope you will consider what we have talked about today,” Grimshaw added when the repentant little girl stood up.
Hannah gave her pupil a weak smile and hoped that he hadn’t been too hard on her for her escapade the night before.
“Please take a seat,” Grimshaw said as the door slowly closed, leaving them in privacy.
“I think I would do better to stand,” Hannah said with only a slight quiver to her voice.
He studied her with his dark eyes, trying to seek out the reason for her nervous behavior.
Hannah sucked in one long breath and then let all her words rush out on the exhale.
“I know that my termination of employment is effective today. Unfortunately I have been unable to secure any sort of accommodation elsewhere. I understand that you may already have a replacement governess and that I no longer am acceptable to work in that capacity for you. I wonder if you might allow me some lodging until I am able to secure otherwise. I’m sure by the spring at the very latest. I would be happy to work any way you deem appropriate for payment.”
The earl’s dark eyebrows had raised at the beginning of her speech in surprise but by the end of it a soft smirk brushed against his square jaw.
“Miss Jacobson, please take a seat,” he motioned with his hand.
Hannah hesitated for only a second. Was he smiling because he was going to enjoy denying her the request? She didn’t expect a serious man like Lord Grimshaw would be so happy to carry the burden of her in his household longer.
Nonetheless, she walked forward and took the chair that Caroline had left vacant.
“Caroline and I had a very long talk since returning home from Concordshire,” Grimshaw said, lacing his fingers in front of him. “It seems I owe a great debt to you. Caroline was reluctant to listen to my urgings but you, Miss Jacobson, seem to have the magic touch to get through to her.”
“I’m not at all sure what you said to her, but Caroline has decided to give Lady Tara a chance and I thank you for that,” he finished softly.
“I’m glad I could help. I know big changes can’t be easy on ones so young.”
“Yes, I dare say it’s hard on all of us,” Grimshaw said with a distant look to his eyes.
“But in light of the recent event I believe I acted too hasty before. You clearly care for my girls and keep their best interests at the heart of your intentions.”
“What are you saying?” Hannah asked so as to make sure there was no miscommunication.
“I am saying I rather hoped that you would stay on as governess. And,” he added hesitantly, “that you would forgive me for losing my temper as I did.”
Hannah put her hands to her mouth in surprise and did her best to hold back the tears. Only moments ago she was looking at a life with no chance of employment and no way to take care of herself. Now she again had a roof over her head and what’s more was given a second chance to end this j
ob on good terms.
“You don’t know how much that would mean to me,” she said softly so as to control her emotion. “I can’t wait to tell the girls! Oh, this is so wonderful. Thank you so much,” Hannah continued.
“Please, it is I who should thank you. This morning with Caroline I saw how much she has grown and blossomed under your care. You do me a great service by staying.”
Grimshaw smiled, satisfied that at least he didn’t have to worry about finding another governess.
“Although,” he added with a warning tone, “I must ask you keep to my requests. If you go into the village to see your Mrs. McCarthy I would like to also be present. I can make myself available to fit around the schedule you have already made with the widow.”
“Thank you, Lord Grimshaw. That is most kind of you. I know the girls, Caroline especially, will be relieved to know they can visit with her again.”
“Yes, she must have truly taken to the widow to run to her last night.”
“Yes, I believe they are cut from the same cloth,” Hannah mused. “They have a lot in common and Grannie makes a good womanly influence for her.”
Grimshaw’s mind went to darker thoughts at the mention of a role model. Lady Tara was supposed to be that womanly influence on his girls. In fact, it was the sole purpose that he had brought her to Brighton Abby for.
He had no enjoyment in the thought of marrying the lady. He did it only for his girls. Now he was torn by the fact that they, themselves, fought against the idea of a motherly figure to take care of them.
Caroline had expounded in detail the afternoon tea she had with Lady Tara that led to her leaving Brighton Abby. He would have liked to tell himself that perhaps there was a misunderstanding somewhere in the interactions his daughter had with the lady, but he couldn’t seem to find a logical explanation for one.
Lady Tara had spoken repeatedly about her love of children back in London. She had also seemed heartily interested when he spoke of his daughters. He couldn’t see that to be the case by the way Caroline explained her actions yesterday afternoon.
“Is something the matter, Lord Grimshaw?” Hannah asked, noticing the dimness to his eyes.
He shook his head as if to physically remove the melancholy.
“It’s all just a bit more difficult than I expected,” he finally said softly.
“I am sure the girls will warm up to her,” Hannah said, though it was an uncomfortable feeling to encourage Lord Grimshaw in a relationship with Lady Tara.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the envelope that he had taken to keeping with him now at all times.
“I am concerned that they won’t,” he said, staring down at his late wife’s handwriting.
“Even so, it is your choice. Caroline and I spoke over the matter. She agreed it is more important that you have your happiness.”
Grimshaw looked at her, surprised by her words.
“I’m not happy with her. In fact, I can’t stand her,” he said blatantly.
“What?” Hannah said, shocked by his words.
“She spoke of loving children so much, wanting to have some of her own to take care of, all throughout our time in London. I thought she would be a good match for the girls.”
“I understand where your desire comes from to see them taken care of well, but would it not be better to find a woman you have affection for?”
Grimshaw stared at her long and hard. He was sure that the pools of her blue eyes could tell what was being said in his mind. It was her that he cared for deeply.
“I could never,” he said softly, replacing the envelope. “I couldn’t bear to do that to Ann.”
“Your late wife?” Hannah asked softly.
All Grimshaw did was nod, looking down into his hands.
“I am sure she would be happy for you if you did find someone you could love.”
“Perhaps. She said as much herself,” he said with a wistful smile that faded quickly. “I could never do that though. It would be like a betrayal.”
Hannah didn’t know what to say. She could certainly appreciate the complexity of the situation and could plainly see the turmoil that it caused him.
“I thought if I found someone who would love my children as their own, I would do right by Ann’s request to remarry. I figured that was what she meant by it, anyway. It would be all the better to be a woman that I could never have romantic feelings for. That way I could always be true to her.”
“But do you honestly think Lady Grimshaw would be happy knowing you went through your life miserable for her sake?” Hannah paused before continuing in a gentle tone.
“Caroline only shared a few memories she had of her mother with me, but from what I have learned of Lady Grimshaw she was a kind woman. She would want you to be happy too.”
Grimshaw was surprised that Caroline had spoken to Miss Jacobson about her mother. He was more surprised she had any memories to speak of. She was so little when her mother had died and Grimshaw rarely ever talked about her due to the emotions it would bring up.
He thought Miss Jacobson’s words over. He knew she was right. Ann was too kind a person to ever ask anyone to suffer on her account.
“I suppose it doesn’t matter now. Nothing can be done about it.”
“What do you mean?” Hannah asked, trying her best to hide the feeling of her stomach dropping to the floor.
Had the earl already made arrangements for marriage to Lady Tara? She hoped for Caroline and Rebecca’s sake that wasn’t the case.
“My intentions were clear enough when I asked the Marlows to come for the holidays. It will be expected now.”
“But not said?” Hannah asked again with relief.
He leaned back in his chair and studied her. Hannah was sure her face was giving way to her inner emotions.
“No,” he said softly, boring into her eyes with his own, ‘not said yet. But expected nonetheless.”
“I won’t presume to give you advice on a matter I could not understand fully myself. As a woman who loves Caroline and Rebecca, however, I might give a suggestion on how Lady Grimshaw might feel about a connection to Lady Tara for their sake.”
“And what would that be, Miss Jacobson?”
“Don’t. They are wise enough to realize you are suffering on their behalf. Even if Lady Tara does warm up to the girls, and perhaps she will, I worry that it will still cause a great rift between you and them.”
“You have such a wonderful relationship with your children. Far better than most. They need the love of their father far more than the affection of a woman.”
Grimshaw thanked her for her words. It certainly gave him quite a bit to think on. She left him in his office to his own musing for the rest of the morning while Hannah went to tell the girls the news that she would stay.
Though Grimshaw tried to resign himself to suffering a marriage for his children’s benefit, he knew that Miss Jacobson was right. Ann would not be pleased and if Lady Tara never warmed to the girls they would certainly resent him for her presence.
There was one thing, however, that stayed ever present in his mind as Grimshaw thought the matter over. Hannah Jacobson loved the girls. She loved them as if they were her own.
Clearly the feeling was mutual as well, as Caroline opened up to her in ways that she never did even for him.
He let himself muse over Miss Jacobson all the afternoon whilst Lady Tara played the piano and Lord Waldron talked to him of politics.
His feelings for her were no secret in his mind. He thought he saw hints that she too had some feelings for him. He couldn’t be sure though, she could possibly just have a great love for his daughters. There was also the interloping with David Poole to consider.
Grimshaw was sure he would get no peace until he knew the matter for sure.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lord Grimshaw knew what he had to do to put his mind at ease. He was never one for playing games. He would go to Hannah Jacobson and ask her straight out if she
had feelings for him.
It was unorthodox to be sure but he had to know and this was the surest way to find out.
Unfortunately he still had guests to entertain and that took him well into the night. Frustrated by the incessant chatter of Lady Waldron and Lady Tara he was put in a sour mood indeed.
Though it didn’t seem proper to go to Miss Jacobson’s room so late at night, he knew he could not find peace until he found out the truth of the matter for himself.
It was close to midnight when his guests finally retired and Grimshaw made his way to the far side of the east wing where Miss Jacobson resided.
He was sure she would be fast asleep in bed but he wouldn’t be able to sleep himself that night unless he at least tried.
With nothing but a candle to light his way he walked the darkness, determined to resolve the matter by dawn. He stood in front of her door and listened in.
Of course there was silence on the other side. He was almost positive now that she was fast asleep and this was a fool’s errand he was on. Nonetheless he softly knocked on the door.
If she was awake it was loud enough to hear but certainly not loud enough to wake her in the event she had already gone to bed.
Surprisingly he heard the ruffling of fabrics moving inside and a steady voice bade him enter. He took a long steady breath for the sake of his nerves and opened the door.
Hannah Jacobson had no doubt that Mr. David Poole would attempt to enter her room again this night. No doubt the news that she would be staying on as governess would reach the downstairs.
She had never expected when she came to grovel at Lord Grimshaw’s mercy that he would even allow her to stay, let alone reinstate her.
Hannah was sure that she was on some euphoric high from the news when she determined her plan for the night. It was going to be now or never.
She would not live one more night in Brighton Abby fearing what creatures might stalk her in the night.
For this reason when she heard the heavy footsteps headed her way she was not only awake but ready. Surprisingly Mr. Poole knocked softly on the door.
