Seeing her face for the very first time was remarkable. I never thought that I looked like that. It wasn’t me, but it was my entirety staring back. It felt like a dream where you know that the person in it is someone who you’ve seen your entire life, like your mom, for instance. But for some reason, she looks like someone else, someone you have never met before.
“Turn and hug your identical twin sister,” I would later hear Dr. Nancy Segal say. Anaïs and I were identical twins! I had known it when I had seen Anaïs’s picture, but when I heard the words from the expert, I was overcome with joy and relief. Our next step with Dr. Segal would be all the testing. She was even going to see if we were “mirror-image twins,” twins whose physical features mirror those of the other one.
The next day, I met Anaïs at her apartment. It was a really cool place. It seemed very “college,” or as they say in England, “uni,” Brit-speak for “university.” From the street outside, I could see a mannequin in just a skirt in the window. The skirt was one of Anaïs’s designs, as she had showed it to me on Skype. Inside the apartment, there was a big table where she and Marie did their designs. My sister’s bedroom was beautiful, bright, and fresh, with a huge white-framed bed topped with a stylish down comforter.
I was going to accompany Anaïs to Central Saint Martins to see where she spent her time and to meet all the important people in her life. We decided to have some fun and switch outfits to see if her friends would know the difference. It was my idea, but Anaïs, with her sweet/evil smile, complied. To be honest, we felt weird in each other’s clothing. Our walks had to change when we changed shoes. Carrying her purse was strange, as I don’t carry purses, and Anaïs had to walk like me in order to support my backpack. The funniest part was that we both put our hands in our pockets exactly the same way.
The university was impressive. The Central Saint Martins building is a massive brick structure with beautiful fountains in front. I could tell by the gorgeous costumes displayed in glass cases in the entry hall that this school was top rate, and that Anaïs must be especially talented to go here. Seeing the reactions of her friends to our switching places was priceless. Her friend Jewon was our first target. Anaïs had prepped me on exactly what to say, so I jumped out and, using my best French accent, said, “Jewon, my seester eez here!” He stopped and stared as though an alien had arrived before him. We all had a laugh.
All of Anaïs’s classmates were incredibly enthusiastic about meeting me. Anaïs had a lot to do in her studio, so I just hung around watching as she worked. She had fittings and was prepping for the next day, her big fashion show. At one point, she assigned me to lacing up the boots for her models. Like a good assistant, I laced every shoe.
That night, Anaïs and I walked over to the hotel where Jacques and Patricia were staying. They were having dinner in the restaurant, and we were meeting them there to say hello. I was nervous that her father wouldn’t like me, because not only was I American but I was also making a documentary about his daughter and me, which he might find exploitive. The Bordiers were reserved and were not sure they wanted their lives on display. But I really wanted Jacques to like me. Patricia and I had formed a nice bond at the restaurant, and I was hoping I’d find the same with Jacques. He had been so skeptical from the beginning about Anaïs and me being twins, and I wasn’t sure how he would feel about me.
When we found them in the restaurant, his expression was nothing I had feared it would be. His eyes went wide and he couldn’t conceal a smile. I was so relieved. His apparent love for both of us was so touching.
The next day was huge. Anaïs’s fashion show was in the morning, and my parents were arriving in the evening. The first thing I did was hang out with my sister at school for a bit before meeting up with her parents in front of the theater where the fashion show was being held. I had never been to a fashion show before. This one was absolutely astonishing. The show took place in a black box studio set up with risers, a runway on the ground, and video cameras on the side. The audience was filled with all sorts of characters: a mix of fashion students, professors, family, reporters, fashion scouts, and friends. You could see the professors grading the pieces as models strode the catwalk. The outfits were breathtaking and creative. One of Anaïs’s friends had constructed shoes with plastic water bottles for soles, so as the models walked, they would make a unique sound in order to complement the collection. I had never thought of sound being something so integral to a design. I could tell how important this fashion show was by how tense and serious everyone was. These collections were the work of the up-and-coming designers of our generation, and knowing that my sister was one of them was incredible. Anaïs’s stunning designs were applauded throughout the room, which was not always the case with the other designers in the show. I thought her collection was the best of any of them, and seeing her clothing flowing so beautifully on a real live model made me proud. Anaïs’s blood runs through my veins, so hopefully some of her creativity runs in them as well.
After the show, we beat my parents to Tommy Miah’s Raj Hotel, where they would be staying. When Mom, Dad, and Matt got out of the tube station, we were waiting in the lobby, and Anaïs ran out before me. I had told her to pat my dad on the belly, like I always do, and say, “Hi, Steve!” She did. My dad’s smile was so wide that he looked Asian, too! He couldn’t stop staring at Anaïs. He had the look of a proud father the day his baby is born—one of pride, surprise, and pure joy. In a way, it was true. In that moment, he was meeting his new baby. It was clear that both of my parents were overwhelmed with happiness.
We sat in the lobby of the Tommy Raj, which was also a Bangladeshi restaurant, and talked. Anaïs was shy around Matt, although they seemed to bond right away. They were already giggling and joking around, and after only a few short moments the awkwardness left the air and they just began to enjoy each other’s company. My father was continuously asking questions. Where do you live? What is it like? How do you like London? He was sitting with his elbows on the table, staring at her like a schoolboy. It brought me so much joy to watch. I imagined this was what he would be like as a grandfather seeing his grandchild for the first time.
The next day, we all went on a bus tour of London. This was the first time our families were together. We rode a double-decker and saw the big sights until right before lunchtime, when Andrew arrived and met us at a fish-and-chips pub. Andrew pointed at Anaïs and me and said, “That’s Sam, and that’s Anaïs.” He got it right. He sat down at the table near Matt and me, a safe distance from Anaïs. He was a little weirded out at first by how much Anaïs looked like me. He was giggling, and I think it was because he was a bit uncomfortable, although relieved to find out that we were twins. Andrew had been the biggest skeptic in my family, and the one who had kept reminding me not to get my hopes up. But once the DNA test confirmed what the rest of us had all been sure of all along, he was thrilled for everybody.
Our big lunch together with all the families was so much fun. Matt, Andrew, Anaïs, and I, sitting together as the four “kids” for the first time, were acting like it. We were quite playful, annoying, goofy, and having a great time. I threw a pea in Andrew’s drink, and then Anaïs threw a pea in right after mine. She then slipped in her evil smile, and we all had a good laugh. I was happy she was beginning to experiment with having brothers. It would have been mayhem for our parents in our childhood, had we been all together. Seeing Anaïs with Matt and Andrew was surreal. She had siblings now for the very first time. I loved it.
That night, we had a private dinner with just families, no cameras, at a Korean restaurant, of course. Anaïs’s parents were far more laid-back without the cameras and had a lot more to say. Filming made them uncomfortable, which is completely understandable. Not that they weren’t impressed with the entire production and the production team, but the Bordiers are more private than the Futermans and unaccustomed to simply ignoring the cameras. Our parents loved talking about Anaïs and me as ki
ds. Everybody shared pictures and presents, too. Anaïs’s mom presented our family with gifts from the Bordiers’ shop. I received an orange alligator-skin wallet, and my mother got a beautiful red leather bracelet.
After the meal, the parents went back to their respective hotels, and the rest of us went back to the flat to get ready to go to what turned out to be an INSANE party with all of Anaïs’s friends. It was at her friend Olya’s apartment, and it was packed from wall to wall with super-artsy kids from Central Saint Martins. Her best friend, Jonathan, was there, but he looked so completely different that we didn’t even recognize him at first. He had been at our DNA test result reveal, and he had looked like a lovely young French businessman that night. But now, he was wearing a big puffy jacket with a fitted cap and had the persona of a young American rapper from the Bronx. Once we figured out who he was, we were all shocked. Maybe it was his American twin? The rest of her friends were from all over the world and delightful to meet. Her friend Olya was a firecracker from Ukraine. Everyone seemed to know Anaïs. I felt so proud to be her sister.
The next morning, we all woke up early, so we could go see the Harry Potter studios, one of the absolute highlights of the trip. Everyone met at the train station, where we would catch the train to Watford Junction, twenty miles northwest of London. Andrew was particularly excited about the studio tour, as a massive “Pothead” (the term for one obsessed with Harry Potter). He even has a tattoo on his leg that says, “RIP Dobby,” probably the thing that I am most proud of about my big brother. We had a blast that day. I have been on many sets in my life, but these were special. My sister was totally obsessed, too, and I imagined us being the Weasley twins, running around and playing jokes on everyone at Hogwarts.
We were back in London by late afternoon in time for the Bordiers to check out of their hotel and catch their train back to Paris. It was amazing to have two new “parents.” They hadn’t raised me, but they were a brand-new relationship to explore—one that was created just for me. I imagined it was the same for Anaïs and my own parents, something akin to having in-laws. And they all got along so well. Our parents had already been swapping pictures and e-mailing each other. With the love the Bordiers showed me, how could I not love them back? Plus, they had raised my sister and made her the person she is today.
Later that night, the young people all went to a club. Kelsang met us there. This was the first time I had met our matchmaker in person, although we had already been acquainted on Skype and through pictures. He really meant a lot to me. Without Kelsang, who knows when my sister might have seen me, if ever? We all danced and celebrated into the wee hours of the morning.
The next day was dedicated to more classic tourist attractions. Our first stop was the Tower of London. My favorite part of this tour was watching Anaïs aggressively grab a piece of chain mail from a little boy who was hogging it. It was in a hands-on display, and the boy had played with it too long, in Anaïs’s opinion. She wanted to feel it, too, and she grabbed it from his hands. I called her out on it, and we all started cracking up. Sometimes it was very clear that my sister was (as in, used to be) an only child. Now she has my brothers and me to call her out. She had better get used to it.
Andrew left the next day. I was sad to see him go so soon. I didn’t know when I’d see him again. He had come to London having only one sister, and he left having two. By the end of his time in London, he and Anaïs were really hitting it off. There was a farewell dinner for my parents and Matt that night at an Indian restaurant, as they were leaving the following morning.
Once my family was all gone, Anaïs opened up about feeling abandoned by our birth mother. It was both sad to hear her feelings and comforting to know she trusted me with them. She confided that when she was a child, she often felt as though she had been abandoned. I had never been ripped apart by those kinds of feelings. The adoption never made me sad. I never thought of myself as being abandoned.
Maybe having brothers helped. I hadn’t had time to think about what happened after my birth. I was too focused on keeping Matt and Andrew out of my room and from “torturing” me, but that “torture” was really just a display of love, which engulfed me my entire childhood. Anaïs didn’t have the same brotherly distractions. She didn’t have siblings to love her like that. She had her imaginary friend, Anne, who couldn’t answer back. She felt as though her birth family hadn’t wanted her and was afraid to find them lest they reject her again. She also worried about what would happen when her parents passed away. “I would have no one,” she told me. She said she didn’t want to search for our birth mother. She would rather keep alive in her mind the slight possibility and fantasy that she had been sent away for something better.
I didn’t believe that we were given up for something better. The truth of the matter was, we had no idea why this happened to us. We could assume and think that it could have been this or that, but there is only one person, potentially two, who could tell us the truth. The circumstances must have been rough for the woman who gave us birth, and perhaps her intentions weren’t positive. Even if they weren’t, who is to say she’s the same person now that she was back then? If she’s anything like us, which I imagine she probably is, she is strong and has the ability to adapt to whatever circumstances come her way. And whatever the circumstances were at the time, she made her choice. Anaïs and I were meant to be split apart, and I didn’t hate our birth mother for that.
Anaïs and I didn’t have a lot of time left together before I headed back to L.A. Our last day consisted of a very special French dinner with both sets of our friends and an adventure up and around the London Eye, the huge Ferris wheel on the Thames. Even though Anaïs and I are pretty scared of heights, we decided to go for it. From the top, we could see the entire city. It was worth conquering our fear for—it turned out to be not that scary, once we were inside the pod. Our trip had begun with the fear of meeting each other, and we had dispelled it. Now we were ending this trip on a high note—literally. As human beings, we develop so much anxiety around intense situations, yet with someone we love, any fear is conquerable. I came to London having no idea whether or not Anaïs and I were related, and I left feeling like I had known her my entire life.
13
ANAÏS
california, here i come!
Right after the fashion show, there were two weeks when I could fit in a visit with Sam in Los Angeles. I had to be back in London in mid-July to pack up the flat. From there, I would go to Paris for three days for a wedding and a job interview at Gerard Darel, a well-established Paris fashion house known for its “simple, chic, ultra-feminine style.” I had seen a posting for an internship and had applied, even though I wanted a full-time job. I was thrilled when I was invited to interview and hopeful that the internship would lead to something more permanent. From Paris, I was heading back to London for my graduation ceremony. Right now, I was just feeling really relieved. My studies were finished, the fashion show had gone extremely well, and Sam and I were madly in “twin sister” love.
The reviews of the fashion show had been unequivocal raves. It had gotten significant press coverage in fashion markets around the world, as it was considered the showcase of up-and-coming talent in the industry. The Grazia Daily said, “London’s deserved reputation for nurturing more ‘big new things’ per square mile (or season!) than any other fashion hub in the world was again proven last night with the Central Saint Martins MA graduate show.” Elle UK said, “Seductive palettes of pink, explosive neons, and sedate, sculptural silhouettes were the order of the evening at a Central Saint Martins graduate fashion show that was as eclectic as it was accomplished—eclectic in the best way.” I couldn’t help but be proud to have been part of it. But nothing could trump how happy I was to have met Sam and to have bonded with her so profoundly.
I really hoped that we could spend some time alone on this trip. In London, she had been with her family, her friends, and the documentary cr
ew, and I had been with my family and friends, too. But all the extra people detracted from our chance to be intimate as sisters. We were already extremely close, especially considering that we had never even heard of each other a few months earlier. The Internet, Skype, and smartphones allowed us to fall asleep in each other’s virtual arms, which was better than nothing. But because we had been denied a childhood together, I wanted to have Sam to myself. When there were too many people around, I sometimes felt like we were a sideshow, with everyone fluctuating between outright gawking and playful peeking, wondering how we were going to act. They wanted to witness our first embrace, our first misunderstanding, and our first argument, maybe our first fight. It was inevitable—even identical twins have fights. But, I didn’t want every one of our “firsts” to be spectator events. In L.A., I was hoping there would be opportunities for just the two of us to have some fun.
Seeing Sam on her own turf was going to be interesting. London had been a fairly neutral city for our first reunion: both of our families had to travel to get there, British English was kind of a foreign language for everybody, and both our groups had equal footing when it came to food—French and American food is better than British! Now, though, I would be able to see Sam on her territory and provide her with an appropriate backdrop. I would soon see the restaurant where she worked and the bedroom from which she texted me while in her bed and under the covers. I would be experiencing her everyday life, which meant seeing her friends, her workplace, her chilling places, and her daily behavior. Would she have the same closeness with her friends as I do with mine? What did she do with them? How did she meet them? Would they behave in a sophisticated, grown-up way with one another, or would they be playful, with the fun kind of immaturity that only close friends feel safe doing?
Separated @ Birth: A True Love Story of Twin Sisters Reunited Page 15
