“Y’all don’t have to talk over my body like I’m dead.”
They both jumped slightly at the sound of her weak voice. Deshawn recovered first. “Don’t talk Nana Lil. The doctor wants you to relax and remain calm.”
Lil felt so very tired and drained, but she wanted so badly to go home. She hated hospitals. “I’m so tired, babies,” she groaned, her eyes floating closed under the effects of the sedation.
They both were filled with dread. Never had they heard their strong and resilient grandmother complain. Devon had to force himself to smile at the weak and frail woman laying in the bed. It was hard to believe that she was the same vibrant woman they left at home that morning. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, and Deshawn did the same.
“Everyone at your church has been calling to check on you,” he whispered to her. “Just rest and get better.”
She nodded slightly. “Has anyone called Chloe?” she asked weakly.
Devon stiffened, and his eyes met with his twin’s briefly. “I’ll call her.”
“You promise, Vonnie?”
“I promise.”
∞
Chloe dragged her body into her apartment, bone weary and tired. Today was the last day of the photo shoot for the new line of hair care products for women of color. Excitement was mixed with trepidation. Next week she would begin a twelve-city promotional tour on talk shows, and conduct interviews with radio personalities over the telephone, all to garner attention for the release date in two months.
At least the work kept her mind off Devon.
“No,” she said aloud. “I’m not going to think of him.”
She kicked off her soft Nine West ankle boots and hung her short sable mink in the closet of the foyer. It was late November and fall would soon disappear under the blanket of cold snow and the winter in December.
Chloe had every intention of closing up this apartment once again and returning to her home in Holtsville once she was finished with the promotional torn. She missed her house, the small town and the true friends she had made. She would just have to learn to live in the same town as Devon and not be with him.
They hadn’t spoken since the morning he sneaked out and left her. Chloe figured he left, so he should call. Right?
Well it was obviously wrong, since he hadn’t dialed her number once. Sighing, Chloe was on her way to the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate when she heard the answering machine beeping, alerting her to a message.
She changed course and headed back to her bedroom, where she pushed the PLAYBACK button.
“This is Chloe. Leave a message.”
Beep.
“Chloe, this is your gorgeous friend. Call me ASAP.”
Beep.
“Chloe . . . Chloe this is Devon. Uhm, Nana Lil’s in the hospital. She had a stroke. She asked for you to come back to Holtsville. I wouldn’t ask you, but this seems really important to her. We’re at the hospital, Memorial Regional . . . call me on my cell phone.”
Beep.
The rest of the messages were incoherent to her because of the deafening beat of her heart. Nana Lil . . . in the hospital! She had to get to Holtsville!
∞
Devon would admit it to no one, but he was afraid. All of his life his Nana had been a constant. What would he do without her now? He sighed and looked down at his watch as he sat on a small bench outside of the hospital. It was 8:55 p.m.
The smell of the hospital reminded him too much of death, and he had to get out of there. Visiting hours were over, but both he and Deshawn decided to stay there all night. Neither could bear the thought of leaving her at the hospital alone.
Sighing, he pulled his jacket closer around his body to shield himself from the cool November nights of South Carolina. Even as rain began to fall and the hour clicked to nine p.m., he remained outside, sheltered by the overhang of the building. He clutched his cell phone, foolishly worried he wouldn’t hear it ring in his pocket.
Never had he felt desolate and alone. Not since his parents’ death. Devon dropped his head in his hands, shivering from the cold and the rain that fell around him. Chloe should have been here for him. Why hadn’t she called yet? “Damn,” he whispered as he thought of her. “I need you, Chloe.”
∞
Chloe sighed. The ride from the airport had cost her fifty dollars up front, but that wasn’t her concern in the least. She was worried about the woman she had come to love and cherish as if she were her very own blood relative. God, please don’t take her now, she begged silently.
“The hospital is just up on the right,” she instructed the driver.
As the taxi neared the destination, Chloe leaned forward on her seat and looked out through the rain pelting the window. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw the lone figure sitting on the bench, his head down in his hands.
He looked so desolate and alone.
“Driver! Pull up by that man!”
∞
Devon felt near tears but he hadn’t allowed himself to cry since his parents’ deaths, all those years ago. So he breathed deeply and composed himself. If only Chloe were here, she could . . .
“Devon!”
He looked up and blinked as if he was dreaming. Was it his imagination, or was Chloe standing in the pouring rain next to a taxi? It had to be real because it was too bizarre not to be.
His heart hammered in his chest hard. She was here, just like she walked out of his imagination. He stood and she accepted her suitcase from the driver before walking under the shelter to stand before him.
Damn, he thought. She’s beautiful.
They both became nervous.
“I got the first flight down as soon as I could. How is she?”
The concern in her eyes and her voice was evident. It was obvious that she loved his grandmother very much, even if she didn’t love him. “She’s resting comfortably with a lot of precautions to keep her from causing the aneurysm to rupture again or rebleed, which would cause another stroke.”
Chloe looked into the depths of Devon’s eyes and saw the pain and fear that he was trying to hide. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him tightly to her. He stiffened before raising his own arms to return the embrace.
Chloe closed her eyes, riding the wave of pleasure, enjoying the feel of him, remembering the good times they had once shared. She enjoyed the comfort they gave one another, but wished it were under far better circumstances.
“You’re soaking wet. You better take my truck and drive home. I’ll call if there are any changes.”
“Devon, I’m staying here with you,” she said firmly.
She didn’t know it, but inside he nearly burst with relief. He needed her. He hadn’t known how to ask her to stay. His heart swelled with love for her. “Let’s go inside. You can use one of the bathrooms to change.”
He carried her suitcase as they made their way inside. Deshawn was sitting in the waiting room with the television on, although he didn’t appear to care what playing.
Deshawn stood immediately to wrap Chloe into a tight embrace. “I knew you would come,” he whispered into her ear.
She nodded and hugged him back. Slowly they released each other. “There’s no other place that I’d rather be than right here with both of you. I just pray that Nana Lil . . .”
The rest of her words broke off with an anguished cry as hot tears streaked down her cheeks. Devon moved quickly to pull her into a tight embrace. “We’re all praying.”
∞
Chloe slowly opened the door, peering into the darkened room before she entered. She had to bite back her gasp of surprise at the person lying in the bed. That’s Nana Lil?
Lil looked as if she’d aged another twenty years, and with her eyes closed she looked— No! Chloe refused to even think of death. This beautiful, spirited woman was going to recover. She was too strong to do anything else.
Taking a deep breath to strengthen herself, Chloe stepped closer to the bed. She reached
for her hand, lightly rubbing the wrinkled skin with her own hand. “I need you, Nana Lil, don’t leave me. My mother’s gone. My grandparents are dead. I don’t have a father. You took me right in and loved me like one of your own. Please, it’s like you’re all that I have in terms of a parent. Please be strong.”
A lone tear fell and softly landed on their united hands. Slowly, Nana Lil’s eyes fluttered open. “Chloe?” she asked weakly, her grasp becoming a little firmer as she recognized her.
“No, don’t speak. You have to be very quiet and stay calm.”
“Don’t . . . cry, Chloe. I’m not afraid of death.” She breathed deeply, letting her eyes close. “I miss my own parents, and Tessa. Now I’ll get to see them again. That’s a blessing.”
That only made her cry harder. “You’re not going to die Nana Lil—”
“And I’ll get to meet your mama. I’ll make sure to tell her what a beautiful daughter she raised.”
Her words began to slur. “Take care of my boys for me, Chloe,” she whispered weakly before falling back under the effects of the sedation.
Chloe continued to hold her hand tightly as she sank to the seat near the bed. She cried so hard that she began to hiccup and her chest began to radiate with pain. Yes, Nana Lil was an angel, but surely it wasn’t time for her to return to heaven?
Chapter Twenty-seven
Nana Lil’s eyes opened slowly and she frowned at the recognizable stench of a hospital. Her time was near, and she knew it. She would have much preferred to be at home to pass on to other the side, but there was nothing she could do about that now.
She sighed, allowing her mind to drift to precious moments in her life. Clearly she remembered the sweetness of her first lover, the pride of her graduation from high school, the resilience of struggling in the civil rights movement of the Deep South, the joy and beauty of her simple wedding, the strength it took to bear her only child, the dedication of raising a son she was proud of. She could almost feel the pure pleasure of sitting at his wedding to Reena, and the happiness on the day of the birth of the twins. The soul-searing pain of the death of her son and his wife, whom she loved as a daughter, still affected her deeply. But she left with many wonderful years spent raising her boys.
Her life played like a movie before her eyes. Moments of laughter or crying as she reviewed what she considered to be a long and fruitful life. She had done everything she was set on this earth to do. She had no complaints.
Her time had come.
She breathed deeply, wincing at the sudden sharp stiffness of her neck. Slowly the monitor showed her blood pressure decline and her heart rate increase. The alarm sounded at the nursing station that her vitals were nearing a danger zone.
But even before they reached her and attempted to revive her, Lil smiled in death and felt her spirit lift to the heavens.
∞
Would life ever be the same without her? Already it seemed the sun was not as bright and the flowers had lost their fragrance. Everything was dull and lifeless. Everything was different, and it would never be quite the same again.
Chloe reached across the seat of the truck to take Devon’s hand in hers as he drove home. She saw the grief and misery on his face. Would his pain ever go away? Would hers? She worried because, unlike Deshawn, he had not yet cried, not even when the doctor first came and told them that she suffered another rupture of the aneurysm before they could repair it, leading to the last fatal stroke.
She glanced over at him. It wasn’t healthy to hold emotions in like that, was it? “Devon,” Chloe began, not quite sure what to say.
Chloe just fell silent. She felt useless. She didn’t even know what to tell him to make his grief lessen. But she was in pain as well. She had hoped never to feel the death of another person so close to her. Would they ever be able to get through it all?
∞
Devon was numb. His body felt outside of itself. He moved through the motions like a robot. This had to be one of the worst days of his life. Nana Lil was gone.
No more wisdom and love, hugs and reprimands. All of it, her bluntness, her humor, her kindness ... it was all gone.
Chloe reached for his hand, and he felt comfort but was still distanced from everything. He felt like he was watching his own life play before his eyes, trying desperately to push the STOP or PAUSE button to make this horrible scene disappear. But that was impossible.
∞
He pulled the truck into Chloe’s yard, and she gasped in surprise. “Oh my God.”
Chloe got out of the truck, her mouth ajar in wonder. Who knew her front yard could look so beautiful? It was truly breathtaking. On both sides of the paved driveway were elegant lampposts surrounded by a climbing vine of clematis of the deepest purple blooms. Golden black-eyed Susans and pink coneflowers adorned the middle, and lush pachysandra evergreen ground cover surrounded the base.
The walkways, patio and driveway were complete and lined with square flower planters that perfectly matched the shutters of the house and were filled with beacon silver ground cover. Its striking white leaves had green margins that glowed. In between the boxes were ground lights that lit the walkway and helped the foliage gleam.
Corner gardens were on both sides of the house, made up of pink hydrangea, icy blue dwarf lilies, golden daylilies and lewisias in shades of salmon, apricot and plum.
It was all so beautiful and perfect with many more years of growth and blossoming to come and make it even better. If only winter wasn't so near, causing the blooms to fade. Chloe’s eyes filled with tears and her heart swelled at the beauty of the landscape, but mostly because of the thoughtfulness and hard work that had gone into creating it.
Love built this garden, and she knew that.
Devon’s footsteps crunched against the gravel and she turned to face him, a questioning look in her eyes. “It’s all so glorious, Devon. Who did all of this?”
He held her suitcase easily in one hand as he looked down at her. Pain flickered in the depths; before the obsidian pools became dull again. He nodded, “Nana Lil and I worked on it together. She wanted it to look nice for when . . . you came back.”
Devon cleared his throat, moving to walk past Chloe to climb the porch steps. “You’re probably tired and want to get settled in.”
“Devon,” Chloe said softly. “She was right. I was coming back. I just wish you would believe that, especially at a time like this when we need each other. I don’t want to go through this without you by my side.”
He paused on the last step, his foot almost suspended in air. “Chloe, don’t do this ... not now.”
“You’re right,” she said, pain knifing her stomach. “I’m sorry.”
She doubted the time would ever come for them to be together. There always seemed to be an obstacle in their path to happiness. Frankly she didn’t know if she had the will or the strength to fight for it anymore, especially after the way he hurt her when he left New York almost three months ago. But not once during that time did her love fade for him. She couldn’t stop caring for him, even when she tried.
There was nothing more she wanted in the world than to be in his arms and hear him say—
No! This wasn’t healthy. No matter how much she dreamed for something, that wouldn’t make it so. She couldn’t make Devon love her.
Chloe took a deep breath to steady her nerves, but as she looked at the stillness of his back as he entered the house, she saw the beauty of the garden and thought of the returning of one of God’s angels to heaven. All of it overwhelmed her. I refuse to cry, she thought, wrapping her arms around herself and closing her eyes against a wave of pain.
When she opened them again, Devon was stepping back out onto the porch. She looked up at him, praying the desperation she felt was not in the depths of her eyes. But he could read the depths surely “Please Devon don’t leave me alone to deal with this” would be seen.
“I sat the suitcase in the foyer,” he said, moving down the steps with controlled movements. �
�I’m going to head on home. Deshawn and I have to start making calls.”
Chloe nodded, keeping her arms around herself. “Just call if there’s anything I can do."
Like letting me love you, Devon.
“I’ll let you know when the arrangements for the wake and funeral are made. There’ll be a setting up at the house once the town learns about . . . about, uh . . . it.”
She could tell how difficult it was for him to even say that his precious grandmother had passed on. “Devon—”
“I’ll talk to you later, Chloe.”
She bit her lip, turning to watch him as he climbed into the truck and backed out of the yard. Would they ever be on the same wavelength in this game called love?
No mother, no grandparents, a deadbeat father, a best friend a thousand miles away, Nana Lil gone over to the other side, and no Devon. She felt hollow inside.
Chloe climbed the steps into the house, closing the front doors behind her. A wave of pleasure filled her at the familiar scent and sight of her home. This was where she was meant to be. Well, here and in Devon’s arms.
She looked back out the window to the garden he had planted for her. He flew to New York after she told him and the world that she missed him. He broke his friendship with Alicia for her. Never would she forget the look in his eyes at the hospital when he first saw her standing next to the taxi.
It had been the look of—
Chloe’s heart raced as she clearly remembered his eyes that night. Frantically she looked through her purse for the keys to her Navigator. She had to tell Devon that she loved him. She could not explain why, but something deep inside of her said to tell him.
With victory, she found her keys and raced out the door to find her man.
Admission of Love Page 29
