by Amber Garza
Conflict raged in his eyes as his gaze shifted back and forth. I’d never seen him like this. I’d only known him a few weeks, but in that time there’d never been a topic he couldn’t talk his way out of. He never got rattled. Not like he was right now. And it was all the answer I needed. I knew what was going on.
“He’s dating that woman, isn’t he?” I asked point blank.
Sighing, Austin nodded. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew or I wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Why did you think I knew? Have I ever mentioned anything about it to you?” My voice rose, and a few people passing by glanced over curiously. A thought struck me. “How did you know?”
Austin shrugged, appearing thoroughly uncomfortable. Not that I blamed him. “We vacation here every summer. My parents have befriended lots of the locals. Penny is one of them. And she was at our house recently. I overheard her talking about how she’s been seeing Paul.”
My chest tightened, and I fought to draw in a breath. “Has she lived here long?”
Pressing his lips together, he nodded.
Swallowing hard, I let it all sink in. “She’s why he moved here, huh?” I spoke so softly I wasn’t even sure Austin could hear me. But that was okay. I wasn’t really talking to him. Mostly I was talking to myself. Processing. “He said he moved here for my brother and me because we liked the beach. But that wasn’t it. He moved here to be with that woman.” I paused. “Penny.” I rolled her name around in my mouth, trying it out. It tasted bitter. Stung my tongue. Gagged me. I wished I’d never uttered it in the first place. I wish I’d never seen her at all.
“You don’t know if that’s why he moved here,” Austin said. “He may have met her afterwards.”
I wanted to believe him, to grasp his words and hold them close. Wish on them like they were stars and make them come true. But deep down, I knew. All the signs had been there. The secret phone call, the fact that he moved so far away from us. And then there was the time I caught Dad closing the front door in the middle of the night. I’d wanted to believe his story about kids making noise outside, but I was positive I’d heard voices speaking inside the house. Also, when he first mentioned Inland Cove, I knew it sounded familiar, but I didn’t know why. Now I did. I had seen it before on one of his work folders. He worked with a company here. Dad had traveled a lot for business, so much that I hadn’t always known where he went. But now I was certain he’d been here before. Enough times to meet Penny, apparently. I wondered if Mom knew.
Mom.
My stomach lurched. I had to get home to her. An entire month was long enough. Surely they’d let me go home now. Especially after what I’d learned. Desperation bloomed inside of me. I whirled around and started heading in the opposite direction.
“Where are you going?” Austin called after me.
“Home.” I didn’t turn around. I kept right on walking.
“Okay. I’ll come with you.” His footsteps sounded behind me, getting closer.
“No. Not my dad’s house. I mean, I’m going home to Oregon,” I explained.
Warm fingers closed around my wrist. I stiffened. Rarely did Austin touch me, and normally it was during an activity or when I needed help up after a fall. This was different. When he drew me forward, I sucked in a breath. Locking me in place, he came close. So close I could smell his minty breath, the faint traces of sunblock on his skin.
“You can’t leave yet. What will I do without my summer girl?”
My heart beat erratically in my chest. He was asking me to stay. It was like something out of a movie. And I wanted to say yes. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and pepper kisses all over his incredibly handsome face. Wasn’t that what the heroine always did in one of those movies? The problem was that this wasn’t a movie. And Austin wasn’t asking me to stay because he wanted to get romantically involved. He just didn’t want to lose the one friend he’d made this summer.
“I have to leave.” I yanked my arm out of his grasp. “And you’ll be fine without me.”
“Mina.”
I stopped cold at the sound of my name. He never called me that, so it felt like a reprimand. Like when my mom used my full name.
“I think you’ll regret it if you leave,” he said, stepping toward me.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“I do.” He ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair. “Remember when I told you that my sister Alyssa is leaving for college this year?”
I nodded, wondering how he was going to tie this in. Sheer curiosity kept me rooted in place.
“Well, she used to be so mean to me. When I was little she put hot sauce in my food, and one time she locked me outside in my underwear.” I suppressed the laugh that rose in my throat at the image of little Austin running around in a pair of tightie-whities. “But the worst was a year ago. I had a crush on one of her friends, and she purposely humiliated me in front of her.” My stomach twisted. I’d endured my share of humiliation, and I felt for him. Austin probably wasn’t as familiar with it as I was. “But now that she’s leaving, all of that stuff doesn’t matter. I know I’m going to miss her. She’s my sister. No matter what she’s done, I love her. You know?” He caught my eye as if to see if I was tracking with him. “My point is that she messed up. She made mistakes. She was mean. But she still loves me. And I’ve been around your dad long enough to know that he loves you…and that you love him.”
Uncomfortable, I stared at my feet, intently studying my botched polish job. Reaching up, I nervously scratched the back of my neck. “I just don’t know how to face him now. I feel so betrayed.”
Austin’s finger tucked under my chin, and he softly lifted my head. My entire face felt like it was on fire. It was one thing when he touched my arm, but he was touching my face. My face! I felt like I might explode. No guy had ever touched my face before. And it felt good. Really good. His skin was warm and surprisingly soft. I held my breath.
“Just promise me you’ll talk to him. Give him a chance to explain, at least.” The corners of his lips curved upward a bit. “And don’t leave without talking to me first, okay?”
In that moment, I knew I wouldn’t leave. Not if there was even a remote possibility that he would touch me like this again. I had no idea what would happen between Dad and me. But it didn’t matter, because I wasn’t staying for him.
I was staying for my summer boy.
NINE
I wasn’t ready for Luca to find out about Dad’s new girlfriend, so I kept my mouth shut through a painfully long dinner. I forced smiles and laughter at all the appropriate times. But the smiles made my face ache, and the laughter burned my throat. A couple of times Dad threw me a curious glance as if he suspected something, but Luca was completely unaware. All he talked about was the great day he had at the beach. And that was fine by me. Let him live in blissful ignorance a little while longer. Honestly, I wished I could do the same.
Things had finally been going well between Dad and me. The chip on my shoulder had been softening. Now it was so sharp I was certain it would cut anyone who came too close.
After dinner, I hid away in my room waiting for Luca to go to bed. Mom called, but I didn’t answer. There was no way I could talk to her without blurting out what I’d learned. Keeping my mouth shut wasn’t something I was good at.
The only positive thing that came of any of this was that Grace and I made up. When I texted her about Dad having a girlfriend, she called me back immediately. After I’d filled her in, we both apologized, promising to never fight again. I wasn’t sure we’d keep our promise, but one thing I was certain of was that I needed her. Especially now.
Talking to Grace had calmed me a little, but I knew I wouldn’t simmer down completely until I talked with Dad. I was practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog by the time Luca went to bed. Even then I waited until I heard his faint snores slip beneath the doorframe. Then I padded down the hallway and gently knocked on Dad’s bedroom door.
&n
bsp; “Is everything okay?” Dad’s eyes were crinkled in concern when he opened it. He was in his pajamas, and the scent of soap drifted under my nose.
My original plan had been to tell him we needed to talk and guide him to the family room so Luca couldn’t overhear us. But the words were eager, clawing at the back of my throat, desperate to break free, so I let them
“I know about Penny,” I said.
Dad recoiled. “How?”
At least he hadn’t tried to deny it. Still it bothered me that his first concern wasn’t for how I was feeling about it. He was most concerned about how he got caught. When had our roles become reversed?
“Austin’s mom is friends with Penny.”
“I see.” Dad reached up, stroking his chin.
“Were you ever planning on telling me?”
Dad nodded. “I was just waiting for the right moment. In fact, I had talked to Penny about coming to dinner soon to meet you and Luca.”
I frowned. This was more serious than I had anticipated if he wanted her to meet us. “Were you seeing her before you moved here?” Holding my breath, I prayed that he would say no.
But the defeated look that cloaked his face betrayed the truth. “Yes.” His voice was quiet, resigned.
“You lied to us,” I stated. “You said you moved here for us, but it was for her.”
Dad shook his head. “I didn’t lie. You and Luca were part of the reason, you just weren’t the whole reason.”
It was the worst thing he could say. There was a time when we were his entire reason for everything. It hurt to know that wasn’t the case anymore. When I felt the familiar quivering of my bottom lip, I swiftly chomped down on it, scolding it into obedience. I didn’t want to cry again. I was so sick of crying. “Does Mom know?”
“Yes, she does.”
It was like a sucker punch. “She lied to me too?”
“I asked her not to tell you. Please don’t blame her.”
“Oh, trust me.” I laughed bitterly. “I don’t blame her for any of this. I know it was all you.”
“That’s not fair either, Mina.”
“And this is fair?” I swept my arms around, indicating where we were. “It’s fair that you moved away to be with another woman?”
He pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry, Mina. I don’t know what else to say.”
I stared at him for a minute realizing that there was nothing else he could say. I didn’t even know what I wanted from him anymore. Deep down I wanted him to go back to being my hero. I wanted to go back to when I thought he was perfect, that he could do no wrong. But those days had vanished. I would never think that about him again. Now I knew he had flaws. I knew he had the capability to make mistakes and poor choices.
But more than that, I knew he had the ability to hurt me.
And that was the thing I had to process. The thing I had to find a way to get past. Because if I couldn’t, I didn’t know if I’d ever be close to my dad again.
***
I thought the beach was most beautiful early in the morning when the sun rose, its rays stretching out over the surface of the water. It was also the only time of day that I could walk along the sand almost entirely alone. There were always a few joggers or people walking their dogs, but for the most part the beach was empty. It gave me time to think, time to enjoy the beauty of it all. Kicking off my sandals, I ran my toes along the sand, savoring the silky feel of it. Later it would be so hot I’d want to keep my shoes on, but right now it was perfect. Glancing up at the sky, I allowed the breeze to feather over my skin.
“You’re still here.”
Austin’s voice startled me, and I flinched. When my pulse lowered resuming its normal cadence, I looked at him, my heart instantly melting at the sight of his tousled hair and piercing eyes. “I told you I wouldn’t leave without talking to you first.”
“Yeah, but you were so upset that I wasn’t sure if you’d keep your promise.” He stood awkwardly, his legs parted slightly. His gaze lowered as he shoved his fingers into the pocket of his shorts. “I couldn’t sleep until I knew if you were staying or not.”
I’d never seen Austin like this. Vulnerable. Unsure. A bit shy. It threw me. “You could’ve texted,” I pointed out, wondering why he hadn’t.
“I did,” he said, and my heart dipped.
“Oh, that’s right. My mom called and I didn’t want to talk to her, so I sort of turned my phone off.” I’d been so upset that I never remembered to turn it back on. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “Hey, I understand. But you still haven’t answered my question. Are you staying or not?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m staying.”
Relief swept over his face, and it made me wonder if I’d misjudged our relationship. I always assumed I was nothing more than his summer friend, but his expression in this moment said something different. I imagined it was how I would look if he took off, if he left me for the remainder of the summer. But surely he didn’t feel for me what I felt for him.
“Does this mean that the talk with your dad went okay?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. It’s not that the conversation went poorly. Dad told the truth. I finally had answers. But it didn’t go great either. I was still mad. Knowing the truth hadn’t made me feel better. In a lot of ways it made me feel worse. Honestly, I didn’t think there was ever going to be a perfect outcome.
“I’m not sure,” I finally said. Weary from it all, I lowered myself down onto the sand. It was cool beneath my thighs. Austin joined me. “I mean, I’m still pretty angry. A part of me wonders if I’ll ever stop being angry, and I hate it. I never used to be like this.”
“You know what you need?” His hand momentarily lit on my thigh, and a chill ran through me. “You need to get out your aggression. Have you ever boxed before?”
A surprised chuckle escaped from my mouth. “I’m mad at my dad, but I don’t want to learn how to beat him up.”
“That’s good, because I’m definitely not telling you to hit your dad,” Austin clarified. “But there’s a gym a couple of miles from here. Sometimes I go there and punch the crap out of a punching bag, and I feel loads better.”
“Oh, yeah?” He never ceased to surprise me. “You’ve got a lot of pent up aggression you’re working through?”
“Sometimes,” he answered deadpan, no trace of teasing at all.
“Oh.” I never knew how to respond when he got like this. And it always came out of nowhere. One minute he gave me nothing but sarcastic remarks and banter, and then right smack in the middle of it he’d hit me with a straightforward answer.
“What do you say?”
“I say it’s worth a try.”
“All right.” Austin hoisted himself up to a standing position and wiped the sand from the back of his shorts.
I got up too, following suit. While I brushed the remaining sand off of myself, Austin said, “I have to warn you, though, I’m a pretty good boxer.”
Oh, here we go again. “Why am I not surprised?”
He puffed out his chest. “I’m sure you’re not. I know I’ve wowed you with my skills in all of our activities so far.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that spilled from my mouth.
“What’s so funny?” He feigned offense.
“Nothing,” I said sarcastically. “You’re right. You’re incredible at everything you do.”
“Well, thanks, I’m so glad you finally admitted that.” Wearing a cocky grin, he slung an arm over my shoulder. As we walked forward together, I had to fight to breathe evenly and maintain composure. I knew he was being his regularly silly self and that the display of affection was nothing more than a friendly gesture, but for me it was a big deal. It was the first time a guy had put his arm around me. As it lingered, I wished he’d leave it there forever.
I knew it was a stupid wish. One that could never come true. But isn’t that typical of the things we wish for?
TEN
Austin was
right. Hitting the crap out of a punching bag was therapeutic. Not because I wanted to punch my dad, or even Penny. Mostly because it was exhausting both physically and emotionally. Exercising had a calming effect on me. When my adrenaline started pumping, I felt like I could face anything. While my fists repeatedly connected with the punching bag and sweat slid down my spine, I felt invincible.
But like any high, there would always be a low. A time when I’d crash and burn.
That happened when Austin and I were walking away from the gym. With every step, the dread returned. I knew that pretty soon I’d be back at Dad’s, and he’d want to talk. Even though I was glad to know the truth, a part of me wished I’d never broached the subject. Dad wasn’t the type of person to let things go. He’d want to hash this out until he felt like we were on the same page. And I wasn’t sure that was possible for us anymore.
“You swear you’ve never boxed before?” Austin asked as we stepped off the curb, preparing to run across the street.
“Nope. Never.” Shaking my head, I waited for a break in the cars and took off running. Austin’s footsteps clamored behind me. Back home Mom would never let me run across the street like this. She’d scold me for jay walking, but it seemed to be the norm here. Maybe because most people here were on vacation. Everything felt different. As if rules didn’t apply. And for a rule follower, it was weird. Also, strangely exhilarating.
We hopped up on the next curb, and Austin nudged me in the shoulder. “Liar.”
“I’m not lying.” I chuckled. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Cause you kicked ass in there.”
I shrugged. “I guess I just had a lot of aggression to work through.”
“Clearly,” he agreed. “And did you work through it?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “It felt good when I was in there, but I don’t know if I feel any better now.”
He stopped walking and turned to face me. “Hey, why don’t you come over for dinner? My family’s been nagging me about meeting you, and it’ll give you a break from your dad for a bit.”
