by Amber Garza
My heart split once again. It had been doing that repeatedly throughout the day. In everything we did, I was cognizant that it was the last time we’d do it. And each time it felt like a knife to my heart. I was sure that by the time he left it would be broken, shattered. Austin was leaving a week before we were since his parents had to get back to their jobs.
Swallowing hard, I nodded. I’d been fighting to stay strong all day, and I could feel my resolve slipping a little.
“I’ll go say goodbye to your dad and Luca.” With a faint smile, he got up off the couch and headed toward the kitchen where Dad was making dinner and Luca was sitting on a barstool at the counter.
As he said his goodbyes, I focused on taking steady breaths.
I will not cry. I will not cry.
It had been my mantra all day.
I was sure that after he left the floodgates would open, but I promised myself I’d wait until then. No way would I lose it in front of him. It would be too embarrassing. By some miracle, he’d chosen to hang out with me all summer. I’d had almost three whole months with him. We spent nearly every day together. It was like a dream come true. And I wouldn’t ruin it by becoming a slobbering mess in front of him tonight. When he went back home, I wanted him to remember me as his spunky, strong summer girl.
When he returned to me, I exhaled and stood. “I’ll walk you out.” My voice wavered a little, but I caught it, held it steady.
He nodded, and together we headed to the front door. When we stepped out, a breeze circled us. It was still light out, but the evenings were turning cooler, another reminder that fall was approaching. Another reminder that summer was coming to a close.
“Well, I guess this is goodbye,” I said, resigning myself to the inevitable.
“No.” He shook his head, surprising me. Taking a step forward, his gaze collided with mine. His eyes were darker than usual, more intense. Coming closer, he lifted his arm, curving his palm around my cheek. I sucked in a breath at the feel of his warm hand on my flesh. His touch had caused my pulse to jumpstart. It pounded beneath my skin erratically. “This is goodbye,” he said firmly, warm breath fanning over my lips. Angling his face, his lips lined up with mine. As they came closer, I started having a panic attack. I knew he was going to kiss me, and I wanted him to. Very badly I wanted him to. But I was also scared. I’d never been kissed before, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do. Standing still, I waited for him to continue, deciding to follow his lead. I prayed it would be that simple.
His bottom lip brushed mine, and my knees softened. Reaching out, I circled my arms around his waist, locking myself in place. He brought his other hand up to frame my cheeks. Then his top lip made contact as well, and my heart flipped in my chest. He was kissing me. It was really happening. When he drew back, I almost cried out. It couldn’t be over yet, could it? It had felt good to have his lips on mine. They were warm and moist. But more than that, I had felt special, chosen, wanted. I desired to feel that again. As if sensing that, his mouth covered mine a second time. I closed my eyes, relishing the feel of it.
This time he didn’t pull back as fast. His fingers slipped under my hair, massaging gently. When something slimy and wet slid over the seam of my lips I didn’t know what it was at first. But then I realized it was his tongue. Gripping tightly to the fabric of his shirt, I slowly parted my lips. His tongue darted in my mouth, swirling over my teeth and the roof of my mouth. We found our rhythm, our lips moving in sync. The longer we kissed, the more relaxed I became. My grip on his shirt loosened, and my body gently swayed in time with his.
When he drew back, I breathed deeply. The scent of saltwater filled my senses. It was a smell I would forever associate with Austin, with this night, with my first kiss.
“Now that’s what I call a perfect goodbye,” Austin said, flashing me a toothy grin.
My stomach plummeted as he released his hold on my face and stepped back. “Wait,” I said, desperation blossoming inside of me at his choice of words. “Will I see you again?”
An amused expression cloaked his face. “You’re coming back next summer, right?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
Smiling, he lifted his hand one last time, skimming his fingers over my cheek and chin. “I’ll see you then, my summer girl.”
THE SECOND SUMMER
TWELVE
“How is it possible that you two have changed since I saw you at Christmas?” Dad asked after hugging Luca and me in the airport.
“Dad, I’m thirteen now,” Luca explained with a smile.
“I know that, bud.” Dad mussed Luca’s hair with his palm. Then his gaze flickered to me, a concerned expression filling his face, and I knew what he was thinking.
I was different than the last time I’d been in Inland Cove. It had only been nine months, but in that timeframe I’d grown up. Everyone had noticed. Mom had become the clothing police, scrutinizing every outfit I wore. In the past, she hadn’t bothered me about my fashion choices. But my body had filled out in places I’d only dreamt of before.
However, I hadn’t only changed physically. I was more confident, more mature.
There was another development too – I now had my license. The first time I got behind the wheel by myself I thought of what Austin said last summer, about us ruling the streets this summer. My heart pinched at the thought, and I wondered if that would happen. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if we’d hang out at all.
For the first few weeks after I’d returned to Oregon, Austin would text me periodically. Nothing big. Simple texts to see how I was. Sometimes he’d send a joke or some teasing remark. But then one day the texts stopped, and it had been radio silence from him ever since.
I’d thought of texting him, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d initiated our entire relationship. It had been him who first spoke to me. Him who first asked me to hang out. And it was him who kissed me.
A couple of months after his last text, Daniel Smith asked me out. At first I said no, but Grace talked me into finally saying yes. She didn’t understand why I’d turn him down in the first place. I’d had a crush on Daniel prior to last summer, and he was a catch. The problem was, I didn’t want to be caught by anyone but Austin. Besides, after my summer with Austin, I now compared every guy to him. And I hadn’t met one who even came close.
But Grace was right. There was no reason not to go out with Daniel. It’s not like I could spend all year saving myself for a guy who hadn’t even asked me to do that. Austin had made it clear that I was nothing more than his summer girl. And now I wasn’t even sure he wanted me to be that. Even so, I spent my whole date with Daniel wishing I was with Austin. And that night it became apparent that Austin was the only boy I wanted to be with.
As Dad drove us to his beach house, I stared out the window, remembering my first trip here. It was funny to think how badly I wanted to go home when we had arrived last summer. What a contrast to this year. For weeks I’d been counting down the days until I could return. Things had gotten better between Dad and me. We’d talked a lot on the phone, and we had a heart-to-heart when he visited at Christmas. I knew he was trying hard, and therefore I was willing to as well. However, I knew that wasn’t the real reason I’d been so anxious to get back here.
It was because of Austin.
Because of my summer boy.
His avoidance of me only made me more anxious for this day to arrive. I had no idea how Austin would react to seeing me again, but I was sure I’d imagined all of the potential scenarios in my mind.
After Dad parked in his driveway, I hopped out of the back seat. The scent of saltwater and the sandy beach wafted under my nose, causing a wave of memories to wash over me. My gaze landed on the spot where Austin kissed me, and a shudder ran through my body. Reaching up, I touched my lips. They buzzed at the recollection of Austin’s soft lips against mine.
“Mina,” Dad’s voice cut into my thoughts. “Here ya go.” He rolled my suitcase toward me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled,
grabbing the handle.
Exactly like last year, Luca was already racing toward the house. Not that I was surprised. He’d been talking nonstop for days about how excited he was to get back to the beach. Chuckling, I followed him. Without meaning to, I turned my head toward Austin’s beach house. It’s not like I could see it from here, but I knew the general vicinity it was in.
“He’s here,” Dad said, and my cheeks flamed. Was I that obvious?
Heart hammering, I glanced around. “Like here? At your house?’
Dad shook his head, unlocking the door. “Here in Inland Cove. His family arrived a few days ago.”
My stomach tightened. School had ended over a week ago for us, but Mom had taken the week off of work so we could spend some time together before we left.
“You’ve seen him?” I asked, partly hoping Dad was wrong. Once the door was opened, Luca shot inside, making a beeline for his room.
“No. But Penny saw them the day they got here.”
I frowned. “You’re still with her, huh?”
Dad nodded.
Great.
“Have you talked to Austin?” Dad asked.
I shook my head.
“Well, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you,” Dad assured me.
As I stepped into the house, I prayed he was right.
***
“Wake up, sleepyhead. We’re going to the beach.” Luca burst through my bedroom door first thing in the morning. I should’ve been expecting this. Since we got in late last night, we’d been too tired for a swim. Instead, we’d had dinner and then went to bed.
“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” I mumbled in a groggy voice. Then I rolled over, reaching for my cell phone that sat charging on the nightstand. Shoving a tangled strand of hair out of my face, I pressed the phone on. Squinting, I checked to see if I had any texts. My heart sunk when I saw that the only one I had was from Grace. Last night I’d checked my phone no less than a million times, sure that Austin would text me any minute.
He hadn’t.
I didn’t understand.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, I kicked off my covers and slid off the bed. It creaked beneath me with each motion. When the pads of my bare feet hit the floor, I rolled my kinked neck. It always took me a few nights to get used to sleeping in a new bed. Standing, I quickly moved to the dresser. Opening the top drawer, I snatched out my bathing suit. It was the first thing I’d put away yesterday when I unpacked. Mostly because I didn’t want Dad to see it. Holding the skimpy bikini in between my fingers, my heart fluttered beneath my rib cage.
Grace had been with me when I picked it out. Her eyebrows had shot up when I took it down from the rack.
“You’re not going to wear that,” she stated.
“Watch me.” I smiled, sauntering toward the dressing room.
“If you really try that thing on, you have to show me,” Grace called after me.
My bravado withered once I had the bikini on. I’d only ever worn one-pieces before, therefore I wasn’t used to showing so much skin. Also, I was white as a ghost. Uncomfortable, I immediately started wriggling out of it.
“How’s it going?” Grace spoke from outside the dressing room door.
“Um…it’s not.”
“C’mon, you were so sure of yourself before. I wanna see it.”
“No,” I answered.
“Mina.” The knob jiggled as she tried to force her way in. “Stop being a chicken. Just show me.”
My fingers froze, hovering over the strap. I hated being a called a chicken. Grace knew that. She was manipulating me. Still, it worked.
“Fine.” I adjusted the bathing suit and then flung the dressing room door open. “See.” I cocked an eyebrow.
Grace’s eyes widened. Then she let out a loud whistle.
Embarrassed, I hugged myself, my eyes shifting back and forth. “Grace,” I hissed.
“Sorry, but you look smokin’ hot.” She grinned. “I think you’ve found your bathing suit.”
I shook my head. “I can’t buy this.”
She chuckled. “Honestly, I didn’t even think you’d try it on. But now that you have, you have to buy it.”
“My parents will never let me wear this.” I glanced down at my half-naked body.
“Yes, they will. You’re not a little kid anymore, and this suit proves it. Not just to your parents…but to Austin.”
And that was all it took. One mention of Austin and my imagination ran wild. I envisioned what his reaction to seeing me in this suit would be, and then I knew I had to buy it.
This morning I slipped it on and then threw a cover up over the top of it. If Dad saw me in it before we left the house, I was sure he’d make me change. After brushing my teeth, pulling my hair into a messy bun and sliding on some lip-gloss, I headed out into the family room. Luca already had sunblock on his skin. I could smell it the minute I got close to him. Dad was in the kitchen grabbing water bottles out of the fridge.
When he turned around, he smiled at me. “You ready?”
“Yep.” As I stepped into my flip-flops, I silently prayed that Austin would be at the beach today. Last summer he was at the beach all the time.
Dad flung the beach bag over his shoulder, and Luca and I followed him out the front door. Nothing had changed since last summer. Even though it was fairly early in the day, the beach was packed with people of all ages, the sand covered in brightly colored towels and umbrellas. But we found a spot near the house and staked our claim. Dad spread out the towels while Luca peeled off his t-shirt. Nerves attacked my insides at the thought of taking off my cover up. Biting my lip, I sunk down onto a towel and hugged myself.
Dad glanced down at me curiously. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding enthusiastically. “I just wanna sit here and soak up the sun for a minute.”
“All right.” Satisfied with my answer, Dad smiled.
“Come on, Dad,” Luca pressed.
“I’m coming, buddy.” Dad swiftly took off his shirt and discarded it onto his towel. Then he caught my eye. “Meet us in the water when you’re ready.”
“Will do,” I said to him before he and Luca jogged off.
Luca’s laughter trailed behind him like a kite as they leapt into the water. While they splashed around in the waves, I drew my legs up to my chest and scoured the area. I recognized some of the teenagers from last summer. Not that I’d ever spoken to them, but I’d seen them. People watching had always been one of my favorite pastimes. As my gaze scanned the beach, I watched couples walking hand in hand, kids building sandcastles, teenage girls lying out in bikinis. It reminded me of what I had on. It was getting hot, but I was still too nervous to take off my cover up. Staring at the other teenaged girls, I wondered how my body compared to theirs. Last year, it seemed that every girl on the beach was curvier than me, more mature looking. But as I assessed the girls on the beach this year, I realized that I looked pretty much the same as them. It gave me the surge of confidence I needed. Grabbing my cover up by the seam at the bottom, I yanked it up over my torso, chest, and eventually over my head. After tossing it aside, I reached into the beach bag and plucked out the sunblock. It was cold when I squirted it onto my skin. Rubbing it in, I glanced up. Luca’s head popped up from underwater, Dad’s following soon after. But they didn’t look in my direction. They were too busy gearing up for another wave.
Deciding to join them, I pressed my palms to the warm sand with the intention of pushing myself up. But then I spotted him, and I froze. Even though he was only a few feet away, he hadn’t noticed me yet. But that was okay. It gave me a minute to study him.
He’d changed. His chest and arms were more muscular. Even his face was slightly different, his jaw more defined, light stubble dusting his chin.
His body turned, and I stiffened, thinking he’d see me. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to arrange my body in a sexy pose. Then I realized how stupid that was. This was Austin. We’d spent an entire summer playing s
ports and working out in a gym together. I didn’t need to pretend to be some pin-up girl for him. Still, I wasn’t sure how to behave. It had been so long.
“Austin!” A girl’s voice sliced through the air.
My head snapped up, my stomach souring.
“Hey.” Austin swung around to greet her. His back was to me now, but I had a clear view of the blond bimbo jogging up to him, her large breasts bouncing up and down in her tiny bikini. I’d never seen her before. Who was she? Where had she come from? And, more importantly, how did she know Austin?
I watched as she pointed to a group of coeds playing volleyball nearby. Austin’s head bobbed up and down, and then he trailed her over to them. My stomach bottomed out when he started playing with them, the blond bimbo by his side. I wanted to look away, but it was like I was physically unable to. Volleyball was maybe the only sport we hadn’t played together. I wasn’t sure why, because he was really good at it. Not that I was surprised. He’d been good at every other sport too. Every once in awhile he’d glance at the blond bimbo and smile. She’d smile too, or toss her head back in a high-pitched giggle. I thought I might hurl.
Was she my replacement?
Was she his new summer girl?
Unable to watch any longer, I turned away. I’d only known Austin for one summer. A mere couple of months. I had no idea what he was really like. Perhaps this was what he did every year. He met a girl at the beginning of summer and then spent the remaining months with her. After interacting with his family, I didn’t blame him. I’d want to spend my summer with somebody else too. The less time with them, the better.
And he’d already been here several days. In that timeframe he could’ve met this girl. Perhaps he’d tired of waiting for me. Or maybe he never planned to wait for me at all.
Our relationship had been puzzling to me all along. He was hot. Like ridiculously hot. He could have any girl he wanted. And the girl he was with now seemed more his type than I did. Still, it hurt.
Desperate, I grabbed my cover up out of the sand and shook it out. Some sand blew in my face, and I blinked repeatedly to keep the grainy pebbles out of my eyes. There was no way I could stay out here now. I couldn’t watch him with that girl, and I certainly couldn’t face him. Hurriedly putting back on my cover up, I slid my feet in my flip-flops and stood up. Then, with my head down, I practically ran back to my dad’s house. Only when I was safely inside, did I allow the tears of disappointment to slip down my cheeks.
